I’m actually writing this to you on Friday, before Saturday’s issue has even published.  It’s now been over a month since Mrs. Dragon was in the hospital for the second time and I have yet to get a bill from the hospital.  I have gotten a couple of insurance statements from ancillary services like x-ray and lab work, but I haven’t seen any bills for anything.  And the one insurance statement that I saw for the hospital portion was incomplete and was over $50k.  Every day I go out to the mailbox is like playing Russian Roulette, not knowing if today is going to be the day that I’m going to have to try to work things out with a huge bill or whether the insurance is going to cover it or what’s going on.  Just another damn thing I’m waiting on.  I’m really tired of it.

And now I have to schedule my hip surgery and then comes physical therapy, then it will either be shoulder surgery or knee surgery and physical therapy after that … damn … it sucks getting older.  And it’s friggin’ expensive!  And people ask me why I haven’t retired yet!  I can’t afford it!  LOL!

Anyway, as things become more apparent I’ll add them to my writings.  In the meantime, let’s go ahead and do some laughing to get us started, shall we? 

Sometimes obeying God will make you look crazy, get you canceled, mocked, and even laughed at.  But, when the rain started to fall, Noah didn’t look that stupid anymore.

Tripped and hit my head on a snare drum and now I think I have a percussion.

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. 

During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. 

He asks the soldier, “Why is that camel there?” 

The soldier says, “There are 250 men here and no women, sometimes men get urges.” 

A month later the captain has urges himself.  He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex with the camel.  He asks the soldier, “Is that how the men do it?” 

“No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel.”

Even the drink ware at Cavern de Impish is something special

Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.  Not so much to prevent COVID-19, but to stop eating.

I was watching a show for about 10 minutes, and this lady was listing all of these great things to do for fun.  Then I realized that it was one of the religious channels, and she was reading a list of sins.

“Come on Bro.  Try me!  See what happens!”

Some of you may have been following the somewhat conversation between Hank and I in the comments section.  And if so, you may know that a few days after I lost my dear Mrs. Dragon, Hank also lost his loving wife.  And he has wanted to share something with me about the death of a spouse and we finally connected off line … and, well, this is what he shared with me.  And I have to say, that I have not read anything that explains it so well.  I don’t mean to take time out in the middle of the laughter to share something so personal and touching, but perhaps this is the perfect time.  Thank you Hank, and I’m sure that mine and all our prayers are with you and your family.  I know that there are no words that help, just know that you are loved.

Thank you for allowing Hank and I to share a little bit of our selves with you at this time.  We’ll now get back to the laughter.

40 years of marriage..   

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.   

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.   
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’   

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’   
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.   

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’   

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. !   

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…  The husband became 92 years old.   

The moral of this story:   
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female …..   

When cannibalism starts, Vegans are the closest thing there is to a free range, antibiotic free, grass fed meat source.

RESPECT!!

NEVER underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very LOUD music.

And 17 of those 20 are on my playlist…my CURRENT playlist.

The most important parts of the Superbowl are the commercials and the food. 

I really don’t care who makes the most baskets.

There’s a really great story behind this warning that somebody knows.

You’ll never be brave
if you don’t get hurt.
You’ll never learn
if you don’t make mistakes.
You’ll never be successful
if you don’t encounter failure.

It’s one of the reasons we’re kept so busy and why we charge such high rates.

With all this “Gun Control” talk, I haven’t heard even one single politician say how they plan to take guns away from criminals, just law abiding Citizens.

Funny how we were raised not to be peer pressured into taking experimental drugs and now we’re being peer pressured into taking experimental drugs.

“Is this Pismo Beach?”

Well, yesterday was the Super Bowl (as you are reading this) but I have no idea of the winner because it hasn’t happened yet (as I am writing this).  The Rams are favored by 4 points as of the writing of this paragraph.  And I believe they will probably win (which ought to put enough of a curse on them for them to lose) (see the reverse psychology I used there?)  but I will be cheering for the Bengals.  Not that I have any real reason to, just because they are the underdogs and haven’t won a Super Bowl in the past, although they have been in it twice before.  So… I guess we’ll see.  And that’s my Super Bowl pause.

