So, Let’s get this humor ezine back on track, shall we?  Battling the world’s bullshit with laughter.  That’s what we do.  And my life is full of bullshit right now, so we need an extra large dose of laughter.  

I really don’t have anything to talk about this morning.  It’s Thursday morning and I am at the beginning of a four-day weekend because I worked through last weekend.  I talk to my lawyer on the phone in a couple of hours about getting a trust set up and a few other things that need to be done now that I’m in the position I’m in.  And I have an appointment with the surgeon this afternoon to talk about how I am supposed to have hip surgery now that my help is gone.  So, I guess I’ll have some stuff to talk about later, so in the meantime, let’s get some laughter going and we’ll get to the other stuff later.

If we had any balls left in this country, we would do it yet!  This man is one of the biggest threats to our country!  Hell, tarring and feathering and running him out on a rail is probably too GOOD for him.

And she’s looking back at the camera like, “What the fuck are you looking at?  Ain’t nuthin’ to see here.”

People think I go out of my way to piss them off.  Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.

Therapist:  You saw the red flags though, right?  

Me:  I thought it was a carnival.

Not my circus, not my monkeys. 

But I definitely know the clowns.

My cousin Neville at his part-time job.  He is a security guard at a home and garden shop.

You often see a TV Anchor ask Senator Kennedy a question, and one would think he is just a “good ole boy” from Louisiana.
 
Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a Law degree from the University of Virginia, and a B.C.L. degree from Oxford in England, where he was a First-Class Honors graduate.
 
He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful and often humorous.
 
Comment about Cuomo lecturing us.
“It’s like a frog calling you ugly”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
This election in GA will be the most important in history. You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, a person of faith, or an unborn baby!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana describes Democrats as the “well-intended arugula and tofu crowd.”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, “How did these morons make it through the birth canal.”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
It’s as dead as four o’clock.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Always follow your heart…..but take your brains with you.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
It must suck to be that dumb.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
When the Portland mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Go sell your crazy somewhere else…we are all stocked up here .
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Sen. John Kennedy (R., La.) said on Wednesday that he trusted most Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
You can get a goat to climb a tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
1. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow.
2. Never stand between a dog and a fire hydrant.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when closely supervised and cornered like a rat. – Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy 

Dumb enough to be a twin of himself.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
This is why space aliens won’t talk to us.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Chuck Schumer just moo’s and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
What planet did you parachute in from?
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean you should.
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy
 
Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, “She can strut sitting down!”
– Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy

The true and rightful shame of this is that someone felt the need to put this warning up in the first place!

Wow!  I normally have to have a hit or three before my sandwiches dance.

My niece, in her human form, is a fantasy underwear model, and thinks it’s hilarious that humans get so excited over under garments.  

Gentle Thoughts For Today

Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have become really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are  ‘XL’.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.  For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs…’

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

[Brings therapist to family gathering]  

Me:  See?  

Therapist:  OH.  MY.  GOD.

No matter how you feel about the vaccine, there is an awful lot of truth in this next one.  Thanks to John S. for sending it in.

PERFECTLY STATED by Karen Wiebenga

Among all the vaccines I have known in my life:

— diphtheria

— tetanus

— smallpox

— typhoid

— anthrax

— rota virus

— measles

— rubella

— chickenpox

— hepatitis

— meningitis

— tuberculosis

I want to also add:

— flu and pneumonia.

I have never seen a vaccine that forced me to wear a mask and maintain my social distance, even when you are fully vaccinated.

I had never heard of a vaccine that spreads the virus even after vaccination.

I had never heard of rewards, discounts, incentives to get vaccinated.

I never saw discrimination for those who didn’t.

If you haven’t been vaccinated no one has tried to make you feel like a bad person.

I have never seen a vaccine that threatens the relationship between family, colleagues and friends.

I have never seen a vaccine used to threaten livelihoods, work or school.

I have never seen a vaccine that would allow a 12-year-old to override parental consent.

After all the vaccines I listed above, I have never seen a vaccine like this one, which discriminates, divides and judges society as it is.

And as the social fabric tightens… It’s a powerful vaccine!

She does all these things except IMMUNIZATION and recovering from the virus means NOTHING.

If we still need:

— a booster dose after we are fully vaccinated,

—and we still need to get a negative test after we are fully vaccinated

— and we still need to wear a mask after we are fully vaccinated

— and can still be hospitalized after we have been fully vaccinated

“It’s time for us to admit that we’ve been completely deceived.”

There are so many scams on the internet nowadays.  For only $9.99, I can tell you how to avoid them.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day!  A lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over…

No shit!

And again…No Shit.

So, I didn’t end up talking to the lawyer, he ended up getting stuck in court, so we changed our appointment to next week.  It’s not like I’m in a great rush, so that’s no big deal. 

I did see the surgeon and he took another x-ray and asked me how it was I was still walking around?  I said that there were times that it didn’t hurt that bad.  He said either I was immune to pain or crazy.  I said probably a little of both.  The last x-ray showed a tiny bit of cartilage left in my hip, this one showed none.  It should be excruciating.  I said that at times it was, but that I operate at a higher pain level than most people.  He looked at me very strangely.  He said this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible.  So, I guess I’m going to have to arrange my rides and get things put together.  The hard stuff starts.  Time to reach out. 

But that’s what friends are for, right? 

Right. 

Anyway, that’s the end of today’s episode.  I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did.  Thanks for helping me get through this.  And until next time, love and happiness to you all.