Dragon Laffs #2094

I did.  I voted this morning, Saturday morning to be exact.  I took Izzy with me.  I can’t help but think that all I did was cancel out her vote, but if that’s the case then so be it.  But Indiana, and our area especially is a pretty staunch republican area, so I’m not too worried about it.

But I am worried for the rest of the country.  Get out there and vote.  Vote early, vote often.  No, I’m kidding.  Don’t vote often.  That’s a democrat trick.  We have to play by the rules.  The good guys always do.  The bad guys can do what they want.  That’s why they’re bad guys and why we have to stop them. 

This is our chance to make a difference, get out there and vote.  Vote Republican.  DO NOT VOTE LIBERTARIAN.  As much as you might want to, it ends up being a vote for the Democrats.  They don’t have a chance of winning.  I know a lot of them have some good ideas, but this is a two-party nation.  Any vote that doesn’t go to a Republican is a vote that helps the democrats.  Several important races could have been won if it weren’t for the libertarians.  The Republican lost by 2% of the vote and the Libertarian took 4% of the vote.  No chance in hell of winning but took what could have been the winning votes from the Republican nominee. 

Well, it’s Halloween, so we’re going to pay at least a little homage to that holiday.  Not that it has ever been anything here at the Dragon residence since we’ve moved into this house.  But, we’ll do a little Halloween this issue.  So, let’s get to it.

Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t??

A: A navel.

A reporter for a major newspaper went out to interview a farmer who owned a very famous pig. On arrival, the farmer took the reporter out to the pig pen and introduced her to his famous pig. The reporter immediately noticed the pig was missing a rear leg. When she asked the farmer about this he replied, well, let me tell you about this pig. One day the house caught fire and the pig broke through the pen fence, rushed into the house, and alerted the family of the fire. My wife who was overcome by smoke was dragged from the burning house and the whole family was safe because of that pig. And is that how the pig lost its leg the reporter asked. Well now, young lady the farmer said, let me tell you about this pig. One day I was plowing in the lower forty acres when the tractor ran into a sinkhole and tipped over throwing me to the ground and pinning my leg under it. No one could hear me calling for help I was so far away but the next thing I knew this pig was running toward me at full gallop. He began rooting around and digging, and the tractor was swaying and possibly going to shift in a way that would have killed us both but the pig prevailed and drug me out. And is that the way the pig lost its leg the reporter asked again. Well, I just have to tell you about this pig the farmer replied. One day my son was playing alongside the swift running stream just down yonder when he fell in. He was quickly swept away and headed for a dangerous area of boulders. Once again this pig came to the rescue when he jumped into the stream and while the current carried them into the boulders he was still able to get my son to the bank before collapsing in exhaustion. Well, surely that must have been what cost the pig his leg. Well, no the farmer replied, you see honey when you have a pig that valuable, you just don’t eat him all at once.

This one is pretty good.  50 Times People Took Their Neighbors By Surprise With Their Halloween Decorations. https://www.boredpanda.com/halloween-creative-scary-decorations/?utm_source=smartnews&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=organic


It’s perfectly OK to talk to yourself and it’s perfectly OK to answer yourself.  But it’s totally sad that you have to repeat what you said because you weren’t listening.

Kummakivi is a 500 tons rock in Finland that has been balancing on top of another rock for 11,000 years.

Always make sure SOMEONE in the relationship has good credit.  That’s why it’s called SIGNIFICANT other.  Sign/if/I/can’t. 

Follow me for more marriage tips.

A man dies and appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter looks at the fellow and says, “Before I can let you in, I need you to show me your scars.”  

Proudly, the man answers , I don’t have any scars.”

With tears in his eyes, St. Peters asks him, “Was nothing worth fighting for?”

My wife just phoned me to say that 3 girls in her office have received flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous.  

I said, “That’s probably why!!”

The TRUTH is, that all of the “STUFF” here on earth we work SO hard to buy and accumulate..does NOT mean a thing. At the end of the day…people will be cleaning out our “STUFF”, going thru our “STUFF”, figuring out what to do with all of our “STUFF”….this “STUFF” we’ve accumulated in our life. The only thing of VALUE that remains are the MEMORIES and what we deposit into others. May we all learn to spend less time accumulating “STUFF” and spend way more time making MEMORIES.
~Bob Strain

Just type in Fantasy Halloween and some of the things you find are pretty cool.

Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation, i.e. jerking off, spanking the monkey, slappin’ the salami and so on, there weren’t any common terms for female masturbation.

“I’ve always called it ‘jilling off’,” said one of the women.

“But that’s just a feminization of ‘jacking off,'” said the first.

“You’re right,” said another. “We don’t seem to have any slang terms of our own for it.”

The fourth woman snorted. “After fourteen years of marriage, there’s only one thing I call it.”

“What’s that?”

“Finishing the job.”

This hit me…

You never really know the true impact you have on those around you.  You never know how much someone needed that smile you gave them.  You never know how much your kindness turned someone’s entire life around..  You never know how much someone needed that long hug or deep talk.  So don’t wait to be kind.  Don’t wait for someone else to be kind first.  Don’t wait for better circumstances or for someone to change.  Just be kind, because you never know how much someone needs it.

I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. 

Anonymous my ass!  I knew everyone there!

I have decided with a peaceful spirit, a loving heart, and a clear mind that some people can still kiss my ass.

Pretty girls who are unaware of their looks are more attractive than gorgeous girls who flaunt it.

I just don’t understand how people can see sunsets and ocean waves and babies and shooting stars and mountain ranges and genuine smiles and blooming flowers and snow flakes and crazy miracles and yet still believe that there is no God and this life is all just one big coincidence.

Robert Anson Heinlein.  My personal favorite author of all time.  If you want to read books from a true patriotic visionary, pick up his books.

The plumber said, “Why haven’t you paid the bill for the work I did last Friday?”

Paddy replied, “Well, it was not what you quoted.”

The plumber said, “I didn’t give you a quote.”

Paddy replied, “Yes you did!  When asked what day you could come, you said you were free on Friday!”

Of course I’ll attend your no alcohol, vegetarian Halloween party.  I’ll be dressed as the Invisible Man.

Netflix:  You want to watch a 10-hour movie? 

Me:  What?! No! Absolutely not!  Are you insane?! 

Netflix:  What if we break it up into hour-long episodes and you watch them all in one sitting? 

Me:  You son-of-a-gun!  I’m in!

Sixty might be the new forty, but 9:00 is the new midnight.

Well, I guess I had a few more new Halloween cartoons and memes than I thought I did … all thanks to you guys.  So, I hope you end up having a wonderful and happy holiday.  I will be at my second training class for becoming a moderator for counseling.  But, like I said, we don’t get any trick-or-treaters because of where we sit anyway.

So, until next time…

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