If a picture is worth a thousand words then the opening banner amply describes my state of mind and physical being right now. I have 10 day more of work insanity (COME ON TAX DAY!) before things start to wind down to dribs and drabs by May Day.

My personal life continues to be turmoil and illness derived largely from the turmoil. I’m starting to wonder about introducing a bill for Lawyer Hunting Season and the chances it would have of passing.

OK I’m off for for my morning doses of Mylanta, Excedrin, Allergy meds and IV infusion of patience. Enjoy the issue.

 

Actually Juan Valdez is scared near to death, I’m down to only four (14oz) cups a day.

The army recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They went through many retirement plans but nothing seemed to please everyone.

In the end, desperate, they promised any general who retired immediately his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general’s body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet.

He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third general, a grizzled old Marine General, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”

The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine general insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring. 

The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop ’em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and began to work back. “My God man!” he said, “where are your testicles??”

“Vietnam,” smiled the general

 

 

Year well since I kind of messed with Jersey last week I figured I’d better give Texas equal play this week before the P.C. Police accuse me of being Jersey intolerant or something.

Lets start out with a quick refresher of where Texas is on the map and it’s size relative to the other states.

Here’s one showing how we see the rest of the USA according to Texans

We Texans like to brag about our hot weather:

We do so love the Second Amendment and displaying our support of it

We’re afraid of nothing (well ok Cat 5 Hurricane’s do make us sweat a might) and don’t shy away from any challenge.

Texas has enough crude oil reserves to fill up almost 1459 Empire State Buildings.

Texas has 9.614 billion barrels of crude oil reserves, which is 403.788 billion gallons. This is 31.5% of the U.S.’ reserves.

The Empire State Building’s volume is 37 million cubic feet, which is 276,779,000 gallons.

If Texas were its own country, it would have the 13th highest GDP in the World.
Texas’ gross domestic product is $1.43 trillion.

It has a larger GDP than Spain (13th with $1.34 trillion), South Korea (14th with $1.304 trillion), and Mexico (15th with $1.26 trillion).

Even crazier, Texas’ GDP is 2/3 of Russia’s GDP (8th with $2.096 trillion).

There are enough registered machine guns in Texas to arm every undergraduate enrolled at UCLA.

There are 28,690 registered machine guns in Texas. (Four of those are mine)

There were 28,674 enrolled undergraduates at UCLA in the Fall 2013 semester.

Since 1963, 33% of U.S. presidents have been from Texas.

There have been 43 U.S. presidents. Three of them — Lyndon B. Johnson, George Bush, George W. Bush — hail from Texas.

Texas’ largest wind farm is about 4.5 times the size of Manhattan.

Texas is considered to be the leader in wind energy in the U.S. — Roscoe Wind Farm. It has a 781-megawatt capacity and it can power 230,000 homes.

Texas’ total area is twice the size of Germany.

Texas is the second largest state in the United States with an area of 268,820 square miles. This is 7.4% of the total U.S.

Germany’s area is 137,847 square miles.

There are 1.65 million undocumented immigrants in Texas. That’s more than the entire population of Philadelphia.

People living in Texas illegally make up 6.7% of the population, and 9% of the workforce.

The population of Philadelphia is 1,553,165. It is the fifth most populated city in the U.S.

The King Ranch in Texas is bigger than the entire state of Rhode Island.

The King Ranch, “the birthplace of Texas ranching,” is 825,000 acres, which is 1289.06 square miles.

Rhode Island is 1,212 square miles.

The oldest tree in Texas existed about 500 years before the First Crusade.

The oldest tree in Texas is estimated to be 1,500 years old — although some believe it might be even as old as 2,000.

The First Crusade happened in 1096.

How do we cope with haters? Simple we just  find everyday views like these in mid January and smile while we sip sweet tea.

Apply logic like this to haters comments:

This is our multi million dollar pool in January. What’s yours look like? Hockey rink?

Finally if that doesn’t do it we always have the ultimate threat:

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

You’ll never see a song like this get airplay as long as the P.C. Police are in charge here in the US. We might hurt some poor Muslims feelings while setting them straight.

 

“his-butt” tahrir are an extreme radical Islamic political group.
This pack of mutts should be outlawed here, as they are in many other countries as way too radical, and in teaching and promoting civil unrest and violence as a means to their goal of ultimate rule of the globe as an Islamic run caliphate, with all the attendant shit that goes with this evil cult.

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

It’s always better to get a second opinion.

