Dragon Laffs #1861


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snow plow

Good Morning Campers,

Now, don’t get me wrong … I like snow as much as the next guy … but enough is enough already.  I’m tired of the snow, the ice, the freezing friggin’ cold, but more than anything else, I’m tired of the damn snow plows going by my house at 2 in the damn morning scraping an empty street and waking my ass up! 
405Now, don’t get me wrong.  I spent YEARS living on Air Force Bases around the world sleeping right through those noisy-assed fighter jets taking off in afterburner at all hours of the day or night and it never bothered me – could sleep right through it, but there’s something about the thubbedda, thubbedda, thubbedda, of a damn snow plow coming down the road that just wakes me up every single time.

And you’d think these people in Indiana would know how to drive in the damn snow!  Come on, people!  It’s not that hard!  Take your foot off the gas a little sooner, break a little easier and a little sooner.  When you start to slide, take your foot off the break and steer into the skid, not push down harder on the break. 

I don’t know.  You get a lousy inch or two of snow on the ground and there’s nothing but cars off the road as far as the eye can see.  Does make for an easier drive for the rest of us…less crowded roads…except when the morons come skidding across the highways right at us.  Like playing dodge-cars at 50 mph.

But, enough about me bitching about the snow.  That’s not why you guys are here.  You guys want to laugh for a little bit to get your minds off the stupid shit, right? … … … Right?  Wow, sure is quiet out there, today… so I guess I’ll get started and hope the rest of you all get caught up.

Lets laugh

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Stupidity, that’s what he found.  Pure, unadulterated stupidity.

Bozo Criminal Ralph Johnson was sentenced to ninety day in jail for disorderly conduct. Ralph thought of himself as a smart Bozo, though, and felt that no jail cell could hold him. Days passed in jail and every day the Bozo planned his escape. On the 89th day of his 90 day sentence, Ralph put his plan into action–he broke out of jail! He made good his escape-for about five minutes. The Bozo was then re-arrested and sentenced to 18 months.

Oh, come on, everyone say it with me …

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Okay, that’s really piss-poor ad placement.

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Yeah, I’m thinking the women in the campground aren’t gonna like that one.

My daughter was doing her history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.  And all I could come up with was … “He was a poor boy, from a poor family.”

Yeah, and sadly, some of you youngster out there aren’t gonna get that one…but, I wonder if we actually HAVE any youngsters out there … or if all of us campers are of a “type” … hmmmm

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Dad watching the kid while mom’s at work:

When taking care of his daughter, his wife contacts him a little too often to find out if everything is okay. A little annoyed, he responds with hilarious photoshopped replies…

 

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That is an awesome Dad and Husband

Thanks Lynn

Today I’m doing nothing, because I started doing it yesterday and I wasn’t finished

…AND I’M NO QUITTER!

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That’s one hell of an ice storm.

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Dragon Pix

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Every now and then you get a relative that gets stuck in a really crappy job …

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Yes they can.

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The most important parts of the Superbowl are the commercials and the food.

I really don’t care who makes the most baskets.

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And if you show it to her, you are a dead man.

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Done with dating sites.  I’m now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.

That’s not a bad idea Stephanie … but I think your husband might have a problem with it.

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That is the honest truth.  It’s built into our DNA.

Oh, and Stephanie says that wasn’t her looking at the pizza delivery guys, it was something funny that she heard someone else say…okay…I’d stick with that story if I were you.

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Yup, came in two flavors depending on where you lived … Well Water and City Water.

And I believe you Steph, honey.  But, it doesn’t really matter if I believe you or not, now does it?  You know we are bestest buds and I got your back, just tell me what story you want me to tell.

I have recently been diagnosed with a serious medical condition called OCD … Old, Cranky, and Demented. – Well, hell, me too!

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I could always say you were over visiting with me and Mrs. Dragon and if you go home smelling like sausage and pepperoni, well … I’ll just say we had pizza while you were here …

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That’s exactly what that poor man is doing … now, there’s not a wife in the world that would believe that.

I have a piece of bread sitting on the table that I’ve never eaten because I admire it so much.  It’s my roll model.

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I would like to publically apologize to Stephanie for dragging her into my own personal craziness … let’s all give her a round of applause for being such a good sport!!!
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Okay, that’s enough.  You know I love you Steph.

Fantasy

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Impish Dragon and “Unknown” Playmate Halloween circa 1990

Dammit!  Where did THAT picture come from!!

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Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

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Well, that clears that right up.

In an attempt to speed up my racing snail, I took the shell off to improve aerodynamics.  Didn’t work.  If anything it makes him more sluggish.

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The first thing they did was stop building the wall on our southern border to protect us, the American citizen and then they put up a wall around OUR capital to protect them from … US?  Fucking hypocrites! 

Tour Of The Great Wall Nancy Pelosi Built –  [Benny On The Block 37] – YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaQU7yljBr8&feature=youtu.be

Walls Work!

Thanks Lynn!

I wonder how much Pelosi spent on her wall?

They are making preparations for all the illegals that are coming!

Between this and the censoring that is going on, what’s next?

Just one month has gone by.  Do you still feel like you are in the U.S.A.?

and thanks Sasquatch! 

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First glance. . .follow the directions. DO NOT CHEAT!!

A COLGATE AD…..

Please do not glance at the end until you have looked at the three photos.

Pay close attention to each scene, tricky Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss.

But…..before I explain to you the main detail of these images, I will let you observe these photos quietly on your own.

COUPLE 1
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COUPLE 2
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COUPLE 3
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Alright, now that you’ve had time to quietly observe each of the three images…..

