Good Morning Campers,
It’s Thursday. Almost the weekend. And the header above has clues to what yesterday was. Yesterday was the 12th of August and it was … are you ready? National Creamsicle day!
Y’all ever be at work for 5 hours and check the clock and it’s been 46 minutes?
I came home and my dog peed a little because he was happy to see me. None of my friends pee when they see me. I’m surrounded by fakes.
The war on drugs brought in more drugs and the war on terror created more terrorists. Maybe next year we can have a war on money and jobs and see where it goes.
Don’t forget, tonight the Moon will be visible from Earth. The last time this happened was last night.
A RETIREE’S LAST TRIP TO KROGER’S.
Yesterday I was at my local Kroger’s buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think..I had an elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Kroger’s won’t let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends..
Bozo criminal for today violated bozo Rule #0023: For obvious reasons, donut shops are not the best places to rob. bozo Antoine Cook of Chicago learned this the hard way. Our bozo was standing in line at the neighborhood Dunkin’ Donuts and when it came time to place his order he pulled a gun from his waistband and ordered the clerk to “Give it up!” The next thing our bozo knew he had been grabbed and wrestled to the ground. That’s because standing directly behind him in line at the donut shop was a Chicago police officer. He’s been charged with attempted robbery and assault on a police officer.
Donut shops are the safest places in the world. And they will be until we defund the police.