Dragon Laffs #1790


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Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to the weekend.  You guys are reading this and I am teaching class.  Another wonderful weekend for yours truly.  But, that is part of the job.  The best part of the job, but man … I need a break!  Geez.  I’m getting too old for this stuff.  This is a young persons gig, it truly is.

Anyway, not much to report.  Been a buys week.  Everybody wants something, it seems.  Not sure why, but it seems like a lot of things are all coming to a head at the same time, I guess we’ll figure it out as it comes up. 

We live in exciting times.

So, let’s get some laughs in before it all goes to hell in a hand basket.

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Oh my Gawd, what the fuck is that!?

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Shipped 10,600 miles to be packed and then shipped another 9,000 miles to be sold.  You gotta wonder if there ain’t a better way.

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Gee … I wonder what changed?  Maybe the political climate?

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Imagine if trees gave off Wi-Fi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we’d probably save the planet too.

Too bad they only produce oxygen we breathe.

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Man named Harold; and a president named     Barack.

This summarizes how most liberals view the US military:

 

Harold was a bright child.  He grew up in  America.  He went to school and had a bright future ahead of him.  Harold was full of life but was cut short in a violent moment.  While few people had ever heard of Harold before his death, many did afterward  And in death, something very shocking happened.  What was so shocking, especially when it is compared to the death of someone else recently in the news?   
    
Harold was Harold Greene, Major General, United States Army.  On Aug. 5, 2014, Major General Greene was killed by a Taliban terrorist.   
    
He was returned to America with full military honors.   
    
It has been a tradition that the president attends the funeral of General and Flag officers killed in the line of duty.

Richard Nixon attended the funeral of a Major General Casey killed in Vietnam and George W. Bush attended the funeral of Lieutenant General Timothy Maude, who was killed in the 9/11 attacks.   
    
While Major General Greene was buried, Barack Obama was golfing.  The Vice President wasn’t there either.  Neither was the Secretary of Defense.         
Flags were not even lowered half-mast.   
    
Four days after Harold Greene gave his life for America, Michael Brown was killed in Ferguson, Missouri.   
    
Brown was at best a young thug.  In the minutes before his death, he committed a robbery at a local convenience store.  According to other reports, Brown struck Officer Darren Wilson and shattered his orbital bone.  Obama sent a three-person delegation to Brown’s funeral!   
    
Neither Obama nor Biden would attend the funeral of the highest ranking military officer killed in the line of duty since 9/11, yet he sent a delegation to the funeral of a thug.   
    
When Margaret Thatcher, one of America’s staunchest allies and Ronald Reagan’s partner in bringing down Soviet communism died, Obama sent only a small low-level delegation to her funeral.  The snub was not missed by the British.   
    
When Chris Kyle, the most lethal American sniper in history was murdered, there was no expression of sympathy from the White House.   
    
But when Whitney Houston died from drug overdose, the Obama/Biden administration ordered all flags be flown at half-mast.   
    
There was no White House delegation at the funeral of an American hero.  American heroes die and Obama goes to the golf course.   
    
A thug dies and he gets a White House delegation.   
    
No wonder most “REAL” Americans hold Obama in such contempt, especially members of our Military.

And Biden is now expounding on how great the Obama/Biden administration was.   
    
Stand up for the “Harold’s” in America.   

These are the kinds of things we need to keep in mind when we vote in November. 

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A Professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

H pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, “Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?”

She replied, “Probably deer hunting or playing golf with his buddies.”

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Many of you may remember Ginny K. and her husband Paul and many of you may have noticed that we haven’t heard anything from dear Ginny for a long time.  Well, Ginny has been ill since about October and we had been hoping and praying that she would get better.  She had some ups and downs but went down hill and to make a long story short, I heard from Paul today, Thursday, that our dear friend and very long time fellow camper Ginny passed away on Monday.  Ginny has been a dear, dear friend and has been following Dragon Laffs for about as long as Dragon Laffs has been around.  She has contributed so many cartoons and pictures, I’m sure I still have many of them in rotation to send to you guys. 