 

What can I say? They’re poor eating, stink to high heaven and have temperaments worse than feral hogs. On the bright side the license is free, they are easy to hunt, fun to shoot and some of them you can even collect a bounty on.

 

 

Good Morning Campers,

Been a pretty uneventful week this week, with two exceptions.  The first, is that I will be out of town next week.  I am going to a special conference in Kansas.  Yeah, that’s right, Kansas.  Maybe I’ll get to see a real live tornado!  That would be so cool. 

It’s something that’s been on my bucket list for many years…to take a picture of a tornado up close.  Not TOO up close, but just enough up close.

The second thing that happened this week is that I had an ingrown toenail removed.  The doctor actually just cut straight down my nail and yanked the one side right out.  And since this was the second time in less than a year that the same nail developed the same problem, he put acid in my toe to kill the root so that part of the nail would never grow back. 

And do I have a special treat for all you campers out there….I filmed the removal of the nail.  Takes less than a minute, can you believe that?  Now, I will warn you, it is a teensy bit gross, so if blood and that sort of stuff bothers you, then I would suggest you not watch, but if you have even a slightly tough stomach, you should be just fine.

And yes, I put it to music…so here now, is:

Pretty cool, right? 

I think using modern technology to record ordinary things is a great use of the stuff.  I have a video of the doctor removing the staples from my knee after my knee replacement surgery.  So, maybe I’m weird, but I think it’s pretty cool.

You know what else is cool?

Dragon Laffs.

So, let’s get started.

 

 

I always carry a little crazy with me, cause you never know when it’s going to come in handy.

I have reached a point in my life where my mind says, “I can do that.” and my body says, “Try it and die, fat boy.”

How many of these 34 do you recognize? Surprisingly, at least to me, I only got half of them at 17.  The good part is that I just added 17 more books to my “To Read” list.

I saw this on the desk of one of our secretaries.  When I asked her where she got it from, she said, “Right in the DL & LL Gift Shop right off the lobby.”

I thanked her and left, but wanted to ask her two more questions.  One would have been, “We have a Gift Shop?” and the second one would have been, “We have a Lobby?”

 

 

A  candid shot from our last year’s white water canoeing trip down the river Styx.

Although it’s a dinosaur, the sentiment is the same with a picture of a dragon…and besides…dinosaurs haven’t been around for a LONG time!

This next one comes from our dear friend and fellow camper, Karl K., aka K².

*Trump’s Special Qualifications For Being President*

 

This is from my Dad…Papa Dragon Most Senior…and is a great way to open our segment on Pestering Politicians.
As a Senior Voting Adult, here is my list of demands for any candidate running for the chair at the head of the table.

HERE IS WHAT WE WANT..
1.  Hillary: held accountable for her previous wrongs!
2. Put “GOD” back in America !!!
3. Borders: Closed or tightly guarded!
4. Congress: On the same retirement & healthcare plans as everybody else .
5. Congress: Obey its own laws NOW!
6. Language: English only!
7. Culture: Constitution and the Bill of Rights!
8. Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before & during Welfare!
9. Freebies:  NONE to Non-Citizens!
10. Budget: Balance the damn thing!
11. Foreign Countries: Stop giving them our money! Charge them for our help! We need it here.
12. Fix the TAX CODE!
And most of all.
13. “RESPECT OUR MILITARY AND OUR FLAG!!”

Pretty much everyone of those demands (and “demands” is the correct and proper word.  Just like your boss makes demands upon you at work, so the politicians need to remember that they work for US!) we’ve discussed in Dragon Laffs or Leprechaun Laffs or both.

My Gawd!  Sounds just like real life!

It is very, very difficult to live in that glass house with that stone quarry right next door.

Okay everyone smile and wave for the camera.

And there it is.  The perfect finale.  I know that there is a special place in hell set aside and just waiting for her arrival.

A cop with a drug sniffing dog says to me, “This dog tells me you’re on drugs.”

I said, “I’m on drugs?  You’re the one talking to dogs.”

PEOPLE ARE SO UNGRATEFUL! No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.

Not a chance in hell!!

Men say that women should come with instructions…What’s the point of that?  Have you ever seen a man actually read the instructions?

 

Truly remarkable!  The largest glacier calving ever caught on video!  The overwhelming size of this is impossible to imagine.

Who doesn’t like Family Feud?  No one.  So when we find clips of the funny spots we just have to share them.  This one is one of the best.

 

This one is hilarious!  I think my dog’s a democrat!

 

 

Here’s one from Ginny Entitled “Getting Old is not for Sissies”

 

Yup, I too have days where the gravity is too high.

