Dragon Laffs #1788


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Good Morning Campers,

I hope everyone had a great weekend.  Welcome back to Monday.  The new fridge is working well so we returned the mini-fridge we had borrowed.  I hope that is not the incentive that the new fridge was waiting for to stop working … that is the way things have been working around here … not that I am trying to borrow trouble, but still …

I have buddies coming over on Sunday to help hook up the water on the new fridge to get that working the way it’s supposed to work and then Mrs. Dragon’s sister and nephew are supposed to come over Sunday afternoon for a burger burn so that will be fun, so it should be a good weekend all the way around at the dragon cave.

So, let’s get this Monday started off the right way, shall we?

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A little girl says, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?”

“Why sure you can,” her grandfather replied.

As she is sitting on her grand dad’s lap she says,  “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”

“A sound like a frog?  Well, sure.  Grandpa can make a sound like a frog.”

The girl says, “Grandpa, will you please, please make a sound like a frog?”

Perplexed, her grand dad says, “Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?”

And the little girl says, “Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we’re going to Florida!”

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Whenever my wife uses the phrase, “I was thinking.”

That means I either have to move, build, paint, or buy something.

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Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Peters, Missouri where bozo Paul Snider held up a 7-11 and got away with 100 bucks in cash. Well, he didn’t quite get away. He got his money and headed for his car, which wouldn’t start. Panicking, he came back into the store and gave the money back, telling the clerk that the robbery was just a joke. He then asked if the clerk could give him a jump start. Clerk said no, but maybe those nice policemen that were driving into the parking lot could help.

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Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.  Now they drink like their fathers.

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My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order … I probably should have stopped when I got to her name.

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WebMD is updating its server because of a virus.  Well, they think it was a virus, but it could also be malaria, kidney failure, a heart murmur, gallstones, or possibly appendicitis.

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To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

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Sounds legit to me.

What to know what God thinks of money?

Look at the people he gave it to.

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Motivational6

We’re in the R’s and we couldn’t do the R’s unless we hit …

Rock Bottom 2

Rock Bottom 3

rock bottom 4

Rock Bottom

rock of fortune

Hey look!  Somebody DID caption that picture.  I just didn’t know it.  Not bad …

Rock, Paper, Scissors

rocket launcher

Rocket Science

rogue

Roken

rolemodels

roleplaying

Rollerblading

rolling hills

Romance

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It’s often been said that I want a love like Gomez and Morticia had.

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Yes, that is the proper expression on that baby’s face.

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

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“You have the communication skills of an alarm clock.”

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Who woulda thunk it?

Okay, I’ve decided that this is going to be my final pitch for the year.  It’s now August, when I traditionally do my yearly pitch for everyone to help out with the upcoming bill from WordPress and whoever it is that bills me for being able to have the term dragonlaffs.com as my own and in order to make it so that there isn’t advertising all over the website, and every year you guys are generous enough that I don’t have to pay anything out of my own pocket to continue to do something that I love to do, but that takes up a lot of time every week.  You guys seem to understand when I miss an issue here and there and we all know that life gets in the way of what we really would rather be doing.  So, anyway, here’s my last pitch for the year:

Please donate, hit the donate button on the top right column (you can actually do that year round if you like, throw me a buck or two here or there, I usually just let it accumulate throughout the year unless I run across hard times, which has happened once or twice) or you can write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I will gladly give you my snail mail address and you can send me something that way as a couple of our campers have done.  Every little bit helps.  And that’s it.

And here’s a HUGE thank you to the ones of you who have seen it in your hearts to help out this year and to those of you who wanted to but couldn’t … I completely understand.  It’s tough out there right now for a lot of us.  It truly is!

thank you, huge

William E.     Donald G.#1     Donald G.#1     Chuck G.     Ronald W.     Theodore K.     Mark M.     Donald G.#1     Michael C.      Steven H.      Joseph P.      Henry S.      Leah H.      Scott H.      Donald G.#2      William E.     Dan T.     Philip S.     Joe L.     LTC (Ret) Bob B.   
Lona T.     Justin     Daniel W.

You guys are really too awesome for words.  Thank you from the bottom of my dragon heart.  Now, before I start shedding dragon tears, let’s move on to some other stuff, shall we?

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Two clips from the show, “Whose Line Is It, Anyway?”  One of the greatest comedy shows on TV.  If you’ve never seen it … you’ve been deprived.

When my daughter was little (about 4), we spent the night at my parents and I was brushing her long hair after her bath.  My dad told her she had such pretty hair, and asked if he could have a little to cover his bald spot.  She didn’t even look up and said, “I think you have enough on your back to cover that.”

Ouch!

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Okay, all of those were so bad … let’s go check the mail, I KNOW I’m behind in that.  Maybe that will be better…

Mail Call 2

First one from Stephanie … goes back a little bit.  Told you I was behind.  But then again, I like getting a little behind in the mail.  … anyone? … anyone?  … ba da dump – tish! … Sigh.  Okay, sorry.

Stephanie

Love the mask. You can partially expose your Dragon nature behind it.

