Good Morning Campers,

Yeah, not sure where the whole Harry Potter stuff has come from lately.  Great series of books.  Okay series of movies.  I guess I just liked the font and the logo.  Anyway, wonderful weekend…well, so far.  Right now it’s still early on Saturday morning.  I’m the only one up in the house.  I’ve already been out to the base to pick up something and the person I was supposed to meet wasn’t there.  So, I left a message and came back home, and, wouldn’t you know it, as soon as I got back in the house, the person called and told me they were there and had been there the whole time and had no idea why they didn’t hear the phone ring when I called.  They’re going to be there the whole weekend, so I’ll probably pop out some other time.  It’s only 15 minutes from here, after all.

So, some of the states are opening up today and the rest of the week.  Some in steps different then others.  Today is also the day where there are supposed to be marches on capitals…ought to be an interesting day and weekend.  Here at the Dragon household we hope to keep things simple and easy.  Going to fire up the grill and do up some burgers, dogs, pork chops, chicken breasts, or anything else I can find that will grill.  It’s going to be a fat-making weekend.  I’m excited to get started.  I hope you all have as much fun as I’m going to have.

And with that, I think it’s time we got to why you are all here…the laughter and the break for the bullshit.

I’ve just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it.

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.  How can you go out in public that way?  And call yourself a human being?

 

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion!

They say he will be given a tough sentence!

I know, I know…the younger crowd doesn’t get it….sorry guys.  Listen to some good music.  Ask your parents.  Or your grandparents.

Grandpa complained that his new trousers fitted him like a cheap castle.

There was no Ballroom.

Slut jokes are just whoreable.

Did you know that they won’t be making yard sticks any longer?

Joined a Nudist Colony.
The first day was the hardest.

I need to social distance myself from the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

March did NOT come in like a Lion.

It came in like a T-Rex…
with PMS…
And hemorrhoids…
Wearing Barbed Wire Undies

 

So since the government is busy should we try raiding Area 51 again?

 

“The itsy-bitsy paycheck just post to my account.

Down came the bills and wiped the money out.”

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette’s boyfriend buying flowers.  She sighs and says, “Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.  Now, I’ll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”
The blonde says, “Don’t you have a vase?”

 

This morning my son said his ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside, so he walks out the front door, comes back in and says both.  Moments like this got me wondering if I’m saving too much for college.

“So, are you seeing anyone?”

“You mean…like a therapist or hallucinations?”

Let’s do some mail, shall we?

Marsha M

Do you remember the older song …knock 3 times if you want me? Twice on the pipe if you ain’t going to show? Well I work with alot of younger folks that have heard it wrong…Cough 3 times on the boss if you want off, twice on his desk if he won’t let you go. Don’t want to be an E worker anymore….just want the money…Funny how it’s all connected. Maybe I should change my political party…They B Home…with ice cream….. thanks I enjoy these they get me through my day…

Marsha, I do remember that song….cause I’m that old.  And now it will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.  LOL.  Yeah, I’m a teleworker and it ain’t working out the way everyone seems to think.  What it ends up being is me being on call 24/7.  BUT (and it’s a big but [are you saying I have a big butt?!-oh shut up! – Damn voices are speaking up again]) I do get to play with you guys every day instead of just once a week.  So, that’s a big plus.  I am glad that you enjoy my simple offerings.  Thanks for the very kind words, Marsha.

Leah D

Hillfield pilots flew their F 35’s over the entire State of Utah, to honor First Responders and all Health Workers on Thursday!
Finally, there was a reason to step out of the house.
My friends did not get their stimulus check. His brother is super rich, just recently moved back to Utah from New York where he headed a powerful group. He told them to “Contact their Representative.” Say what!?
I am going to the government website to check on it for them.
And while I’m at it, I will order them the free masks Utah is giving everyone.