Well, and I suppose we deserve another pause here since today is also Valentine’s Day.  Not that it’s going to be special for me this year and, truth be told, it was never really special between Mrs. Dragon and I.  We felt like it was a made up holiday and we didn’t need a special day, once a year to show our love and romance.  We did that every single day, so in effect, every day was Valentine’s day.  If you try to find something, even some little thing or reason to tell or show your someone special how or why they are special to you, every day, then when Valentine’s Day comes around you’ll find that, like us, it’s just another day of the year.  I highly recommend this path much more than trying to do something special one day a year.  Make every day special, make him or her feel special every single day.  It really doesn’t take much.  Trust me.  We never had much and we managed it. 

Anyway, let’s do some of these cartoons and memes, just because it’s the right day for it.

Happy Valentine’s Day to each and every one of you.  May you have a wonderful day.

And that seems like a really good place to bring this one to a close.  May you all have a laughter filled week and may your time be filled with love and happiness.  Thank you my friends and family for being here for me, you are really helping me through a tough time.  I deeply appreciate all that you do.

So, Let’s get this humor ezine back on track, shall we?  Battling the world’s bullshit with laughter.  That’s what we do.  And my life is full of bullshit right now, so we need an extra large dose of laughter.  

I really don’t have anything to talk about this morning.  It’s Thursday morning and I am at the beginning of a four-day weekend because I worked through last weekend.  I talk to my lawyer on the phone in a couple of hours about getting a trust set up and a few other things that need to be done now that I’m in the position I’m in.  And I have an appointment with the surgeon this afternoon to talk about how I am supposed to have hip surgery now that my help is gone.  So, I guess I’ll have some stuff to talk about later, so in the meantime, let’s get some laughter going and we’ll get to the other stuff later.

If we had any balls left in this country, we would do it yet!  This man is one of the biggest threats to our country!  Hell, tarring and feathering and running him out on a rail is probably too GOOD for him.

And she’s looking back at the camera like, “What the fuck are you looking at?  Ain’t nuthin’ to see here.”

People think I go out of my way to piss them off.  Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.

Therapist:  You saw the red flags though, right?  

Me:  I thought it was a carnival.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. 

But I definitely know the clowns.

My cousin Neville at his part-time job.  He is a security guard at a home and garden shop.

You often see a TV Anchor ask Senator Kennedy a question, and one would think he is just a “good ole boy” from Louisiana.
 
Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a Law degree from the University of Virginia, and a B.C.L. degree from Oxford in England, where he was a First-Class Honors graduate.
 
He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful and often humorous.
 
Comment about Cuomo lecturing us.
“It’s like a frog calling you ugly”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
This election in GA will be the most important in history. You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, a person of faith, or an unborn baby!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana describes Democrats as the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, “How did these morons make it through the birth canal.”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
It’s as dead as four o’clock.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Always follow your heart…..but take your brains with you.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
It must suck to be that dumb.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
When the Portland mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Go sell your crazy somewhere else…we are all stocked up here .
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Sen. John Kennedy (R., La.) said on Wednesday that he trusted most Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
1. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.
2. Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when closely supervised and cornered like a rat. – Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy 

Dumb enough to be a twin of himself.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
This is why space aliens won’t talk to us.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Chuck Schumer just moo’s and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
What planet did you parachute in from?
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean you should.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, “She can strut sitting down!”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

The true and rightful shame of this is that someone felt the need to put this warning up in the first place!

Wow!  I normally have to have a hit or three before my sandwiches dance.

My niece, in her human form, is a fantasy underwear model, and thinks it’s hilarious that humans get so excited over under garments.  

Gentle Thoughts For Today

Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have become really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are  ‘XL’.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.  For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

[Brings therapist to family gathering]  

Me:  See?  

Therapist:  OH.  MY.  GOD.

No matter how you feel about the vaccine, there is an awful lot of truth in this next one.  Thanks to John S. for sending it in.

