Dragon Laffs

Well the good news is I managed not to wind up on any juries last week. My mobility was so bad on Wednesday that they took one look at me hobbling in, excused me for serving and sent me right back home for which honestly I was extremely grateful as I was dreading having to sit there all day with limited pain relief.

The bad news is two fold,

a.) the salmon fishing I’m doing is only reliving memories of past trips to Oswego NY in my younger years. Salmon don’t run in Texas and even if they did I couldn’t hobble out into any stream to catch them the way my legs have been acting up lately. I’m hoping it’s simply the normal seasonal change pain and swelling I’m experiencing and that I’ll be back to normal shortly.

b.) Impish has already eaten all the candy we received/swiped/cajoled or stole trick or treating. Even the box of liqueurs in miniature chocolate bottles that someone gave specifically to me while he got 15# of candy corn.

It’s ok though, you should have seen the look in his eyes when he gobble the dozen chocolate covered Scotch Bonnet peppers that I had left conspicuously right next to my chocolate stash  in a box marked Chocolate Covered Cherries the next time he came through. Then again, the howls of anguish coming from the little dragon’s room about 4 hours later were pretty epic too.

[Lethal wipes his eye while attempting to stifle a chuckle at the memory] Moving right along-

While I figure Impish will have more on this this weekend I’m going to take a moment to mention this now. Next Tuesday, November 8th is Election Day. Get out and vote. Yes there will be lines. Yes there will be inclement weather in some places. Yes once again we are faced with choosing between the lesser of two evils. Get out there and vote anyway. Just suck it up and do it.

Once every four years WE THE PEOPLE are given an opportunity to express our wish for the direction the country should be taken in as well as the actions of those who are in office looking to be re-elected.  If we the ‘common sense’ faction don’t get out and express ourselves things skew too far to the Left or to the Right and that’s when the bad things happen. Of course when things are fair and balanced pretty much nothing happens. That’s probably the biggest problem with a 2 party system.

I’m not going to tell you to whom to vote for, that is strictly your choice. What I am going to tell you is that a lot of American’s down through the years have died to protect your right to vote (among other rights). Please do not dishonor them and their efforts by blowing it off.

Alright off with the lot of you then. Enjoy the issue. I’ve got to go polish and place finishing touches on one of the hardest issues I do every year, The Veteran’s Day Issue which you’ll see next week right here.

I think Ninja Kitty Clan Mistress SC is trying to tell me something!

 

 

The Top 5 Signs Your Debate Is Going Poorly

5.)  Your opponent’s opening statement directs the audience’s attention to your mismatched socks and open fly.

4.) “And that is why I ask you to erect me President.”

3.) Halfway through your opening statement your campaign manager’s resignation letter lands on your lectern.

2.) You find yourself saying, “…and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those damn Millennials!”

And the Number One Sign Your Debate Is Going Poorly…

1.) Moderator: “Whadaya say to that, dumbass?”

I hear this happens a lot during elections

DIVORCE  AGREEMENT

The  person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope  for us after all.

Dear  American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and  Obama supporters, et al:

We  have stuck together since  the late 1950’s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest  election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we  tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations,  but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our  two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is  right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and  chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own  way.

Here  is our separation agreement:

–Our  two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a  similar portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our  two sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should be  relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly  divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate  tastes.

–We  don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You  are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since  you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the  military.

–We’ll  take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go  with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You  can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however,  responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three  of them.

–We’ll  keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, WalMart  and Wall Street.

–You  can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless,  homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll  keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and  rednecks.

–We’ll  keep Bill O’Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and  Hollywood.

–You  can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade  and hammer places that threaten us.

–You  can have the peaceniks and war protesters.

—  When  our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them  security.

–We’ll  keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You  are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and  Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be  paying the bill.

–We’ll  keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take  every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You  can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing  doctors.

–We’ll  keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National  Anthem.”

–I’m  sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World  to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.

–We’ll  practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up  poverty your best shot.

–Since  it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our  flag.

Would  you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like-minded  liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit  delete.  In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think  about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John  J. Wall

Law  Student and an American

P.S.   Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen,  Barbara Streisand, ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S.   And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our  country.

Forward  This Every Time You Get It!  Let’s Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It  Will Start Sinking In!

 

 

OH STOP GROANING! It’s not like I didn’t warn you! 

Some girl made this for her brother.  It went viral.

Recipes You Absolutely Can’t Fuck Up

By: The best goddamned sister in the whole world

Caring for your cast iron pan:

I have already seasoned it for the year but basic up-keep is needed to make sure you have a long lasting and faithful workhorse for your kitchen.

● DON’T YOU EVER DARE TO PUT IT IN THE DISHWASHER!!!

● Unless you get rust you do not need to put it in water

● When cleaning, simply put on medium heat and add vegetable oil and salt, scrub it out then wipe clean with a paper towel and a bit of oil.

● Cast iron and eggs aren’t the best of friends, avoid pairing them unless you want a lot of clean up.

● These fuckers get hot so use a hot pad or kitchen rag when handling.

