Dragon Laffs #1855


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Good Morning Campers,

It’s the weekend … finally … and I actually have the weekend off … finally … well, at least at this point, anyway.  The way this week, month, year has been going there is no telling.  I may end up working this weekend…but I have to say, in all seriousness … I better damn not!!!!!

Sigh.

The life I lead.

Anyway, as of right now, all is well, and for that, we need to celebrate.  And how do we celebrate at Dragon Laffs?

WE LAUGH!

Lets laugh

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Wow … here are some powerful words …

Lord, this looks like a dead end, but so did the Red Sea.  This looks too big to conquer, but so did Goliath.  This looks like it’s over, like insurmountable odds, like the end of the story – but so did the cross.  I’m laying it at your feet and reminding my heart this is your story.

The Lord has ALWAYS taken care of this Dragon’s household, even when it seemed impossible.

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“WELL, MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T CALL THEM THROW PILLOWS!” … I yell as I’m being escorted out of Bed, Bath & Beyond …

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Bookdragon

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I gotta admit … I have the utmost respect for a woman who says, “Let me check with my husband first.” OR a man who says “Let me run it past the wife and I’ll get back with you…”  See, what people don’t get is, it’s not that you can’t make a decision on your own, it’s just that when you are in a relationship, you value the other person so much that you DON’T make decisions on your own.  A GOOD relationship is not just about being exclusive – it’s also about being inclusive.

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Stephanie sent this to me until the subject line of … “Then again, maybe it’s magic”

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And the answer is …

Stephanie is right … it’s friggin’ magic!

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Dragons

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“I see a dragon in your future…”

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Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, “these just feel out of your seat.”

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A naked man in Florida has been arrested after allegedly stealing a marked police car and crashing it into a wooded area.

Officials from the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office in Florida told the Associated Press that Joshua Shenker, 22, was arrested on Thursday after police responded to reports of a naked man running along Interstate 10 shortly before noon.

When officers responded, Mr Shenker was seen lying naked in the road before he then ran across the highway lanes towards the police, the department claimed on Thursday.

Authorities confirmed that Mr Shenker stole a vehicle belonging to the City of Jacksonville, while First Coast News footage showed that it was a marked police car. The department did not reveal how the vehicle was stolen.

The police report revealed that around $10,000 (7,309) worth of damage was done to the vehicle that Mr Shenker crashed into a wooded area next to the highway.

Mr Shenker was taken to a local hospital as a precaution on Thursday, and the department noted that he was suffering from road rash after lying naked on the highway.

Ellis Burns, the assistant chief at the sheriff’s office, told WJXT that officers suspected that Mr Shenker was “possibly intoxicated or high” as they told him that the 22-year-old appeared to be in a state of “excited delirium”.

The assistant chief added that Mr Shenker was “fighting officers. He had no clothes on, he’s able to run to the car and fight one of our officers.”

The 22-year-old was charged with theft of a motor vehicle, depriving an officer of means of communication or protection, aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting an officer without violence.

Mr Shenker is being held on a $4,011 (£2,931) bail. Jacksonville prison records do not list an attorney for him.

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Fantasy

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Don’t we all have that brother-in-law that likes to play “dress-up”?  Or am I the only one?

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So … it’s an old joke that’s been updated for the times, but it’s still funny …

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will          you have?”

The guy says, “Martini.”

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says,” 168.”

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious..So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini.”

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “100.”

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy says, “Martini,” and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”

The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?”

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Me: “How much for the baby dragon?”

Pet store clerk: “Sir, that’s a lizard.”

Me: *not listening* “When do they start breathing fire?”

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Politics

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I’m in a Wal-Mart parking lot watching a woman who can’t remember where she parked.  Every time she holds her remote in the air, I honk my horn.

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Motivational

A discrace

a guy walks into a bar

A helping hand

A Jump  B Shoot

A modest Proposal

A network cable

A rack

A trip to the Vet

A_Nations_Gratitude

A-10s

AA

AARP Rule

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Do you need a current license to drive an electric car?

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YUCK!!!

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian.   It was the least I could do for him.

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Whenever someone says they did something “like a boss”, I assume that means they didn’t do it at all, and are just taking credit for it.

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What do you call a person who migrated to Sweden?

An artificial Swedener.

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My friend once texted me and said, “When you sit on a toilet, you’re connecting your butthole to a city wide network of connected buttholes.”  How do I unthink this?

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This is truly awesome advertising.

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Okay, so that winds it up for today… three more to call it even.

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And that’s it my friends.  Wish it could have been more.  But, we got to laugh together and that’s important and nothing to put down.

So with that, until next time.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1855

  1. Leah D says:

    I have put on way too many pounds since covid hit. I know a LOT of other women have too. How? Because every time I go online to buy some ‘comfortable’ knit pants, my size is all sold out!
    I’m blaming Walmart and Smiths Grocery. I place my order online, and bless their hearts, they get it all ready for me to drive up, open my trunk and go.
    When I get home, after I have sprayed the invoice, I see they were ‘out of’ my milk, or some other item I really need. So I have to put in another order, and since it has to be over a certain amount, I buy more than I need. Now I can’t stand to waste food, so I end up waisting it!

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