PERFECTLY STATED by Karen Wiebenga

Among all the vaccines I have known in my life:

— diphtheria

— tetanus

— smallpox

— typhoid

— anthrax

— rota virus

— measles

— rubella

— chickenpox

— hepatitis

— meningitis

— tuberculosis

I want to also add:

— flu and pneumonia.

I have never seen a vaccine that forced me to wear a mask and maintain my social distance, even when you are fully vaccinated.

I had never heard of a vaccine that spreads the virus even after vaccination.

I had never heard of rewards, discounts, incentives to get vaccinated.

I never saw discrimination for those who didn’t.

If you haven’t been vaccinated no one has tried to make you feel like a bad person.

I have never seen a vaccine that threatens the relationship between family, colleagues and friends.

I have never seen a vaccine used to threaten livelihoods, work or school.

I have never seen a vaccine that would allow a 12-year-old to override parental consent.

After all the vaccines I listed above, I have never seen a vaccine like this one, which discriminates, divides and judges society as it is.

And as the social fabric tightens… It’s a powerful vaccine!

She does all these things except IMMUNIZATION and recovering from the virus means NOTHING.

If we still need:

— a booster dose after we are fully vaccinated,

—and we still need to get a negative test after we are fully vaccinated

— and we still need to wear a mask after we are fully vaccinated

— and can still be hospitalized after we have been fully vaccinated

“It’s time for us to admit that we’ve been completely deceived.”

There are so many scams on the internet nowadays.  For only $9.99, I can tell you how to avoid them.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day!  A lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over…

No shit!

And again…No Shit.

So, I didn’t end up talking to the lawyer, he ended up getting stuck in court, so we changed our appointment to next week.  It’s not like I’m in a great rush, so that’s no big deal. 

I did see the surgeon and he took another x-ray and asked me how it was I was still walking around?  I said that there were times that it didn’t hurt that bad.  He said either I was immune to pain or crazy.  I said probably a little of both.  The last x-ray showed a tiny bit of cartilage left in my hip, this one showed none.  It should be excruciating.  I said that at times it was, but that I operate at a higher pain level than most people.  He looked at me very strangely.  He said this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible.  So, I guess I’m going to have to arrange my rides and get things put together.  The hard stuff starts.  Time to reach out. 

But that’s what friends are for, right? 

Right. 

Anyway, that’s the end of today’s episode.  I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did.  Thanks for helping me get through this.  And until next time, love and happiness to you all. 

Well, the dart tournament was a huge success!  They raised a little over $500 for us, which is going to come in very helpful now that the medical bills have started to slowly trickle in.  The first part of Mrs. Dragon’s illness was before the end of last year and we had already met all of our deductibles and co-pays for the year, so the insurance company is paying for ALMOST everything.  The second time she was in the hospital was after the first of the new year, so all the deductibles and co-pays zeroed back out again, so all of those have to be paid, by me FIRST, BEFORE the insurance starts paying.  The upside is that I won’t have for the rest of the year, but the downside is that I have to pay them all now.  And the car already cleaned out my savings, and … oh well.  The hospital is the least of my worries.  They’ll take a payment plan or they’ll write it off.  Their choice. 

It was sad being out to darts without her like that.  That was always something we did together to help raise money for someone else.  It was weird being the recipient.  And not having her there to talk to about how weird it was. 

It’s been a month now.  Part of me can say that it’s ONLY been a month while the other part of me says that’s it’s been a whole month already.  Both, at the same time.  Weird.  Had my second counseling session today and really didn’t know what to talk about.  I was really looking forward to it and then when I got there, it was like I couldn’t talk.  I’d rather talk to you guys.  I feel like I get more out of it when I write out my feelings.  But, then I don’t want to just sit here and write stuff out to you guys when we’re supposed to be spending our time laughing our blues away.  Not me writing about my feelings (<— said in a smarmy tone). 

And on a personal note to Hank H.  You need to write to me brother and let me know how you’re doing.   Well, I know how you’re doing, but you need to write to me anyway, if you want.  

Anyway, what do you say we throw around some laughs for a bit and see where that takes us and then we’ll go somewhere from there?

The best thing about dogs is that you can act like something really great just happened and they’ll instantly start celebrating with you.  They have no idea what context is … They’re just always ready to party no matter what.

Wearing cheap clothes or driving an old car doesn’t make you broke.  Remember, you have a family to feed, not a community to impress.

My moods don’t just swing — They bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate, and occasionally pirouette.

I found one of our old marriage photos.  You can tell it’s old, it’s still in black & white.  July 15th … I forget the year, it’s been SOOOO Long ago!

I think I may need professional help…

A chef, a butler, and a maid should do it.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, “I want you to try to sell this to me.” 

So, I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home. 

Eventually, he called my mobile and said, “Bring it back here right now!” 

I said, “$200, and it’s yours.”

I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.

Because some people just deserve to be turned into trees.

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony.  Then, I laughed again because of the word “Irony”.

Me: Say please.  

Toddler: 

Me:  Say thank you.  

Toddler:  

[Spills Drink]  

Me:  Shit.  

Toddler:  Shit

Breaking News: Olympic Games Beijing 2022 …

News outlets are reporting that the US Bobsledding team named their sled “BIDEN,” because nothing has ever brought America downhill quicker.

I asked my doctor today how long he thinks this COVID thing will last.  He responded with, “How should I know?  I’m a doctor, not a politician.”

I bought a greyhound today.
My wife said, “Are you going to race him?”
“No he’s way faster than me!” I replied.

In Idaho, there’s a 50-square-mile loophole known as the “Zone of Death,” where you can murder someone without fear of anyone, including and most importantly a jury of your peers, saying, “Hey, stop that. You can’t do that.” Law professor Brian Kalt pointed out the loophole in a 2005 Georgetown Law Review article titled “The Perfect Crime.”

According to Vox’s summary of the loophole, the Zone of Death is the part of Yellowstone National Park that’s located in Idaho, while the vast majority of the park is in Wyoming. Wyoming is in charge of all of Yellowstone, so if a murderer were to kill someone within those 50 Idahoan miles, they would have the right to a jury made up of people who live in both Idaho and “the District of Wyoming,” aka the Zone of Death. But no one lives there, possibly because of the unwelcoming name, so it’s impossible to form a jury. Therefore, you have a case that’s impossible to try, not to mention the world’s smuggest murderer. 

Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, and Aaron Rodgers walk into a bar … 

 

to watch Joe Burrow play in the Super Bowl!

OUCH!!!!!

Boy, that didn’t take long to come true…33 years.

Due to inflation and food price increases, the 5 second rule has been extended to 10 seconds.

Good things don’t come to those who wait.  They come to those who work their asses off and never give up.

I’m reading a book called “Quick Money For Dummies” – by Robin Banks

Sometimes I get road rage from standing in line.

I’m going to end this here today and close out with something that ended up being very, very special.  Thanks to Leah D. for this one:

The moment that you left me,
my heart split in two.
One side filled with memories,
the other side died with you.

I often lie awake at night
when the world is fast asleep,
and take a walk down memory lane
with tears upon my cheek.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day;
But missing you is a heartache
that never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart
and there you will remain.
You see life has gone on without you,
but will never be the same.

Thanks Leah.  It’s perfect and beautiful.  And thanks to all of you who have sent me love and support.  Yesterday was one month that I lost the other half of my heart and it was an especially tough day.  It REALLY didn’t help that I got 3 fucking calls for her.  Two of them should have known better.  One of them from our damn medical insurance company wanting to sign her up for some service or other and the other from the damn visiting nurses office wanting to schedule a visit because they were going off her first hospitalization record when she got sent back home.  Stupid sons-a-bitches.  The other was some dumb ass phone scam, but I don’t expect them to know better.  My own insurance company and my own medical people I expect to know better. 

And then today, at work, it’s like a ran into a hundred people who hadn’t had a chance yet to tell me how sorry they were “for my loss.” And don’t get me wrong, I was kind and gracious to each and every one of them.  I would NEVER be anything but to anyone who took the time out to be kind to another human being, but come on!  It was like another spike driven through my chest each time.  And we gotta come up with another way of saying that. 