● You only need to season these once a year unless you develop rust

○ Make sure there is no food burned to the pan

○ Rub a thin layer of solid fat (Crisco or lard, either works but I use crisco) into the pan

○ Place the pan in a 400 degree oven and leave for 1 hour (it will be smoky)

○ After the time is up turn off the oven and leave pan in until room temp.

–> If you develop RUST, scrub thoroughly in hot water with soap, dry and follow seasoning steps.

The most important thing to remember is that cooking is an art, it’s about experimentation and having fun. These are simple recipes to get your feet wet and are easy to tinker with when you start to branch out. Find your own rhythm in the kitchen and make your own style. Not everything will turn out perfect on the first try but don’t get discouraged because failure is how you learn. Go wild and enjoy yourself, just don’t burn down the house in the process. Merry Christmas, jerk face.

Chicken Soup So Simple A Caveman Can Do It.

Unless you’re so dumb you couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel, then you’re shit out of luck.

Ingredients

● 1 Whole broiler/fryer chicken

● 1 Bag of egg noodles

● 2 Whole white onions

● 4 Stalks of celery

● 4 Carrots

● 3 Bay leaves

● 2 Tbs Basil

● 1 Tbs Rosemary

● 1tsp Paprika

● Salt and Pepper to taste

Instructions

Place the chicken in a large pot with one quartered onion, two carrots, and two stalks of celery. Fill the pot with water until it just covers the chicken, place on low heat and simmer for 2-4 hours. Once cooked, remove chicken and spent veggies from pot and allow chicken to cool before boning and skinning (Reserve one breast and one thigh worth of meat for Chicken salad). Chop the remaining onion, carrots, and celery then add to pot. Add bay leaves, basil, rosemary, and paprika. Wait 10 minutes for carrot to soften then add the chicken and the bag of noodles. When noodles are soft, serve and stuff your face.

Leftover Chicken Salad So Your Lazy Ass Can Make Two Meals At Once

If you can’t make this, then you’re pretty much hopeless.

Ingredients

● Leftover chicken, or 1/2 lb boiled chicken.

● 1 Stalk of celery

● 1/4 c. Mayo (None of that Miracle Whip bullshit, man up and get the good shit)

● 2 Tbs Deli Mustard (Not that bright yellow crap that goes on hotdogs)

● 1/2 tsp Tabasco sauce

● Salt and Pepper to taste

Instructions

Chop up the chicken and celery. Mix with the other shit, eat on a sandwich or straight out of the bowl – I don’t judge, usually. Why are you still reading dummy?

Shepherd’s Pie That We All Know Will Be Eaten In One Sitting.

Lie to me all you want but don’t lie to yourself

Ingredients

● 1 lb Ground beef

● A handful of dried onions

● 3 Tbs Worcestershire sauce (If I find out you aren’t using Lea&Perrins I will hunt you down and go Sweeny Todd on your ass)

● 1/4 Bag of frozen veggies (I usually use peas and carrots or mixed veggies, but whatever you have is fine)

● Boxed mashed potatoes (I don’t measure this, just mix into boiling water until it’s thick)

● Grated mutha-fukin cheddah cheez!

● Salt and Pepper to taste

Instructions

Pre-heat oven to 350 F. In a skillet brown the meat and add Worcestershire, dried onions, salt, and pepper. While meat is cooking, boil water and mix in dried potatoes. While they are still liquid-y add 2-3 handfuls of cheese . Mix the veggies in with the meat and then cover everything with the potatoes. Top with a bit more cheese and bake in oven for 20-25 minutes.

Swedish Meat(Space)Balls

Not your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate’s meatballs

Ingridients

● 1 egg beaten

● ¾ cup milk

● 4 slices day old bread

● 1 tsp salt

● ⅛ tsp pepper

● 1 tsp dried minced onion

● ¾ lb ground chuck

● ¼ cup salad oil

● 1 can cream of mushroom soup

Instructions

Heat oven to 350 F. Beat egg & milk together. Pour over bread and let stand for 5 minutes. With fork, beat until bread is in fine pieces. Stir in next four ingredients. Make into meatballs and brown quickly in oil. Put in one-quart casserole. Mix mushroom soup with ⅓ soup-can of milk, and pour over meatballs. Bake oven for 30 minutes.

Indian Chicken Curry (Not the ‘night on the toilet’ kind)

I’d say that this is as easy as boiling water, but you’ve burnt that before

● ½ cup finely chopped onion

● ½ cup finely chopped celery

● 3 Tbs butter

● 3 Tbs flour

● 2 cups chicken stock

● 1 cup tomato juice

● ½ tsp Worcestershire sauce

● salt & pepper, to taste

● 1 tsp curry powder

● 4 cups diced chicken

● 4 cups hot cooked rice

Instructions

Lightly brown onion & celery in hot fat. Add flour and blend. Add stock, cook until thick, stirring constantly. Add tomato juice, Worcestershire sauce, seasonings and chicken. Heat thoroughly. Serve over rice.

