Dragon Laffs #1856


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Good Morning Campers,

Well, it’s Saturday morning and we’re waiting on the biggest snowfall of the season.  Right now … nothing.  They (the el405usive “they”) are predicting 4 to 9 inches.  Or 5 to 7 inches or 3 to 112 inches.  It all depends on who you listen to.  Northern Indiana Weather Service at the last is calling for 4 to 9 … and they’ve been the most accurate in the past, so that’s what I’m going with…

…but like I said, right now … nothing.

So, we’ll see.

2b2aAnd the craziness just keeps on coming.  The latest?  A Norwegian lawmaker has nominated the Black Lives Matter movement for the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize for bringing racial inequities around the world.

Yup, I shit you not.  The same group that felt it was appropriate to burn down a Walgreens because a thug basically killed himself and that it was the right thing to do to riot and loot and steal 70 inch TVs are the right folks to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

I am continually amazed at how fucking stupid people can be.  That’s like rewarding your 10 year-old kid for burning down your house.  That’s how we get stuff like the story we were talking about a couple of issues ago.  The family that was killed in Indianapolis and a teenager was arrested for it.  Turns out it was their own 17 year-old son who did it because he was going to get in trouble for being out without permission the night before.  Again … I shit you not.

Welcome to the world of doing what you want, when you want, for whatever406 reason you want.  For, gone is doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.

Integrity, you lovely lady, I do so miss you.  You held on as long as you could, didn’t you?

407But, how do we, at Dragon Laffs, battle these ridiculous problems we’re facing?  This overwhelming stupidity that seems to be prevailing against not only Common Sense, but the actual Laws of Nature?  How do we handle all of that here?

Why, with laughter of course! 

We laugh in the face of bullshit!

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If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything else:

Stamps – Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators – Hearty Starty
Bumble Bees – Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy Test – Maybe Baby
Bra – Breastie Nestie
Fork – Stabby Grabby
Socks – Feetie Heatie
Hippo – Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare – Screamy Dreamy

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This is so bad, I’m almost ashamed to print it here … I’m going to, but I’m also going to blame it on Stephanie…

Warning

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea – one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten…”
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, “Your wish is granted”, and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does…) and Justin found himself Becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can’t believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail – it’s much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.
“He’s at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s house.
As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
“Christian replied “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re a shark, the enemy and I’ll not be tricked. ”
Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed.”…
……”I’ve found Cod, I’m a prawn again Christian”.

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Yeah, I know, right?

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Why does my wife always wait until I’m at the opposite end of the house before asking me to: “Merm Frner Mernferr Brnerfer:?

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That special time spent with friends.

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And amazed that it is so.

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I believe in you!

I also believe in Bigfoot, so don’t get all fuckin’ excited.

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Another member of the Dragon Laffs Security Team.

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Yup … and still around and still kicking.

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Yup, remember that, too.

Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants …

Is a wife who told him which pants to wear.

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These weekends are starting to feel like a 30 minute lunch break.

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And God yet gives us hope for the future.

I’m giving up wine every day all month!

No wait!  That came out wrong.
I’m giving up.  Wine every day, all month.

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Yup, passed that one, too.

TODAY’S WORK FROM HOME TIP:

Blowing on the wine in the mug will help convince your Zoom Meeting that your tea is hot.

PS: Still no snow

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Yup, passed that one, too.

Me:  Please bring me a screwdriver.

Her:  Flat head, Phillips, or Vodka?

And that was when I knew she was THE ONE.

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And again for that one!  Damn, I’m old.

Why do eggs come in flimsy Styrofoam cartons and batteries come in a package only a chainsaw can open?

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If they put the vaccine in beer and opened up the pubs, the whole country would be vaccinated by next Thursday.  Just trying to help.

