Dragon Laffs #2166

Monday and back to work.  The weekend goes by so fast.  

But since I’m writing this on Saturday morning, virtually hours after I finished the last episode, what the heck do I know about the weekend?  It hasn’t happened yet.  

Lots of stuff to have fun with today.  Some special stuff to share and a battle between friends to continue.  It’s all good fun!  I have a couple of rants to share with you, if I think that I can do it without completely losing it and burning down a village or five.  I was SO TICKED OFF yesterday when I started listening to the news on the radio that I actually screamed at the thing while I was driving down the road.  It was crazy!!  But, we’ll get to that in a little bit since I’m getting angry now just thinking about it.  I want to get some laughs in before I start screaming.  That way maybe fewer people will end up homeless.

So, without further ado.

This is from Stephen B. where a video montage that was sent out, set up a memory montage of his own that he shared with us, that I’m now going to share with you guys here:

While I was watching one of your videos I saw an old time snow blower for train tracks:

When I worked for the NYC Transit this was our snow blower…..not much has changed.

I was often called on to work “Snow Duty” for “time and a half” cleaning the switches.  That is not me in the picture.  I was never called on to work on “Snow Duty” on such a nice day though.  Usually it was cold, windy and dark.

It was not worth the extra money!

Thanks for sharing Stephen!  It’s great fun to take a peek into our fellow campers lives.

My Izzy Dragon is enamored of pasta, so this little gif will keep her hypnotized for hours on end.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in High School was my blood alcohol content.

Another artist’s rendition of your favorite mythological camper…

That’s a really good question…why DO we say tomato ketchup?  Isn’t it obvious?

Okay, here’s my first anger making point.

Why is this administration using $350,000 of OUR money to translate a gross and disgusting group of words into Spanish?  Phrases like “anal fisting” and “jizz”.  This is what I want my money spent on?  We have Veterans, men and women who have offered up their very lives for our country who are living on the STREET! and you are spending money on this GARBAGE!!  Translating my money into ANY language that isn’t ENGLISH is wrong.  If you are going to live in our country, you need to speak our language.  That money would be better spent teaching LEGAL immigrants how to speak ENGLISH rather than changing us to suit them.  MUCH LESS for this CRAP!!!!

You guys know me.  I don’t care what you do in the privacy of your own home.  But, don’t push it off on me or my family and don’t make me try to think like it’s right.  And the whole Spanish thing… I learned Spanish in High School.  Great, I think everyone needs to learn at least one foreign language, but there is a time and a place for everything.

THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME NOR THE PLACE!!!  We are so far in debt right now as a country, why are you spending my money on this CRAP!!!

End of part 1

Mo, heard her husband, Nate, come back into the house not too long after he had left. 

Mo said, “Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting.” 

“It was postponed.” Nate replied. 

“The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate wouldn’t let him go out tonight.” 

Okay, part 2.  This is the one that made me scream while I was in the car.  Driving down the road and I heard this quote:

“There’s only one thing that would stop our children from busting into these liquor stores; there’s only one thing that would stop our kids from busting into these jewelry stores, stealing watches and jewelry, and that’s reparations,” 

Pay me or I won’t stop stealing from you.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!   HOW DARE YOU!!!  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!  You are a slime covered parasite.  Nobody alive today was a slave in the United States.  Everybody enjoys the freedoms that the military fought and died for.  If ANYONE deserves reparations it’s current and past military members.  But, you’ll notice that none of them are asking for anything other than what they were promised that they are not getting.

And what about my ancestors?  The Polish slaves that were forced to work in the mines.  Or the Irish slaves that were forced to work on the railroad.  Or the blacks that owned slaves themselves?  Are their ancestors going to PAY reparations?


I’m so tired of this NONSENSE!!!!   

How dare you threaten the rest of us with continued robbery and violence if you don’t get what you want!!

Like a spoiled CHILD who throws a tantrum and kicks their feet when they don’t get their way!  And that’s because their parents didn’t raise them properly.  

YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE, NOR ANY LESS RIGHTS THAN ANYBODY ELSE DOES.  You can’t have it both ways.  On the one hand you are screaming about how racist all the rest of us are and how you deserve this and on the other hand you are proving everyone’s point by being the lawless, crass, parasites they say you are by threatening continued violence and lawlessness if you don’t get your blackmail.  

