Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to Tuesday.  Twofer Tuesday, Taco-Tuesday, it’s all Tuesday.  Probably the worst day of the week.  You might think that’s Monday, but it’s really not.  You are rested from the weekend, but not really ready to go back to work, but by Tuesday, the rest is gone and it’s just the beginning of the friggin’ week, so yeah.  Tuesday sucks.  For me, Tuesday has always been the day with all the meetings.  I have no idea why they picked Tuesday, I guess you have to have one day and Tuesday was it.  So, if you don’t see me around the campfire today, you’ll know why.  So, without further ado, let’s get on with some laughs and I’ll talk more later.

Leah writes and says:

I realized why this month is called May….

It may rain, it may snow, it may be 70 degrees, it may be 20 degrees.

Boy ain’t that the truth.  We were under a freeze warning again this morning.  And actually hit 80 degrees the other day.  I wish it would make up it’s damn mind!

“Do Not Touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.

My wife says I have two faults.

I don’t listen and something else….

I think I just found something that’s scarier in Braille

Nurse: What happened to your fingers?

Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables really fast?

Nurse: Yes?

Me: I can’t do that.

Sure, seems legit to me.  No need to check on it at all…..said no parent, ever!

You may find this hard to believe, but deep down I’m really a morning person.

Very deep down…

Like the bottom of the third cup of coffee deep.

It’s okay if you disagree with me.

I can’t force you to be right.

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Today isn’t looking so good, and I’ve already used up tomorrow’s tired.

So, a neighbor knocked on my front door at 3 am…. 3 AM!!!!

Luckily I was already up playing the bag pipes.

I just told my kids I’m older than Google.

They think I’m joking.

Stephanie shared this headline with me….

Rare Blue Dragons are Washing Up on the Padre Island National Seashore

Well, we are pretty rare…in fact, I was fairly sure I was the only one still hanging around this plane of existence, but it’s possible one or two of my relatives could’ve popped in for a visit.  But, that headline makes it sound like it’s something else so I clicked on the link

https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/09/us/blue-dragon-padre-island-national-seashore-trnd/index.html

And got this picture:

What da hell!  He doesn’t look anything like me!   Caption says: “A blue dragon, found by 7-year-old Hunter Lane.  He’s not much of a hunter, if he captured something that small!  But, if I have to go and defend my brethren, we’re going to find out how much of a hunter he is!  This hunter named Lane!  So, I kept reading…

Okay — CNN?  Bullshit alert!  NOT the flying, fire-breathing creatures…then they are NOT dragons!  They sure don’t LOOK like dragons, maybe this Hunter named Lane is off the hook.  Let me read a little more…

Blue dragons, or glaucus atlanticus, are tiny sea slugs — typically only 3 cm big, or a little over an inch. They can be found in the Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans, according to the conservation nonprofit Oceana.

SEA SLUGS!!!!!  HOW DARE THEY STEAL SUCH A GREAT NAME AND GIVE IT TO A SEA SLUG!!!!!  It is kinda cute though…But a SEA SLUG!!!!

Ugh!  Thanks, Stephanie for ruining or or making my day.  I haven’t decided which yet!  You can read the rest of the article here:

https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/09/us/blue-dragon-padre-island-national-seashore-trnd/index.html

Okay!  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!  I’VE HAD ALL I CAN STAND AND I CAN’T STAND ANY MORE!!!!!

There are no Chainsaw Bears.
There are no Sniper Monkeys.
And I don’t even want to think about whatever the hell those things in the first picture are.
There are no Sharknados.
There are no Razor Rabbits.
Land Sharks or any of the rest of that crap!!!!
Yes, Murder Hornets are real and so is Godzilla, but I think he’s on our side.
The sentient apes on horseback I’m not sure of, but come on!!!!

Let’s get back to the important business of laughter for laughter’s sake and saying bullshit to this fake fear that is being thrown around for the sake of scaring people.

Now, really…wombats with rocket launchers?  Really?

Come on…

 

 

Okay, now that shit I believe!!!!

Wife: What do you want for your birthday?

Me:  I want to ride a horse to the middle of the desert and take peyote and scream at god

Wife: I mean from like Target

Me: Ooooh an air fryer

It’s gardening season…

7 weeks ago I planted myself on this sofa, and I have grown considerably!

Leah D

Blow my mind! I’ve fondly known about cat naps . . . now I have to shuffle the files in my cabinet called brain to include the new ‘cat maps’, Is this a dementia test?

Yes, yes it is… how are you doing so far?

Everyone is freaking out about Murder Hornets, and Texans are wondering how it’ll taste stuffed in a jalapeño and wrapped in bacon.

We were talking earlier about how cold it was still here…I stepped out back earlier to let the dogs out and I swear I got hit with some sleet!  Anyway, Donnie G sent me this one and it cracked me up.  Oh, and by the way.  Thanks for the PayPal donation Donnie!  Much appreciated!  It helps a lot brother!

Any of you who’ve ever been up in that part of the world know how true that is!

I yelled, “COW!” at a woman on a bike, and she gave me the finger.  Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.

I tried.

YUCK!!!!

And with that nasty taste and thought in our heads, let’s call it a day.  I hope you enjoyed today’s offering.  And found something to tickle your funny bone.

Until tomorrow.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon