Well, as promised, stated, or threatened in my last episode today is still Monday and here I am starting Saturday’s issue. It’s going to be a long week and here I am being responsible and getting ahead. So, you know what that means, right?
Earthquakes, pestilence, the apocalypse and what might very well be the end of everything.
I’m not really sure. Me being responsible is really treading on unexplored territory, if you know what I mean.
Being this close to the last one, there isn’t much for me to talk about right now, so let’s get started with the fun stuff.
That is EXACTLY what she looks like.
I went into Burger King today, the woman serving had a badge on her left breast that said “Pat”.
To cut a long story short, I am now banned from Burger King.
I was told watermelons can’t get married.
However, no one said they cantaloupe.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Another picture from the Dragon Forest.
I was asked to visit a little kid’s school class and after our question and answer time one of the kids drew this picture of what they thought I looked like when I changed from my dragon to my human form … or maybe it was from my human to my dragon form, I don’t really remember now. Obviously they got it completely wrong, but it still was a really cute attempt.
Well, in the Dragon Forest, there is obviously Dragon Laffs, Inc. And Dragon Laffs, Inc has furniture in different rooms and I’m going to start showing you some of the furniture in some of the rooms, intermixed with the memes and cartoons. Enjoy!
Believe it or not, I’ve played that game several times in Indiana.
Really like the chair
90% of people are idiots.
I’m glad I’m in the other 20%.
See, we’re not all bad. But, the third panel would actually show the dragon eating the knights.
That is a cool table!
And many soldiers are also warriors.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
That’s a bit…unusual.
I would love to sleep in this bed every night!!! It is WAY COOL!!
This is so sad…
When I was a child, my father (although some say he isn’t really my father) cheated and didn’t love my family.
Later, my parents divorced.
Soon after my mother, who slept around, died in a car accident.
My brother and I had to live in my grandma’s old house.
The whole family lived on my grandma’s savings.
My uncle is thought to be a pedophile.
Grandma just died.
Dad, who talks to the trees, and is now 73, had to go out to work to support the family.
Dad has cut me off without a penny because I married an actress.
Life just isn’t fair.
Wow! That is beautiful!
Anyone know what these things are? We are infested with these things. Crawling in and out of holes all over the cavern. As tall as a normal Imp. They are all slightly different, but basically the same.
Every dog has his day. Of course, his day consists of smelling other dogs’ butts
What did the blonde say when she heard that her friend had died? “What color?”
A little girl in church asks her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
Her mother says, “White is the color of joy, and today is most joyful day of her life.”
The little girl thinks for a moment, then asks, “Then, why is the groom wearing black?”
A married man and his lover were enjoying dinner at a restaurant when he looks out the window and suddenly turns white as a ghost.
‘What’s the matter?’ his lover asked.
‘I can see my spouse walking hand in hand with someone across the street.’
His lover looks across the street and says, ‘Oh My Gawd! So can I!’
I don’t see it…
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.
“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual’?”
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit!)
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
FACT: Statistics show that teen age pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
LAWYER’S OBSERVATION: ” I don’t know anyone here that’s been killed by a handgun.”
LITERATE PROCLAMATION: “We don’t want to open a box of Pandoras !”
YOGI BERRA SAID: “I really didn’t say everything I said.”
WHAT A U.S.SENATOR Said:
“Capital punishment is our society’s recognition of the sanctity of human life.”
…Orrin Hatch Senator from Utah
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, “who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?”
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual inuendo, looks for another student to ask. Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, “yes, Johnny?”
“Miss Figpot, it’s means lovely.”
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, “Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?”
“Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, ‘that’s lovely’. Dad replied to her, ‘Yep, it’s in different.'”