Meatloaf

Did you really expect to get away without this one? Just don’t get too distracted playing with it

Ingredients

6-7 lbs hamburger

3-4 eggs

1½ cups shredded carrot

1 can tomato sauce

1/4 cup dried onion

Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 F. Mix hamburger, eggs, carrot, and onion together and then season with salt and peper. Shape into loaf and put in pan. Pour tomato sauce over the top. Fill sauce can 1/2 full with water and pour into the bottom of the pan. Bake for 1.5-2 hours

Cream Cheese Spaghetti Bake

Use this to impress a girl if you ever manage to get one over

Ingredients

● 1 pound spaghetti

● 1 tablespoon olive oil

● 1 pound ground beef

● 1 small onion, diced

● Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

● 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes

● 1 teaspoon dried basil

● 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

● 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley

● 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes, optional

● 1/2 cup whipped cream cheese

● 1/2 cup sour cream

● 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

● 1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese

● 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly oil a 9×13 baking dish or coat with nonstick spray. In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta according to package instructions; drain well. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add ground beef and onion and cook until beef has browned, about 3-5 minutes, making sure to crumble the beef as it cooks; season with salt and pepper, to taste. Drain excess fat. Stir in crushed tomatoes, basil, oregano, parsley and red pepper flakes; season with salt and pepper, to taste.In a small bowl, whisk together cream cheese and sour cream. Add pasta to the prepared baking dish and layer with cream cheese and beef mixture; sprinkle with cheeses. Place into oven and bake until bubbly and heated through, about 15-20 minutes. Serve immediately, garnished with parsley, if desired.

(This also freezes really well, just portion it off into tupperware while hot and let it cool to room temp before freezing it. When you want to microwave it, do so in 1 min. increments.)

Not So Kentucky Fried Chicken

Remember: Hot oil + bare skin = a not so fun night at the hospital

Ingredients

● Bone-in, skin-on pieces of chicken (I prefer dark meat just remember thighs will take a little longer because of the bone)

● 1 Cup Flour

● 1 Egg

● 1 Tbs Ground Rosemary

● 1 Tbs Paprika

● Salt and pepper to taste

● Oil (as this is frying an oil with a high smoke point-the temp at which it begins to smoke, duh- is better. Go for canola before vegetable oil)

Instructions

Pour oil into pan until 1/4 of an inch fills it. In three bowls separate bowls place 1/4 cup of plain flour, the egg and a teaspoon of water and scramble, the remaining 3/4 cup of flour and the rosemary, paprika, salt, and pepper. Put the pan on a medium heat until the bottom shimmers. Take the chicken and dust with plain flour, then dip in the egg and then roll in the seasoned flour before placing in the hot oil. *Don’t let the chicken sit too long before frying it or the coat will become soggy.* For breasts and thighs fry each side for 8 min., for wings fry 5 min each side., for legs fry for 4 min the rotate 90 degrees and repeat until done.

Teriyaki Chicken

This is not an excuse for 20 cups of rice

Ingredients

● 12 oz skinless and boneless chicken thighs

● 1 1/2 tablespoon soy sauce

● 1 heaping tablespoon sugar or to taste

● 1 tablespoon Japanese cooking sake (rice wine)

● 1 1/2 tablespoon oil

● White sesame, for garnishing

Instructions

Marinate the chicken with soy sauce, sugar, and cooking sake for 20 minutes.Heat up a skillet with the oil on low heat. When the oil is heated, transfer the chicken and the marinade sauce into the skillet and let cook slowly. Turn the chicken over after 5 minutes and continue to cook on low heat, for another 5 minutes. Serve over rice with a green veggie.

Beef Stroganoff

More like beef strokin off. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge….awkward laugh

Ingredients

● 1 lb ground beef

● 1 box elbow macaroni

● 1 package mushrooms (whole are usually cheaper than sliced but whatever)

● 1 small onion or 1/4 cup dried onion (if dried, add when browning meat)

● 1 Can of cream of mushroom

● 1/4 cup of sour cream

● Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

Put a large pot of salted water on to boil. In a skillet saute the small onion and the mushrooms with a pat of butter until they soften. Add the beef and brown. Add cream of mushroom, sour cream, and salt and pepper. Let it simmer on low heat, stir occasionally. Put macaroni into water to cook. When noodles are done, drain and combine with the beef sauce. Serve and eat until you can’t move, yo.

Loaded Baked Potato Soup

Try not to blow your mind with this motherfucker

Ingredients

● 1 package (12 oz) bacon

● 1 1/2 cups chopped onion

● 6 cups chicken broth (two 32 oz cartons, low sodium)

● 2 lb baking potatoes, peeled, cubed

● 2/3 cup butter

● 1/4 all-purpose flour

● 4 cups milk

● 1 container (8 oz) sour cream

● 2 1/2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese (10 oz)

● 3/4 cup sliced green onions

● Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions

In 12-inch skillet, cook bacon over medium heat 6 to 7 minutes or until crisp; drain on paper towels. Crumble bacon; set aside. Reserve 2 tablespoons drippings in skillet. Cook onion in bacon drippings over medium-high heat 6 minutes or until almost tender. In 6-quart Dutch oven, mix onion, broth and potatoes. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Cook 10 minutes or until potatoes are very tender Meanwhile, in same skillet, melt butter over low heat. Stir in flour with whisk until smooth. Cook and stir 1 minute. Gradually stir in 2 cups of the milk. Pour milk mixture into potato mixture. Add remaining 2 cups milk, the salt and pepper. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly with whisk, until mixture is thickened and bubbly. Stir in half of the bacon, the sour cream, 2 cups of the cheese and 1/2 cup of the green onions. Cook until thoroughly heated and cheese is melted. Evenly top individual servings with remaining bacon, 1/2 cup cheese and 1/4 cup green onions.