It is such a strange world we live in.  Another loved soul whom I never met in the real world, probably never came within a thousand miles of, but touched my heart, made a difference in my life and I will miss till the end of my days.

It only makes me want to take the  opportunity to tell each and everyone of you how important you all are to me. 

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The Casinos are now offering curbside pickup.  Call ahead and they come out and take your money right from your car.

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Okay, this next set is a bunch of really fucked up signs.  Some of them are from Aussie Pete … and some of them are from other places.  But all of them are pretty screwed up … you’ll see.

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This one should be near my cave …. but isn’t.

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This one is wrong … and from Pete.

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… Aussie Pete …

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… Pete…

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Not Pete, but still really screwed up.

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.

Still, a few fireflies followed us in.

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “it’s too late grandpa, the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

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“Lead me not into TEMPTATION …”

Oh, who am I kidding?  Follow me, I know a shortcut.

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Someone needs to sit this kid in the corner, take away her cell phone and ground her for a month until she learns her place.  Who the hell is listening to her, anyway?

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Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a Hair Salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic!

And what’s wrong with bald-headed alcoholics?!

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Be good to your spouse, remember, right now they could poison you and it would be counted as a COVID death.

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I’m going to stay up on New Year’s Eve this year.  Not to see the New Year in, but to make damn sure this one leaves.

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It turns out that when asked who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to pick one of your own.

I know that now.

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Got a great letter from Tom J. that I just have to share with the rest of you.  I think you will probably laugh just as hard as I did.

Hi Impish, I hope you are getting along well with your new fridge. I’m wondering if the census people have been to your cave yet, or If they still count dragons? I also wonder if the same questions are asked everywhere across the “FRUIT FILLED PLAINS” !  They stopped showing up after I ate the last couple that showed up.  It works for dragons, not sure it works for people.  Now I just get the form in the mail.

I was having a nice, peaceful time under the shade trees waxing my car when I got interrupted by a census taker today. It didn’t go well and my attitude was partly to blame, but for crying in the beard, I just don’t get it.

After the introduction and badge presentation and all the signs in her car windows etc. I knew she was not going to rape me or rob me. I asked why I couldn’t do this by mail like I always did before? She said they need to get it done right away and because of Covid, the mail is too slow.  I don’t think she liked my response. “The mail is too slow to do the census but the nation is going to be forced to VOTE by mail because of Covid?” She said something about needing to do this or others would come to do it until it was done. Blah, blah, I knew that so I said, “What do you want to know?”  Hmm, see my comment above.  Mail seems to be good enough for dragons.

The first question was; “Are you at least 15 years old or older?” I said, “Lady, if you have to ask that you need help and shouldn’t be allowed to drive a car. This is not going to work!” (I’m 65) 

Some questions were normal and I answered them but too many were just plain shit. She wanted to know my gender and had to put down that I refused to answer. BECAUSE I DID. And the same for my wife. Other stupid questions got bad answers and she knew I was pissed. Then the real “killer question” was; “Did you live somewhere else before you lived here?” 

I thought, what the Fuck is wrong with this person? I said, “No, I never lived anywhere before this. I was born here three years after my mother died and I never knew her.” That ended the interview and she said I would probably be contacted again. If you think I’m making this up, you are wrong. It’s just pitiful what goes on and so many people go along with it. I DON’T!

Thank You for your time,

Tom

That is way too funny.  Did you live somewhere before you lived here?  Like a cop asking, “Have you stopped beating your wife?  It’s a yes or no question.”

Never, ever underestimate the power of human stupidity.

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Of course not.

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That’s alright, go get Biden, he’ll buy it!

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Leah sent the last cartoon and immediately writes …

That ‘toon reminded me . . . I have to tell you a story that took place back in the early 70’s.

It was so hot!  Too hot to sleep, even though we had the windows wide open, along with everyone else in the circle we lived on.

Definitely too hot for sex . . .

Then there was this noise of squeaking . . .  I asked my husband, “who do you think that is?”  It goes on and on, along with a slight breeze, and soon the pictures in our mind . . . well, you know.