* In the first photograph, you might have noticed that the woman has six fingers on her left hand.
* In the second photograph, a phantom arm is floating behind the man,
* and in the third photograph, the man has only one ear.

The campaign attained its purpose.

It proved that food debris on your teeth will draw more attention than any physical defect does!

How well did you do???

You failed the whole thing?

Ha!

So did I…..

So, now you know that no matter what physical “defect” that you might have and feel self-conscious about…….just stick a chunk of spinach between your front teeth and no one will notice anything else about you!

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An unpopular attorney had just finished trying a case in the County Courthouse and was on his way back to his office. As he exited the Courthouse he slipped on a banana peel that had been discarded on the Courthouse steps. It was a grand slip and he completed an entire flip before landing on his butt in front of a crowd of amused onlookers.
After dusting himself off and giving the crowd his most distasteful sneer, he turned and reentered the Courthouse. He hobbled up to the court clerk and slammed his briefcase on the desk. “I hereby file suit against the court,” he declared.
“You can’t sue the court,” the clerk replied.
“I most certainly can,” he said. “And my charges are that the court was negligent.”
“And what is the basis for your suit,” the clerk insisted. The attorney pointed a finger in the direction of the front steps and said, “I am suing for being overturned on a peel.”

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Motivate

alcoholism

Alcoholism.jpg3

Alcoholism2

AlcoholismII

AlexTrebeck

All going to be ok

All we are saying is

allflesh

Allies or Enemies

Allstate

Alone

Alright you panzies

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Beware of Valentine’s Day scams. I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry, but they sent snowmobile parts instead!

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Q:  What’s your idea of a perfect date?!?

A:  DD/MM/YYYY

Other formats can be so confusing.

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Giving second chances have never been a problem for me.  I tend to give about seven or eight before I realize I’m an idiot.

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Wow!

I have one cup of coffee each morning just to start the day off right.

The other ones are to keep me out of jail, help me out of jail, help me form sentences, and fuel my razor sharp wit.

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I’m old enough to remember when Common Sense was still Common!

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Good things don’t come to those who wait.

They come to those who work their asses off and never give up!

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Politic

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Okay, deleted from every server that it has been put on.  Never seen on TV that I know of, and whether you agree or disagree, he brings to light a hell of a lot of really interesting and scary information.  It is two hours long, but just the fact that our voter servers are overseas is enough to say that someone is a fucking idiot.  We are supposedly outsourcing our American Voter System?  Please!  Well worth watching.  This is Mike Lindell’s (The My Pillow Guy) and Absolute Proof: Exposing Election Fraud and the Theft of America  Watch here

https://rumble.com/vdlebn-mike-lindell-absolute-proof-exposing-election-fraud-and-the-theft-of-americ.html?mref=2oodx&mc=8wf7a

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Now, I just read, that Biden is planning on closing Guantanamo Bay’s prison!  I suppose all of those people will be released to the United States as well.  What an idiot!

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Dear Diary,

Today my friends asked me to go camping, so I made a list of the things I will need:

1.  New friends

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My son asked me if the letter “W” starts with “D” and I can’t stop thinking about it.

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This is such a fantastic practical joke … I can’t stop thinking about how much fun it would be.

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Woman Accused Of Killing Boyfriend Then Serving His Genitals In Meal To Friends

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A woman in Morocco has been charged with murdering her boyfriend and then cooking up a particular body part to serve to his friends.

The 30-year-old is accused of attacking her partner after he revealed he wanted to marry someone else.

Police will allege the woman flew into a fit of rage at the revelation after they had been together for seven years and she was planning a future with him.

After allegedly killing the man, who is 10 years younger than her, the 30-year-old cooked up his genitals and prepared the meat in a traditional meal known as a Machboos.

According to 7News, the dish is widely popular in Bahrain and is similar to the Indian biryani with rice and meat, typically chicken.

The woman reportedly gave the meal to the victim’s construction worker friends near her home in the United Arab Emirates.

They had no clue that what they were eating was their dead mate’s genitals, according to police.

The victim’s disappearance sparked concern amongst his nearest and dearest and the man’s brother went to the defendant’s house to look for him.

7News reports there wasn’t a single trace of the victim except for a rogue tooth that was found inside a blender.

A court report claims the 30-year-old woman fed the rest of the body to the dogs, who were allowed to gnaw on his bones.

She has allegedly confessed to the murder and will undergo a psychological examination to determine whether she is fit for trial.

STEWART PERRIE      7News

Published 21:09, Thursday 04 February 2021 GMT

 

Oh my dear gawd! 

 

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Well, my dear campers, that has to be it for today.  I hope you had some fun, got some laughs, and maybe learned a little.  Be well, until we meet again.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1861

  1. Stephanie says:

    My dearest Dragon, it’s ok that you pick on me, accuse me of horrible puns, and blame sexist remarks on me. However, the Halloween picture of us was supposed to be private!
    You ask how much Nancy spends for her security? Not one cent, we pay for it.
    The Morocco woman killed her special friend because he wanted someone else. The article says she’s 30, 10 years older than him and they’d been in a relationship for 7 years. That means when she was 23 she grabbed a 13 year old boy? Where was that boys mama?

  2. JerryMoore says:

    Just an FYI if when you go to stop on snow or ice first shift into neutral before applying the brakes. Stop faster and stop straight.

  3. Tomw says:

    Another good job Imp

  4. Dave says:

    I don’t think you really have OCD. If you did, you would call it CDO.

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