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Not me…

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abandonment

Abby Normal

Acceptance

Accident Porn Area

Accomadation

Accomplishment

Accordion Hero

Achievement

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Acid

Acting the Part

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Well, it’s Sunday morning and we got some snow … about 6 inches it looks like.  Although with blowing and drifting there are places where it’s a lot deeper.  And we’re supposed to get some more.  So…we’ll see.  Just got back from clearing the front and back porch, the car and making sure I can get the car out if I have to … and I learned an important lesson … I’m too fucking old to shovel snow!

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mail2Stephanie

You know, my Dear Imp, there have always been idiots in our country. I wish news and legal channels had the cojones to call an idiot an idiot and don’t give them a second thought. I’m so sick of media manipulation. Once you could trust what was broadcast, might not like it, but you knew it was the truth. Now, just follow the money and selectively offend.
Love you

You are so right, dear friend.  I miss the days of unbiased reporting.  When watching the news was actually watching what happened instead of someone’s screwed up opinion of what happened.  And passing that off as the news.  How about just telling us what happened and letting us decide what it means?  I think it started because people became too stupid to think for themselves…or too lazy.

Anyway, prayers and love still headed your way my dear friend. Love you right back.

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Glad to see he rushed right out to report her missing.

Mail

Leah D

I have put on way too many pounds since covid hit. I know a LOT of other women have too. How? Because every time I go online to buy some ‘comfortable’ knit pants, my size is all sold out!
I’m blaming Walmart and Smiths Grocery. I place my order online, and bless their hearts, they get it all ready for me to drive up, open my trunk and go.
When I get home, after I have sprayed the invoice, I see they were ‘out of’ my milk, or some other item I really need. So I have to put in another order, and since it has to be over a certain amount, I buy more than I need. Now I can’t stand to waste food, so I end up waisting it!

Thanks Leah, that was probably one of the most amusing emails I’ve received in a while.  Cheers, dear friend.

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Looks like I’m not the only one who got “a little snow” … got this email from Steve H.

Impish, we had one hecka of storm come through. Most people think it doesn’t snow in Arizona. But here in Prescott, we’re at 5600 ft in elevation. And this was the largest storm since 1980 and finally our drought is over. The photo is my driveway and that’s a van that’s completely covered.412

Steve … that’s a lot of snow.  Thanks for sharing.

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The Bozo criminal for today comes from Virginia Beach, VA. Bozo Allen Hansen was due in court to face charges of auto theft. Police detectives watched in amazement when the Bozo pulled up in front of the courthouse driving a beautiful new Volvo with New York license plates. Since the cops knew the Bozo couldn’t afford a new car and wasn’t living in New York, they decided to run a license plate check on the auto. Sure enough, our Bozo had stolen a new car to drive to his court appearance on the auto theft charges.

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On Jan 28, 2021 …
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A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits.

And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims.

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As well it should.  I saw a shirt the other day that said that I am a Veteran, I can fix stupid, but it’s gonna hurt.  I think we see an example of that above.

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And with that last nice tribute to dragonkind, we’re going to end this issue here.  Have a wonderful week, until we meet again.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1856

  1. Pingback: Dragon Laffs #1859 | Dragon Laffs

  2. alan says:

    “I remember that” the one next to the gas pedal; I’m 64 but have no idea what it is.

  3. Leah D says:

    The irony: They began building Mountain View Corridor, another N – S route years ago. The first part had so many accidents, they decided it must be corrected by going back and replacing the stop lights with overpasses. Since then, they have built several new sections, this time with overpasses. However, the overpasses are not that tall. This means they have effectively closed off a lot of E – W roads to many trucks loaded with construction machines, etc. Meanwhile, the Corridor, which was built through empty patches and farmer’s fields, has attracted a BOOMING building of homes, businesses, new small ‘cities’, which all use . . . .you got it!

  4. Dave says:

    Your “I remember that” list reminded me of something. During my senor year in high school, in 1969, (there’s that number again), I had a 1952 Oldsmobile Rocket 88. It had 2 of those buttons. The “other” one tuned the radio stations.

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