Good Morning Campers, 

You ever have a holiday just kind of sneak up on you?  I’ve been saving Halloween cartoons and stuff for weeks and weeks thinking that I’d spread them out over the couple of issues before the holiday and just realized as I sat down to start this issue that THIS was the Halloween episode. 

So, what the hell happened to the time? 

I guess it’s like anything else, if you don’t pay attention to it, it disappears faster than it should. 

Nah, that’s not it.  More likely I’ve been so damn busy there hasn’t been enough time to do the things I need to do, much less any extra. 

So, this is going to be the Halloween issue.  I’ve got enough material for a trick or treat bag FULL of Halloween issues, and there’s a bunch of other stuff I wanted to talk about and I’m playing a makeup darts match tonight and … you get the idea. 

So, let’s get this party started.

“Life is a Highway”

“I Obviously Took a Dirt Road”

My Mom was cleaning out their liquor cabinet and offered me a bottle of Vodka they’ve had for ages.  I had to say no because I know it’s 70% water from me stealing it when I was 16.

There!  Summer is over!  Hope you’re happy you pumpkin spice loving psychos.

You know you’re ugly when you go to a haunted house and come out with an application.

 

I want to move away from Halloween for just a second and share something with you that Mrs. Dragon shared with me last night.  It actually brought tears to my eyes.  

Absolutely amazing

Remember in the last issue where we talked about putting a message on your voicemail if you were lost or your battery was dying or you were in a place where you didn’t have service or … yeah, you remember that one.  Well, you ever feel really stupid about something when someone points out something REALLY obvious to you?  Well, I got this message from Pete … one of your more saner voices of reason around here and he said: Of course your voice mail still works for the caller. Tell me, if your battery is dead or too low to receive call or has no signal, how you are going to change the message on it? If you enter data into your phone and send it, but the signal can’t reach the cell site, how is the data going to get to the location of the voice mail center to change your recorded message?  Um… well yeah!  No kidding.  Thanks Pete for being the voice of reason.  I’m going to change my voicemail BEFORE I become lost and in an area with no coverage because I’m psychic and KNOW that’s going to happen, right?  Well, if I’m psychic and KNOW that’s going to happen, then JUST DON’T GO THERE IN THE FIRST FRIGGIN’ PLACE! 

Anyway … somebody has to pay attention around here.

How about a little before and after picture … do you remember this picture of the Willow Dragon?

Well, this is one from just now ..

As you can see, Her Willowness has gotten a bit … um … bigger.  Just as sweet and just as loving, but a whole lot bigger.  She squared up on a blowing leaf the other day and damn near tore my arm capturing said leaf.  She is learning to sit, stay, and wait to be fed.  Although eating is still an exercise in prison ethics.  Good fun.  I have stopped calling her Prison Bitch … well, I’ve dropped the Prison part, anyway.

I sat in my Haircutters chair and said “Make me look sexy.” 

She started drinking…

My sex life is like a Ferrari. 

I don’t have a Ferrari.

I went down to the paint store to get thinner. 

It didn’t work.

I love how in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” as if the killer is going to be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?”

I never called you ugly.  All I said was, “I bet you could trick or treat over the telephone.”

I don’t hold grudges. 

I hold memories that keep me better prepared for our next encounter.

I learn from the mistakes of people who take my advice.

Dear Women, we don’t say this enough, but thank you. 

Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. 

Sincerely,

Men

Have you ever met someone so stupid you felt bad for their dog?

Okay, I’m changing his name to Friggin’ Pete.  So, we’ve got Aussie Pete and Friggin’ Pete.  Why Friggin’ Pete you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you…because he keeps sending us stuff that either makes me go hmm or brings a tear to my eye or … well, read this and you’ll see what I mean: 

This has been around for years but, as I reread it, it hits a little closer to home. I hope you take the time to read it.

Pete

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it.

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning conversation. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind, he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whoever he was talking with something about “a thousand marbles.”

I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. “Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well, but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter’s dance recital.”

He continued, “Let me tell you something, Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.”

“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.

“Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now stick with me Tom, I’m getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail”, he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy.

“So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round-up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away.

“I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.

“Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.”

“It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band.

73 Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!”

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking you and the kids to breakfast.”

“What brought this on?” she asked with a smile.

“Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles.” 

With only 684 of my own marbles left, it really makes you think about what your priorities are and what they ought to be.  Thank you Pete, truly, for a really wonderful essay.  

“I’ll get gas in the morning” is one of the worst decisions you can make as an adult.

The most important thing I’ve learned in life,

and I can’t stress this enough:

you have to make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think.

My kids won’t stop bugging me for an in-ground swimming pool, so tonight we’re watching the movie Poltergeist.

And with that dear friends, I hoped you enjoyed this super-sized Halloween issue of Dragon Laffs.  I know it wasn’t much of a normal issue, but hey!  Sometimes it’s good to just laugh.  Until we meet again.  Cheers!