Good Morning Campers,

Another difficult week to get through.  Seems like they are piling up a bit lately.  Gonna have to take the opportunity to take some time off.  Yeah, I know that cracks me up, too.  Now, they are talking about sending me to Andrews AFB at the end of April, beginning of May to help them out with an exercise.  I wouldn’t mind so much if we could get enough people together for them to put us on a military jet and fly us out there, you’d think that would be one of the perks of working for the Air Force, right?  But it looks like we’re going to have to drive.  About 11 hours one way. 

I’ve never been to Washington, D.C. before so that part would be cool.  See the cage that they have around the Capitol to keep the Democrats locked in and all that.  The seat of deceit and all that goes with it.  That might be fun.  But, mostly those trips are work, work, work … and then at night it’s drink, drink, … er … I mean, study, study, study.

Anyway, we all need a laugh to get us through our day and I have some catching up to do, so let’s get to the good stuff, shall we?

Yup, I have friends like that. 

Here’s another great one from Pete … he asks us, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit (1750s – 1810s).

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, but primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims. Doubts about the credibility of tobacco enemas led to the popular phrase “Blowing Smoke Up Your Ass.” As you are most likely aware, this odd tool is still heavily used today by American Democrats.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Staton Island, NY, where Bozo Yolanda Watson had locked herself in her bedroom. Unable to get out, she called 911 for help. The police arrived promptly and first let the Bozo out of the bedroom and then arrested her. The reason–they found 195 marijuana plants growing in her living room!  Thanks John S.

“Do Not Touch”

Must be one of the scariest things to read in braille

Man, we always get put down!

Husband sits in his room throwing darts at his wife’s photo but not even a single one hit the target.

From another room his wife asks the husband, “What are you doing?”

Husband yells back, “Missing you!”

God Bless the English Language!

I’m here to talk to you about your car’s extended warranty!

Got up at 5 am, 8 km run completed, came back prepared a vegetable smoothie for breakfast …

Don’t remember the rest of the dream …

A quiet man is a thinking man.

A quiet woman is usually mad.

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, ‘Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?’

‘Why, no, Ma’am,’ said the pilot. ‘What is it?’

The little old lady said, ‘Did we land, or were we shot down?’

Then there are those of us, who have on their bucket list, to get an up close photo of a tornado … and yes, that includes this dragon.

Barbie didn’t give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can’t reattach a head once it’s been removed from the body.

Do you ever feel like your body’s “check engine” light has been on and you’re still driving it like “nah, it’ll be fine”?

Only like all the time

Today, my car clock is right again.

My patience finally paid off!

Got a crap load of political stuff to share with you guys today, so sit back and relax….it’s gonna be a fun trip.

The only way the Coronavirus will die is if it has dirt on the Clintons.

Remember when we didn’t have $5 billion to build the WALL?  Now we’ve got $700 billion plus to give to other countries?

Current federal law says you must know English to become a citizen.  So why are foreign language ballots even printed?!

Are we banning rap music yet?  It’s a lot more racist than pancake syrup or rice.

 

Ignoring evidence of election fraud because the election is already over is like ignoring a murder because the victim is already dead.

As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I’m sure of … it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Can people in Flint, MI drink water yet?  I’m just wondering before we send money to Pakistan for Gender Studies!

There are two types of Biden supporters:

Billionaires and Idiots …

Check your bank account to see which one you are.

Dr. Faucci, Bill Gates, and the Democrats want us to carry a vaccination ID, but they don’t think a voter ID is necessary.  Let that sink in.

The CDC says the flu is almost nonexistent this year because of wearing masks and social distancing.

The CDC says COVID-19 is out of control because no one is wearing masks and social distancing.

Sorry we ruined your life, here’s $600.

I can’t believe I’m living in a world that is reassigning the gender of a plastic potato.

Last night my neighbor came home drunk and banged on his own door for like five minutes.  Problem is, he lives alone, so I went outside and told him he wasn’t there and he left.

I said, “Alexa, what do women want?”  The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get s shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

Sounding concerned, I replied, “No…”

She responded, “How about now?”

So … you think you are smarter than the previous generation ….

50 years ago the Owner’s Manual of a car showed you how to adjust the valves.

Today, it warns you not to drink the contents of the battery.

If 2020 was a math word problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

and that about does it for today.  I want to thank everyone who wrote to wish me well on my couple of days off from Dragon Laffs.  I appreciate all the good wishes.  These things are going to happen from time to time when life gets in the way of living.  As I mentioned at the beginning, things are going to be busy this year and the next couple of months, so expect some breaks here and there.  Doesn’t mean I don’t still love you guys.  Just means the dragon is stretched a little bit.

Be well until we meet again my friends.