Dragon Laffs #1871


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Campers

We make an awful lot of promises throughout our lives, swear a lot of oaths and pledges.  It starts out when we are young.  At least it did for people of my age.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
And to the Republic for which it stands,
One Nation.  Under God.  Indivisible.  With liberty and justice for All.

You say that every day of school and if you go to a good school, you talk about what all the words mean and you think about it and they begin to take form inside of you and mean something to you. And as you get a little older you take others …

On my honor I will do my best to do my duty To God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; To help other people at all times; To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.

That’s the Cub Scout Oath.  I remember it … some 50 years ago as … On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, to be square and to obey the law of the pack.  That changed in 1972 and again to stay with the times.  To be square meant to be honest and straight with everyone you dealt with.

The Boy Scout Oath

Civil Defense Team Oath

Enlisting in the United States Air Force

Marriage Vows

Reenlistment Oath of Service

Being sworn in at court you take an oath to tell the truth

We, throughout our lives, swear a lot of oaths and pledges and vows as American Citizens, most of which don’t go away or have expiration dates.  So why then do we stop obeying them?  Why do we have so many politicians out there who are NOT following their oath of office?

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.

If they were all supporting and defending the Constitution, then none of them would be trying to change it!  They wouldn’t be trying to take away our rights to free speech, our rights to bear arms or any of the other crap that they are trying to shove down our throats right now.  They are so busy trying to distract us with bullshit that we are not paying attention to them stealing our country right out from underneath us.  We need to be very careful. 

Dr. Seuss and the Muppets are not the problem.  Lying, manipulative politicians who have been in power too long are. 

Lets laugh

Aussie Peter believes he has found a picture of Impish and Mrs. Dragon …

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I told him that he was right, and that was me on the left.

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That is a great picture

Next time a blocked number calls you, answer like this:  “Local sperm bank.  You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?”

Would probably work better with a female voice.

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It’s Thousand Island Dressing … everyone knows that.

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Someone had way too much fun with Photoshop with this one

Surprise your Girlfriend this Valentine’s Day …

Introduce her to your wife.

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Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don’t get upset.  Crazy bitches are better in bed so take it as a compliment.  But stab him anyway, just in case.

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If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it.  They are thinking of you when they can barely think straight.

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Dragons

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“I told you, I’m not interested in buying any of your damn magazine subscriptions!”

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How am I supposed to have kinky sex when my fucking joints sound like Rice Krispies? 

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This is absolutely brilliant …
If a telemarketer calls, give the telephone to your 3 year-old and tell her it’s Santa.

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Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.

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Boy ain’t that the truth!

Fantasy

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“Oh yes.  It’s definitely going to be an Easter Parade.”

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Another one that the kids won’t get

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I’ll let you know.

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Food for thought … Wouldn’t it be ironic if Popeye’s Chicken was fried in Olive Oil.

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Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with.

They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.

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It’s a good day.  The bulb finally burned out on my check engine light.

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Motivational

Bangkok

Bard

Barrel Roll

Bartending

baseball players

Basement Dweller

Basic

Basic_Rifle_Marksmanship

Basketball

Batman

Batman2

BatmanRidesAnElephant

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My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary.  He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980’s as was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

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Pre-Viagra, Giles Brindley created a drug to induce erections, and he introduced it to the world at a live seminar. After first showing the audience surprise images of his penis, he dropped his pants to show them the drug’s results. He then walked up to people, asking them to “confirm the degree of tumescence.” Their screams of horror surprised him. 

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How appropriate is it that this meme comes after that last story?

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Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it’s not doing it’s job.

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Politics

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I don’t know which is the bigger joke.  Biden who will fix what he wouldn’t for 48 years or supporters who think he will.

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Y’all be sure to leave those Biden signs in your yard … so people will know where to siphon gas when it’s $8.00 a gallon.

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Joe Biden is about to show America what a great president Donald Trump was.

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An explanation is in order.  When I got this email, the subject line said “unverified”.  So, I decided to verify it.  Wasn’t that hard.  I got the latest numbers.  So, I left the original numbers in there, but crossed them out and put in the numbers as of January 2021.  Doesn’t look nearly as appalling for the rest of the world, nor as good for the United States as the original email did … but read on and I’ll add a few more comments at the end.

How many coal fired power plants are there in the world today? Green New Deal???

The EU has 468 231 – building 27 5 more… Total 495 236

Turkey has 56 32 – building 93 28 more.. Total 149 60

South Africa has 79 19 – building 24 6 more… Total 103 25

India has 589 281 – building 446 57 more… Total 1035 338

Philippines has 19 23 – building 60 13 more… Total 79 36

South Korea has 58 22 – building 26 4 more… Total 84 26

Japan has 90 87 – building 45 10 more… Total 135 97

China has 2,363 1082- building 1,171 227 more… Total 3,534 1309

That’s 5,615 2127 projected coal powered plants in just 8 countries.

USA has 15 252- building 0 more…Total 15 252

And Democrat politicians with their “green new deal” want to shut down those 15 252 plants in order to “save” the planet.

This is EXCELLENT!! This makes the point. Whatever the USA does or doesn’t do won’t make a Tinker’s Dam regarding CO2 unless the rest of the world, especially China and India reduces coal-fired power plants as well.

The whole “global warming” and “climate change” gambits by Democrats are to create a *supposedly* sound, scientific basis to justify a federal government power-grab and the passage of MORE laws to increase taxes and increased control of the privately owned power industry and its distribution. Never forget the *main* motivation they have!

“Oh, we will SAVE the planet!!”

No wonder Trump left the Paris Climate Agreement! 

The reason President Trump took us out of the Paris Climate Agreement wasn’t because what we were doing wasn’t helping.  We, according to the figures I just provided, account for about one-tenth of the coal fired plants in the world, yet we were footing more than half of the bill for the whole world.  Why should we be forced to pay so much more than everyone else?  THAT’S why he pulled us out.  He continued to have us lower our carbon footprint and follow a lowering of emissions and all that green stuff.  He was just tired, and rightly so, of us paying other countries bills.  And now Biden is going to get us right back into it again so your money and my money can go into other countries pockets while we have our own people living on the streets and going hungry. 

WHY ARE WE NOT TAKING CARE OF AMERICANS FIRST?!?!

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America did what was once thought to be impossible.  It became energy independent.  Biden just undid that with the stroke of a pen.

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When gas hits $5.00 a gallon, you might want to take your Biden stickers off your car.

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This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a man.

Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of Covid 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and started the car.  

Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery. 

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This is especially cool.  Thanks to Ted for sharing…and a great way to end this issue.  Worth playing with for hours!

You can set the speed of the vehicle, street noise, music and visit the world while at home.  You can drive in 50 cities around the world and spend as much time in any one of them driving.  Pick the city of your choice from the list in the upper right. Travel while staying home, once you are driving you can reclick the City and completely change your route….. obey the speed limit, and don’t pick up hitch-hikers….

Drive & Listen

https://driveandlisten.herokuapp.com/

Cheers

Impish Dragon

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