That looks pretty damn aggressive to me!

 

What is it that Lethal says? “We couldn’t make this shit up?”

Flying saucer found smashed to bits in Roswell, suspect in custody

Authorities found a flying saucer smashed to pieces on the side of the road near Roswell, N.M.

No, this isn’t 1947, and the government isn’t likely to claim it was merely a weather balloon.

The craft cops found earlier this month was the remains of a decorative spaceship previously displayed at the International UFO Museum and Research Center. But three people had grabbed the disc-shaped spaceship on March 19, loaded it into the back of a pickup truck and took off.

Police, however, had surveillance tape of the theft and someone recognized the pickup truck used in the getaway, according to a Facebook post from the Roswell Police Department.

That led officers to arrest a 17-year-old boy in the case on Saturday. The teen was booked into the Chaves County Juvenile Detention Center. He has not given information about why he may have taken the spaceship.

Authorities are still seeking the other two suspects.

Jeannie (Gracie) sent me the above article with the subject line of Youngsters are really beginning to piss me off.  I agree. 

Has anyone else noticed that the symbol ‘ & ‘ looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?
Keep looking at it, you’ll see it.

A  FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

   In  Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days.  He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

   The case was brought before a judge.  After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case dismissed!”

   The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying, “Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case?  The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays…”

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client is woefully ignorant.”

   The lawyer said,” Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”

   The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fool’s Day. Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’  Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day.

Court is adjourned…”

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

Wholeheartedly Agreed!!

Man, I hope not!  That’s awful!

I think the cat is a superhero…or a monster.  One or the other.

Don’t we all know at least one person with this level of intelligence?  But, wait!  If you don’t know at least one person this dumb, then possibly it’s you!

 

While I am feeling much better than I was last week, I’m still not fit company for man nor beast (I know this because I’ve hurt a few beast’s feelings recently. NO! Not Impish’s). Thought things would get better as soon as the family member was buried. I was dead wrong.

Now the battle known as probate begins. Already the vultures are circling and trying to outright steal the estate or get in ahead of everyone else to mark their territory. Since I cannot physically be there for a prolonged intractable period, unless I plan on throwing away my business, this makes the entire affair 3 times as frustrating and 5 times as difficult. Toss in an estranged family member on top of that who can’t play nice with the rest..well you get the idea. Familicides  have historically been justified based on less.

Enough of this and my problems let’s move it along shall we?

The Perfect Formula For Brewing Coffee, Down To The Gram

There’s no doubt that coffee culture has reached an unprecedented level of snobbery. But that elitism also happens to produce one fine cup of java. Anyone who loves coffee (and we’re pretty sure that’s everyone reading this) knows that a perfectly brewed cup of coffee is a taste of heaven on earth.

While it’s true that we’ll drink weak coffee no matter how disappointing it is, and we’ll drink coffee that’s so strong it makes us feel nauseous (because at the end of the day, bad coffee is better than no coffee), we’re all in search of that perfect cup. And we just found a chart made by Roasty that shows us how to brew it — whether brewing one cup or 12.

The folks at Roasty recommend using a kitchen scale to achieve the perfect amount, but they understand that not everyone can embrace that level of coffee nerdery, so they offer many measurement options as you can see above. The ratios are not absolute — all coffee drinkers have their personal preference — but following them will get you the closest to a universally enjoyed cup of joe.

Until you feel you can brew a perfect cup with your eyes closed, we suggest printing out the chart and taping it to the fridge. Also, head on over to Roasty for more tips on brewing the perfect cup.

A homeowner in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on her roof.

She looks in the yellow pages and finds an ad for “Alberta Bear Remover.”

So she calls the number and a man says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder,

a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun and a mean looking pit bull dog.

“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.

“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof.  Then I’m going to go up

and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.  When the bear

falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The bear will become subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the

back of the van.”

Then he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

“What’s the shotgun for?”asks the homeowner.

“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”

Impish keeps insisting this is a brilliant crossover movie idea.

 

The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man…passengers, in this case!

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don’t know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,

“Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:

“If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available.”

