Dragon Laffs #2165

It is Saturday again.  And again we’ve wound around through a whole week of work and stuff.  Mostly stuff and stuff.  Mostly stuff and stuff.  I’ve facilitated several classes, participated in an exercise, studied a LOT of different things and … well … stuff.

But right now, it’s very late on Friday.  I’ve run out of time AGAIN this week, as is usual when I get to this point in the week, so now I am going to get right to the laughter, which is the part that you guys want to see anyway.

A student in a science class wrote, “The universe is a giant orgasm” (instead of organism).

At the end of the student’s essay, the teacher riposted, “Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang Theory.”

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does.

About a week later she’s back at the doctor. She says, “Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes as you said! It wasn’t five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right on the table!”

The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”

“Naah…”, she says, “that’s okay. We aren’t going back to Red Lobster anyway.

Another one of my baby pictures.  No, I’m not going to tell you which one I am.

Mother Superior was walking in the garden one day when she  saw a novice nun working in the vegetable patch. 

Unfortunately  every seed she planted was stolen by the birds, which were sitting, watching her from nearby. 

“Fuck off!” she shouted, “Just fuck off!” 

Mother Superior was quite disgusted by this and called her over. 

“Young lady……. That is NOT how a young nun behaves. Next  time the birds steal your seeds, just say shoo…….shoo….and they’ll FUCK OFF by themselves….” 

All desirable things in life are either 


The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson.  

This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a “Lord Nelson.” 

The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them.  

It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night. 

The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told “Doctor, I’ve been suffering from a delusion.  I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson.” 

“That’s wonderful,” said the doctor. “Who are you?” 

Smiling coyly, the patient replied, “I’m Lady Nelson.” 

Can you remember where you saw this one?  Talking about friends?  That’s right!  One of my headers

“The Men’s Code” 

1. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 

2. Never hesitate to reach for either the last beer or the last slice of pizza — but not both. That’s just plain mean. 

3. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable, however. 

4. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 

5. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. 

6. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 

8. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 

9. Before dating a buddy’s ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it. 

10. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem — you didn’t see nothin’. 

11. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing. 

12. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel … and it’s free. 

13. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 

14. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be referring to his beer. 

15. Never join your girlfriend/wife in discussing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response. 

16. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing; either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need. 

Murphy’s Law for Frequent Fliers 

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. 

2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. 

3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. 

4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world. 

5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper. 

6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers. 

7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory. 

8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you. 

9. Guys, the best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you. 

10.The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard. 

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; 
The next day I stopped smoking. 

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; 
The next day I stopped eating red meat.. 

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; 
The next day I stopped drinking. 

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; 
This morning I stopped reading. 

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. 

The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. 

Lena replied, “You just put, ‘Ole died.'” 

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We really should say something more.” 

So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “O.K., then. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale.'” 

How ironic that the shortest sentence is “I am,” and the longest sentence is “I do.” 

The Lord of the manor returned from his grouse hunt quite a bit earlier than expected. He entered the master bedroom to change, and found her Ladyship making passionate love to Sir Archibald Carpley.

The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife for her infidelity. With thunder in his voice, he reminded her that he had taken her from a miserable existence on a local run-down farm, given her a fine home, provided her with servants, expensive clothes and jewels, and almost anything she desired.

By this time the woman was crying inconsolably, his Lordship then turned his wrath on his supposed friend: “And as for you Archie — you might at least stop while I’m talking!”

I don’t have any political stuff to add to today’s issue, so I thought I’d start a fight instead.  Here’s a directed comment from one of my favorite people to another of my favorite people.  So, let’s see where this one goes.  This ought to be fun.  And…before I put anything here, let me just say, that’s it’s only in fun, because we all know that we all love each other around here, right!?!  Okay, then!  Let’s go!

Marsha M.

6 days ago

Dragon Laffs #2161

In response to NJ Joe’s story on women. I know God created man 1st, but I’m sure it’s because He knew us women would never invent a vibrater that could mow the grass and take out the trash….have you seen the robot mowers? We are getting close……you have met your match Joe….EX Jersey girl now in the Ozarks…..

One of my favorite nurses, takes on one of my favorite vets and we’re all Jerseyites.  Play nice you two, but Joe, do you have anything to add? 

I do though, you can take the girl outta Jersey, but you can’t take the Jersey outta the girl.  But, keep in mind that God took the woman out of the man to be a “helper suitable for him”.  Wow, I tied that up really nicely.  And reading the passage closely, I just now realized that it was Adam that named her woman.  And it means “taken out of man”.  I don’t know how many times I’ve read that same passage and never caught that nuance.  

Mens personal ads

40-ish… 52 and looking for 25-year-old.

Athletic… sits on the couch and watches sport.

Average looking… unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back.

Educated… will always treat you like an idiot.

Free spirit. . . sleeps with your sister.

Friendship first… as long as friendship involves nudity.

Fun… good with a remote and a six-pack.

Good looking… arrogant.

Honest… pathological liar.

Huggable… overweight, more body hair than a bear.

Likes to cuddle… insecure, overly dependent.

Mature… until you get to know him.

Open-minded… wants to sleep with your sister but she’s not interested.

Physically fit.. . I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself.

Poet… has written on a toilet wall.

Spiritual… once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday.

Stable… occasional stalker, but never arrested.

Thoughtful… says ‘please’ when demanding a beer

Knowledge is free at the library. Just bring your own container.


My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

And that seems to be a really good place to end this and go to bed.  May you all be blessed with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2165

  1. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    Ok guys just 1 question….how long was man on earth before God decided you weren’t going to make it without help???

      • Marsha Mastrangelo says:

        Probably quarter to 5 on day 1, that’s what’s for dinner time at most homes…..I drank the Jersey water for 35 years….sarcasm is in the water there…the thoughts are automatic. Very few have learned to stop them before they reach the lips….I’m not 1 of them. Truly look forward to The Laughs…job is tough, sick kids…..world has gone crazier than I ever imagined….surgery that I only heard of when I started this 40 years ago are now common..(addadicktome) kinda sounds like appendix problems if you say it fast. Anyway you get me through my days…Thank you….

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