Honey Soy Pork Chops

Oink oink beeyotch

Ingredients

● 8 pork chops

● ¼ cup soy sauce

● ½ cup honey

● 2 cloves garlic

● pinch of ground ginger

● pinch red pepper flakes

Instructions

Mince garlic and combine all ingredients in a plastic bag and marinate 4-6 hours. After marinating put pork chops in a hot skillet and cook 4 minutes on each side. Add remaining marinade over chops and reduce to make a sauce. Serve with rice and veggies or just eat straight out of the pan, loser.

Internet Addiction Test (IAT)

The Internet Addiction Test (IAT) is the first Validated measure of Internet Addiction described in the IAT Manual to measure Internet use in terms of mild, moderate, to several levels of addiction.

Based upon the following five-point likert scale, select the response that best represents the frequency of the behavior described in the following 20-item questionnaire.

0 = Not Applicable
1 = Rarely
2 = Occasionally
3 = Frequently
4 = Often
5 = Always

1. ___How often do you find that you stay online longer than you intended?
2. ___How often do you neglect household chores to spend more time online?
3. ___How often do you prefer the excitement of the Internet to intimacy with your partner?
4. ___How often do you form new relationships with fellow online users?
5. ___How often do others in your life complain to you about the amount of time you spend online?
6. ___How often do your grades or school work suffer because of the amount of time you spend online?
7. ___How often do you check your e-mail before something else that you need to do?
8. ___How often does your job performance or productivity suffer because of the Internet?
9. ___How often do you become defensive or secretive when anyone asks you what you do online?
10. ___How often do you block out disturbing thoughts about your life with soothing thoughts of the Internet?
11. ___How often do you find yourself anticipating when you will go online again?
12. ___How often do you fear that life without the Internet would be boring, empty, and joyless?
13. ___How often do you snap, yell, or act annoyed if someone bothers you while you are online?
14. ___How often do you lose sleep due to late-night log-ins?
15. ___How often do you feel preoccupied with the Internet when off-line, or fantasize about being online?
16. ___How often do you find yourself saying “just a few more minutes” when online?
17. ___How often do you try to cut down the amount of time you spend online and fail?
18. ___How often do you try to hide how long you’ve been online?
19. ___How often do you choose to spend more time online over going out with others?
20. ___How often do you feel depressed, moody, or nervous when you are off-line, which goes away once you are back online?

After all the questions have been answered, add the numbers for each response to obtain a final score. The higher the score, the greater the level of addiction and creation of problems resultant from such Internet usage.  The severity impairment index is as follows:

NONE 0 – 30 points

MILD 31- 49 points: You are an average online user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage.

MODERATE 50 -79 points: You are experiencing occasional or frequent problems because of the Internet. You should consider their full impact on your life.

SEVERE 80 – 100 points: Your Internet usage is causing significant problems in your life. You should evaluate the impact of the Internet on your life and address the problems directly caused by your Internet usage.

I scored a semi respectable/reasonable 35. Impish on the other hand couldn’t be pried away from his net surfing for virgins long enough to take the test and became angry at the interruption. SIGH! Where did I put that number for the Hokey Pokey Clinic?

Installation of SpyCat Real Time Monitoring System Node complete!

 

As you enter the usual campground area you see that there is a long line in front of the biggest tent you’ve ever seen.  This one is even bigger than the last “Biggest Tent You’ve Ever Seen.”  It covers the entire campground, not just the area where you normally view the latest issue of Dragon Laffs, but the entire camping area.  You see that there is only one line, but two doorways in to the tent. 

You notice two of the Cyber Lethals checking IDs and then herding the person or party into one doorway or another.  It seems as though the older members, members with very young children and the infirm are going through the right doorway and the young people and those of stronger and more vigorous constitutions are going in the left side.

As you get closer, you can see Ginny and Diaman arguing with Paul (aka Paul the Old Fart).  You can  just catch a few phrases here and there, but as Paul is getting louder and louder, you begin to hear more of the conversation:

Paul: I AM NOT going through the Kiddie side!

Ginny: It’s NOT the Kiddie side.  It is a side for anyone who may have problems getting scared inside.

Paul: I’ve been a Fire Fighter all my life!  Do you think that Impish or Lethal can set up some fake props with people in costumes jumping out and grabbing someone is going to frighten ME?!  Do you think I won’t be able to HANDLE IT?

Diaman: Paul, no one says you can’t handle it.  It is a decision that the Cyber Lethals’ programing has decided.  You just fall into their category of …

Paul:  I know that!  And most of the rest of those old codgers would probably fall over with a heart attack by going in there, but I’M NOT ONE OF THEM!

Before either of them could get wound up any further, Lethal Leprechaun strolls up and gives Ginny and Diaman a kiss on the cheek and Paul a firm handshake and asks, “What’s going on folks?  Something I can do to help?”

Paul: Yes.  Yes you can.  You can let me inside the adult side of the tent and not humiliate me by sending me in with the kiddies.

Lethal: Ah, I see.

Lethal makes a gesture and one of the Cyber Lethals approaches him.  Lethal excuses himself and steps over to the side and begins speaking in hushed tones with the robot.  After a few moments of the back and forth, Lethal nods and a slot opens up in the stomach area of the machine man.  Out of this slot pops several sheets of paper.  Lethal uses the Cyber Lethal’s metal shoulder to tap the pages into a neat stack and gestures for Paul and the two ladies to come over. 

As they approach, he says something else to the robot which turns around and a smallish shelf pops out of his back.

Lethal: Okay, Paul.  I understand the problem.  You fit the profile of the people who should go into the right side, and not the left.  What I have here is a little legal document that basically says that you and subsequently any member of your family, friends, children, etc. will hold DL&LL Enterprises and myself and Impish Dragon completely un-responsible for any and all problems, side effects, subsequent defects and any other problem or issue listed or not listed in the document.  It runs to 137 pages, so I’m pretty sure that our legal department has all the bases covered.  This is not the first time we have had someone sign a document of this type.  Basically, by signing this document you are giving up all rights to suing us if you get hurt.  Physically or mentally.

Paul:  Where’s the pen, I’ll sign.

Lethal: I’m not quite done yet.  Your immediate family needs to sign this as well since they must both approve you going in and accepting the fact that you might get hurt.  That would be Ginny.  She holds the actual key as to whether or not you can enter the left side.  Oh, and if she agrees, she must accompany you through the entire thing.

Paul: Ginny?  Would you sign this please?

Ginny: No Paul.  I can’t.  I can’t have you go inside there against the better advice of Lethal’s robots.  I just can’t.  You are …

You realize you are passed the couple discussing which door to go in and realize that you have entered the tent and since you were so intent on listening to the couple argue that you’re not sure which door you went in.  Did you go in the easy door or the one that your physician had to sign off saying your heart was strong enough or the supposed, easier one?

As you wander deeper in the darkness, the rest of us will join the issue.

So….it’s Halloween…time for ghosts and goblins to run from door to door begging treats and threatening tricks.  But, where did this very much different holiday come from?  Well, according to the History Channel…

History of Halloween
Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats.

Well, that’s a nice start, while you wonder your way through my maze, let’s get into the issue and learn a bit more about Halloween along the way.

It is extraordinarily hard to find Halloween jokes, stories and quips to share throughout this issue, but I’m going to try.  And perhaps I’ll transform some other jokes into a form that would be Halloweenish.

And knowing that, this next video really doesn’t really have anything to do with Halloween…expect … well, the night before Halloween when I was growing up, was called mischief night and part of that is pulling pranks and this next video is one of the greatest pranks ever played on a telemarketer in all time.  I actually got a call from California while I was driving and didn’t answer it.  They didn’t leave a message and when I got home I looked the number up on Google and found out it was a telemarketer and that led me to this:

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the phone number that called me was from Anaheim, California and it was 714-340-2608 so if you have the ability to block calls on your phone, you can add that one to the list.

Ancient Origins of Halloween
Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

Okay, another video.  Remember the Christmas lights set to music that have become so popular lately?  Well, here’s a Halloween themed one set to one of my favorite songs.  Well, one of my favorite songs from a movie…okay, one of my favorite songs from THIS movie.  Well…. screw it!  It’s Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  You may recognize this house from Lethal Leprechaun’s issue on Wednesday where it was set up to Ghost Busters.  That was 2015 and this is 2016.  Glad to see they’ve kept it going.

 

Did You Know?
One quarter of all the candy sold annually in the U.S. is purchased for Halloween.

I guess I’m finding a lot of videos.  Not many Halloween jokes so we’ll stick with the movies. We’ve shown you “Simon’s Cat” previously, but this one is the self-proclaimed “Halloween Special”:

I REALLY enjoy jumping out of caldrons and scaring the daylights out of witches. But, let’s get back to the Ancient Origins of Halloween:

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other’s fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.
By 43 A.D., the Roman Empire had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain. The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of “bobbing” for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.
On May 13, 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon in Rome in honor of all Christian martyrs, and the Catholic feast of All Martyrs Day was established in the Western church. Pope Gregory III (731?741) later expanded the festival to include all saints as well as all martyrs, and moved the observance from May 13 to November 1. By the 9th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands, where it gradually blended with and supplanted the older Celtic rites. In 1000 A.D., the church would make November 2 All Souls’ Day, a day to honor the dead. It is widely believed today that the church was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. All Souls Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels and devils. The All Saints Day celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints’ Day) and the night before it, the traditional night of Samhain in the Celtic religion, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween.

Halloween Comes to America
Celebration of Halloween was extremely limited in colonial New England because of the rigid Protestant belief systems there. Halloween was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups as well as the American Indians meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included “play parties,” public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other’s fortunes, dance and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country.

