Good Morning Campers,

It’s the weekend!  Time to rest, relax, and recharge!  The three Rs!  You remember hearing about GIs going on R&R, well, nowadays we go on R&R&R!  Okay, so I’m stretching it a bit, but it’s true.  We all need time to chill and we all do it in different ways.  Whatever ways it is for you, make sure you make time to do it.  My day is not going to be that restful today, I have an eye doctor appointment, which brings to bear some unpleasant hoops to jump through, then I have to go to Dairy Queen to pick up an ice cream cake that Mrs. Dragon has requested for Mother’s Day (why she has requested an ice cream cake, I don’t know, but she has, for the first time ever, so she shall have one).  Then I have a few other chores and errands to run, so needless to say, Saturday is shot to hell.  Izzy Dragon has made a very special card for her mom, Izzy is a bit of a digital artist, you’ve seen some of her art work here before, here’s the cover of her card, based on an owl from an online game, or so I gather.

She is not happy with it, but I think it is great.

Anyway, what were we talking about?

Oh yeah, R&R&R.  Make sure you get some.  It’s important!  But, make sure you wish mom a happy day, too.

And now, let’s get some laughs started, shall we?

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.  Unless you are prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.

Mick says, “Oh, no, Paddy, what ya doing?”

Paddy says, “well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.”

If you take all of the marshmallows out of a box of Lucky Charms, you’re left with a box of Purina Cat Chow.

At the store was an X on the floor by the register for me to stand.

I’ve seen too many Road Runner cartoons to fall for that crap.

I’m so confused about people who don’t drink coffee.

What in the world do they do?

Get an appropriate amount of sleep?

Nerd.

I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

“I wish to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant that particular wish.”

“Fine,” I said, “then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!”

“You crafty bastard,” replied the fairy.

Standing up for yourself doesn’t make you argumentative.  Sharing your feelings doesn’t make you oversensitive.  And saying no doesn’t make you uncaring or selfish.  If someone won’t respect your feelings, needs, and boundaries, the problem isn’t you; it’s them. ~ Lori Deschene

Every day, I say to myself, “Susan, you have to stop drinking wine.” Thankfully, I’m not Susan.

At least we don’t have to hunt for our food, I don’t even know where Tacos live.

I’m a little scared cause Biden said that “people are dying that never died before” … and I’ve never died before.

Make it stop!

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Okay, my head just FUCKING exploded!  Let me explain….first, I saw this cartoon:

And I thought…nah… I remember reading something about some Navy pilots getting in a jam recently for talking about something, but UFOs is another thing that I’ve been interested in for a while, so I did a quick Google search, … Type in [Pentagon confirms UFOs] and bam got a hit…Here’s my top hits

So, I just spent the last hour reading through and watching the videos, and I was right, it was the same Navy videos with more information, but the biggest deal was that instead of calling the pilots crazy, which has always been the plan in the past, or saying that it was a weather balloon or some sort of weather or spatial phenomenon, the government has come right out and said that the videos are real, and the objects are unidentified aerial phenomenon or UAPs…what are now the new UFOs.  So yeah, the cartoon was right.  The Pentagon just confirmed the existence of UFOs and it never even made a blip on the news!  I had to look it up on Google to confirm it.

O H   M Y   F R I G G I N ‘   H O R S E    F E A T H E R S ! ! !

I need to go rest now.

Mind completely blown…

Why are we not talking about this on all the news channels?  On all the talk shows?  I know they waited until April to say anything and we’re in the midst of all this coronavirus stuff, but still!!!

Maybe the aliens have the cure!  Maybe the aliens are the cause!  Maybe I need another drink!
Maybe it’s time to change the subject!

Yes, we really do.  But, do you know how rare that is?  Or how uncommon?  Yes, common sense is very uncommon…or as a wiser man once said: “Common sense, isn’t.”

So…to eliminate the Murder Hornets, do we just run a giant Sting Operation?

So, I told my doctor I have a problem with my left ear.
”Are you sure?”
”Yeah, I’m definite.”

You’re the only two people on the road and you hit each other…yup, that’s the definition of 2020.

No problemo dude, been there.

And that’s with commercial breaks!

Okay, wait…. Let me see if I’ve got the order right:

• Coronavirus
• Murder Hornets
• Sentient Apes
• Land Sharks
• Grizzly Gators
• Murder Death Kill Bunnies

Did I leave any out?  Seems like I’m missing something….
Well, we haven’t seen killer tomatoes, they’ve hinted at aliens, no one has said anything about killer clowns, although the movie It just had a sequel, so we can’t discount that…gosh, why do I feel like I’m leaving something out.  The mythological creatures are all on our side.  Oh yeah!  There was that one sighting of Godzilla….but I haven’t heard any more about him.  I’m not sure if he falls under mythological or not.  He was kinda a good guy and kinda a bad guy, so hard to say where he falls on the hero/villain spectrum.  We’ll just leave him as an unknown for now.  None of the rest of his genre have been heard from, Mothra and the rest.  Bill Gates is probably cooking up some Microsoft 20 where laptops come to life and start eating people or something.

Well, I have to warn my dogs about these new Murder Death Kill Bunnies for when they are on perimeter patrol.  It is their sworn duty to protect the premises from bunnies of all kinds although I’m not sure how they’d fare against these bunnies.

Anyway, I’ll brief the pups, you guys laugh some more

Not sure you’re getting that right.

 

So, it’s time to go to the mailbox and get the mail from the creepy hand.  Our first letter is from Dave…

Dave

Your comment about making fun of yourself, reminded me of years back. When she ask, “Who do you think you’re going to satisfy, with that little thing”? I replied, “ME”!

Yup, and he rolls over afterwards, looks at her quizzically and says, “What?  I got mine. You get yours.”  And the relationship didn’t last long after that.

Leah D

Aha! Now I know where to get the jar of common sense and unopened can of competence the Governor of Utah seriously needs. He opened the State Parks . . . we are surrounded by states like Nevada, Arizona, and California that have strong stay at home orders because their virus count is too high. So guess where they all went for some fun . . . .?

Leah…dear, dear Leah.  You know I love you.  But I am not, under any circumstances, giving you my jar of common sense, nor my unopened can of competence for a Governor who you and I both know will mix it in a friggin’ casserole and then burn the damn casserole!  Sorry, dear.

 

I’m about 5 pounds away from Google Maps listing me as a roundabout.

NO!  WAIT!  None of that was on the fucking list!!!

I ain’t startin’ over!

NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!  Come On!  This shit has got to stop!!

• Coronavirus
• Murder Hornets
• Sentient Apes
• Land Sharks
• Grizzly Gators
• Murder Death Kill Bunnies
• Sharknadoes
• Flamethrowing Turtles
• Aircraft Carrier Snails

DID I FORGET ANYBODY????  COME ON!  NOW’S YOUR CHANCE!! SPEAK UP!!!!

I need a freaking break!!!!

And that will do it for another episode of Dragon Laffs.
I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.
May your day be filled with Love, Laughter, and Life.
Cheers!
Impish Dragon