Dragon Laffs #1863


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Bad Bug

Good Morning Campers,

Well … it’s happened.  The Dragon has been exposed to COVID.  I’m not saying I have it.  But it was enough of an exposure that I went and got tested this morning.  Today is Monday, Presidents’ Day and we are in the flu germmidst of a huge snow storm, but at 0930 hrs. I swept off the car and drove down to the local National Guard Armory where they are doing testing and got myself tested.  Now, I have to wait 4 to 6 days for the results.  No one in our town does the rapid testing and I wasn’t going to drive 25 miles in a virtual blizzard just so I could get a COVID test.covid bug  But, I had to self-identify at work and now I am quarantined until I get my test results back.

Damn!  I have to take a couple of days off!  That sucks!  Man, I hate this shit!(<—Insert Sarcasm Font)

Too much?

Okay, anyway, I’ll keep you guys informed and let you know what’s going on.  But, as of right now, got tested and no symptoms.  So, there doesn’t seem to be anything left to do but watch the snow, and …

let's laugh

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   I’m not sure if that’s really stable or just great irony.

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Now that’s total and complete lack of “Give-A-Shit”  oh, and also wonderful irony.

And now, how about some Footballisms from some great Football Coaches thanks to Papa Dragon Most Senior … my Dad:

“Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football”…. 

– John Heisman


“I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.” 
– Bear Bryant / Alabama
 
 It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” 
– Knute Rockne / Notre Dame 
 
“At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat.
That costs money, and we don’t have any.”
– Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
 
“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.”     
–  Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame
 
“When you win, nothing hurts.”    
–  Joe Namath / Alabama
 
“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.”    
–  Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
 
“There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.”    
–  Woody Hayes / Ohio State
 
“I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.”     
–  Bob Devaney / Nebraska 

“In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.”    
–  Wally Butts / Georgia
 
“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.”  
–  Alex Karras / Iowa
 
“My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.” 
–  Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
 
“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.”    
– Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State 
 
 Always remember Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David.”    
– Shug Jordan / Auburn  
 
“I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me “    
He said,   “Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren’t any good.”    
   Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State   

“Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.”    
–  Bobby Bowden / Florida State

“Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport.
Dancing IS a contact sport.”   
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
 
After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was; 
“All those who need showers, take them.”   
–  John McKay / USC

 If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”    
–  Murray Warmath / Minnesota
 
“The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. 
To be a back, you only have to be dumb.”    
–  Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
 
“We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.”    
–  Darrell Royal / Texas  
 
“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”         
–  John McKay / USC
 
“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.”    
–  Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
 
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players:
“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear.
In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?     
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday. 

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?     
Drool.

How many Va Tech freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?     
None. That’s a sophomore course. 

How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? 
The cow fell on him. 

Two Va Tech football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said,    Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said,“Where?” 

What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?     
“Will the defendant please rise.”

 

How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?   
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
 
 
What do you get when you put 32 West Virginia cheerleaders in one room?
 
A full set of teeth.
 

University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week.
 The other half will have to dress themselves. 
 
How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
   
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
   

How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch?
 
Pay him for the pizza.

Thanks Dad, those were GREAT!

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Okay, maybe we’ll stop for a little while…

Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective.

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Absolutely!

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I want to know how they got taught to drive, slowly or otherwise?  I’m having a helluva time getting Izzy Dragon on the road.

If you’re feeling lazy, just know that my mom just asked my brother to vacuum his room, but he youtubed a vacuum sound and laid in bed instead.

405

Definitely needed today!

406

Signs of impending disaster …

Although the cat looks the least comfortable of them all …

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Think about it for a minute and if you still don’t get it … I’m sorry.

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If I were a driving instructor, I would definitely take my students on this road.

I can’t wait until my kids get cars.  First thing I’m going to do is stomp Cheetos in the floor boards and explode a coke in the back seat.

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And that’s how Dad’s roll … or um … sink.

dragon pix

2008 06 24 01

Oh crap!  Mother-In-Law is here!

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Makes sense to me.

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Taco Bell is selling fries.  Burger King is selling tacos.  KFC is putting Cheetos on chicken sandwiches …

I knew we shouldn’t have legalized marijuana.

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That is AWESOME!!!!

Mail box

Let’s do some mail, shall we?

Leah D

OK, I felt bad about receiving the first two stimulus checks, because this pandemic hasn’t affected us financially (except I can’t do my own shopping in the stores, so have paid too much for what I have to order . . . mostly food), but I am so damn busy doing computer related work for others, mostly older people like me, who do not have a computer and internet like me, in a time when everything has gone to internet (as in, can’t go to DMV unless you make an appointment on the internet), that I feel I should get the next stimulus as ‘early’ payment, rather than waiting to be given my just rewards in heaven, which I might be seeing soon, if the stress from all this computer work doesn’t level off!
WHEW! I feel so much better . . . (this rant to be continued)

Wow Leah … that took a convoluted turn, but we expect nothing less from you, dear.  Don’t feel bad about taking your money back from the government.  They are going to get it back from you, anyway.  And it’s not like it didn’t start out as yours to begin with.

Dave

I don’t think you really have OCD. If you did, you would call it CDO.

Very subtle Dave. And now I feel cured!!!!

Thanks!!

Tomw

Another good job Imp

Thanks Tomw … is it just me or does your name look like a screwy abbreviation for tomorrow?

Jerry M

Just an FYI if when you go to stop on snow or ice first shift into neutral before applying the brakes. Stop faster and stop straight.

