Dragon Laffs #1973


Good Morning Campers, 

I have determined that a sincere smile and a warmly said, “and have a Merry Christmas” to everyone you deal with at this time of year will reward you with, at the very least, a grunted reply of “and you, too” but much more often you will get the other person’s face lighting up like the angel’s aura and a small, yet noticeable sparkle in their eye.  The poor people that have to work this time of year in the service industry whether it be in the grocery store, department store, or where ever are taking a lot of abuse from the customers that they face every day.  They’re not getting paid any extra.  It’s not like there’s combat pay during this time of year, even if there should be.  And the amount of extra assholes out there is amazing.  So, a smile and a “Merry Christmas” goes a long way. 

Plus, it makes me feel really good, especially when I am having a crappy Christmas myself.  So, that’s my morning observation over coffee today.      

This is from the Babylon Bee … so … be warned… https://babylonbee.com/news/christmas-gift-ideas-for-your-liberal-child

10 Christmas Gift Ideas for Your Leftist Child

First off, congratulations on raising a child already versed in progressive ideals! Your Christmas holiday is sure to be filled with joy, laughter, fear of using incorrect pronouns, and vegan egg nog.

If you’re having trouble finding that perfect Christmas present for your liberal child due to their inconsistent morality, hypocritical life choices, or gender confusion, then let us help you with this handy list of gifts they’re sure to not cancel you for:

1) Brand new gender: New genders are so hot right now. We would urge you to grab one before they run out, but honestly, there will always be more genders.

2) Allowance increase followed by tax increase: This valuable life lesson will impart to your youngling the wisdom found in pretending to give while actually taking.

3) Battery-powered police car to flip over and set on fire: Progressive children love acting out violently in the name love. This flammable gift is perfect if your child was too young to burn actual police cars back in 2020.

4) Crowbar and a ride to Nordstrom: Unique experiences are the most precious gifts you can give your child. This gift offers a hands-on understanding of where progressive policies have led.

5) Playskool Dr. Fauci Shrine™: Turn your child’s dresser into a sanctuary of reverence toward the benevolent Dr. Fauci. These are flying off the shelves, so grab one quick!

6) Twitter account: Hey, your kid is never too young to learn the ins and outs of Twitter, including public shaming, cyberbullying, destroying careers, and contributing to a giant cancerous tumor of hate.

7) Vaccinate Me Elmo™ doll: Have you seen the commercial for this toy? What a great commercial.

8) Coal: This will prevent conservatives from burning it in power plants and destroying the planet! 

9) Chairman Mao pop-up book: Let your child’s imagination be filled with stories of the beloved revolutionary who called for equality and fairness for everyone besides the 80 million who died under his rule. (Avoid Tuttle Twins books at all costs) 

10) A whuppin’: Let’s be honest here.

We’re everywhere…you just have to look.

China claims that Coronavirus came from an old bat, but Pelosi denies having been involved.

A lot of people do.  It’s perfectly understandable.

One question…Why?

The best safe word you can use is “Meatloaf.”  It means “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

You don’t realize how old you are until you try to get back up after wrapping presents on the floor.

One of Impish Dragon’s little helpers

Dear perfume wearers, A little hint for you all: 

PFT PFT is enough 

PFT PFT PFT PFFFFFT PFT PFFFFT PFFFT PFT is really too much. 

And when I feel the need the yell, “Mask! Mask! Mask!” and grab my M-50 it really is too much.

I wear this AT LEAST a dozen times a month.

Guess The Camper

One of our Campers sent this in.  Can you guess which one?

My response is: Nah.  It’s just a natural born, God given talent.  Why not enjoy it.

NO KIDDING!  Reading in bed at night would be SO MUCH easier.  Especially if they improved the technology so the letters actually glowed for a while.  I read on my tablet now because, otherwise I would go broke from buying actual books, and gas driving to the books store or the library every single day, but glow in the dark ink is a way cool idea.

And you can easily switch out Biden in that second picture and change the words to ANY OTHER world leader

Sadly, with this administration, those bombs are probably filled with hundred dollar bills

God, I LOVE it when that happens!

Because it’s only in books where we can truly get inside a character’s head; feel his feelings; read his thoughts.  With a movie you watch the story, inside a book you become the story.  It plays out inside of you.  You become the characters.

I went for a run but came back home after two minutes because I forgot something. 

I forgot that I’m fat and can’t run for more than two minutes.

My First Day as a Crime Scene Investigator

Detective:  How did this man drown?  

Me:  He couldn’t breathe underwater.

When doctors and nurses are quitting their jobs over a medical mandate, it’s time to realize that something is seriously wrong.

This is what happens when you order a President through the mail.

How long before “Let’s Go Brandon” is deemed terroristic hate speech, banned on all platforms, and warrants an investigation from the FBI?

Lou Holtz, Foot ball coach, was asked what is the difference in football players today and 50 years ago.  He answered, “Simple.  Today’s athletes talk about rights and privileges.  And the players 50 years ago talked about obligations and responsibilities!”  To me that describes society today.

I’m old enough to remember when mentally ill people were put in hospitals, not Congress.

That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone else is carrying on with their lives… As though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.

Mary Poppins Voice:  Okay, Children!  Time to go! 

[15 minutes later]  

Batman Voice: I SAID LET’S GO!

When someone asks what you are thinking about, say: I hope no one ever finds the body.

Thanks to Leah for sharing the above

And that wraps up another issue my dear camper friends.  We are at a Monday heading into Christmas week.  May this week be peaceful and calm for you and yours.  Love and happiness be spread across your homes.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1973

  1. Leah D. says:

    Love your words on books, becoming the character. The description books give of a character, are vague, and we fill in the blanks, of how the character looks.
    Saying that, I nominate The Princess Bride movie, for Best Choice of Actors. It’s like they did a brain scan on me, printing out the results.
    I also nominate the movie for not changing the script!

  2. Dave says:

    We have a birthday coming up.
    Happy Birthday! 🎂

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