Good Morning Campers,

Sunday…a day of rest.  A day to recharge and get yourself right.  Today is also Mother’s Day.  One day out of the year to celebrate the contributions of moms everywhere.  Yeah, like one day is enough for that!  Not hardly!  If it wasn’t for Mom’s, none of us would even be here.  Could the same be said for dads?  I don’t know.  I’d hate to get into THAT debate, but none of us would argue that moms are special.  Moms make the world go round, so for all of you Mothers out there…

May your day be filled with joy and laughter.  Momma Damian, Love you!

And I saw this and thought it was funny…

Now, on to some other things. 

Gonna get this out of the way before the media spins some shit. 

Drinking insect repellent will not save you from Murder Hornets.

Coronavirus was created by Spirit Halloween Stores so a bunch of businesses would go under and they could move into the vacant buildings this fall.

Coffee is vital for survival.  Dinosaurs didn’t have coffee, and look how that turned out.

So, I was flying a kite and this guy actually asks me, “So ya flying a kite?”

I replied, “Nope, fishing for birds.”

So, I just got home from running my errands…it was an exciting morning!  The first part was kinda dull.  Left early so I could run to the pharmacy and pick up some medicine.  Yeah, it sucks being old.  Then ran to the grocery where people were jacked-up-crazy!  Fuckers were NUTS!  Like it was the last day anything was going to be open and everything was on sale!  And this was my little grocery store in little ole northern Indiana!  Glad I only stopped in for a couple of things.  So, I had enough time before my eye appointment that I ran back home and dropped off the couple of things and then drove back along the river, listening to a podcast that I like and had this doe run RIGHT out in front of me!

Slammed on the brakes!  Locked them suckers up!  Skid marks and everything.  Missed her by that much.  Finished driving to the eye doctor and they had the nerve to tell me I looked a little flushed!  Ya think! 

The appointment was my long awaited final follow-up to my cataract surgery and I didn’t realize that they were going to dilate my pupils and I didn’t bring along any sunglasses.  I was also the last patient of the day and when I realized how bright the sun was and turned around to get one of those cheapy ones that they had inside the door was locked.  I had to drive to my next stop squinting out of one eye into the bright sun…it was exciting. 

My next stop was the Dairy Queen drive-thru where I picked up an ice cream cake for Mother’s Day tomorrow (today, for you guys) and damn near dropped it before I could get it settled in the seat beside me cause I couldn’t FRIGGIN’ SEE!  I kept thinking that damn deer was a premonition.  All this for a damn surprise cake!

But, I made it home, safe and sound, as you can see from me writing to you.  I’m pretty sure that’s the cake I bought.  At this point, I really don’t care, I spent about 5 minutes kissing the ground when I got home.  Got some grass in my mouth, but I don’t even care.

Anyway, let’s get back to the laughs.  I’ve got some letters and stuff to share with you guys today, so it should be a good issue.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together.

I don’t.

But it makes me feel like I do.

Really good advice follows… PAY ATTENTION:

Taking care of yourself is an essential part of taking care of others.
The healthier the tree, the better the fruit it can offer.

The fuck you say!

Okay, I can print this next one because it was sent to me by a woman, who is also a dear friend, so that absolves me of all responsibility…just sayin’…

Let’s take a moment to recognize all the women who went the extra mile today and put on a bra.

If you can’t look back at you’re your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Okay more really good, really IMPORTANT advice coming…

I don’t care if we are all wearing masks, you should still be putting on deodorant.

Come on, people… really?

Okay, YUCK!

Husband admiring his naked body in the mirror, says to his wife, “Look at that 14 stone of pure dynamite!”

Wife replies, “Fucking shame about the 2 inch fuse!”

If I was a superhero I’d be the Typoman.
”The Writer of Wrongs”

Okay, let’s do the mail….

Thank you for ALL  your efforts and laughs, really am enjoying the daily version. Was just reading your intro to the Saturday edition about R&R or R&R&R…when I was in VietNam we went on I&I..Intoxication and Intercourse.

