Dragon Laffs #1762


Fathers Day

Good Morning Campers,

Today is Father’s Day.  A day we celebrate one of the most important responsibilities life has to offer.  The responsibility of Fatherhood.  I won’t go into what it means to be a father, you know if you’re doing it correctly and, if you look in your heart, you know if you’re doing it wrong.

Fathers Day 1

So, here’s to all you Dad’s out there!  Remember: A Father is a Man who pours everything he is into being a Dad.

Happy-Fathers-Day-2

This is also the 14th Anniversary of Dragon Laffs … at least in this iteration.  14 Wonderful years.  My wish is for at least 14 more years.  And I hope you guys will stay with me for all of those years.

Okay, enough of all that.  So, now …

Let's Laugh 2

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A bee keeper went into a pet shop and asked for 12 bees.  He was handed his bees and counted 13.  “You’ve given me 13 bees.” He said.  The shopkeeper replied, “That one is a freebie.”

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I stepped on a Cornflake.  I’m now officially a cereal killer.

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So, it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

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Uh oh!  Don’t let the Democrats see this cartoon…it will be banned for playing guns!

Getting Older is just one body part after another saying, “Ha, Ha!  You think that’s bad?  Watch this.”

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I miss the 90s, when bread was still good for you, and no one knew what kale was.

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If you see me talking to myself, I’m having a staff meeting.

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I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently.  I have new ideas.

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Let’s play a fun quarantine game:   Someone deposit money in my bank account and I’ll try to guess who it was.

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Yup, cup size is definitely going to make a difference.

Motivational5

Fashion Police

Fast Food

Motivational Commando Wabbits

Motivational FatCops

Motivational Happiness

Motivational Horseplay

Motivational Instant Karma

Motivational NASCAR

Motivational Thriller

Motivational Where will you be

Motivational Word of God

Motivational%20Women

Motorboating

Mountain Biking

moustaches

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Thanks to Bill E. for this perfect explanation …

I can’t keep up. I just can’t. I’m exhausted trying to figure out what we’re all supposed to do, believe, and be outraged by next.

Two months ago, First Responders were all the rage. In fact, they were heroes. We gave them free coffee, meals, and cheers as they drove by. Today we hate them and want them defunded because they can’t be trusted.

Nurses and Doctors are still okay for now, but they may be unemployed.

Just 45 days ago protests weren’t “essential” and were considered criminal, selfish and a murderous activity. Today they are gloriously critical and celebrated. All of the obvious criminal and murderous activities are simply ignored. If you protest about lockdowns for freedom, you are selfish and you will spread a virus. If you protest, loot, and riot for social justice, you are a warrior and the virus cedes.

Trust the experts. No, not those experts. Don’t wear masks … wear masks, but only good ones. Wait, don’t wear masks, wear anything as a mask. Never mind on the masks. Not sure, but if you don’t, you hate people because you could be an asymptomatic spreader. Wait. That’s not a thing anymore?

For 3 months, NOTHING was more important than social distance. In fact, we gave up all of our liberties for it. We canceled schools, medical and dental procedures, canceled activities, closed businesses, eliminated every spring rite of passage from prom to graduation, denied people funerals, even at Arlington, and we wrecked the economy for it. Then came social justice, and social distance was no more. Now things are more cut and dry though. A thousand people at three memorials for someone they never even met. It’s a matter of “respect”. But you can only assemble 100 or less people, right?

Black Lives Matter. Of course they do. Then multiple black police officers and individuals were killed during the “peaceful protests”. I don’t see any outrage. Black individually owned businesses burned to the ground. Silence. Deadliest weekend in Chicago. NOTHING!!

I’m really confused now. Look at the data, NO, not that data. Do the math. No, you can’t do the math like that. Only the experts can understand the data and math. What do you mean other cities/states/governors are interpreting the data differently? Pools are safe in Indiana, but not Michigan? Playgrounds are safe in your town but not mine? Amusement parks are safe in Florida but not Ohio?

Just listen to the black community leaders. No, not them.

If you are silent you are part of the problem. If you speak, you are part of the problem. If you have to ask, you don’t understand. If you don’t ask, you don’t care.

It’s all so predictable, tedious, and exhausting. Nothing adds up. It’s one gigantic common core Math life problem, with ever changing denominators that I’m sure the media and politicians are eagerly ready to solve for us….until the next “crisis”.

Now I understand … no, I’m confused … no, I under … wait…

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When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say, “Excuse me, do you work here?” just to help keep things real.

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Stuntman on TV:  Don’t try this at home.

Me:  [sitting on the couch, eating out of a 5 lb. bag of M&Ms] Ok

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Here’s a great CHAZ tourism video, donated thanks to Leah D.  Thanks Leah D!  CHAZ Tourism   https://youtu.be/ZJFV18CJ4Hw

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Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my best life?

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No wonder more people know I’m from New Jersey when I’ve been drinking.  And it’s much harder for people to understand me.

Guys I need your help!

I’m in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I’m right.  What the hell do I do next?!

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Okay, well that’s embarrassing.

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Pro Tip:  (Oh crap, here we go!) Ladies, the quickest way to get your husband to fix something is to get out his tools and start the project yourself. (*sputter* You fucking traitor!)

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Did You Know: (Traitor!)  (Not me, that was the other guy) (I think you are the same guy) (I am not … I mean … we are not) (Anyway, go on, what don’t I know) (Oh yeah …) A shark’s liver can account for up to 30% of its total body mass.  (Yeah, I know some people that are like that, as well) (traitor)

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Thoughts worth thinking:   Starfish have mouths in the middle of their bodies … Mermaids use them as bras.

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ROFLMAO!  Yeah … I’ve done it, too!

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Okay, so I just got an email from Tom J, who would also like to throw in on the car going the wrong way in the drive thru conversation … take it away, Tom J:

I need to comment on the car going backwards at the drive through. The electric window on the drivers side wasn’t working and they didn’t think there would be room to get the door open to get their food that way. The passenger side window was working. Why do I know this? I had a similar experience one time when I wanted to use the local ATM.

Okay, the voice of experience.  Gotta love that.  I think that is a really good explanation.  Any others?

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I’m not sure, cause I’m wearing my own ass out, but I may have used that last one before already.  So, a couple more and we’ll call it an issue.

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Okay, so with that horrible pun, we’ll call it a day.

Love and happy father’s day to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1762

  1. Mike says:

    Stumbled on something ya might like/love.
    Scroll down thru the page.
    pinterest.com/topics/mythical-creatures

  2. Maggie says:

    Impish,

    I hope that you have a marvelous FATHERS DAY !!!!
    Maggie

  3. Leah D says:

    HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU AND ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE!
    My husband is so excited. Today, we are hauling a 6 ft folding table out to the lawn, so his son and wife can come over, have a beer and celebrate the day! He has missed having anyone to share beer thirty with him, since we went in to isolation in early March.

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