Dragon Laffs #1875


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Good Morning Campers,

So, I spent the weekend teaching … granted, it’s the best part of my job, and I love it dearly, but man … some time off would be welcome.  Teaching my beloved G.I.s how to stay alive in crappy environments is a great life’s work, it truly is, but a dragon needs some down time, too. 

450I NEED A VIRGIN TO SNACK ON!  Or at least a nice village to burn.  You know, dragony things.  Things that us mythological creatures like to do on the weekends with our mates.  It’s not just throwing darts in the pub.  I’ve a reputation to keep up, haven’t I?  The local villagers tend to get attitudes if I don’t show up every once in a while and demand the occasional virginal sacrifice and burn down a hut or three.  I need to fly over the fields and scare the herds; leave scorch marks on the earth that can’t be explained any other way and lord knows I’ve been ignoring my horde of gold lately that’s for damn sure.  But yeah, definitely a virgin to snack on.

Okay, while I go look for volunteers, you guys go ahead and start laughing a bit.

Let's Laugh 2

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I’d like to start out with an essay written by a dear friend of mine.  A fellow dispatcher.  This if from Jonathon J.

Listen up Buttercups! As someone who actually grew up watching PePe LePew (and all those “BAD” Saturday morning cartoons), I never saw Pepe as a rapist or promoting rapist culture. HELL I didn’t even know what a rapist was. I WAS A CHILD!

Let me impart my CHILDHOOD thoughts:

The only reason I ever thought the cat tried to get away from Pepe was because she was, in fact, A CAT, and he was a SKUNK. (For those of you who are biologically/scientifically challenged… Skunks and Cats ARE completely different animals – skunks also smell very bad).

I distinctly remember watching and thinking:

If Pepe catches up with her, she’s going to need a bath.

That’s it.

DEAR CANCEL CULTURE:

STOP READING MORE INTO OUR CHILDHOOD CARTOONS, BREAKFAST FOOD ICONS, VEHICLE NAMES, and everything else. No one became a rapist, racist, murderer, animal abuser, or dropper of anvils from watching our vintage Saturday morning cartoons while eating Aunt Jemima pancakes. You are, IN FACT, idiots, looking for attention due to the lack of parental fortitude in YOUR own lives.

You are walking, talking, “grown” infants. Screaming when you don’t get your way resulting in showing the world how truly absurd you are.

How about WE THE PEOPLE cancel YOU because WE are offended by your feckless, pansy ass, stupidity!

Well said brother!  Bravo!  Thank you very much for sending this to me.  This definitely falls into the category of “damn!  Wish I had said that!  Nicely done.

And a great way to get the ball rolling today.

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Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people jus trying to stop me from living my life?

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Batman, old school

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It seems as though Lynn’s been busy.  She writes and says:

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare

At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.”

So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy,
can’t speak English and have no clue who their daddies are.

They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify.
My dogs get their first checks Friday.
She also put their names on the Democrat voter registry.

Is this a great country or what!

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Gee, it’s like they all had a right way to go or something…

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We shouldn’t call it the “White House” anymore because that’s racist.

Let’s call it the “Nut House”

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And actually, that’s still the wrong festive leaf, the shamrock is a 3 leaf clover, 453not the 4 leaf variety that everyone seems to think it is.  It is celebrated because the three leaves are supp0sed to signify the Holy Trinity of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, as my VERY IRISH Mrs. Dragon will so aptly point out to ye!  This is also a reason that we had a bit of a week last week.  St. Patrick’s Day is a bit of a special day in the Irish households and this is the first one without both her mom and her dad.  So, we let it go by with very little fanfare with the expectation that next year will be better.  Slainte mhath!

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How come “you’re a peach” is a compliment, but “you’re bananas” is an insult?  Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

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Because it’s adorable, that’s why!

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People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not being a serial killer.

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What a culture we live in.

We are swimming in an ocean of information and drowning in ignorance.

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Gas pumps should show porn clips so you can see someone else getting fucked while you are.   Thanks Biden

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Wow.  I really need one of those signs for around here.

