Dragon Laffs #2160

Happy Easter!  Which was actually yesterday, which means this issue should have gone out on Saturday, so I won’t go too far into the Easter thing today since it’s already passed.  So, sorry I missed it.  Hope you all had a wonderful day.

We had a truly marvelous Good Friday Service at church and since I’m writing this part on Saturday I’m going to postulate that we have a really good service on Easter Sunday.  Our Pastor is a wonderful man who can preach a GREAT service.  He speaks with the word of God and preaches from the Bible.  I’m still on my first cup of coffee this morning so I’m not as eloquent as I normally am, but suffice it to say that it will be a GREAT service.

The picture in the header this morning is our jets parked at their temporary home while our runway is being redone over the summer.  So, we are working out of two bases right now.  Thankfully, my office hasn’t changed but the maintenance guys and the pilots have and they are having a difficult time splitting their time between the two bases.

I need to stop watching the news.  But this Florida Sheriff, Billy Woods is speaking truth on Fox News.  The Sheriff is from Marion County in Florida.  Three minors killed three other minors and he is holding them accountable for their actions while the snowflakes are screaming that they are only children.  Gang related stuff.  He spoke quite well on TV.  Blaming family and us for not holding these kids accountable in the past which has lead them to where they are now.  Saying just because they don’t have a record, doesn’t mean that they haven’t done wrong things in their past.  THIS guy would do well to run for a higher office.   

Well, it’s time to start laughing, cause I’m tired of complaining and almost crying over the state of our country.

There was an athlete who wanted to accept a scholarship to a well-known college. To be awarded it, however, he had to pass a physical, since it was an athletic scholarship.

When Tim found out about the scholarship, he called his friends all to come over to his house to help him celebrate. They got plastered, and several of the friends had “donated” marjuana.

The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!!

Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, “Hey, Patti — I need a favor. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I’ll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here.”

Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of yellow liquid.

Tim thanked her, and he proceeded to take the “sample” to the college physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial. All was fine — he thought!!

Two days later, the athletic director at the college called Tim, and said, “I’m afraid we have to withdraw the scholarship offer.”

“WHY?” asked Tim.

“We just cannot,” said the A.D., “have a pregnant man on our football team!”

This guy’s in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, “Ballroom please.”

A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.”

Um…I have questions…

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a shot of whiskey.

A few minutes later the bartender hands her the order.

The Woman drinks the beer and pours the shot of whiskey into her handbag.

She orders another round of the same, so the bartender takes her two glasses and refills them.

Once again, she drinks the beer and pours the shot of whiskey into her handbag.

The bartender says, “Look Miss, I don’t mean to bug you, but my curiosity is killing me. Why do you keep pouring the shots into your handbag?”

The woman says, “It’s none of your damn business! And if you be givin’ me a hard time, i’ll be breakin’ yer face!”

Suddenly a mouse pops his head out of her handbag and says, “And that goes for your frickin’ cat too.”

“It started off as a simple intervention.  We were going to talk to Impish Dragon about his excessive Girl Scout cookie consumption.  When he ended up breaking out of the chains we had designed especially for him, the poor village was completely destroyed.”  ~ from The Village Destroyed by Father Don Pablo, 1419 BD

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her inner right thigh just below her bikini line. 

She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. 

So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. 

The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with “Merry Christmas” down on her inner left thigh. 

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. 

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your inner thighs?” 

She says “I’m sick and tired of my man complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”

I was 14 years old and yet, I still remember pretty much every single one of these and a good part of these are still on my music list.

A window cleaner goes to a monastery looking for work. The Abbot hires him but tells him to clean all the windows except the top three.

So the window cleaner cleans all the windows except the top three for years and years until curiosity finally gets the better of him.

He puts his ladder up against the first of the three windows and looks in. he sees 12 monks with their robes up and their cocks lying on a table with a mouse running around on top of the table.

The window cleaner goes down the ladder moves to the second window and looks in.

There he sees a beautiful woman and a monk in bed screwing like mad.

The window cleaner goes down the ladder and puts it up against the third window. He looks in and sees a monk tied up, stripped to the waist being flogged.

He climbs down the ladder, but when he gets to the bottom the Abbot is waiting for him. The window cleaner says, “Look, I know your going to fire me, but please, at least tell me what is going on up there.”

“Well,” says the Abbot, “in the first window you saw a competition to see which is the lucky monk.

Wherever the mouse stops is the lucky monk.

And in the second window you saw a monk with the prize.”