“I’m sorry for your loss…” 

“I didn’t lose her.  I know exactly where she is.  She’s not out wandering around in the woods somewhere.”  I cringe every time I hear that.  Some one today said the perfect thing.  He came up to me, looked me dead in the eye (which most people won’t do for some reason) and said, “I felt so sad for you when I heard what happened to your wife.  Please let me know if there is anything you need or if you just want to talk or want some company.” 

And that was perfect.  Because what I could really use right now more than anything else is some company.  It’s been a month and now everyone has stopped coming by.  Everyone has stopped reaching out and, like tonight, Izzy Dragon is going to go to work and I’m going to be here by myself. 

And it’s really bad lately and I really miss her.  And I shouldn’t be putting this out to you guys…and I’m sorry for that, but this is how I deal.  So, I’m going to end this here, call it a day and hope for a better one tomorrow.

Love and happiness to you all.  

Well, I was right.  Round one of the snow is done and we have now started into round two.  In round one, the weather service called for us to get 14.8 inches of snow.  Now, you may remember I said that my rule of thumb with them is to take what they said and divide by two.  Officially at the end of round one, we got 7.2 inches of snow.  So, I was damn close.  LOL!  And for round two, they are calling for 3 to 5 inches, so I’m going to say we are going to be much closer to 3 than we are to 5.  So, we are going to end up with a total of about 10 inches.  No where near the 15 of the great blizzard of ’78. 

In other news, it seems as though we killed the leader of ISIS last night.  I haven’t heard too much more about that, yet.  Guess I missed Biden’s briefing on that while I was outside shoveling a spot for Pepper Dragon to be able to go outside.  Willow Dragon doesn’t care.  She thinks the snow is the greatest thing EVER!  Pepper, on the other hand, is like “Oh hells no!  You better do something about this stuff or I’m going to be using the living room floor as my bathroom.”  My response was to threaten her with extreme bodily harm.  She laughed at me. 

Baltimore High School had less than 3% of the class being able to function in reading, writing, and do math at the grade level in which they were in.  Less than 3%.  First of all, had did they reach the grade level they are in if they can’t function at that grade level?  The teachers are just passing the kids to get rid of them or they don’t want to “hurt their poor little egos by not passing them”.  Secondly, why the hell are they NOT able to do these basic things?  Is it because the last two years they weren’t in the schools like they should have been because of COVID or has this been going on for much longer?  I think the second and COVID and has just exacerbated the problem.  Either way, these are the leaders of tomorrow? 

Good Lord, we need to laugh!

Is an argument between to Vegans still called a Beef?

Fun Fact:  Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend actually thinking.

Okay, this is AWESOME!  Thanks to Stephanie for sending this one along.  The Three Little Pigs like you’ve NEVER heard it before.  By John Branyan on YouTube.

Have you ever wondered what happened to Snow White and the seven vertically challenged people she lived with? Well, eventually the diamond mine stopped producing gems and their revenue stream started drying up.

One evening at dinner, Snow White and her seven buddies were talking about how they could earn some money. Lots of different ideas were proposed for a new venture, but nothing clicked.

“Here’s a suggestion,” offered Doc, the wisest of the group. “Let’s open up a 1-hour photo service. I’ve seen them in a lot of drugstores and they seem to be doing a great business.”

Doc and Happy (he’s the one who is technically astute) did some research and ordered the latest in fast photo developing equipment. They rented a store in the local town, had the equipment sent there, set it up and opened the door for business. To capitalize on her fame, they called the business Snow White’s 1-Hour Photo Service. People flocked to the store.

The only problem was that business was too good and they couldn’t fulfill the promise of one-hour service. As a matter of fact, they were getting so far behind in their work that it took almost a week for them to fulfill a film order.

The lack of timeliness was noted and one of their customers suggested a logo for the business: “Some day my prints will come.”

Let me tell ya ’bout my best friend…

This whole COVID thing is getting out of hand.  I just saw a prostitute with a sign that said: NO MASK NO ASS.