And it’s OUR fault there’s such a disparity in the jail population and court judgements against YOU?


Grow the heck up!

Okay, I think I held my breath through writing that whole thing.  One go through; no retakes.  And I’m pretty happy with it.  I hope to hear your responses on both of my rants for today.  And now…moving on…

My good buddy Bruce, sent me this embarrassing selfie.  I laughed so hard when he told me that it took him almost 8 hours to get out of the vines that this girl he picked up in the bar tied him up in.  And then, once he was out, he found out that he had been robbed blind in his spooky mansion that he lives in.  I told him that he shouldn’t have chased his ward and his butler out for the evening.  But he thought he was going to get lucky.

Two farmers where discussing who had the meanest dog.

One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county.

The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country.

Well after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leaps on the Doberman and kills it outright.

The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turns to the other farmer and asks, “What kind of dog did you say that was?”

The first farmer replies, “Well before he lost his tail we called him a Mountain Lion!”

There’s an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.

The Englishman says: ” I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn’t even know she smokes!

The Scotsman says: “That’s nothing. I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other days when I found a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn’t even know she drank!”

With that the Irishman says: “Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter’s room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn’t even know she had a willy!”

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out!!!”

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”

If you remember, Marsha fired back at Joe … do we need to review?  Sure we do, from our last issue…

I don’t have any political stuff to add to today’s issue, so I thought I’d start a fight instead.  Here’s a directed comment from one of my favorite people to another of my favorite people.  So, let’s see where this one goes.  This ought to be fun.  And…before I put anything here, let me just say, that’s it’s only in fun, because we all know that we all love each other around here, right!?!  Okay, then!  Let’s go!

Marsha M.

6 days ago

Dragon Laffs #2161

In response to NJ Joe’s story on women. I know God created man 1st, but I’m sure it’s because He knew us women would never invent a vibrater that could mow the grass and take out the trash….have you seen the robot mowers? We are getting close……you have met your match Joe….EX Jersey girl now in the Ozarks…..

One of my favorite nurses, takes on one of my favorite vets and we’re all Jerseyites.  Play nice you two, but Joe, do you have anything to add? 

I do though, you can take the girl outta Jersey, but you can’t take the Jersey outta the girl.  But, keep in mind that God took the woman out of the man to be a “helper suitable for him”.  Wow, I tied that up really nicely.  And reading the passage closely, I just now realized that it was Adam that named her woman.  And it means “taken out of man”.  I don’t know how many times I’ve read that same passage and never caught that nuance.  

Okay, so that brings us to today and we have Joe firing back at Marsha…

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha,
(Ala the Brady Bunch)

There is much to say but I doubt anyone who left civilization (NJ) for the Ozarks would understand.

…Joe in NJ

And I wouldn’t be a friend Marsha, if I didn’t let you know that Joe let me know that he’s got more lined up behind that for when you fire back.

(And for the rest of you, yes I am nudging things along here…LOL!)

And just so you know, this is probably one of the silliest jokes I’ve ever heard…which is exactly why I’m putting it in here.  If you don’t groan when you read the punch line then you aren’t paying any attention at all…

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.

His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his chum and finds him playing tennis.

“Incredible!,” says his friend.

“Medical science is amazing!”

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.

Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.

The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing soccer.

“Incredible!,” says his friend.

“Medical science is amazing!”

Well, another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.

Well, his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.

The next day he goes to see his friend but can’t find him.

He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, “Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.”

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, “Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”

On March 27, 2023 Transgender-terrorist Murders 6 in Christian School

On March 31, 2023 Biden declares Transgender Day of Visibility

That action speaks volumes about the degeneracy of this depraved and callused administration.

Okay, so the last one is from Babylon Bee…just checking to make sure you guys are awake out there.  But, it is funny and after the last rant I had, wouldn’t surprise me if it were true.

This next one is from Stephen, one of our regular campers, and another good friend.  Here’s what he wrote to me:

At the Lancaster Woodcarving Show there was an artist named Dave Dion (Dave Dion Woodcarving on Facebook).  He had a piece that I thought was so spot on regarding the state of the country.  It is called “Lincoln’s Lament.”  I asked permission from him to post the picture of his piece and he agreed. 

