Dragon Laffs #1954


Good Morning Campers,

It’s truly wonderful to see everyone this fine Thursday morning.  And a fine Thursday morning it is, too.  At least I’m assuming it’s a fine Thursday morning, since I’m starting to write this on Tuesday evening.  Yes, it’s my own little version of time travel.  We actually have a frost warning in effect for tonight, the first one of the year.  I’m not sure I’m ready for a frost warning yet.  We have had nothing but rain for the last like month.  I got a chance to mow the lawn the other day, which I normally manage once a week or so, but with the weather I think had gone about ten days and I swear with all the rain and intermittent sun, I really thought I was going to need a farm tractor.

It had to be, no lie, 4 to 6 to about 8 inches tall in the sunny spots.  And lush and green!  Oh man!  No wonder the bunny rabbits like it so much!  Which of course drive my puppy dogs just crazy!  Defenders of the realm, they are!  Keep those evil bunny rabbits away!  

When we lived at the old house, it was the squirrels.  Here, it’s the bunny rabbits.  And the neighbor’s cat.  Now, that’s an evil feline.  It get’s running just in front of the dogs and is just powerful enough to leap to the top of the fence when they are running at top speed.  The cat leaps to the top of the fence, the dogs crash into the bottom of the fence, and get their ever-living bells rung.

And of course this dragon just laughs and laughs.  Because I see it unfolding every, single time.

The cat is evil and the dogs are stupid.  So, okay, maybe not stupid, but completely and utterly controlled by their basic instincts.  Something runs away from them and they have to chase it.  Whether it’s me throwing a ball away from them, a rabbit running across the backyard, a butterfly fluttering across the field, or an evil cat who is going to, yet again, crash them into the hard wooden fence.  They have no control over it.  It’s instinctual stupidity.

Kind of like American Politics.

(See what I did there?)  

Anyway, what do you say we get on with the laughter and put some other funny stuff into this ezine?  Yup, I think that’s a great idea, too.

You realize that …

right?

Okay, I’ve got to say, I don’t think I want to drink coffee made with beans that have been pooped out of a creature.  Seriously, I don’t see the attraction, don’t see the appeal, and in fact, I don’t give a damn HOW good it tastes, just the fact that it was crapped out would be enough for me to not drink it … ever.  Besides, if I remember correctly, it’s also like the world’s most expensive coffee.  And as far as I’m concerned, I don’t go to Starbucks because they charge too damn much for a simple cup of joe.

That is an awesome idea!  I would’ve never thought of that!  Thanks to Stephanie for passing on that bit of advice.

And the next skating competitive pair is …

WHEN I DIE

Will someone please go to my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper?  Don’t say anything, just stand there…

Whenever I’m having a bad day, I just stop and remind myself, at least I don’t have my Ex’s name tattooed on my body.

“Daddy, why do people hang horses?” asked my daughter.

“Nobody hangs horses, darling,” I consoled her on my lap.  “Who told you that people hang horses?”

“I just heard mummy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse.”

Yeah … I got nuttin’

The only way I’d stop supporting Trump is if I found out he slept with Pelosi.

Okay, that’s just wrong, in so many ways.

Raise your hand if you want to see Hunter Biden testify for 30 + hours before a Senate Intelligence Committee just like Donald Trump, Jr. had to do over the Russian Collusion hoax!

When your wife is mad, just tell her that she is overreacting.  She’ll realize you’re right and calm down instantly. 

Follow me for more marriage advice!

Today my son asked how I know that everyone driving is named Dick.

I got this next one from Pete and he labeled it “Impish”.  I must say, I’m honored.

This is what Paris looks like from the Eiffel Tower 

For those who don’t know me, I’m kind, calm, and sweet.  For those who know me, shut up, please.

Y’all be sure to leave those Biden signs in your yard…so people will know where to siphon gas when it’s $8.00 a gallon.

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan? 

You take away their little brooms.

From time to time my wife puts on her wedding dress.

Not because she’s sentimental. 

She really gets that far behind with the laundry.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be “saved” or you’ll “burn”. 

Stupid firemen.

And that my friends is it for today.  I hope you had as much fun as I did.  May the rest of your week be filled with as much fun and laughter as you can possibly handle and as much love as you could possibly desire.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1954

  1. Leah D says:

    Curse of the Robo Calls: Here in Utah, a stranded climber didn’t answer the calls from responders, because he didn’t recognize the numbers.

  2. Pete says:

    Of course your voice mail still works for the caller. Tell me, if your battery is dead or too low to receive call or has no signal, how you are going to change the message on it? If you enter data into your phone and send it, but the signal can’t reach the cell site, how is the data going to get to the location of the voice mail center to change your recorded message?

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