So, Izzy Dragon and Timmy next door had been texting each other and talking about shoveling out the driveway.  So, this morning, he came over, shoveled out the driveway, and the front walk, the only thing he didn’t do was shovel out the mailbox, so the mailman didn’t deliver the mail today.  Anyway, so I sent Izzy next door with some money and he flat out refused to take it.  Classy guy.  Very impressed.  Thanks Timmy.

Tonight’s Forecast:
ALCOHOL
With a chance of
Low Standards & Poor Decisions

Birth of a Dragon…nah…not really.

If she doesn’t gasp when you put it in, just pull out and go home.  You’re not qualified for that mission.

You’d think that the part of the brain that used to remember phone numbers would take over remembering passwords!  But Noooo!!!

Personally, I don’t worry about becoming a victim of identity theft. 

I can just imagine the look on the thief’s face when he realizes he’s wanted in three counties for bank robbery.

Robert Liston, a surgeon in the 1800s, performed an operation with a 300% mortality rate: Instead of saving the patient, he killed three people.

Liston was renowned for being one of the fastest surgeons alive, which at the time was a very good thing. Anesthesia as we know it didn’t exist, so patients were awake for the entire procedure, meaning the shorter it was, the better.

Liston was performing a leg amputation, but worked so fast that he accidentally cut off two fingers on his assistant’s hand. Both the patient and the assistant died later of gangrene, most likely due to the saw being unclean.

What about the third death? Well, doctors and other spectators would often watch these surgeries from the gallery, which was much more up close and personal than medical galleries today. During the procedure, Liston accidentally swiped near an elderly doctor with a blade, slicing the fabric of the doctor’s suit coat. Thinking he had been cut open, the doctor went into shock and died of a subsequent heart attack. Thus, three people died during an operation that was meant to save one life.

An entire town in Nevada basically invented the concept of the “Wild West” by staging gunfights, bank robberies, and other Western clichés from 1800s dime novels.

The town of Palisade, NV — like many other “Wild West” towns of the time — was actually very peaceful and had so few crimes that it didn’t even have an official sheriff. But the town decided to make things seem more exciting there after the Transcontinental Railroad opened in 1869 and passed through Palisade. As the story goes, a train conductor mentioned that railroad passengers were often disappointed at how these quiet towns were so different from how they were portrayed in Western dime novels. So, the people of Palisade decided they would stage Western-style shootouts in the street, bank robberies…you name it. Everyone was in on it, even the US Cavalry and a local Native American tribe, who would stage battles against each other for the entertainment of the passing railroad travelers.

Maybe it was a way to drum up more tourism. Or maybe it was just so the people of Palisade could have a good laugh at the city-folk.

What’s a windshield called on a starship? 

I mean, it can’t be called a windshield.

A fella once asked me what a hoedown was and I told him it’s like a shindig, but more like a hootenanny.  I could tell he was still confused because his face went all catawampus.

And I’ve run out of time today.  Wanted to do more, but it’s been one of those days.  First day back to work after all the snow and it ran really late.  Love and happiness to you all.  Hopefully I’ll see you on Monday, but with me working this weekend and them doing a benefit tournament for us on Saturday night … I’m not real hopeful for Monday, but I’ll see you again soon.  Promise.

So, it’s Monday night, and it hasn’t started yet, but by the time you guys are reading this on Thursday, we should be ass deep … possibly, literally, in snow.  Some of the models are calling for up to 36 inches of snow for our little slice of … um … vacant farm land.  It’s supposed to start tomorrow evening with rain, that quickly turns to icy sleet (you know, you gotta get a good slick base down first) that then is going to develop in to a heavy wet snow of up to 18 inches.  That takes us into Wednesday daytime. 

Wednesday evening into Thursday we get round two which is supposed to a dry fluffy 15 to 24 inches with gusty winds to cause drifting.  That’s what they say could happen.  Personally, I think it’s going to be a lot less, because it’s ALWAYS a lot less than what they say. 

But!!!! 

For all of those people who keep bringing up the Blizzard of ’78 or ’93 or whatever the hell it was and they got a whopping 15 inches of snow and it shut the entire state down, I hope we get AT LEAST 16 inches so they will shut the fuck up! 