Well, it was such a beautiful and perfect piece, like Stephen said, the perfect statement for what’s going on in our country right now, that I really wanted to share it with you guys as well.  Stephen was so gracious in sharing it with me, so I checked with him to make sure it was alright to share it with you guys and he believes, as do I, that so long as we give the truly talented artist the credit he is due, then we can share the picture of this tremendous piece of artwork.  So here now is:

“Lincoln’s Lament” by Dave Dion of Dave Dion Woodcarving

What a truly great piece.  Thanks to Dave Dion for the creation and letting us share it with the world and thanks to Stephen for bringing to our attention.

Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?

He got a bird that not only delivers messages, but knocks on the door when it gets there.

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. 

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. 

“Done!” says the angel, who disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. 

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. 

One of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.” 

The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.” 

An elderly tenant mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his. 

“Almost every night, they dance on the floor, talk dirty, moan, and scream till midnight.” 

So the landlord asked him if it bothered him, and he expected him to do something about those culprits. 

Nicely he replied, “No, not really. You see, I usually stay up and practice my accordion till about that time almost every night anyway.”


1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week. 

2. Leakproof thermoses–will.

3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the marmelade side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. 

4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends. 

5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended. 

6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing. 

7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. 

8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room. 

9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator. 

10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.

Excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers: 

Illiterate? Write today for free help. 

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. 

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. 

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. 

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. 

Stock up and save. Limit: one. 

Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale. 

Year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. 

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. 

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. 
Blue Cross and salary. 

Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. 

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. 

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. 

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. 

Great Dames for sale. 

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. 

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. 

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours. 

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. 

For Rent: room hated apartment. 

Man, honest. Will take anything. 

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. 

Christmas taxable. 
Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. 

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. 

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. 

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. 

And now, the Superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. 

Seamus walked into O’Malley’s bar one evening, as was his wont most evenings. 

As he pulled up his customary stool, Sean O’Malley was topping off his customary pint. 

But just as Sean placed the beer on the bar, a fellow climbed onto a dais behind Sean and began reciting in a Very Loud Voice: “There shall be no fisticuffs.” “No patron shall be served more than two drinks at one time.” “No Smoking. By order of the City of New York.” “Management reserves the right…” 

As the voice droned on, Seamus motioned Sean over. “What’s with the grandstanding back there?” 

Sean answered, “I was watching TV the other night. There was some news thing about how business really improves when you do this. I haven’t figured out how he’s going to help me with my inventory yet, but give me a few days.” 

Seamus said, “But what IS he DOING?”  

Came the reply, “He’s my new Bar Code Reader.” 

Portugal forbids non-Portuguese names and names that are a reference to pop culture.  There is an 82-page formal list that details all the banned names.

Wow, never heard of  such a thing!  Thanks Aussie Pete!

Wife:  You pick up dinner.
Me:  Pizza
Wife:  No
Me:  Tacos
Wife:  No
Me:  Subs
Wife:  No
Me:  What do you want?
Wife:  It’s up to you!

And that is going to end our issue for Monday.  Not that we are out of issues, the Good Lord knows there are more than enough issues involved in around here to go around.  Things were fun today in putting this one together.  I hope I hear from you guys as to your feelings on either or both of my two rants.  Marsha, it’s your turn, dear friend.  Let Joe have it!  And for those of you who want to write the very best way to get ahold of any of us here at Dragon Laffs, Inc is to use this email:

That’s the one that I try to clear between every single issue so that I know that I’ve gotten the very recent information.  My outlook, where ALL the other emails get funneled to has 1400 unread emails dating back several months.  I’m trying folks, truly I am.

Anyway, that’s it for today.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2166

  1. Alan F says:

    Totally agree on the rants. The world is going mad!

  2. John McDonald says:

    I am surprised you only knew 17 languages when you caught your little toe like that.

    A later count found I knew 22.

    The only people that I know of that are entitled to reparations are the ones in California who owned either beach land or very close to it and it was taken by eminent domain. I understand that the families are getting the land back, but really didn’t pay much attention to the story.

    And thanks for the laughs. There were several.

  3. Dave says:

    Banana catsup is a real thing, and it tastes like tomato catsup.

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