Dragon Laffs #1974


 

Good Morning Campers, 

Well, lots of stuff going on today.  Or in the next couple of days, actually.  Tomorrow, Christmas Eve, is my birthday.  The day after that is Christmas.  And although it’s a commercial, Steve shared this absolutely wonderful video, and I just have to share it with you guys, so let’s see if this works:

So, did it bring a tear to your eye as well?  That’s the spirit of Christmas.  No, not Chevy.  People coming together to help someone else feel good at a time of year when so many of us feel like shit.  Thanks, Steve for sharing this with us on a day when so many of us feel like crap. 

But that’s not what we’re here for today.  Today we’re here to have fun.  To laugh together and begin to ring in the holidays with friends and family.  Loved ones.  Thanks you guys for being here with us.

Now THAT’S a CHAIR!!!

I have now heard the perfect description of what’s going on.  Come on children, come sit by Grandpa Impish’s feet and learn the wisdom: 

They’re telling the unjabbed to take the jab because the jab works. 

And telling the jabbed to get a booster because the jab doesn’t work. 

All while telling everyone that the unjabbed are putting the jabbed in danger by not getting a jab that didn’t protect the jabbed.

February 22, 2022 (2/22/22) falls on a Tuesday so we’ll be able to call it 2’s day.  I know, I’m a dork, but I’m excited about this!

In line at McDonald’s — shitty little kid behind me screaming he wants an apple pie at his mother —

I get to the counter — 

Me:  Hi.  I’ll have a number 3, larger, and excuse me, but how many apple pies do you have back there?  

McDonald’s Worker:  12  

Me:  I’ll take them all.

Well, if the parents won’t parent …

A weasel walks into a bar. 

The bartender looks up and says, “Wow!  In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by.  What can I get you?” 

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

“I was ripped from my home.

I was tied up and sold on the street. 

I was dragged into a strange room. 

I was made to stand in cold water. 

I had weights attached to every limb. 

I was wrapped in burning heat lamps. 

I was left to die slowly in the corner. 

My captors just stared at me and smiled.”

— If a Christmas tree could speak.  (Happy Christmas!)

Aww, isn’t he cute!

Impish Claus

My daughter asked me why she can’t just quit school and I told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet, sweet child looked me in the eye and said, “I’ll visit you.”

My mother used to tell me I was the worlds greatest potato peeler.  I really bought into it.  And every time we’d have potatoes I’d get so excited to show off my skills as the ultimate peeler.  It wasn’t until I was in my mid 30s that I realized the whole play.  Touché mom.  Touché.  

EAT LIKE NO ONE IS GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED.

I hate it when people ask me if I’m ready for Christmas.  No Susan.  I’m not even ready for today.

I love jokes for smart people.

There is a rare breed of people who go all in.  They keep their word.  They give it their all.  They put themselves last for those they care about.  These  individuals rarely receive the same compassion and effort in return yet continue to give freely.  To the givers, forgivers, and selfless lovers out there… Keep pushing forward.  Don’t let this cold world change who you are.

My emotional support animal is a chicken. 

A four piece. 

With a biscuit.

I said I was good at making decisions.  I didn’t say the decisions I made were good.

First there was this picture, by itself:

Which led me to this YouTube:

One of the most beautiful and wonderful speeches of all times, which in turns leads to one of the most amazing dance scenes of all times:

Which THEN led further down the rabbit hole to two of my ALL TIME favorite musicians playing one of my favorite Christmas Carols:

Which tumbled me deeper down to this one.  But, I must admit that when I thought about it, I in turn searched for a different one and found them live in Toledo, Ohio and realized I had never seen them live and although I didn’t care as much for the live version audio-wise, the visual were stunning!  So, now I share with you the last of my rabbit-hole descending’s for today with one of my all time favorites and with what I would crank up to a million decibels and ride screaming through town on the back of my motorized sleigh laughing my dragon head off while playing… 

And it all started with a Peanuts picture… 

ah… the mind of a dragon

My life is just a collection of poorly made decisions with good music playing in the background.

Karma is a bitch? 

Oh no honey…karma is a classy and wise elder that will calmly sit you down and serve you a tea you later realize was laced with the same poison you served others for years.

I’m snowed in.  Nothing a little salt can’t handle.  Especially around the rim of a margarita glass.

Nobody claim 2022 as “your year”.  We’re all going to walk in real slow.  Be good.  Be quiet.  Be cautious and respectful.  Don’t touch anything.

If only that were enough for them to take the hint.

Only in America in 2021 can you get arrested for opening your business, but not for looting one…

Yeah, I’m with the rest of you.  My answer would be C and G

Keeping colleges closed this fall is far more likely to stop the spread of communism than it is to stop the spread of COVID.

  • Monuments are being destroyed

  • Movies are being removed or edited

  • Television shows are being canceled

  • Logos are being removed from foods

How do you like communism so far?

Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family that I’m a gift.

Kids:  We’re bored  

Me:  Listen, your grandparents didn’t even know where I was from 1983 to 1988.  Go find some sticks to play with.

Christmas time is great because you can shout, “DON’T COME IN HERE!” and people think you are wrapping presents.  When you just want to drink wine in peace and not share your chocolates with anyone.

You all need to stop asking Santa to bring you a good man…I was almost kidnapped twice last week.

Induction:  The act of inserting ducks  

Deduction:  The act of removing ducks

And how many of you youngsters out there are gonna get that one?

And therein lies the perfect ending spot for today’s issue.  May your days be filled with the joy and wonder of a child’s Christmas excitement.  Love and happiness to you all.

 

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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1974

  1. Kris says:

    Merry Christmas! And Happy Birthday!!

  2. Cynical John says:

    Merry Christmas to you and all the Dragon Family, Impish! May the coming year bring you light and joy!

  3. Hank Hoeksema says:

    “https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?height=307&href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FConservativeMomma%2Fvideos%2F758621125036251%2F&show_text=true&width=560&t=0” A very forceful sermon by a Priest

  4. Tom Harlander says:

    Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas.

  5. Frggin Pete says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR! Today is my Birthday so, I guess the really good people are born in December, huh! LOL

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