Dragon Laffs #1953


Good Morning Campers, 

Well, it seems as though the last issue published as it was supposed to, so I guess this platform works at least.  As much of a pain in the ass as it is.  Any port in the storm. 

Maybe it’s a government conspiracy to keep Impish Dragon’s voice off the internet.  You know it’s not like Faceblock where they can stop you anytime they want, I can say anything I want to here and the only ones I have to worry about here are the FBI, NSA, CIA … okay, so I guess I DO have stuff to worry about. 

So maybe in light of all of that, we ought to, oh I don’t know, laugh? 

I got my glasses fixed.

My girlfriend sat on them

It was my own fault though.

I should’ve taken them off.

Can I be the first one to say, “YUCK!”

This message needs to get out to pretty much everyone these days …

Just because you are offended – doesn’t mean you are right!

Every time a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch to show them what I am capable of.

Woman:  Do you have any batteries?  

Clerk:  Sure come this way. (wiggles finger)  

Woman:  If I could come that way, I wouldn’t need batteries.

Izzy Dragon’s baby picture.

Oh, the good old days!

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. 

She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

The Manhattan Style makes me think that there might be OTHER styles.

 

Just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my car. 

While using my phone as a flashlight.

Even our plumbers are special.

Everyone needs that one friend who’ll get drunk with you, for no reason at all.

One minute your young and fun.  And the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

An Obituary printed in the London Times…..Absolutely Dead Brilliant!!

 Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense”, who has been with us for many years.

 No one knows for sure how old he was, 

Common Sense has been lost in bureaucratic red tape

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

– Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
– Why the early bird gets the worm;
– Life isn’t always fair;
– And maybe it was my fault.

 Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend
 more than you can earn) 

 

Common Sense began to deteriorate rapidly when overbearing regulations were set in place ! ! !

 

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
 

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
 

 Common Sense was preceded in death,
 -by his parents, Truth and Trust,
 -by his wife, Discretion,
 -by his daughter, Responsibility,
 -and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepchildren;
 – I Know My Rights
– I Want It Now
– Someone Else Is To Blame
 – I’m A Victim
– Pay me for Doing Nothing
 

Very few realize we have lost Common Sense 

Today I passed a drug test at work.  My dealer has some explaining to do.

Most people don’t act stupid.  It’s the real thing.

You just have to take life one “WTF” at a time…

I hate when people say, “Act Like An Adult.” 

Have you seen adults lately?  That’s horrible advice!

If you ever see me JOGGING, please kill whatever is chasing me.

Do you ever just listen to someone and think, Holy Shit, you’ve got the IQ of a crayon.  

Every damn day.

It’s time to do some of these.  Let’s see how much fun we can have.

If you’re 40+, it’s time to leave those young girls alone and get you a woman that understands the signs of a stroke.

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…

Mother’s Day gift?

Finally figured out the reason why I look so bad in pictures.

It’s my face.

I don’t know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.

I just saw on the news that they’re suggesting that people check on the elderly. 

I’m usually up by 6 or 6:30. 

Bring donuts.

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you have a wonderful week full of love and happiness.  

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