An excellent point Jerry.  That works when you are stopping under non-emergency or excited conditions, but trying to remember that when you are in a bit of an excited situation is difficult for a lot of people.  So, you tend to do what you practice.  So, practice, practice, practice.  When it’s a little slick out, pop the car into neutral when you come up to a stop sign or light and get used to it and then when you get into a tight situation when the car is in a skid, you might remember to do that and it might help you out.  But, every situation is different.  The judicious application of power to the wheels might be what you need, also…to avoid hitting that immovable object.  The important thing to remember is to slow down and be safe.

Stephanie

My dearest Dragon, it’s ok that you pick on me, accuse me of horrible puns, and blame sexist remarks on me. However, the Halloween picture of us was supposed to be private!
You ask how much Nancy spends for her security? Not one cent, we pay for it.
The Morocco woman killed her special friend because he wanted someone else. The article says she’s 30, 10 years older than him and they’d been in a relationship for 7 years. That means when she was 23 she grabbed a 13 year old boy? Where was that boys mama?

Yeah, I did the math on that boy, too.  Seemed a little … odd. 

And Nancy should be ashamed of herself, but we all know she has no shame.

And that picture was private!  I have no idea how it got put into circulation, much less published, but there is an internal audit going on right now and an investigation.  I’ve got Guido working on it.  Is that Ogre still after you?  I thought we had that buried years ago.

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I’d like to thank whomever told my mom that WTF means “Wow That’s Fantastic.”  Her texts are so much more fun now.

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Also works as a whiskey holder … and I gots to get me one of those!!!!!

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The German Parliament building has a glass dome above it that people can walk over.  This is to remind the politicians that government should be transparent, and the people are always above them.

421

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fantasy

f2011071501

Not to get off topic, but I found this device attached to the bottom of my car … does anyone know if I should be worried?

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Study also finds that newspaper headline writers are also parents.

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Signing contracts with blood actually makes sense.  A written signature can be forged or ambiguous, but the DNA test will always show whose signature it is.

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Great Answer!

Samsung originally sold noodles.  It wasn’t until 1970 that they started selling electronics.

3ba

Yeah, it’s like that.

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Did You Know:  It costs $30,000 to get on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  A-Listers like Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington, Clint Eastwood, and Al Pacino don’t have a star because they didn’t pay.

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I sympathize with batteries … I’m never included in anything either.

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The Mayan god of wind and storms was called Jun Raqan, pronounced “Huracan” hence the word “Hurricane.”

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motivational

American Barbie

Amityville Pet Shelter

Amnesia

Amphibious Attack Tigers

An Absolute Angel

Anarchists

Ancient

Ancient_History

And then

and yet

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Well, I got my results back today and I tested negative for the COVID virus.  But, they cautioned me that that doesn’t mean I don’t have it.  I could have tested too soon after my exposure, it could be a false negative, and just because I don’t have any symptoms might mean that I am asymptomatic and still have it.  So, why the hell did I waste my time even getting the test if I still have to take 14 days off work?  Yup, 14 days off work.  Even though I tested negative.  Silly assed rules.

So, this afternoon, after everyone has left work, I’m going to go in to the office and get my work computer so I can work from home…so…good fun.

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politicians

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408

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Today’s Question of the Day:  Why do we send men overseas to fight for freedom and give it up without a fight here?

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Is it too late to impeach George Washington for owning slaves?  I don’t see how we can let that shit slide.

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Watching our country being destroyed by our own people is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen…

417

Biggest Super Bowl in history going on in DC right now …

It’s the Patriots vs. The Stealers

422

And Lynn Says:  At some point this feels like something that should be addressed. All of these fuckers are rich enough. If you’re in the business of making laws and regulations that affect industries, how about you don’t get to buy stock in any of the industries your decisions may actually affect.  Yup… for the rest of us, that’s called “Insider Trading” and it’s against the law!  But, oh, I forgot.  The law is for us peons, not for Queen Pelosi.

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You know, it’s a shame that we even think we might need signs like this in our buildings.

Do you all remember, before the internet, that people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information?

Yeah.

It wasn’t that.

Aussie Pete wanted to know if this next one reminded me of anyone …

405

If he had been to my matches, I wish he had introduced himself.

406

Boy, ain’t that the truth.

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And with that we’re going to call it an issue.  May you all be happy and blessed.  More on Saturday.  Cheers!

impish dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1863

  1. Leah D says:

    I am deep into this issue of Dragon Laffs
    I heard: “Have you got any AC/DC tapes?”
    My brain is on a frantic search mission . . . I ask, for clarification, “TAPES?”
    He answers, “Yes, Adhesive Tape.”
    My hearing is not bad, I just interpret life through a musical filter!

  2. PAUL BADER says:

    great news on your negitive test – had me worried for a bt

  3. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    I feel you pain. Here in Missouri below freezing day 11, snow 10 to 12 inches and just for fun we had ice storm 1st. Poor AWD car will not go up driveway. It is 1/4 mile nearly stright up. Ice melt and salt are laughing at us. Snow plows are busy in town on main roads and all around us they have decided to do rolling blackouts. Glad I live on a farm built in 1900 before all the modern stuff was invented. Wood heat does not shut off unless you fall asleep. Pipes do not freeze if you leave water dripping or small stream I guess they had this green new deal way before we knew about it. We depend on sun to warm the road to melt the snow and the wind to dry it. 60 degrees in kitchen before I made bread, -20 out so what doesnt kill me makes me stronger. Have not been to store in a week…so practice run was a success. Only thing not able to do is work, but needed time off to quilt….clean, watch old movies…rest these old bones…I’m sure there will be plenty when this is done. Stay warm..vitamin D3 to ward off further testing…store bought or 15 min of sun…..stay safe.

  4. Dave says:

    It’s a good thing you only had to self-identify at work. Just think . . .you could have had to self-quarantine. Hopefully, you didn’t have to get the Asian covid test. You wouldn’t be able to sit during your time off.

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