Dragon Laffs #2001


It’s Monday morning!  Did you remember to set your clocks ahead?  Because it’s that time again.

Fall behind, Spring ahead and it’s Spring time, so we go ahead.  One hour ahead.  At one a.m. in the morning Sunday morning, you should have woken up, ran around your house and set all of your clocks ahead to two a.m. and then gone back to bed.

Or I suppose you could have just reset your clocks before you went to bed or after you got up…that would have worked too, I guess.

Anyway, I suppose we could go ahead and start laughing…since we’re already an hour behind.

Jean Kerr…

The only reason they say “Women and Children First” is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

Prince Philip…

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife

Harrison Ford …

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

Jimmy Durante…

Home Cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

An old black and white photo of me and an old girl friend

Betsy Salkind…

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

John Glenn…

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

David Letterman…

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Old Italian Proverb…

After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box.

I stepped into an elevator today and a very large breasted woman stepped in with me. 

As I was staring at her because I couldn’t help it, she says would you press one please, so I did. 

I really don’t remember much after that.

“Um…here, YOU take the rock.”

That’s an awesome vent cover.  That is JUST a vent cover, right?

I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work. 

She said how do you know he was headed to work?

The guy at the furniture store told me the sofa would seat 5 people without any problems. 

Then it occurred to me, I don’t think I know 5 people without any problems.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.  He was a terrible king, but he was a great ruler.

Johnny and Ruth are biking down a hill. 

Ruth hits a tree.  Johnny decides to continue on. 

Ruthlessly.

We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius…

…but his brother Frank was a monster.

I had my patience tested. 

I’m negative.

This next one is from our buddy Sasquatch who says, “This makes as much sense as anything I’ve heard.”

Some more really interesting words by Buddy Brown sent in by Sasquatch

An old man meets a young man who asks: “Do you remember me?”

And the old man says no.

Then the young man tells him he was his student, And the teacher asks: “What do you do, what do you do in life?”

The young man answers: “Well, I became a teacher.”

“Ah, how good, like me?” Asks the old man.

“Well, yes. In fact, I became a teacher because you inspired me to be like you.”

The old man, curious, asks the young man at what time he decided to become a teacher. And the young man tells him the following story: “One day, a friend of mine, also a student, came in with a nice new watch, and I decided I wanted it.  I stole it, I took it out of his pocket.  Shortly after, my friend noticed that his watch was missing and immediately complained to our teacher, who was you.

Then you addressed the class saying, ‘This student’s watch was stolen during classes today. Whoever stole it, please return it.’

I didn’t give it back because I didn’t want to.

You closed the door and told us all to stand up and form a circle.  You were going to search our pockets one by one until the watch was found.  However, you told us to close our eyes, because you would only look for his watch if we all had our eyes closed.

We did as instructed.

You went from pocket to pocket, and when you went through my pocket, you found the watch and took it. You kept searching everyone’s pockets, and when you were done you said ‘open your eyes. We have the watch.’

You didn’t tell on me and you never mentioned the episode. You never said who stole the watch either. That day you saved my dignity forever. It was the most shameful day of my life.

But this is also the day I decided not to become a thief, a bad person, etc. You never said anything, nor did you even scold me or take me aside to give me a moral lesson.

I received your message clearly.  Thanks to you, I understood what a real educator needs to do.

Do you remember this episode, professor?

The old professor answered, ‘Yes, I remember the situation with the stolen watch, which I was looking for in everyone’s pocket. I didn’t remember you, because I also closed my eyes while looking.’

This is the essence of teaching:

If to correct you must humiliate; you don’t know how to teach “

Russia has already been cut off from CNN, Pornhub, and Facebook.  The US is now working on depriving Russians of MacDonald’s and CocaCola.  If they keep going with these sanctions, Russians will soon be among the healthiest, well adjusted and best informed people on the planet.

I think I’m starting to lose my mind. 

But, as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be okay.

That’s it for today guys.  Happy Day Light Savings Time.  Happy Monday.  May your days be filled with Love and Happiness.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2001

  1. Leah D says:

    Buddy Brown for President?

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