“But what about the third window?” the window cleaner asks.

“Well,” says the Abbot, “that monk was caught with a piece of cheese in his foreskin.”

Today I donated my watch, phone and $500 to a poor guy. 

You don’t know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket.

“Okay, on three we’re going to make a run for it.  The cookies should be right on the other side of that hill.  Ready, one, two …”

This was sent in by Stephen B.  Thanks, brother.  It’s called: The World Is Falling Apart!

April 7 (Reuters) – An Indiana high school did not break the law by allegedly forcing a music teacher to quit after he refused on religious grounds to use transgender students’ preferred names, a U.S. appeals court ruled on Friday.

The rights of the teacher, John Kluge, to exercise his religious beliefs were outweighed by the potential disruption that his conduct could have on the learning environment at Brownsburg High School in the Indianapolis suburbs, the Chicago-based 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said.

Kluge said his Christian religious beliefs barred him from complying with a school policy requiring faculty to use students’ preferred names and pronouns.

The school initially allowed Kluge to call students by their last names but reneged after receiving complaints from students and faculty, according to court filings. He said he resigned in 2018 after he was told he would be fired.

Kluge sued the school district in 2019, accusing it of violating a federal law that prohibits workplace discrimination based on religion. He was seeking to get his job back and unspecified money damages.

Kluge is represented by the Alliance Defending Freedom, a conservative Christian legal group. Rory Gray, a lawyer with the group, said he was evaluating Kluge’s options.

“The 7th Circuit’s ruling shows why the Supreme Court needs to fix the standard for accommodating religious employees,” Gray said in a statement.

Lawyers for the school did not respond to a request for comment.

Federal law only requires employers to accommodate workers’ religious beliefs if it would not cause them an undue hardship.

Kluge in his lawsuit argued that allowing him to call students by their last names would not create a burden for the school.

The 7th Circuit on Friday disagreed, upholding an Indiana federal judge’s ruling that dismissed the case.

“Kluge’s last-names-only practice stigmatized the transgender students and caused them demonstrable emotional harm,” Circuit Judge Ilana Rovner wrote for the court. (Watch out Military Organizations – You may be next! – MY Drill Instructor never called me Stephen.) (Stephen wanted us to know that this comment did not mean he was transgender.  I assured him that none of us would take it that way.  LOL!  And my T.I., what they called D.I.s in the Air Force, never called me Bob.  In fact, what he DID call me probably can’t be printed in a family magazine.)

In a dissenting opinion, Circuit Judge Michael Brennan said it was unclear whether the school could have mitigated any disruptions resulting from Kluge’s conduct, and that a jury should decide whether his rights were violated.

Reporting by Daniel Wiessner in Albany, New York, Editing by Alexia Garamfalvi, Rosalba O’Brien and David Gregorio

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…

I really need to wash some cups.

The best murder weapon would be a Tupperware lid because no one would ever find it.

If you can’t find the cat, which doesn’t look anything like the picture in the words, I’ll put the answer at the end.

No kidding!  WHY!?

I have my very own built in alarm clock.  It’s called a Bladder and it does NOT have a snooze button.

Seamless spectacles, glasses pattern, eyeglasses Sunglasses eps jpg

Folgers got it wrong. 
The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.

Actually, the answer is coming right up…

…and here’s your answer:

And I guess while I’m giving away answers, here’s the answer to the CAT puzzle

Doctor:  So, you’re telling me that you have a problem with one our your ears.  Are you sure?

Me:  Yes doctor, I’m definite.

How many of you remember when K-Mart had a family cafeteria?  And had those kinds of prices?

Why am I not surprised?

Now you know what the founding fathers meant by “Enemies foreign and DOMESTIC.”

If you can fire 75% of Twitter’s workforce and it works better, imagine what you could do to the Federal Government.

So, by that logic, you could get rid of 3/4 of say the staff at your local restaurant and it will work better?  Or your doctor’s office?  No?  So what makes you think it will work for the Government?  What a stupid thing to say.  That’s just a dumb thing to say to say something dumb.

Deep Thought of Today:

When you clean out a vacuum cleaner — YOU become a vacuum cleaner.

Remember me in your prayers like you do in your gossip.

Do you ever get the urge to start organizing and then 2 hours later you’re just looking around at a mess like… what the hell have I done?

And that’s it my friends.  May your day be blessed with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2160

  1. Leah D says:

    As to the pyramids . . . Have You Seen The “Mukaab”?
    I just kept thinking ‘Babylon’.

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