Thanks Steph.  Problem being, when I expose my dragon nature, it tends to get me in trouble.  I was wearing the hat, glasses, and mask to the store the other day and this 40-something lady either didn’t see me or didn’t care and stepped in front of me in line at the check out, since we were maintaining our six-foot social distancing.  She looked a little harried and only had one item, and I had … not a lot, but a few more than she did.  I wasn’t going to say anything to her, being the kind and benevolent dragon that I am, but without even thinking, this low, deep growl came out of my mouth for just a second or maybe two.  And I guess it was loud enough for her to hear as she was putting her stuff down on the conveyor belt at the checkout.  She turned and looked at me and her eyes got real wide and she  … squeaked…  and just looked at me, frozen.  I had to say, “Well, you’re already there, go on then.”   She couldn’t say anything to the cashier, the best she could manage was an “eep” and paid for her … whatever it was … and ran out of the store like a little girl who had to pee.  When it was my turn and I went to pay the cashier, the cashier wouldn’t look at me and treated me like I had just beaten the lady before me in line.  So yeah, I gotta be careful.

This next one is from our own Leah D…

Leah

So when I posted the Every Problem Has a Solution funny you have on this edition, on Facebook, first, they had a message pop up saying it could be disturbing . . . then, they deleted it.
Most of the political cartoons have been deleted.
My friend posted pictures of the July snow at his place . . . no wonder, ’cause those snowflakes are out there in full force!

Some of you have asked me in the past, “Why isn’t Dragon Laffs on Facebook?”  That is the exact reason right there.  LOL!  Can you imagine how much of my stuff would get taken down?  If it wasn’t for my darts league, I wouldn’t even have a Facebook account.

And another from Stephanie …

Stephanie

When are you going to make another trip down south to teach the boys?
Pray for you and yours on a daily basis my dear friend.

Wow, haven’t been down to your neck of the woods in … many years.  With all the government restrictions on travel right now, I’d say it might be a while before I do it again.  We aren’t playing the games … I’m sorry, having the exercises, like we used to but hopefully we will again someday because I think it’s one of the best ways to keep our troops tuned up and ready to go.  I will do my best to get on any trip that heads that way and I’ll buy you a drink.  I’m sure I owe you a half dozen or so.

And I do appreciate the prayers more than I can express, dear friend.

And from Leah D … seems as though the two girls are trading back and forth. 

Leah

Here’s my plan to make life better for you. You take a picture of your self, send it to me. I will remove that cloud of doom that has been hanging over you with photoshop.
I got that great idea from protesters who say if you get rid of cops, it will make everything right.

Oh my dear Leah…I think we are WAY beyond PhotoShop’s help at this point.  I think I’ve pissed off all the old gods, all the new gods, mother nature, most of the mythological creatures roaming the earth and approximately 78% of the female population of the world.  Other than that, I think I’m okay.

Hey, here’s one from Ed R:

Ed R

Good luck with the new fridge tomorrow.

Thanks Ed.  As you guys know, the Fridge got installed and all went well.  By the time you guys read this, the water SHOULD be hooked up and it will be giving me ice water, ice cubes, and crushed ice…either that or the house will be flooded and we’ll be living in a tent out back, one or the other.

And finally, I’ve got a couple more from Leah D … our most prolific commenter, that I’m going to put all together in one last post:

Leah D


Don was disgusted with players on their knees, so I called our satellite company to remove the Root Sports access from our programming and bill.
In the past, when I have made any changes, they have always asked why? They didn’t. I suspect they already know.
Now we are free to Root for you getting your range!

and

I’m excited! I haven’t had a sit down talk with my youngest daughter, since early March. She is coming over today to sit 6 feet away, underneath the apple tree.

Good on you and Don, Leah.  If we had a sports package I would do the same thing, but we only ever watched the games that came on the regular channels.  And you can root for the range on Tuesday the 18th.  That’s when it is supposed to be here.

Good luck with your daughters visit.  It should be an exciting day for you.

And now back to the fun stuff now that we are all caught back up again.

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Oh dear Gawd, they’re still awful!

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Okay, that one was cute!

Boss:  “Are you on drugs?”

Me:  “You and I both know you don’t pay me enough to have a drug problem.”

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You are one sick bastard.

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They are now starting to force this bullshit down our throats:
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Post corona romance novels might go something like this:

“Hands glistening with sanitizer, he reached out and gently removed her mask…

As he pressed closer against her, she felt a certain stiffness near his trouser pocket.  ‘Is that what I think it is?’ she asked breathlessly.

‘Yes,’ he replied.  ‘I brought my digital thermometer in case I need to take your temperature.’”

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Like many people in lock down, I’ve been getting my clothes online.  My neighbors now take their washing in at night.

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I know, right.

Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherfuckers.

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And with that brightly painted picture I will call it an issue.

Thanks for being here on a Monday morning with me.  I hope you had a terrific weekend.  And I will hopefully see you again on Thursday!

Love and blessings to you all.

Cheers!

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1788

  1. Alan Fish says:

    for the record: Roken is dodelijk is Dutch for Smoking is deadly. You’re welcome 🙂

  2. Leah D. says:

    There is something very wrong with my life.
    I have been in total isolation, going on 6 months.
    I have been able to procure everything I need, while keeping protected.
    Except for my dog’s nails to be trimmed. Poor old thing,she keeps slipping on the wood stairs.
    The vet says no nail trims unless it’s with an examination.
    Don and I spent 15 minutes trying to figure out what complaint we could make an appointment for. I guess we will have to wait until she breaks a leg, to get her nails clipped?

  3. Stephanie says:

    Glad things are stating to work at your humble cave again.
    Much love.
    If you make it back here, we will do a New Orleans night.

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