Good Morning Campers,
It’s Monday … the dreaded Monday morning. I am back to work after 4 painful days off. I am still not 100%, but much better than I’ve been over the past couple of days, so I suppose I don’t have anything to bitch about.
I hope everyone had a marvelous weekend, and a great Father’s Day. I enjoyed myself with my wonderful wife and daughter. Pizza and a movie is a family tradition, but since we couldn’t go to a movie, it was ordered pizza and reruns on TV. A great day!
This one comes from Bill E. Thanks!
One day, Harry decided to retire … Harry an acquaintance of yours, Bill?
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months of this, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”
She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”
“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. ” I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree.”
“But, where did you get the tools?”
“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. ” On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”
The guy is stunned.
“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.”
“Would you like a drink?”
“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”
“Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?”
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,” I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down
next to her.
“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months.You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
BREAKING NEWS: Insurance companies are warning campers … if your tent is stolen during the night, you won’t be covered …
Now a couple for Aussie Peter …
Is that really a problem for you guys?
Okay, that’s just gross…why would you live there!?
A pirate goes to the doctor and says, “I have moles on me back aaarrghh”
The doctor says, “It’s okay, they’re benign.”
Pirate, “Count again, I think there be ten!”
The Government in Egypt has instructed the cities’ taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It’s hoped that a return to familiar city sounds will help restore calm following the pandemic. Operation Toot N Calm Em will last for one week.
This whole Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam thing gives me Deforest Kelley Face! And now the Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, Mrs. Butterworth thing. And believe it or not, Cream of Wheat and Eskimo Pie. Oh dear Lord, Next Cracker Jack is going to have to change their name…oh, too funny … somebody already beat me to it. I was going to Photoshop this and when I went on line to find a sample to change this is what I found …
Does Cracker Barrel have to change to Caucasian Barrel? Come on people! I thought we got rid of this stupidity when we were arguing over the whole Redskin’s team name and stuff!
THIS IS ASSININE!!!!!
I’m trying really hard here, but it’s like the whole country has turned into a big pile of crying pussies afraid to offend their own shadows, crying and sniveling in the fucking corner!
EVERYONE HAS TURNED INTO A … A … FAR LEFT WING LIBERAL FUCKING SNOWFLAKE!!!!!!
GROW A PAIR OF BALLS AND OFFEND SOMEBODY!!
Pick a word, and it can be offensive to somebody, I guess.
Corndog – offense to dogs and corn
Dragon Laffs – Why only dragons? You are being dismissive of Orcs and you are being grammatically, exclusive
Let’s go out for Mexican – you are being discriminatory against Italians, Chinese, Steaks, etc.
How about a movie? – You are being unaccepting and non-inclusive of the non-seeing
We will soon and quite rapidly be sitting in our seats and drooling in our cups and doing nothing at all and be exactly the fucking robotic zombies that they want us to be.
I am a youth challenged, female non-understanding, racially privileged, follicle non-enhanced, avoirdupois strengthened, and arthritically confronted. Damn! I’m an endangered species! Nope, I’m an old, fat, balding white guy with arthritis. Damn Right, Granny!
Did You Know: (With an Armadillo? This ought to be good) An Armadillo’s Armor can deflect bullets. (Hence the name … Armor-Dillo) (Jackass)
Here’s a comment from our dear hairy buddy Sasquatch …
Another fine edition but Zima?? Really? Bourbon maybe. Here in the backwoods we are more of “hold my beer and watch this” not “hold my Zima while I get a coaster”. Ahhhh who am I kidding, around here it’s more of “let’s do a shot while I hold this guy’s beer. This could be entertaining “
Yeah, it’s not me … truly. I just post what I’m sent. I didn’t think you were much of a Zima guy. Honestly I think the term “Zima Guy” is a bit of an oxymoron as is. I think it dates back to some television commercial or something. Trying to make Zima seem more manly. Is that even possible?
Jumbo Shrimp – another oxymoron
Last night my friend said, “I thought Trump said if she (Seattle Mayor) doesn’t clean it out (Chaz, Chop, Hypocrisyville), he was going to do it. What happened?”
I told her they have become the Nation’s entertainment. The best comedy series ever! Each day reveals new laughs, like: How To Grow A Garden on Cardboard, How To show Equality by posting a sign saying “For Blacks Only”, How to Emphasize a Peaceful Protest by Changing your Name from Chaz to CHOP . . . I can hardly wait for the Make a Flag episode . . . will it have a pork chop or an Axe on it?!
We were talking about this at work the other day and came up with some great ideas. Put cameras and commentators and it could be the next great American Reality show… especially with like cameras on drones and the right commentators … Tonight on CHAZ … Billy has been hiding out, taking drugs from Johnny and Sam, redistribution of the common property, right? That’s right Don, but tonight on CHAZ, Billy doesn’t realize that Johnny and Sam are sick and tired of Billy’s shit and you get to watch the action go down live right here … if it’s done right, the advertisers would be beating themselves up to buy the rights to that show.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU AND ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE!
My husband is so excited. Today, we are hauling a 6 ft folding table out to the lawn, so his son and wife can come over, have a beer and celebrate the day! He has missed having anyone to share beer thirty with him, since we went in to isolation in early March.
Sounds like a Great Father’s Day to me! And thanks! I had a great one!
I hope that you have a marvelous FATHERS DAY !!!!
Thanks Maggie, I did have a marvelous Father’s Day! Better than I could have imagined. A fine day for a dragon!
And that is it for today. I hope you guys have a great day. Love and happiness to you all.
Michael Osterholm, Director, Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy, at the University of Minnesota, said this pandemonium (no, I do have it right, it is far worse than a pandemic) Is like a Forest Fire, it won’t stop as long as there is still wood to burn.
Please men! It is on your shoulders, No More Wood!
I don’t think any of us men can promise that