And we’re back! Went home early from work today, Thursday, I think it’s allergies, the air quality is terrible right now, but really, I just feel like crap. And tomorrow, I’m going to Muncie to pick up my nephew from Ball State. So, today, I’m going to relax for the rest of the day, other than a meeting tonight that I have to go to. I should be out mowing the lawn (jungle) right now, except it’s about 150 degrees outside. Okay, so it’s 89 and feels like 100 according to the weather app. Personally, I think that’s wrong, it can’t possibly be a cool, balmy 100 degrees out there. Not when stray cats are spontaneously bursting into flames. But, who am I to argue with the weather app?
So, while we’re waiting for things to cool down …
Yeah, like I was EVER able to stretch like that daily … or ever.
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with some house repairs after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place.
When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work.
When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the repairs, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife.
Joe said that he’d started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better.
Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her.
His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying.
She said, “This is the worst day of my life.
First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle.
Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement.
And now, you come home drunk!”
Four old men were out golfing.
“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.
“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.
“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.
After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, “Just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!”
Once upon a time, a solitary female brain cell fired up by mistake and found herself trapped in the middle of a man’s skull. She looked around nervously, but the vast expanse was pitch-black, echoey, and profoundly quiet. It was like standing in an abandoned, multi-story warehouse.
Feeling a bit uneasy, she cleared her throat and called out. “Hello? Is anyone home?”
Nothing. Not even a stray spark of electricity.
She took a few steps forward into the cerebral cortex, her anxiety growing. “Is there anyone here?” she cried a little louder, waiting for a response. Still, nothing but the deafening sound of silence.
Now genuinely panicked and feeling completely isolated in the barren wasteland, she took a deep breath, cupped her hands around her mouth, and yelled at the absolute top of her lungs: “HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE ALIVE IN HERE?!”
Suddenly, the silence broke. A tiny, distant, incredibly faint echo drifted up from way, way down below the brainstem…
“We’re down here.”
Way too much truth in this one … rotten dogs!
This one actually made me laugh so hard I cried. Not sure if you have to be in the Air Force to get it or not, but it sure is funny…
An awful lot of truth in that one.
I was crossing the street. I got hit by a mobile library. I was lying there in pain, screaming.
The guy looked at me. He went, “Shhhh.”
“I’ve come to pay that bill I’ve owed you for so long,” said Jones.
“That letter you wrote me would get money out of a stone. How did you ever think it up?”
Replied his creditor: “I didn’t. I selected the best parts from letters my son sends me from college.”
Joe says to Bill, “Want to see a picture of my Aunt?”
“Sure.”
So Joe takes out a picture.
“What are you talking about?” Bill says, “That’s not your aunt! That’s a picture of a fish!”
Joe responds, “Well, sure it is…
It’s my aunt Chovy!”
So…are you trying to say that dragons are slothful? … Okay, so there’s some truth to that. We do like sleeping on piles of treasure.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
– Mark Twain (1835-1910)
And having the courage to say, “That’s it for today my friends!” and then having something to hide behind. No, really. I know better. I know how appreciative you all are. So, until next time….
Dragon Laffs 