S’mores Lasagna

Ingredients

• 1 package instant chocolate pudding
• 1 3/4 cups milk
• 1 cup mini marshmallows
• 1 container Cool Whip
• 1 container Marshmallow Fluff
• Graham crackers
• 2 cups heavy whipping cream
• 3 Tbsps. powdered sugar
• 2 Tbsps. cocoa powder
• Chocolate drizzle

Instructions

• In a bowl, combine pudding mix and milk. Whisk thoroughly, and set aside.
• In another bowl, combine Cool Whip, Marshmallow Fluff, and whip together with electric mixer.
• Add mini marshmallows, and combine with electric mixer.
• To assemble, layer graham crackers on the bottom of a baking dish. Add a layer of Cool Whip mixture, and a layer of pudding. Repeat until there are three layers.
• In a bowl, combine whipping cream, powdered sugar, and cocoa powder. Whip well with mixer.
• Layer this mixture on top of the lasagna.
• Sprinkle crumbled Graham crackers and add chocolate drizzle on top. Serve, and enjoy!

Bread Crumb Mac and Cheese Muffin Bites

Cook: 10 minutes
Prep: 10 minutes
Serves 6

 

Ingredients

1 cup milk
2 tsps. corn starch
1 egg
1 box macaroni
8 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup Italian bread crumbs
2 Tbsps. butter

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400 ºF.
Mix milk, corn starch, and egg in a medium-size mixing bowl.
Boil macaroni according to directions on box.
Add shredded cheddar cheese and mix.
Pour in milk mixture and stir thoroughly.
Line muffin tin with muffin cups and coat with nonstick cooking spray.
Spoon macaroni and cheese mixture into each muffin cup.
In separate mixing bowl, combine Italian bread crumbs and butter.
Top each muffin cup with a spoonful of bread crumb mixture.
Bake 8 to 10 minutes at 400 ºF.
Allow to cool, serve, and enjoy!

I add cooked diced Ham, Smoked Sausage or crumbled Bacon to mine

So THAT’S where dragons come from!

Some strange and interesting facts about New Jersey

[A strange and interesting place]

You ever notice how nobody ever wants to talk about what is under the boardwalk?

And that’s saying something trust me!

Seriously, I spent a week there one afternoon! At least Houston has a Funeral Museum!

But you can still steal them and drive with a body in your trunk!

Even back then the Mob wasn’t about to let anybody make a movie on their territory

And that was before they even threw you down the slide head first!

Or as the kids called it Saturday night in Mom & Dad’s basement

It’s was also home to the highest teen birth rate at about the same time!

Get the windshield check the oil and hit the guy in the trunk wid dis tire tire again will ya? He’s making too much noise.

And most of them are working in Meth Labs too!

I think Jersey got snookered on that deal

So are Ginny and Impish

And shortly after Times Square hosts the premier of winners secret movie sex movie and sex texting pics!

And just to prove my quips are not just me hating on Jersey, here’s one from Jersey Ginny herself:

The New Jersey Way

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. — one from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

How it works:

The Florida contractor, Jonathan, takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

Cletus, the Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do the job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

Vito from New Jersey doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

Then Vito whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.
 

And that, my friends, is how it all works!

Been using this tactic a lot lately. It’s especially handy with those who don’t take the hint.

Bring Potato Chips

Take 60 seconds to read this story. It will give you time to settle your brain, gather your thoughts, calm down and finish your week off on a positive note.

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted and smiled at him.

His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was  surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, “What did you do today that made you so happy?”

He replied, “I had lunch with God.” But before his mother could respond, he added, “You know what? He’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!”

Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, “Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?”

He replied “I ate potato chips in the park with God.” However, before his son responded, he added, “You know, he’s much younger than I expected.”

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! 

Embrace all equally!

Have lunch with God…….bring chips.

Good Morning Campers,

Last Saturday’s issue is just a few hours old and I’ve started this week’s issue. That’s because this is the Easter issue.

For most of us, the Easter holiday is a celebration of Jesus Christ’s rise from the dead after being crucified on Good Friday (the day I happen to be writing this passage).  It is the recognition of a sacrifice and a promise. Now, I’m going to get a little preachy here, but bear with me, it won’t be that bad.

Nature, in the persona of God our Heavenly Father, requires that in order for us to be welcomed into the afterlife, Paradise, we must be sin free.  The problem is, that as Earthly Children, we are not, and can not be sin free.  All of us sin against God in one form or another. 

As a result of our sins, a punishment or accounting must take place.

Sadly, there is not enough we can do on our own to compensate God for our sins. 

A story is told of a soldier during the Civil War who had several brothers, all of which were killed in one battle or another.  This soldier was the last surviving son in his family.

One night, this soldier had guard duty and fell asleep, which allowed the enemy to enter the camp and kill many of the other soldiers who were there asleep.  This soldier fell asleep while on duty, the penalty, since it cost so many of his brothers in arms death, was to be put to death himself.