Chris

 

Thanks Chris, Yup…missed Vietnam by about two years myself, but I have definitely been on some of those “tours”.  Glad you are enjoying the ezine.

 

This is from part of an email from Leah D.

 

I got a call from my friend who lives in a pricey assisted living apartment, in Orem, UT.  They were told “someone” has the virus so they are all in quarantine.  Before, they were quarantined to the building.  Now they must stay in their own apartments.

I get it Leah.  My dad lives in one of those in Florida.  They have to stay in their apartment and their meals are delivered to them.  It’s keeping them safe, but it’s driving them crazy.  But, it’s keeping them safe.  I’m just glad he’s not in some nursing home somewhere.

 

Next is Bill, trying to offend me.

 

Bill G

Sorry, but I have not been offended by anything in your newsletter so far. Perhaps this will help your quest to be more offensive:

Three pals are at a bar discussing their families. The Protestant announces that he has three daughters “one more and I’ll have a volleyball team. The Catholic claims to have five sons “one more and I’ll have a hockey team. The Muslim proudly announces “I have 17 wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course”.

Keep up the good work. All the best.
Bill

Thanks Bill, glad you are enjoying the ezine and nope, you haven’t offended ME.  But, I don’t offend easily.  Cheers!

 

Next, from our buddy down in Deception Bay..

 

Aussie Pete

HEY…. DON’T FORGET THE DROP BEARS MATE !!!!

NO!  Na-Uh!  Pete, you made it sound like those were NATURALLY occurring beasties!  NOT something new!  Now, which is it?! 

nogardcimsoc

May you live as long as you love, and love as long as you live.

Thanks Donnie!  And the same to you and to all of our campers!

Leah D.

Don’t know if you are ready to handle more truth yet . . . But Japan asked the US to share our UFO information with them.
Since back in November, the US asked Japan to pay billions more for our troops being there, I’m thinking they are looking for a new ally?
When I was a teen, the Uintah Basin in Utah, was a hot spot for UFO’s. MY mother and sister had quite the UFO experience. I am an avid UFO enthusiast.
I don’t know how far reaching the Documentary about Skin Walker Ranch on TV is, but it is, of course, where I speak of as “out home.”
Then there is Bigfoot . . . .

Okay, aliens I can deal with.  I’ve been fiercely interested in UFOs myself for a VERY long time.  Ever since I was a little dragon.  I read portions of the original Project Blue Book, for a while I watched everything and read everything I could get my hands on, then I kind of dropped it, but Marvin and I stayed friends and I stayed mildly interested.  When the show on the History channel came out, I watched it and realized that I was familiar with every story that they told, although a few of them were told a little differently then I remembered.  So yeah, Leah…. I’m ready, lay it on me.  Oh… and Bigfoot…a member of his extended family is already a fellow camper here, Sasquatch, so yeah, no big deal.

And to wrap it up, I got another email from our buddy Dave at Accidental Fire.  You remember him…he’s got another one of his to share with us…Seems he’s having a festival:

I think we ought to join in!!! Feel free to drop by his website at https://accidentalfire.com/2020/05/09/announcing-2020-dumpster-fyre-festival/

and leave him a nice little comment

Fitness Instructor:  Have you ever done a marathon?

Me: You mean like on Netflix?

Netflix should change it’s message from “Are you still watching” to “You should shower and come back”

I might have a slight drinking problem…

My husband asked me to toast some bread for him.  I raised my wine glass and said, “Here’s to bread.”

Remember: Having sex on a regular basis helps keep your memory alive.  I wish you all a great 2016.

Okay, you can’t make this stuff up.

And that’s it for today.  Remember to wish your mom a wonderful day and to have a bit of a great day yourselves.  Remember, you can reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the website.  But, most of all, remember to be good to one another, until we meet again and have another lovely day to spend together.  Until then, love to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon