Good Morning Campers,
Welcome to the weekend. It’s another beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in my … oh bullshit! The world’s gone bat shit crazy and we’re all along for the ride. “Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?”
Cancel Culture has taken over. Dr. Seuss is bad, the Muppets are bad, being white is bad, being Republican is bad, and burning shit down that doesn’t belong to you is good. Men who dress up like and think they are women are allowed to compete as women are good. The 2nd amendment is bad. Freedom is good … but only if you are an illegal alien.
I truly believe it is high time those of us who are sick and bloody tired of all the nonsense stand up and say:
It is truly and completely and overwhelmingly ridiculous! And what can we do about this? What indeed? To start with, Dragon Laffs will be a place where those who believe in this bullshit will find a home filled with ridicule and derision. Secondly, we will always be a place that battles this bullshit with plenty of laughter!
So, let’s get on with it!
John S. sent us this one …
FOR ALL THE LADIES I KNOW WHO DRIVE ALONE!
I had a flat tire on the 101 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car and opened my trunk.
I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so lifelike you wouldn’t believe it!
Just as I had hoped, cars started slowing down looking at the men which made it much safer for me to work on the side of the road.
People honked and waved, and it wasn’t long before a police car pulled up behind me.
He wanted to know what the heck I was doing so I calmly explained that I was changing my flat.
He told me he could see that, but demanded to know what the heck my cardboard men were doing standing at the rear of my car.
I couldn’t believe he didn’t know! So I told him …
Well, I explained to the angry policeman ..
They’re my Emergency Flashers!!!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Columbia, Tennessee where newlywed Linda Simpson was charged with arson. It seems our bozo was upset because her new husband had fallen asleep the night before while smoking and the cigarette had burned a small hole in the bed. So our bozo decided she would show her husband a thing or two. She lit a cigarette, tossed it on the bed and walked out of the house. By the time she and her husband returned, the home was completely engulfed in flames and almost totally gutted.
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”
“Ok,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”
“Well, that’s pretty crappy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out.
As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: “Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”
Go ahead … fuck with us … see what happens.
My Spanish buddy takes Xanax for hispanics attacks.
Why is “Sean” pronounced as “Shawn” instead of “Seen” but “Dean” is pronounced “Deen” instead of “Dawn”
The REAL Pied Piper of Hamlin
This is an oldie but goodie …
George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?”
He said, “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said, “All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available”
George said, “Okay.”
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now.” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you had shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
Don’t mess with old people
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS’.”
Yup, that ought to help get the job.
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her… what does she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom… wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?’
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter, — let’s look for yours.”
The Wat Shamphran, a Buddhist temple. Magnificent architecture in Bangkok, Thailand.” Thanks to Sasquatch for sending this great picture.
“I’m telling you kids, we’re not stopping for anything!”
Bozo criminal for today from Chattanooga, Tennessee, wanted to get a permit for carrying a handgun. He followed proper procedure, filling out the Tennessee Department of Safety form and enclosing it along with a check for $50. So far, so good, right? Well, no. It seems he filled out the form using the name “President Barack H Obama” and he even included US State Department letterhead. Did we mention he is a white man? And did we also mention he also has an active warrant for his arrest in Michigan. Needless to say “the president” didn’t get the permit. He’s been charged with perjury, forgery and theft of identity.
Anyone wanna take a wild guess as to where they were made?
At least unplug the mixer first
Remember in the Lion King when Scar cheated to win the title as king? And the pride land was overrun with the hyenas? And all of the lions lost everything they had built and maintained their whole lives for? Just asking. No reason.
Now that Washington D.C. has a fence around it, seems to me like the perfect time to put a padlock on it and call it The National Zoo.
Just what in the hell is wrong with this country? Our enemies around the world must be laughing their asses off.
My kind of kitchen.
There has got to be more going on here than meets the eye. He didn’t even hesitate, try to find a mail slot, he just came right up and kicked out the glass.
Took me a second… LOL!
Anyway my dear friends, that’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed today’s offerings. I hope everyone got at least a chuckle, maybe even an outright belly laugh. Until we meet again.