Dragon Laffs #2002


Well, it’s Thursday.  It’s been a long week.  They are all getting longer and longer. 

Teaching class today.  Special mid-week class.  Should be fun, I have some special guests in today’s class.  

Not much to go over this week.  I’m a bit anxious, stressed and depressed.  Mrs. Dragon’s birthday is coming up, today is St. Patrick’s Day, one of Mary’s “special” days, being very Irish.  So, it’s a bit of a bad week coming for me.  So, we need some laughs my friends…real bad.

 

Luke Skywalker was in a Chinese Restaurant having trouble eating with chop sticks until he heard a voice saying, “Use the forks, Luke.”

I like that part of America where if you put mayonnaise on potatoes it becomes a salad.

I agree sex is great, but have you ever tried grocery shopping without kids?

Just an example of some of the wall art in the offices of Dragon Laffs, Inc.

A man asked me for a dollar.  I told him I only carry big bills.  He said give me one of those.  I gave him my electric bill.

More proof that the young of today won’t survive.

Things I hated as a child: Getting spanked and naps. 

Things I love as an adult: Getting spanked and naps.

Fuel:  $4.15 per gallon

Full Tank:  $140.00

Drive off from gas station without paying:  Court date 6 weeks later and $80.00 fine.

Savings:  $60.00

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Record keeping of trespassers

You kids today with you legal weed…

Back in my day, we had to walk a mile uphill in the snow to meet a sketchy guy in an alley. 

We paid what he asked, and we smoked what he had, and WE LIKED IT.

THAT IS AWESOME!!

Turn A Blind Eye

Meaning:  To ignore situations, facts, or reality

Origin:  The British Naval hero, Admiral Horatio Nelson, had one blind eye.  Once when the British forces signaled for him to stop attacking a fleet of Danish ships, he held up a telescope to his blind eye and said, “I do not see the signal.”  He attacked, nevertheless, and was victorious.

Caught Red-Handed

Meaning:  To be caught in the act of doing something wrong

Origin:  This originates from an old English law that ordered any person to be punished for butchering an animal that wasn’t his own.  The only way the person could be convicted is if he was caught with the animal’s blood still on his hands.

Go The Whole Nine Yards

Meaning:  To try your best at something

Origin:  During World War II, the fighter pilots were equipped with nine yards of ammunition.  When they ran out, it meant that they had tried their best at fighting off the target with the entirety of their ammunition.

Let One’s Hair Down

Meaning:  To relax or be at ease

Origin:  In public, the aristocratic women of medieval times were obliged to appear in elegant hair-dos that were usually pulled up.  The only time they would “let their hair down” was when they came home and relaxed.

Cook The Books

Etymology:  From the mid-17th century.  A metaphor based on cooking, whereby ingredients are changed, altered and improved.  Thus financial statements can also be so modified to the benefit of the “cook”.

It’s about the journey, not about the destination.  No matter what you’re working for, take a few moments to appreciate the present.  You’ve traveled a long way to get here.  That’s worth celebrating.  

Shapiro sits down next to Rabinowitz on the subway.  Shapiro reaches into his wallet and pulls out a photo. 

“That’s my wife,” he says.  “Gorgeous, isn’t she? 

Rabinowitz shrugs.  “If you think she’s pretty, you ought to see my wife.” 

“Why, is she gorgeous too?” 

“No, she’s an optometrist.”

Grammar, the main difference between knowing “your shit” and knowing “you’re shit”.

Forgive and Forget? 

I’m neither Jesus nor do I have Alzheimer’s.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes. ~Sigmund Freud 

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.  May your days be filled with love and happiness.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2002

  1. Tom Harlander says:

    The letter to the editor was printed in the March 17, Alton Telegraph. See thetelegraph.com for the Opinion Page, under the title Fossil Fuels.

  2. Leah D says:

    So when are you having hip surgery?

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