In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland’s potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today’s “trick-or-treat” tradition. Young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings or mirrors.
In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers than about ghosts, pranks and witchcraft. At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything “frightening” or “grotesque” out of Halloween celebrations. Because of these efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century.
By the 1920s and 1930s, Halloween had become a secular, but community-centered holiday, with parades and town-wide parties as the featured entertainment. Despite the best efforts of many schools and communities, vandalism began to plague Halloween celebrations in many communities during this time. By the 1950s, town leaders had successfully limited vandalism and Halloween had evolved into a holiday directed mainly at the young. Due to the high numbers of young children during the fifties baby boom, parties moved from town civic centers into the classroom or home, where they could be more easily accommodated. Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. A new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow. Today, Americans spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country’s second largest commercial holiday.

I know it’s dark where you are and you’re still trying to find your way out of the maze….if … you’re even still alive in there.  So, let’s learn some more about Halloween, shall we?  After all, I wouldn’t want you to think that you’ve died from a made up holiday!

Today’s Halloween Traditions
The American Halloween tradition of “trick-or-treating” probably dates back to the early All Souls’ Day parades in England. During the festivities, poor citizens would beg for food and families would give them pastries called “soul cakes” in return for their promise to pray for the family’s dead relatives. The distribution of soul cakes was encouraged by the church as a way to replace the ancient practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. The practice, which was referred to as “going a-souling” was eventually taken up by children who would visit the houses in their neighborhood and be given ale, food, and money.
The tradition of dressing in costume for Halloween has both European and Celtic roots. Hundreds of years ago, winter was an uncertain and frightening time. Food supplies often ran low and, for the many people afraid of the dark, the short days of winter were full of constant worry. On Halloween, when it was believed that ghosts came back to the earthly world, people thought that they would encounter ghosts if they left their homes. To avoid being recognized by these ghosts, people would wear masks when they left their homes after dark so that the ghosts would mistake them for fellow spirits. On Halloween, to keep ghosts away from their houses, people would place bowls of food outside their homes to appease the ghosts and prevent them from attempting to enter.

Have we learned enough about Halloween yet?  Are you poor babies still trapped in the darkness?  Awww, well the rest of us aren’t quite done just yet.

Halloween Superstitions
Halloween has always been a holiday filled with mystery, magic and superstition. It began as a Celtic end-of-summer festival during which people felt especially close to deceased relatives and friends. For these friendly spirits, they set places at the dinner table, left treats on doorsteps and along the side of the road and lit candles to help loved ones find their way back to the spirit world. Today’s Halloween ghosts are often depicted as more fearsome and malevolent, and our customs and superstitions are scarier too. We avoid crossing paths with black cats, afraid that they might bring us bad luck. This idea has its roots in the Middle Ages, when many people believed that witches avoided detection by turning themselves into cats. We try not to walk under ladders for the same reason. This superstition may have come from the ancient Egyptians, who believed that triangles were sacred; it also may have something to do with the fact that walking under a leaning ladder tends to be fairly unsafe. And around Halloween, especially, we try to avoid breaking mirrors, stepping on cracks in the road or spilling salt.
But what about the Halloween traditions and beliefs that today’s trick-or-treaters have forgotten all about? Many of these obsolete rituals focused on the future instead of the past and the living instead of the dead. In particular, many had to do with helping young women identify their future husbands and reassuring them that they would someday,with luck, by next Halloween, be married. In 18th-century Ireland, a matchmaking cook might bury a ring in her mashed potatoes on Halloween night, hoping to bring true love to the diner who found it. In Scotland, fortune-tellers recommended that an eligible young woman name a hazelnut for each of her suitors and then toss the nuts into the fireplace. The nut that burned to ashes rather than popping or exploding, the story went, represented the girl’s future husband. (In some versions of this legend, confusingly, the opposite was true: The nut that burned away symbolized a love that would not last.) Another tale had it that if a young woman ate a sugary concoction made out of walnuts, hazelnuts and nutmeg before bed on Halloween night she would dream about her future husband. Young women tossed apple-peels over their shoulders, hoping that the peels would fall on the floor in the shape of their future husbands’ initials; tried to learn about their futures by peering at egg yolks floating in a bowl of water; and stood in front of mirrors in darkened rooms, holding candles and looking over their shoulders for their husbands’ faces. Other rituals were more competitive. At some Halloween parties, the first guest to find a burr on a chestnut-hunt would be the first to marry; at others, the first successful apple-bobber would be the first down the aisle.
Of course, whether we’re asking for romantic advice or trying to avoid seven years of bad luck, each one of these Halloween superstitions relies on the good will of the very same “spirits” whose presence the early Celts felt so keenly.

Well, well, well.  That’s the end of the story of Halloween, but not, dear camper, the end of this issue, but it might be, the end of you who are still trapped …..

I’m really quite pleased with this next picture, since I took it myself and manipulated it into the form you see here:

Pretty cool, huh?

Okay, this has got to be the best costume a building has ever worn

Leave it to a Burger King in Queens, NY to display the best Halloween costume a fast-food chain has ever worn. The fast food restaurant draped a huge white sheet over the exterior of the building with the word McDonald’s spray painted on top. Add a few eyes and you have yourself a certified flame grilled ghost.

During the day, the place looks like it’s getting it’s annual fumigation done, but I still have to give the franchise credit for their commitment to getting into the Halloween spirit.

