Dragon Laffs #1987


Well, I was right.  Round one of the snow is done and we have now started into round two.  In round one, the weather service called for us to get 14.8 inches of snow.  Now, you may remember I said that my rule of thumb with them is to take what they said and divide by two.  Officially at the end of round one, we got 7.2 inches of snow.  So, I was damn close.  LOL!  And for round two, they are calling for 3 to 5 inches, so I’m going to say we are going to be much closer to 3 than we are to 5.  So, we are going to end up with a total of about 10 inches.  No where near the 15 of the great blizzard of ’78. 

In other news, it seems as though we killed the leader of ISIS last night.  I haven’t heard too much more about that, yet.  Guess I missed Biden’s briefing on that while I was outside shoveling a spot for Pepper Dragon to be able to go outside.  Willow Dragon doesn’t care.  She thinks the snow is the greatest thing EVER!  Pepper, on the other hand, is like “Oh hells no!  You better do something about this stuff or I’m going to be using the living room floor as my bathroom.”  My response was to threaten her with extreme bodily harm.  She laughed at me. 

Baltimore High School had less than 3% of the class being able to function in reading, writing, and do math at the grade level in which they were in.  Less than 3%.  First of all, had did they reach the grade level they are in if they can’t function at that grade level?  The teachers are just passing the kids to get rid of them or they don’t want to “hurt their poor little egos by not passing them”.  Secondly, why the hell are they NOT able to do these basic things?  Is it because the last two years they weren’t in the schools like they should have been because of COVID or has this been going on for much longer?  I think the second and COVID and has just exacerbated the problem.  Either way, these are the leaders of tomorrow? 

Good Lord, we need to laugh!

Is an argument between to Vegans still called a Beef?

Fun Fact:  Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend actually thinking.

Okay, this is AWESOME!  Thanks to Stephanie for sending this one along.  The Three Little Pigs like you’ve NEVER heard it before.  By John Branyan on YouTube.

Have you ever wondered what happened to Snow White and the seven vertically challenged people she lived with? Well, eventually the diamond mine stopped producing gems and their revenue stream started drying up.

One evening at dinner, Snow White and her seven buddies were talking about how they could earn some money. Lots of different ideas were proposed for a new venture, but nothing clicked.

“Here’s a suggestion,” offered Doc, the wisest of the group. “Let’s open up a 1-hour photo service. I’ve seen them in a lot of drugstores and they seem to be doing a great business.”

Doc and Happy (he’s the one who is technically astute) did some research and ordered the latest in fast photo developing equipment. They rented a store in the local town, had the equipment sent there, set it up and opened the door for business. To capitalize on her fame, they called the business Snow White’s 1-Hour Photo Service. People flocked to the store.

The only problem was that business was too good and they couldn’t fulfill the promise of one-hour service. As a matter of fact, they were getting so far behind in their work that it took almost a week for them to fulfill a film order.

The lack of timeliness was noted and one of their customers suggested a logo for the business: “Some day my prints will come.”

Let me tell ya ’bout my best friend…

This whole COVID thing is getting out of hand.  I just saw a prostitute with a sign that said: NO MASK NO ASS.

So, Izzy Dragon and Timmy next door had been texting each other and talking about shoveling out the driveway.  So, this morning, he came over, shoveled out the driveway, and the front walk, the only thing he didn’t do was shovel out the mailbox, so the mailman didn’t deliver the mail today.  Anyway, so I sent Izzy next door with some money and he flat out refused to take it.  Classy guy.  Very impressed.  Thanks Timmy.

Tonight’s Forecast:
ALCOHOL
With a chance of
Low Standards & Poor Decisions

Birth of a Dragon…nah…not really.

If she doesn’t gasp when you put it in, just pull out and go home.  You’re not qualified for that mission.

You’d think that the part of the brain that used to remember phone numbers would take over remembering passwords!  But Noooo!!!

Personally, I don’t worry about becoming a victim of identity theft. 

I can just imagine the look on the thief’s face when he realizes he’s wanted in three counties for bank robbery.

Robert Liston, a surgeon in the 1800s, performed an operation with a 300% mortality rate: Instead of saving the patient, he killed three people.

Liston was renowned for being one of the fastest surgeons alive, which at the time was a very good thing. Anesthesia as we know it didn’t exist, so patients were awake for the entire procedure, meaning the shorter it was, the better.

Liston was performing a leg amputation, but worked so fast that he accidentally cut off two fingers on his assistant’s hand. Both the patient and the assistant died later of gangrene, most likely due to the saw being unclean.

What about the third death? Well, doctors and other spectators would often watch these surgeries from the gallery, which was much more up close and personal than medical galleries today. During the procedure, Liston accidentally swiped near an elderly doctor with a blade, slicing the fabric of the doctor’s suit coat. Thinking he had been cut open, the doctor went into shock and died of a subsequent heart attack. Thus, three people died during an operation that was meant to save one life.

An entire town in Nevada basically invented the concept of the “Wild West” by staging gunfights, bank robberies, and other Western clichés from 1800s dime novels.

The town of Palisade, NV — like many other “Wild West” towns of the time — was actually very peaceful and had so few crimes that it didn’t even have an official sheriff. But the town decided to make things seem more exciting there after the Transcontinental Railroad opened in 1869 and passed through Palisade. As the story goes, a train conductor mentioned that railroad passengers were often disappointed at how these quiet towns were so different from how they were portrayed in Western dime novels. So, the people of Palisade decided they would stage Western-style shootouts in the street, bank robberies…you name it. Everyone was in on it, even the US Cavalry and a local Native American tribe, who would stage battles against each other for the entertainment of the passing railroad travelers.

Maybe it was a way to drum up more tourism. Or maybe it was just so the people of Palisade could have a good laugh at the city-folk.

What’s a windshield called on a starship? 

I mean, it can’t be called a windshield.

A fella once asked me what a hoedown was and I told him it’s like a shindig, but more like a hootenanny.  I could tell he was still confused because his face went all catawampus.

And I’ve run out of time today.  Wanted to do more, but it’s been one of those days.  First day back to work after all the snow and it ran really late.  Love and happiness to you all.  Hopefully I’ll see you on Monday, but with me working this weekend and them doing a benefit tournament for us on Saturday night … I’m not real hopeful for Monday, but I’ll see you again soon.  Promise.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1987

  1. Leah D says:

    Here in Salt Lake, It is the law you must not park on the street when it is, or expected to, snow.
    I guess everyone here came from Baltimore, and can’t read the signs!

  2. Helen says:

    Agree about schooling. Our 9 yr old great granddaughter can’t read cursive!

  3. Tom Harlander says:

    No mail? At least your carrier had an excuse. Wednesday, we had less than two inches of snow here and the carrier didn’t come at all. Next day, I got a special delivery of the previous day’s newspaper (they’ve turned it over to the P.O. to deliver) and that day’s paper together, no one else on the street got any mail delivery, and the snow was still falling. Yesterday the carrier was back on the job and we had abut 7 inches of snow on the ground. Go figure.

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