And it’s Thursday! I know … for you guys it’s Saturday, but for me, it’s Thursday and I’m not near as far ahead as I like to be. I might have to cut down on the size of these issues until I can get caught back up again. Man, this whole having a little bit of a girl friend is cutting into my Dragon Laffs time! What’s a dragon to do?

I know, I can hear what you guys are saying…eat the girl friend and be done with it, but I can’t do that. I kinda like her. Not that I think that anything serious will ever come out of it. We’re old people for crying out loud. (Not THAT old!!!) But still. I don’t know that anyone would ever replace Mary in my heart, but at the same time, it’s nice to have someone to hold hands with and such. I don’t even know why I’m talking to you guys about this other than the fact that you guys are the ones I talk to about everything…so there’s that.

Anyway, to the original topic, I’m going to continue to try to push these out, but with the Air Show coming and as overworked as I am. I just had a dear friend wreck his motorcycle … not sure if I told you that story or not. He hit a deer and now has half his ribs busted (12 of 24) a busted shoulder, broken vertebrae, collapsed lung, had to be airlifted to the hospital and will be in ICU for the next week or so. I am going to try to drive up to see him in the next couple of days amidst all the other things I have going on. It’s about 140 miles or so, round trip. Asked Holly if she wanted to go with me for the ride, but trying to line our schedules up to do that in the next two or three days is proving problematic.

She was surprised when my car didn’t smell that badly of cigar smoke but she bought me little sachet thingy to absorb the smell anyway. She doesn’t like the smell of smoke. I told her that they were just little cherry cigars, not big old stinky cubans. I save those for out back. LOL! It’s my one and only bad habit I have left in human form. We’re all entitled to one.

I have a dentist appointment on Monday.

I have like five flippin’ teeth left in my mouth and I have a tooth ache! What in the motherless clam shell is up with that!!! That is JUST NOT RIGHT!!

Okay, enough. Need to get this road on the show. Let’s do this thing, shall we?

This meme is not about teeth!

I was reading how a female spider will eat the male spider after mating. 

I guess female spiders know that life insurance is easier to collect than child support. 

Bernie and Esther were not the most religious Jews and in fact they really only went to Temple once a year. 

As they were leaving the Temple, the Rabbi said, “Bernie, it sure would be nice to see you and Esther here more than once a year!”

“I know,” replied Bernie, “but at least we keep the Ten Commandments.”

“That’s great,” the Rabbi said. “I’m glad to hear that you keep the Commandments.”

“Yep,” Bernie said proudly, “Esther keeps six of them and I keep the other four.”

I have to wonder how many youngsters can even identify what that is?

I can still hear the song!

Out of office messages

1. I am currently away from my desk, beating my head against the wall.  
Your message will be replied to once I have reached a level of numbness sufficient to cloud my vision to the point I am able to formulate an appropriate response to your request.

2. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. 
If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. 
Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.  
When I return, please refer to me as ‘Margaret’ instead of ‘Phil.’

I feel like there are times that I should be using #1

A newlywed couple was enjoying a beautiful, sun-drenched honeymoon in the tropics. On their third afternoon, tragedy struck: while snorkeling reef-side, the husband was suddenly attacked and killed by a massive shark.

The beach was in absolute chaos. When the paramedics arrived, they did their best to handle the grim scene and console those nearby. One of the first responders walked over to a visibly shaken resort guest who had witnessed the whole thing.

“It’s an absolute tragedy,” the paramedic sighed, shaking his head solemnly. “But if it’s any consolation, we can at least take comfort in knowing he didn’t suffer for very long.”

The guest looked up, wiping away a tear. “Really? How can you possibly know that so quickly?”

The paramedic looked down at his clipboard and shrugged. “Well, he’d only been married three days.”

One of the jobs I could’ve had in my Air Force Career Field was this one! The operative word being could have.

Visiting the modern art museum an old lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. 

“This,” she said, “I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?” 

“No madam,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.” 

And that’s it my friends. Put this one to bed and start the next one tomorrow. Until next time.