Let’s not get our hopes too high for a retaliation from McDonald’s. They’re still up in arms over the whole scary clown debacle that has swept the nation, so much that they were forced to hide Ronald until Halloween is over. Too bad too, because if McDonald’s had a committed team of employees like BK did in organizing the fitting of that massive costume, who knows what Mickey D’s would have fired back with.

Okay, so this issue is so huge that it just crashed on me and I thought I had lost everything!  Talk about a Halloween scare!  I hope before it crashed that everyone who was still in the maze got out safely, but I guess we’ll find that out when next we meet and we see if everyone is still there.

I hope you enjoyed the issue.  Thanks to all of you who contributed and special thanks to my buddy and partner Lethal Leprechaun, who really kept this issue full.

Until next week.

Once you become situated with your coffee and sweet roll a Cyber Lethal aims a remote at the dais. This triggers the room to darken and big screen to come down. The image that comes forth is of Lethal hard at work at his desk apparently sometime late yesterday after hours as his jacket is off, his vest unbuttoned, tie loosened and his sleeves partially rolled up. A steaming cup, open hip flask and a gigantic pastrami sandwich replete with half sour kosher pickle adorn one side of his desk, this side is coincidentally (or perhaps not) furthest from Impish’s office door.

He appears engrossed on what ever is on the screen of the monitor in front of him until a lyrical feminine voice, probably that of his assistant Friday, calls something to him softly. He then quickly diverts his attention to (from your perspective) you. It’s obvious this is a prerecorded message and Lethal will not be putting in an appearance today, something highly irregular.

Good morning Readers-

As you sit sipping my coffee and eating that tasty pastry I’ll be drinking bad coffee likely as not and hanging about the Jury pool building here in Houston filling out questionnaires designed to gauge my suitability for any of the potential juries that might be needed today.

This will be my second time in 3 years going through this. After apparently being lucky for 10 years I’m apparently paying for it now. Originally I had planned on saying something about this being part of the price we pay for our freedom and our legal system but lets face it, modern jury duty sucks.

See I wouldn’t have minded before the system became corrupted by shady lawyers and their sleazy tactics. Trials today are no longer about guilt vs. innocence and seeing that all the legal formalities are observed so as to make the process fair and balanced. It’s become a game of perception, media bias, spin, paid experts who make a living testifying the way that’s most advantageous to your client, plea bargaining to a lesser crime or sentence thereby avoiding the full consequences of your actions etcetera etcetera ad nauseum  & ad infinitum. 

Now if you have enough money you can get away with just about anything, even more so if your rich, famous, powerful or important. And in return for this ‘privilege’ of being a part of this charade you lose a full days wage and receive a paltry $6.00 (at least in Texas) as recompense for your inconvenience. That $6 will just pay for 8 hours parking at the municipal garage.

In the mean time enjoy the issue.

As your DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises resident Doctor of Quackery I’m advising you all to get a flu shot. Yes I know the long lines and the waiting is inconvenient. However I’m not speaking of any ordinary flu shout here…I’m talking IRISH flu shots as shown here:

 

The Top 5 Election Day Cocktails

One way or another, at least half the country will be drinking heavily come election day.

5.) The Campaign Promise: an empty glass
4.) White Russian Who Got a Meeting With the Secretary of State Because He Contributed to Her Foundation
3.) Bloody Megyn
2.) Screwedover: orange juice with lots of bitters

And the Number One Election Day Cocktail…

1.) Pervy Wallbuilder

In my case as the story went, it was uphill both ways too.

That lovely lass is bravely holding a Golden Eagle there. That’s 11 pounds, 2.8 feet from beak to tail with between a 7 and 8 foot wingspan of apex avian predator on her arm. Check the size of those claws and talons! I’d want a helmet and armored coat before holding one in case he got mad! 

What do you do when you’re backyard view sucks? Fence it in then create your own!

For comparison sake, that’s a standard Sperm whale’s far right from what I can tell and that weird shaped one is a modern shark tooth.Brings a WHOLE new level of meaning to ‘big bite’!

MURPHY’S Other 15 Laws

1.  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2.   A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3.   He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4.   A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5.  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6.   Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

7.  Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8.   The  50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something  right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it  wrong.

9.   It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from Texas would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10.  If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11.  The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

12.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13.  Flashlight:  A case for holding dead batteries.

14.  God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the  dark.

15.   When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Actually that last one isn’t really true.  What they haven’t done is formed concise opinions  or have strongly held view points about the general major issues regarding crime and punishment or lack the skills necessary to articulate the those views/beliefs. If you posses those you’ll likely never serve on a jury, at least not a criminal one as either the prosecutor or defense would find it unlikely that you can be swayed to looking at things from their side of it. I got that straight from a jury selection consultant the last time I was called for possible inclusion in a capitol crime case.

 

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays (as opposed to holiday seasons). It is one of two times a year I can walk about you mortal undisguised without creating a whole hullabaloo over my appearance. Poor Impish only gets to do this on Halloween unless one of you is lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him helping out Santa, which will undoubted be blamed on too much spiked egg nog while daring to play Dungeons and Dragons on Cmas Eve.