Although, I really shouldn’t say anything like that and tempt fate the way this friggin’ year is going.  So…never mind.  Forget I said anything.

So instead, let’s do something else.

Whatever you hear about me please believe it.  I no loner have time to explain myself.  You can also feel free to add some if you want.

Dammit!  Every single one of them!!!

If you are a passenger in my car, don’t ever disrespect me by trying to sing lead.  It’s my car.  You are automatically a back up singer.

A little bit of summer on a cold winter’s morning.

How come there is enough asphalt for speed bumps, but not enough to full pot holes?

The turtle can breathe through it’s ass.  Humans have not yet reached this stage of evolution, although many have learned to talk through it.

This is the picture she wanted for the High School year book.  It kind of sends a very specific message.

Well, it’s Wednesday morning and it’s snowing.  It went from rain, to sleet (for a few minutes) to a heavy thick snow.  More like it’s slushing outside.  They closed the base so I stayed home from work today.  I am still working.  Brought home my work laptop being pretty sure this was going to happen, so I am working from home.  But, with no one else being at work today either, there isn’t much to do.  But, since this is working weekend coming up, I am getting ready for that.  I’ve got 3 classes that I’m teaching this weekend, plus the dart league is doing a special benefit tournament for Izzy Dragon and I, so hopefully they have the roads and stuff clear by then.  Which means I won’t get much sleep this weekend.  But, that’s okay.  I’ll get by.  I don’t get much sleep lately anyway.

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself. 
And stupid. 
We should be scared shitless of stupid.

I am a pretty nice person, but I also realize that if there were an asshole championship, I would place respectfully in my weight division!

Sarcasm:  Where the witty will have fun but the stupid won’t get it.

Somewhere between “should know better” and “glad I did it”, that’s where I live.

Two Things To Make Your Day Better:
1.  Do not watch the news.
2.  Stay off the bathroom scales.

Apparently “Spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, “I just find it funny how…”
Because there’s a 99.9% chance she did NOT find it funny at all.

You’re never too old to say something inappropriate.

And we’re finding out today that we’re sending 3,000 troops to eastern Europe.  Too little?  Too late?  What are your thoughts? 

Okay, let’s do a couple of comments from our readers…first, from Stephanie:  I am female and I don’t know any reason to foil my toes.  

And we got more comments on the same meme… This one from Kris:  Some people use gel polish on their toes because it lasts longer than regular polish. To remove the polish, you soak a cotton ball in remover & then wrap that around the toe. Soak for 10-15 minutes & supposedly the polish comes off.  And I imagine you put the foil around the toe to hold the cotton ball in place?  That kind of makes sense, although it didn’t look like there was a cotton ball under that foil.

And then we have this one from Marsha:  Don’t know where you are, shame cause I know a good nurse. Just a thought, call hospital that is to do your surgery, ask for social service department, explain your situation. Maybe they know of a short term program to send you an aide or some sort of short term help.  Well Marsha, I’m in Peru, Indiana.  Not a big place.  But, if you know a nurse…I definitely have a soft spot in my heart for nurses.  I’ve definitely already thought about contacting the hospital and I’ve talked to my support system (friends, crew, loved ones) and as soon as I did, they already started dividing up the days of the week as to who would take what day to drive me to physical therapy and cover this and that and the other thing.  So, I’m not thinking it’s going to be that much of a problem (I’ve got a LOT of people around me who seem to love me.  I’m so blessed.  I really don’t understand it since I’m such an asshole) (LOL)  Anyway, still willing to interview nurses, Marsha.

Daaaammmmnnnnn!  Think the cop was a little peeved?

When I was a kid, they didn’t take me to a psychologist…my mom was able to open my chakra, stabilize my karma, and clean my aura with one single slap!

I Plan My Days Carefully:
Wake up
Plan Stuff
Do Other Stuff
Go To Bed

It took me all this time to lose my mind…

What on earth made you think I would want a piece of yours??

And that’s it my friends.  Guess I’m going to go out and shovel for the first time so it won’t get out of hand.  Wish me luck.  Love and happiness to you all until we meet again.