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“I guess you didn’t know it, but I’m a fiddle player too
and if you care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you …”

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Kind of a classic

Tip For Newlyweds:  Send a wedding invite to every billionaire whose address you can find because it’s a 50/50 chance their assistants just send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are.

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This link is from Vincent with our thanks…

Crazy ? Skilled ?  Might have to click into you tube to view these amazing feats

PEOPLE ARE AWESOME 2014 – YouTube—

Some of these people are out of their minds!!!!  How do they practice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWf8CXwPoqI

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Sexual education class in school should just be listening to a baby cry for five hours straight while watching the same cartoon over and over again on repeat.

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Beware

Bicycle Cops

Big prizes

bigbang

Bill Stickers

Billiards

Binception

Birds

Birth Control Pills

Birth Control

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Birthday Cake

Birthday Presents

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When I was dispatching for the State Police and again when I was a desk Sergeant working on the base as a civilian police officer, we would routinely get calls about the military aircraft dropping flares at night over the range way to the north of us.  The people would see these bright colored lights falling from the sky and swear they were seeing UFOs.  Happened all the time.  Some of the other calls I got when I was both dispatching for the State Police and working as a base cop would fill a book.

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This story comes to us from Stephanie … it’s adorable!

My 8 yr old granddaughter was riding between her grandpa & I in the truck, when she noticed a mole under my chin. She randomly asked me, “Nannie, are you a witch? You have a wart under your chin.” We giggled as I explained to her it wasn’t a wart, but it was a mole. Then she asked me if frogs can really give you warts. I told her that it’s  not true, it was an old wives tale. She thought about that a few seconds, then asked me, “Nannie, have you ever kissed a frog?” I decided to play her little game & teased her by saying, “Yes…I did… once.” Her eyes got big & she said, “Really??? What happened?” I gave a little wink & giggle to my husband & replied, “When I kissed the frog, I got your Poppy!” She looked at her grandpa, then back at me, then back at her grandpa, then she finally looked back at me & said, “Nannie… it must have been a really old frog !” 

 

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Is nobody else getting this bullshit?

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If someone climbed the fence into your backyard, broke into your home, expected you to feed them, house them, and freely use all of the things you worked so hard for, would you be okay with that?

Welcome to illegal immigration and what the democrats are shoving down our collective throats!!

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There needs to be a rule in there about what happens when they lie to us … like they get ridden out of town on a rail or tarred and feathered or something fun like that.  Because I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and fucking tired of being lied to by the people who are supposed to be representing us, the people that we hired to do a job for us, the people who are our employees!  How dare they!  They work for us!  We don’t fucking work for them!

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A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican party.”

It’s as simple as that.

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My girl asked me where I’m taking her for Valentine’s Day.  Apparently “from behind” was NOT the correct answer.

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I’ve got a couple of things to say at the end here … first of all, this little comment from Leah D …

Leah D

I think I know what your problem is.
We just went through Winter, and you never hibernated.
I suspect that’s because you needed to keep your fat storage up, to fuel all your fiery comments!

You may be right, Leah … which leads me to my next thing.  Today, is the first day of Spring … well, by the time you guys get this, it will be the second day of spring.  I got up this morning and it was 25 degrees out side.  I mean, WTF?  What the heck happened?  Weren’t we supposed to get some sort of warm up with the coming of spring?  Just another something else those damn democrats have taken away from us!

Well, I’m making Lasagna Bob for dinner tonight, so I need to go get started on that.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Lasagna Bob, it’s a little old, but you can still find it here https://www.epicurean.com/articles/lasagna-bob.html and yes, I’m quite proud of it. 

Until we meet again, dear friends and fellow campers, be well, be happy, and laugh … a lot.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1875

  1. Alan F says:

    Well said, Jonathon J.

  2. Leah D says:

    WOW! I am impressed, and posted a link to Lasagna Bob on FB.
    QUICK! Go get your Food Handlers permit, before everyone asks for your email.

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