As you know the Halloween Issue duties have been turned over to Impish this year, who last Friday assured me he’s well on the way having already started it and begun collection material for it. However I couldn’t help but throw a few items in myself which hopefully will not cause him any great difficulty.

Pumpkin Head- The Retirement

Now THAT is what I call a face peel!

This house ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

Halloween Light Show 2015 – Ghostbusters (Ray Parker Jr)

When I was younger several of my buddies and I would get dressed up on Halloween and go “Trick or Treating For Shots”. Strangely it didn’t take too may successful stops before we stopped.

The Ninja Kitties been practicing their claw carving skills all weekend on this.

Well while I’m sure you have lots more time I’m running out since I basically lose an entire works day this week. I’ll leave you with this picture Diaman sent me of her Halloween costume from last year.

Cheeky lass isn’t she?

Believe it or not, today is national Nut day and while we can’t be 100% sure, there are two ways of taking this. 

#1 It’s a special day to celebrate the special nuts we all love to eat: Peanuts (which aren’t really nuts, but a member of the legume family like peas), walnuts, Pecans (which look like walnuts but make a much nicer pie) and so on.

#2 Is a day to celebrate all those nutty friends of yours and for us, this is the way we choose to celebrate the day, and let’s face it, there aren’t any more nutty people than your friends here at DL&LL Enterprises. 

So, grab your friends and family and let’s start celebrating the nuts in our lives starting with Impish Dragon and Dragon Laffs!

Maybe this is the wrong thing to do with the first joke of the day.  It’s way too early in the issue to start this stuff, but I’m going to anyway…and don’t forget that I warned you!

I did try to warn you that it was awful!

A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?” Grandma replied: “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. “The comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.” Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little girl heard the doorbell ring so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said: “Hello young lady. Is your grandma home?” The little girl replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”

What a fantastic video this is.  The Lego Death Star (set #75159 – 4016 pieces) built with stop motion filming.  Bart van Dijk is the artist and he did a fantastic job.

 

This is one of my long lost cousins.  He was always getting into trouble and tunneling into places he wasn’t allowed.  The last I heard he was in the Prison of Lost Souls.  One of the high security prisons on the Island of Doom.  Not sure how old this picture is, it might be that it’s fairly recent and he’s managed to get out of an inescapable prison…but I doubt it.

Yup.  And those kids think they have all the smarts!

The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928…..

 

This is a dark and evil looking picture of some of my more unsavory kin during the latest border skirmishes that are always popping up around here.  This guy here is George.  George is a two headed hydra.  Very unusual and not very bright.  He is easily distracted by one head finding something to eat and not sharing it with the other head.

Now THAT is effective suicide counseling.

 

 

Just goes to show that no man is every truly satisfied if he thinks that there is something better just down the road.

Her name is Carol Kaye and she is the best bass player you’ve never heard of.  Watch this short bio/documentary on her:

 

With the election just a few short weeks away, and the fact that I collect more Political cartoons a week than I can post in a week, today’s issue is going to be a little bit extended to try and get more of them out to you. 

So, sit back and relax.  Try not to get angry.  Try to understand that there isn’t a damn thing we can do about any of this until voting day and then I expect each and everyone of you to get out there and vote!!!

It is really good to make that distinction as early as possible!

That is really a special kind of stupid.  I’m ashamed for you.

 

What a great skit!  They nailed it!  You know, Donald may not like Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of himself, but for my money, he’s got it perfect!

 

Personally, I like Broomstick 1.  It has a nicer ring to it.  Kind of trips right off the tongue.

This is so true.

I laughed so much when I read this one (above).  It is just so perfect.

Okay, so that should be enough for now.

Moving right along, remember the old joke that your kids have no idea that Paul McCartney played in a band before Wings?  This video is outstanding….showing the Beatles to young teenagers today.

With bonus material:

 

So Buddy Wheats sent me something that we are both of an age to remember.  Thanks Wheats for these…

 

 

I just want to let you all know that I’ll be unavailable this weekend.  I have agreed to help a buddy of mine paint another friend’s living room ceiling.  I am going to be in charge of hold the ladder and making sure everyone stays safe.  Here’s a picture from the last time I was asked to help:

As you can tell, I may be tight up for quite some time.

Why I joined the Air Force….sent in by K2

The DoD was conducting an All Services briefing and the leader posed this question: “What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”

A Sailor said, “I’d step on it.”

A Soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.”

A Marine said, “I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”

Finally, an Airman said, “I’d call room service and find out why there’s a tent in my room!”

God Bless the USAF

Today’s Last Word is an essay sent in to me by by dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior.  I know he didn’t write it, but I also know it expresses his (and my) sentiments.

    I used to think I was just a regular guy, but…   I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a  racist.   I am a fiscal  and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.    I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.   I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.   I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel.   I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.   I am older than 70 and retired, which makes me a useless old man.   I think and I reason,  therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me,  which must make me a reactionary.  I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.   I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.   I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.   I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loans (it’s called work) and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.   I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens,  which now makes me a militant.      

Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I‘m just not sure who I am anymore!   I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking! I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

Funny…it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!   As if all this shit wasn’t enough to deal with…I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!