Good Morning Campers,
Before I go any further in this issue, I have to correct something I forgot to do and something new that just came up. I need to say thank you to
Carlos W – Not sure if I remembered to say thanks or not, but I am now.
And I’m not sure who this even is, but Blast Specialties, Inc. – Thank you guys very much for your very generous donations. It is DEEPLY appreciated. (and extraordinarily timely) thank you, I’m heartfully touched.
I normally don’t ask for donations until August –ish for when the website bills come due, but of course welcome them at any time. So, thanks for all that you guys do.
Now, on to other things.
Let’s jump into the laughter.
I used to be a Crastinator… But then I decided to go Pro.
“You know, I’m sick and damn tired of you telemarketers waking me up when I’m trying to get some sleep!”
Best game of Risk EVER!
What’s the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes thing literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
I never finish anything.
I have a black belt in Partial Arts.
I pulled a muscle digging for gold…just a miner injury.
This one is really cool! Thanks for passing it on, Lynn!!
What a difference 76 years can make! What a difference between war and peace.
Lest we forget!
Now this is an incredible use of technology. Like traveling back in time!
Just click on the photo anywhere and it will become 2020.
Click again and it will go back to 1944.
Scroll down for next photo.
< http://interactive.guim.co.uk/embed/2014/apr/image-opacity-slider-master/index.html?ww2-dday >
Buddy and Mick worked together and were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Buddy answered, “Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies cotton panties and thongs.” The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80.00 a week unemployment pay. Mick was next in, and when asked his occupation, replied, “Diesel Fitter.” Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160.00 a week. When Buddy found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the Unemployment Office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained, “Panty Stitchers are unskilled laborers, and Diesel Fitters are skilled laborers” “What skill?” yelled Buddy. “I sew da elastic on da panties and thongs. Mick puts ’em over his head and says, “Yep, diesel fitter”.
Yup, that’s the way that I always found it worked.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where paramedics had been called to an apartment complex. While they were dealing with the emergency, our bozo jumped into the ambulance and drove off. Unfortunately for him, the ambulance was equipped with GPS technology and the cops were able to pinpoint exactly where he went. To the nearby Jack In the Box drive thru. He had the emergency lights on and was ordering food when he was arrested.
You don’t know what fun is until you’ve witnessed a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming, “A fucking hate hedgehogs, come at me ya jabby wee cunt,” while angrily circling a hairbrush that’s been dropped on the floor…
Just heard an American woman angrily tell an airport employee, “If you don’t speak English, then why are you working here?”
“Ma’am … you’re in Shanghai, China.”
I got myself a seniors’ GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.
Earlier today, I saw a bumper sticker that said “I’m a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal.” Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the roads …
You knew there was gonna be some of these …
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another “Economic Stimulus” payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:
Q: What is an “Economic Stimulus” payment?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.
Q: So, the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.
Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q: But, isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
**If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
**If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
**If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China …
**If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala …
**If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
**If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
**If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer, or
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
Before I call today’s issue complete, I want to leave you with a very important thought…
PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THIS YEAR
Have died from hunger.
There is a vaccine for hunger, it’s called FOOD.
It works straight away and has no side effects. Shall we solve hunger first and then worry about a virus that has a more than a 99% survival rate?
It’s just a thought my friends. We have a horrible homeless problem in this world that we have a vaccine for, also. It’s called homes. Just another thought. Should we really be sending millions, billions of our dollars to other countries for things like abortion counseling? Is that really where YOUR priorities lie?
Peace, love, and happiness to you and yours.
OK, I felt bad about receiving the first two stimulus checks, because this pandemic hasn’t affected us financially (except I can’t do my own shopping in the stores, so have paid too much for what I have to order . . . mostly food), but I am so damn busy doing computer related work for others, mostly older people like me, who do not have a computer and internet like me, in a time when everything has gone to internet (as in, can’t go to DMV unless you make an appointment on the internet), that I feel I should get the next stimulus as ‘early’ payment, rather than waiting to be given my just rewards in heaven, which I might be seeing soon, if the stress from all this computer work doesn’t level off!
WHEW! I feel so much better . . . (this rant to be continued)