The next day or so, I’m in my backyard, with a neighbor, when that squeaking starts again . . . only now we see it is the swing set!

I laugh, and tell my neighbor how we wondered if it was their bed squeaking.  She laughed, said she and another neighbor thought it was ours.

I didn’t have any car oil, WD-40, nothing, so greased it quiet with shortening.

Three babies were born 9 months later, they were real swinging kids!

 

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Stepping on Legos isn’t as bad as everyone says it is.  It actually brought me joy and laughter after my husband did it.

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Sent my wife nudes and she made me a doctors appointment.

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Tom H writes in the comments …

TOM H

Am I wrong or did Harry and Megan say they would never set foot in the United States as long as Trump was President?

You may be right Tom.  I did find a sleazy showbiz article from May that said that Meghan Markle said she would never live in the United States if Trump were President.  Not sure if that counts or not.  I did like her on “Suits” but really have very little interest in the Royals other than they tend to have castles with gold that line my caves quite well.

 

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That is one strong friggin’ fly!

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Portland cops handcuff female protester, get asked if female cop is there for pat-down.  Male officer quips, “How do you know that I don’t identify as a female?”

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I can see that.  I’d leave a small tip and a lousy review.

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Hey!  Me, too!  What are the odds?!

Sometimes I hide condiments from my husband by moving them three inches to the left.

That ain’t right and it ain’t funny.

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We used to have these ladies cut in line at the Commissary on base and throw their noses in the air and say something like, “My husband’s a Colonel.” like that gave them permission to cut the line.  And most of the ladies in line back then didn’t want to get their husbands in trouble and would keep their mouth’s shut.  Not my first wife.  She saw what was going on, took her little Jersey ass right up to that old battle axe and told her with that thick old Jersey accent, and said “Look, Bitch, my husband is an Airman and he ain’t here, but this Jersey girl will kick your fat ass, if you don’t move it to the back of the line, which is THAT way!”
And she did.

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This is what happens when your child is exposed to too many commercials on TV.

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon.  During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.  Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking is dangerous.  Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand …

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, “I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.”

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.

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And that’s if for today my friends.  I hope you all have a great rest of your weekend.  May God smile upon and bless you.

Cheers!

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10 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1790

  1. Scott H says:

    Godspeed Ginny. My condolences to her family.

  2. Dave says:

    The window sticker – You will address me by my husband’s rank.
    That would be . . . second class!

  3. Leah D. says:

    WOW! This issue was like an anniversary celebratory one! So Round, So Firm, So Fully Packed!

  4. Maggie says:

    Impish,
    A great issue!! It was sad to read about Ginny, I am sure she will be greatly missed.
    I hope that you and Mrs Dragon and Izzy are all doing well and staying safe.
    Maggie

  5. Leah D. says:

    At Fort Hood, she didn’t crowd in, but loudly proclaimed that being an officer’s wife, she shouldn’t have to wait in lines. I was ahead of her, turned, said “You’re an officer’s wife?” Saluted her and turned back around.

  6. Stephanie says:

    Please express my prayers to Paul. I cannot imagine being without my other half.
    In regard to census, yes dome of the questions are idiotic, but sadly are many people. Because of those who claim there’s more than 2 sexes, they must ask.
    Please be nice. Stan is one of the workers.

  7. Leah D. says:

    Sorry, but the story about Obama not attending the Funeral of Major General Harold Greene, has some truths, but a bunch of not truths in it. Read for yourself at:
    https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/greene-report/

  8. EdR says:

    Regarding your commissary story.. saw that in the Commissary in Newport RI when I was in OCS. Woman barged in to the front of the line next to the one I was in, with “I’m Mrs. LT So-and-So”. Middle aged woman from two lines over came up, said to her “I’m not ‘Mrs Admiral Johnson’, I’m just Mrs. Johnson. My husband Admiral Johnson and I will see you and your husband for dinner tonight at . Eight o’clock, don’t be late.” Then she walked back to her grocery cart. Mrs. LT So-and-So’s face went pale. Then she moved to the back of the line. I would loved to have been a fly on the wall at that dinner. 🙂

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