Dragon Laffs #1484


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Good Morning Campers,

It’s Friday, it’s late and I have to work in the morning.  I know, it sounds like the story of my life.

Lots of stuff happened this week.  Late breaking was of course the death of Prince at the age of 57.  The last thing I heard was that they had done an autopsy on him and were still going over the results.  Foul play?  Who knows.  It certainly wouldn’t surprise me.

Mass shootings, Houston under water, poor Lethal not only not feeling well, but preparing for the flood waters and losing power for close to a day and a half all together.

It’s been crazy.  Truly a crazy week.

We really need to laugh.

In a bad way.

Lets laugh

1911

Oh Lord, I’ve been there so often!  As we get older we … um … we … er …. what was I saying?

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.

 

They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

 

On the way home he stopped at the Hardware Store and bought a bucket, and a gallon of paint.  He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.  However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.

 

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.  She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane .

 

The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house.  I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’

 

The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket.

 

Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?’

 

‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl  home.

 

On the way, he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley.  We’ll be there in no time.’

 

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.  How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’

 

The farmer said, ‘Holy Smokes lady!  I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose.  How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’

 

The old lady replied, ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

 

1912

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and asked his father when they’d be able to have a discussion about using the car.
 
His father said he’d make a deal with his son. “You need to bring your grades up from a C to a B-average, study the Bible, and get a haircut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’
 
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they came to an agreement.
After about six weeks, his father said: “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying the Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair yet.”
 
The boy said: “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair – and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair!”
 
The dad nods wisely, then leans over and whispers to his son:
 
Did you also notice they walked everywhere?

 

1913

 

Dragons

Spangler1

1914

Groan

Fair warning has been given!

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter’s strange eating habits. “All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”

“Eventually” said the doctor, “she will rise and shine!”

 

1915

K2 sent me a funny little piece that partly said that it is illegal to cry on the stand (in court) in Los Angeles.  I thought that was a bit odd, so I wasn’t going to post it here until I at least did a cursory check on line.  And I found this great article on the Los Angeles DUI Lawyer web page.

7 Laws You Didn’t Know You Were Breaking

Los Angeles Crosswalk ticketBreaking a law you don’t know about is rather easy to do, and ignorance of the law is no defense – or is it? This statement is based on the idea that the laws might be inherently wrong (rape, murder, robbery, etc.) or that the individual knew the act was illegal and engaged in it anyway. The problem is that many of today’s laws are not inherently wrong. This led to a Supreme Court ruling, in Bouie v. City of Columbia,that the constitutional doctrine of “fair notice” applied. This makes it mandatory for the government to “give warning of the conduct it makes a crime.” Technically, this means that ignorance of the law may be a valid defense.

These Laws Are on the Books!

It’s no secret that there are hundreds of old and outdated laws that are still on the books. These aren’t the laws we are talking about. These are laws that are currently still being enforced in Los Angeles and the surrounding area.

  1. Trimming a shrub or tree that is on public property can result in a fine and jail time. This happened in Ocean Beach to Juvenico Adame when he was charged with “defacement, damage, and destruction” of public property valued at $400 or more. He simply trimmed a bush that was overhanging his property – something that an average citizen does all the time.
  2. Most Los Angelenos know that jaywalking is illegal, but it might come as a shock to find out how strict the enforcement has become. Just stepping off of the curb while the countdown clock ticks could result in a ticket costing between $190 and $250.
  3. Are you promoting a yard sale? Better make sure your Mylar balloons are tied down tightly. Releasing more than one Mylar or foil balloon into the air is a crime. According to ordinance 11.69.010, it is unlawful to allow one or more metallic balloons to float, rise, or remain aloft outdoors at a height of five feet or more for any advertising, promotional, or commercial purpose.
  4. Los Angeles isn’t just cracking down on yard maintenance, walking, and balloons. The city, in LAMC Section 56.16, has also made it illegal to “play ball or any game of sport with a ball or football or throw, cast, shoot, or discharge any stone, pellet, bullet, arrow, or any other missile, in, over, across, along, or upon any street or sidewalk or in any public park, except on those portions of said park set apart for such purposes.” Indeed, that makes it clear that you may not participate in anything fun on the sidewalk or in the park (unless you are on the correct field).
  5. If you thought Los Angeles was soft on skateboarders and roller-bladers while sticking it to kids playing ball, nope. It is illegal to skateboard and roller-skate through the courthouse and library. There is a law prohibiting these activities at the 200 West Compton Boulevard Courthouse and the 240 West Compton Boulevard Library (Ord. 2001-0015 § 1 (part), 2001.17.20.010).
  6. Of course, there are old laws that are just as bad, including one that prohibits bathing two babies in the same tub at the same time. There is no provision for twins. So, if you are unlucky enough to have had twins and used the same tub to bathe them at the same time, yes, you have broken the law!
  7. If you are taken to court over one of these issues, don’t you dare cry on the stand – you’ll just make things worse for yourself. It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in any state case in Los Angeles.

Of course, now that you’ve read this page, you can’t use the ignorance-of-the-law defense! I’m sorry about that. But at least you know that these laws do exist and that the LAPD is enforcing them.

By Ted Burgess

1916

 

Fantasy

f2010042504

So many different ways I could humorously describe this picture…so many ways that would get me in deep trouble with Ginny or Diaman…I’ll just let it go.

1917

ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.

BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend as well as afterward.

CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife’s watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it.

Critic: A legless man who teaches running.

DANCING: The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.

DENTIST: A magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket.

DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.

Disarmament: An agreement between nations to scuttle all weapons that are obsolete.

ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

FRIEND: Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that “Je ne sais quoi” which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them..

HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women.

IMPATIENCE: Waiting in a hurry.

INTELLECTUAL: Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than sex.

Metallurgist: Someone who is allergic to iron.

Insurance: Paying for catastrophes on the installment plan.

Life Insurance; A contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich.

LOVE: Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.

Pediatricians: Men of little patients

PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience

PITIFUL: Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.

PROGRAMMER: Someone who fixes a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

PRIEST: Someone addressed by everyone as “Father” except his children who call him “uncle”.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.

TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.

MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy.

NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn.

NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.

TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others.

EASY: Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.

ETERNITY: Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her in her house.

HARDWARE: The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.

INTERVIEW: That which can be seen between the interviewee’s legs.

INDIFFERENCE: Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest; interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get”.

STATISTICIAN: Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an engineer.

 

1918

I’m not saying that the last cartoon is based off of something that Lethal Leprechaun once did, but …. if the shoe fits…

You guys know that I’ve complained many, many times about how much I hate flying commercial airlines.  And that I’ve been spoiled by my many years of flying on military aircraft, I found this graphic at our dear friends at Make Use Of and I have to tell you, I meet every single one of these characters at the airport every time I fly. 

1

The ones that bother me the most are the ones that block the main walk ways.  Really, Sunshine?  That’s where you’re going to have the long lost reunion with your dearest friend?  Same thing in the grocery store.  Two ladies with their carts parked side-by-side gabbing away, oblivious to the twenty-seven cart back up behind them.

1919

 

Movie Night

It seems that every week there are wonderful videos submitted by the best Campers in the world.  Dragon Laff Campers!  So, let’s jump right in with these strange cars.

And how about this behind the scenes look at some of our favorite commercial personalities:

And then there is this great video of impatient dogs:

One hundred drones with a live orchestra at an airport at night…oh…and did I mention…it’s a world record breaker?  You gotta see this one

So, every time I think I’m done with showing you guys videos, another one comes along that I get excited about.  With this one, I want you to see it because I WANT ONE!!

It looks like a blue high top sneaker with wheels

1934

Got a great, personal email from my dad…Papa Dragon Most Senior…I love it when I hear from my dad!  He always sends such loving, caring emails.  Let’s see what this one has to say…

Golfers are being kidnapped by Aliens!
This is one of the Alien Kidnappers who are kidnapping golfers.
001

Female aliens are invading the earth and kidnapping sexy, good looking men, who are good golfers.

You, personally, are not in any danger.

I just emailed you to say goodbye.

Wow!  Didn’t I tell you what great emails he …. wait … what?

1935

 

Here’s a great puzzle from Ginny…

Most (well some) of you will be able to solve this one without looking.
01a

If you think you’ve got it, or you give up, scroll down for the answer…but think outside the box before you give in.

arrow down 9

arrow down 9

01b

I know, right?  How many of you who didn’t get the right answer actually learned to drive on a stick….

Like me…

Sigh.

Politics

Time to bash the politicians again.
5d

I’m going with Shatner on this one.

5e

5f

So, that’s how he planned on getting those 10,000 Syrian refugees here.

5g

5h

No shit!  You don’t think we could make an impression if we wanted to?  Try taking them away from us and you’ll see EXACTLY what it looks like.

5i

5j

1936

1937

1938

No shit!!! What in the HELL were we thinking!?!

Motivational

This is always my favorite part…

juxtaposition

Karate

Karma

Karma2

Karma15

Keep your eye on the ball

1939

1940

1941

So, that’s all there is this week.  I hope you enjoyed the issue. Until next time.

Cheers

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1484

  1. Ginny says:

    Lots of fun things this week…some really great stuff. Hey, I want to know and so does Diaman
    what your dirty mind conjured up in your fantasy pose about us. Thanks for keeping us updated with our green friend Lethal….poor guy. Ironic part in another month or so, they will be so hot and bone dry and not a drop of water around..

    • impishdragon says:

      Since I have way too much respect for you and Diaman, I will just let the things my mind conjured up stay in my mind. And damn, does my mind conjure up some REALLY GREAT STUFF!!!

      • Ginny says:

        We have no doubt…but when you start talking whips and chains. You do know Jersey Girls get excited over that….lol

      • impishdragon says:

        Absolutely. Why do you think I keep most of my collection under lock and key? I know how both of you would be if I allowed you free rein amongst my stuff.

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