His mother approached then President Lincoln and beseeched him to not kill her last son.  She said that she knew he was wrong and deserved the punishment that was to be meted out.  She pointed out that he was indeed sorry for his crimes and was willing to face his punishment that he knew he deserved.

But, she begged Lincoln and told him, that it would not be for him to be forgiven but for her.  Not for him but for her, his mother, for her last surviving son.  She had already lost so much, sacrificed so much, losing all her other sons that she just couldn’t bear to lost the last one, so not for his sake, but for hers, for her sacrifice could President Lincoln please find it in his heart to forgive him.

Jesus Christ did basically the same thing for us.  He told his father that he would assume the responsibility for all of humanities sins, past, present and future and he would take the penalty for all of it.  He would suffer through the retribution required for all of us.  And he told his Father, not for their sake, but for mine.  For the payment I will make in their name, they deserve forgiveness.

So, it is only because of Jesus’s supreme sacrifice and our accepting of His sacrifice and the welcoming of Him into our hearts and our striving to the best of our abilities to being worthy of His sacrifice that we have a pathway to Heaven, to Paradise.

By His Resurrection on Easter Morning, we are assured that his pain and suffering has paved the path for us to follow.  That by his rising we are assured that we, too, have the opportunity to also rise.

Tomorrow, when we are celebrating Easter Sunday, we are truly saying thank you for Jesus’s accepted sacrifice in our name.

Preaching over.  That wasn’t so bad, now was it?

Now, it is here that I would normally say something to the affect of that this is my opinion, but I can’t really do that.  Because it’s not my opinion.  It is my faith based knowledge that this is indeed true and that Jesus did indeed endure the incredible suffering for the forgiveness of my sins.  And it will be not for MY sake but for HIS sake that I have the opportunity for eternal happiness in Paradise.

So, let’s move on to the fun stuff of both Easter and the normal Dragon Laffs issue.  But, before we get to the fun stuff, here is a submission, given to me by our own Lethal Leprechaun.

This is not the Hallelujah that you may be used to, it’s a special edition for Easter by Kelley Mooney and it is glorious!

 

Okay, we might as well jump right into it this morning.  The following is a mini-rant sent to me by Jeannie aka Gracie.
125 years ago, you didn’t have to asks permission from the government to:
–Go fishing, collect rain water, use a transportation vehicle, build a home or renovate it.
–You didn’t have to pay tax upon tax upon tax with already taxed money.
–You didn’t have to ask permission and pay to be married, obtain licenses, certifications or permits to hunt, own a weapon become a carpenter or any trade or profession.
–You didn’t have to ask permission to protest or redress the government, or sell a product.
–You also didn’t have to ask to have your income illegally taxed by the 16th Amendment (which was NEVER ratified!)
You can virtually do NOTHING without being extorted by government and obtaining their permission first.  If you still think you’re FREE, you’re deluding yourself.  You live in a very large open air prison as free range humans, thoroughly manipulated and controlled by the illusion of a free society.
There is an awful lot of truth in this rant.  We didn’t give up our freedoms overnight, they were taken from us “for the greater good” a little at a time.  Like putting a live lobster in a pan of cold water, it doesn’t really it’s getting boiled alive because the temperature goes up slowly, a little at a time, but the end result is still the same.

I know five people who are clinically insane…and I’m two of them.

 

I like to give a little warning before you get to these sorts of things…

 

 

Not normally a topic I would put to music, but hey, to each their own.

 

You know how I like to exhort you all to Live, Love and Laugh, well Ginny’s minions say that if that doesn’t work then try Load, Aim and Fire.
I can get behind that too.

Yeah, well, you try finding a fantasy picture with an Easter theme!

Well, it’s no wonder they are they way they are.  And we thought ours was special.  Well, he is quite special and we already know that many other, more junior leprechauns look up to him and try to emulate him, but this cartoon does answer an awful lot of questions.

And we’ve been using it and abusing it for a long time around here.  It’s a requirement for the job.  It’s on the application!

And let’s throw a couple more Easter Dragons in here…

Nothing says Easter more than a dragon dressed up in a bunny suit.

And these next two go so delightfully with each other….

Distraction or old age?  Yes.

After all the rumors of Paul’s death, and the clues on Several Beatles albums, most especially “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” could it have all been true?  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you are too young.  If you DO understand, then read this article about a recent interview with Ringo Starr.  http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/former-beatle-ringo-starr-claims-the-real-paul-mccartney-died-in-1966-and-was-replaced-by-look-alike/

A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”

He answered, “Call for backup.”

Of course they are Easter Themed

Okay, so that last one was more of a Groaner than a funny, but it’s still good.

So, this ezine is beginning to bog down and I think it’s because it’s so damn big.  So, I’m going to try and wrap this up soon.  Let’s try a couple of more things and go into our Last Word.

Just had a great idea!  I’m going to start meetings at my lair for people who have OCD. I don’t have it myself, I’m just hoping that they’ll take one look around and start cleaning.

I’m having so many problems in my life right now, that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I’ll be able to worry about it.

And I don’t know what can be better for the Last Word before Easter, but a really nice feel good story.

Viral photo captures coffee stand employees praying with grieving widow

By Jessica Ivins   |  Posted Mar 24th, 2016 @ 11:16am

VANCOUVER, Wash. — A grieving woman went out for a cup of coffee over the weekend but ended up with so much more.

Evan Freeman was working the window at the Dutch Bros. drive-thru Saturday when he noticed that the woman placing her order was struggling to fight back tears, according to KPTV News. When Freeman asked her if she was OK, she fell apart — explaining that her 37-year-old husband had passed away the night before.

“As soon as she said that, I was like, ‘There’s nothing more you need to say. We got this,’” Freeman said. “We’re going to do what we do every time we get someone who’s in pain or hurt. We’re going to give them our love.”

Freeman offered the woman a free cup of coffee, then gathered several of his coworkers and reached out for her hand as the group prayed together, Seattle’s Q13 News reports.

Barbara Danner — who happened to be behind the woman in line — snapped a photo of the moving encounter and posted it to the Dutch Bros. Facebook page. It’s since been shared more than 115,000 times.

“When the (Dutch Bros) guys and gals noticed she was falling apart, they stopped everything and prayed with her for several minutes, invited her to come back for prayer and support as well as anything else that she might need,” Danner wrote in her post.

Freeman’s boss, Jessica Chudek, noticed the photo on social media and was shocked when she realized her employees were responsible for the act of kindness.

“It just brought me to tears right then,” she told KPTV.

Pierce Dunn, Freeman’s co-worker, said he wasn’t expecting their experience to be shared by so many people. He told KPTV he hopes it will inspire others to look for opportunities to help where they can.

“If every single person did an act of kindness or just had a smile on their face, the world would be a completely different place,” he said.

And with that I’ll be wishing all of you’re a very Happy and safe Easter.

Good morning folks

A death in the family, an unplanned business trip to Galveston for two day which saw me come home with a slight relapse of my recent illness as well as heavy business workload have left me scant time to finish this issue over the past week and short on talk fit for polite company

Hopefully I can put forth a better effort next week.

Impish is doing our Easter Issue again this Year since it falls closer to his day than mine . Luckily we had decided this just prior to my getting all these surprises.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have a pile of customers, a wife, a bunch of irate family and a doctor all making demands of me and I have to find a way to appease them all.

Enjoy the issue

Left in the comments section for us by first time commenter Roger Brunswick.

My apologies Roger for removing this from the comments section but I found it quite well thought out and presented and unfortunately not nearly enough people read or use our comments section. By putting it here I made sure everyone would see it and you’d get your full 15 min of fame as it were.

I thought that your readers might enjoy this take on Trumps popularity. Perhaps the best explanation yet.

Here is an answer to the question asked by so many…. Why are so many Americans voting for Trump?

Like many citizens, I’ve wondered and tried so hard to understand why Trump has such a remarkable following. (The Democrats and Media seem to think it’s obvious why we should not !!) Then a friend sent me this Raccoon story. It makes no difference about your political leanings, it’s just a good explanation of WHY. (or it’s as good as any I have ever heard and I agree with it)

Please, don’t reply with political rants from your side of the fence. This is not a message to support either party. It just helps understand how on earth Trump can remain so “popular” You have to admit, it’s not easy to understand.

OK. To begin, a Republican writes a letter; read on, even if you are a Democrat, it explains the lure of Trump.

Dear Representative,

From the time I was able to vote I voted republican. I am 80 and have a great deal of respect and influence with hundreds of senior ball players who also network with thousands of others around the country.

I received your questionnaire and request for money and strongly agree with every question since Obama was elected. Unfortunately the one question that was missing is “What has the Republicans done for the American people?” We gave you a majority in the house and senate and you never listened to us. Now you want our money?

You should be more concerned about our votes, not our money. You are the establishment which means all you want is to save your jobs and line your pockets… Well guess what? “It’s not going to happen” You can shake in your boots when I tell you our movement is for TRUMP and he hasn’t asked for a dime.

You might think we are fools because you feel Trump is on a self destruct course but look beyond Washington and listen to the masses. Nobody has achieved what he has, especially in the state of New York.

If you really want to know how the majority of people feel? And this applies to both democrats and republicans, read below, it says it all.

Sincerely,

Here comes the part about the raccoons:

You’ve been on vacation for two weeks, you come home, and your basement is infested with raccoons. Hundreds of rabid, messy, mean raccoons have overtaken your basement. You want them gone immediately… You call the city, 4 different exterminators but nobody can handle the job… But there is this one guy and he guarantees you he will get rid of them, so you hire him. You don’t care if the guy smells, you don’t care if the guy swears, you don’t care if he’s an alcoholic, you don’t care how many times he’s been married, you don’t care who he votes or supports, you don’t care if he has plumber’s crack…you simply want those raccoons gone! You want your problem fixed! He’s the guy. He’s the best. Period

Back to Trump

Here’s why we want Trump, yes he’s a bit of an ass, yes he’s an egomaniac, but we don’t care.

The country is a mess because politicians suck, the Republican Party is two-faced & gutless, and illegals are everywhere.

We want it all fixed! We don’t care that Trump is crude, we don’t care that he insults people, we don’t care that he had been friendly with Hillary, we don’t care that he has changed positions, we don’t care that he’s been married 3 times, we don’t care that he fights with Megan Kelly and Rosie O’Donnell, we don’t care that he doesn’t know the name of some Muslin terrorist.

This country is weak, bankrupt, our enemies are making fun of us, we are being invaded by illegal’s, we are becoming a nation of victims where every Tom, Ricardo and Hasid is a special group with special rights to a point where we don’t even recognize the country we were born and raised in; “AND WE JUST WANT IT FIXED” and Trump is the only guy who seems to understand what the people want. We’re sick of politicians, sick of the Democratic Party, Republican Party, and sick of illegals.

We just want this thing fixed. Trump may not be a saint, but he doesn’t have lobbyist money holding him, he doesn’t have political correctness restraining him, all you know is that he has been very successful, a good negotiator, he has built a lot of things, and he’s also not a politician, he’s not a cowardly politician. And he says he’ll fix it. And we believe him because he is too much of an egotist to be proven wrong or looked at and called a liar.

Also we don’t care if the guy has bad hair.

*We just want those raccoons gone*.

Out of our house. *NOW.*

I feel this is why thousands of people that haven’t voted in 25 years are registering to vote this year. The raccoons have got to go.

Roger Brunswick

 

So Impish told me he received not one but two commendations at work this week. I was impressed until he sent the a picture of them.

So THAT’S what they mean when they say ‘Hair of the Dog’!

Google Condom Announced

This draft press release was secretly forwarded to me from an old college friend, well placed at the Googleplex in a high-profile R&D unit. He insists on anonymity for obvious reasons, but he has proved a reliable source in the past. (I heard about Google Glass from him in 2012 about six months before beta versions actually appeared in public.) Internal metadata attached to the document suggest that product introduction is imminent.

LATEST GOOGLE WEARABLE PROMOTES BOTH ZPG AND ENHANCED PLEASURE
The new Google Condom represents the most advanced technological wonder in the contraception market. Merely the latest product in the wide-ranging Google portfolio of remarkable inventions, this remarkable innovation further advances Google’s global mission: to solve the world’s problems – from the everyday to the epic, from the mundane to the monumental.
This enhanced condom includes all the standard advantages of regular condoms (a thin impermeable polymer membrane that permits confident safe sex and inhibits both pregnancies and STI disease transmission) but also deftly incorporates a wide range of technological devices designed to heighten, record and transmit many of the most significant aspects of sexual intimacy.
Head Scientist Stephen Highland of the R&D unit Google X notes that many of the individual innovations present in the Google Condom were developed in support of other Google products, such as Google Glass. “We learned a lot about miniaturization from Glass,” maintains Highland, “but for the Google Condom, it was a matter of synergy, bringing together a suite of appropriate technological solutions into one unified package, something that Google has always done well.”
Recent breakthroughs in nano-technology, including the same engineering micro-precision that allows miniature cameras to be attached to small insects to study invertebrate flight, come to fruition in the Google Condom. The base model Google Condom (GC) includes a micro-camera at the tip (or “head”) of the condom that weighs just over three grams and incorporates a wide-angle lens and a three megapixel camera sensor with ultra-high ISO that allows spectacular imaging even in low light conditions. Photos are automatically captured at fifteen-second intervals for as long as ten minutes.
Google Media Specialist Ginger Ingram says the “result is a bit like a ‘cervix selfie.’ “
Video output, still under development, will be available in the Hyper GC+ model, due for release in October. For all GC models, Wifi (Wi-Fi 802.11b/g) transmission hardware is mounted in a small fluid-proof polymer pouch at the base of the condom, unobtrusive and out of the way. Data is transmitted to a suitable receiving device (laptop, notebook) via Bluetooth protocols for up to a thirty-foot radius. Data files are JPG, MP3 and MP4 formats and are fully compatible with all Android devices.
One step up from the base model, the GC+ condom includes a series of embedded sensors that provide audio outputs, timer alerts and temperature monitoring to the receiving device.
Usability testing indicates that the opportunity to capture and later “relive” the multi-sensory condom experience is “highly exciting” and “revolutionary” in its impact for practitioners.
Google focus groups have been uniformly glowing. “The quality of the visual imagery is stunning,” reported one early tester, “from entry to final event.” During the climactic moments the Dolby enhanced audio files have been described as reminiscent of “up close at Niagara Falls” or the “take-off of a Boeing 747.” For a full-feature experience, the audio outputs can be synced seamlessly to standard camcorder output files if the condom event is captured by a third party or a remotely mounted camcorder on a tripod.
Timing alerts have proven attractive to the Fitness Tracker market. The ability to set a auditory reminder signal (which for a GC+ means a soft, low-timbre tone, audible to both participants) assists efforts to prolong copulatory duration. Infinitely adjustable to intervals from one to twenty minutes, the preset timer indicates time taken in res copulatio. By establishing a “benchmark,” users then can take measures to extend the union. One prototype tester reported that with just a little practice, he was able to double his original session average to over seven minutes.
Heat sensors produce a low humming tone when copulatory temperatures rise more than five degrees Celsius above standard body temperature. “Frictional heat is one measure of intensity,” added Highland. “Testers report greater enjoyment when this range of temperature elevation is maintained for an extended period. Helping users find their ‘sweet spot’ is a Google priority.”
Final pricing has not yet been finalized, but Google Marketing insists that the base model GC will cost “less than a good dinner out.”
The document has a release date tentatively slated for April of this year.
My source reports that Silicon Valley being the hyper competitive snakepit that it is, word of the pioneering aspects of GC has leaked out and other companies are already scrambling to produce their own competing versions. Apple’s product, predictably named the “iCum,” will include a variety of bright Art Deco colors as distinguishing features.
I suppose it is only a matter of time before folks will be asking for a “smart condom” at their local liquor store or other usual purchase location. My own feeling, perhaps a bit retrograde and coming from a perhaps jaded engineer, is that a wearable is only as “smart” as what it covers. I am not sure where a penis lies on the intelligence spectrum, but that is a separate issue.

Sorry no time or appetite for recipes this week, just some bacon to make your mouth water right along side Clan Mistress SC’s

 

 

 

So Cashews Grow Like This, And We Officially Know Nothing

In the wonderful world of trail mix, cashews are the real MVP. (Chocolate excluded.) We’ve eaten plenty of them over the years, but we never stopped to wonder: How do these things actually grow? 

Well, now that we know, we’re kind of freaking out.

Turns out, each and every cashew nut grows attached to a “false fruit,” the red, apple-esque object in the photo above. Technically, the cashew nut itself is the tree’s fruit, so the fleshy cashew “apple” is merely a byproduct. The “false fruit” is edible, but highly perishable.

Cashews are cultivated primarily in Brazil and India, where the “apples” are often made into beverages or jams. Cashew harvesters also chew on them in the fields, drinking their sweet juice. 

After the cashew nuts are detached, they are dried in the sun in their shells. And if you’ve ever wondered why you can’t buy in-shell cashews, the reason lies in the shell itself. Cashew shells contain anacardic acid, which can cause allergies and irritation similar to poison ivy. Once the nuts are removed from their shells, they are steamed or roasted to remove any poisonous residue. After that, they’re finally ready to enjoy.

So next time you reach for a handful of cashews, take a moment to remember the weirdly wonderful way they came to be.    via Huffington Post

THE KNEELING HIGH JUMP

This is Incredible!!!

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP
from a KNEELING position?

The record (0.757 meters) – remember this is from a KNEELING position,
was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France.

The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump – but it gives
you an idea as to how it was achieved.