In case you didn’t know, what Leah is talking about was an F-35 demonstration flying team consisting of four of the new Lightning II jets from Hill Air Force Base flew over the state of Utah on Thursday celebrating health care workers and residents.  Here’s a good article from KSL.com https://www.ksl.com/article/46747297/f-35-team-from-hill-afb-salutes-utah-health-care-workers-residents-with-flyover and here’s a picture:

The F-35 is a cool jet.  One, of course, I never got to work on.  After my time.  But, I have seen it up close and personal.  Way cool.  As far as the rest goes, Leah.  I’m sorry about your friends stimulus checks…did they file taxes this year?  Did they make too much money this year?  There’s lots of reasons.  I hope it works out.  It’s awfully nice of you to help them out.

Doesn’t look comfy, it looks fucking rude and self centered.  I’d say that I hope she was having a heart attack or a medical emergency, but I don’t think so, because I don’t think someone would have just taken the picture and she doesn’t look in distress.  Just fucking rude.

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Your scent alone is enough to get me excited.  Having something hot and creamy in my mouth, trickling down my throat…Mmm.
Coffee, I love you.

Okay, that was probably the wrong one to put after that last cartoon.

Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.  Sabrina took me to the hospital.  After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, left arm broken, multiple facial injuries.  And they will have to amputate my right leg.

Wife: Who is Sabrina?

“You’re too old to ride that skateboard!”

Me: “Hold my Ensure.”

They say that “Flexibility is the key to Air Power” but it also seems to be the key to several of our Motivational Posters today…and bacon bras…so, what’s not to like!

Oh, and Footballs…don’t forget the Footballs…

I know a lot of people who need to read this book.

That’s not how you get a dragon.  I promise.  That’s not the way.

REMEMBER: WHILE YOU ARE HAVING STRUGGLES WITH STAYING AT HOME – SOME PEOPLE WISH THEY HAD ONE.

Just a thought:  What about carrying a box of plastic sandwich bags in your car.  Put one of those over your hand when you’re pumping gas and punching in your PIN code.  And then toss it in the garbage.  Save the latex gloves for the first responders.

Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they are stuck at home the little shits.

Okay, so city folk want to come out to the country and rob houses of groceries.  You all know that country folks will dress in camouflage from head to toe, climb 30 feet up a tree, and sit silently all day, year after year on the coldest days just to kill something, right?

My 4 year-old came downstairs and asked me what his stuffed bunny did for a living.  Over the next few minutes I guessed farmer, fireman, astronaut, and racecar driver until my son deadpanned, “he doesn’t have a job because he’s not real,” while glaring at me like I’m an idiot.

Today a man knocked on the door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.  I gave him a glass of water.

This next one made me laugh until I cried!

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

BEST MASK YET!!

Okay, I have to share this with you guys.  I got the bestest of emails from Wayne in Drayton Valley Alberta, Canada.  It made my whole WEEK!!!  Here it is.  I’ll remove Wayne’s last name, but I imagine everyone at ACR will know who he is, since I’m leaving the logo and stuff in…

I’ve been working at our shop full time while this insanity is going on. Your jokes and cartoons get posted into a binder at the waiting counter on a regular basis. I swear we have customers coming into the rental shop just to see what gets put into the binder, ( and free coffee!! )

Keep up the great work!

 

Wayne L

Inside Sales Representative / Purchasing

Drayton Valley Alberta, Canada

 

Okay, so that’s got to be one of the greatest compliment I’ve received.  Thanks for that Wayne…and to all the customers at ACR…cheers to you folks!

I need to come up with some signed pictures of me or something… lol.  “Suitable for framing” or wrapping fish.  You too can have your, highly valued copy for just $19.95, plus a small, shipping and handling fee. 

Yeah, right!

But it is cool to think that you guys are printing some of my stuff out…actually, you are printing out other peoples stuff, all I do is collect it together, and repost it in one spot and add a little of my own sarcasm to the pot, stir and serve, so I can’t even say that it’s my stuff, but it sure is nice to hear that you like what I do.  Thanks Wayne!  It is nice to see that my efforts are appreciated.

Oh, and by the way…. I really did like the videos you sent.  Thanks, they made me smile.  I just wish I had a way to share them with these guys.

 

 

Back in my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled “Last Call!”

 

Yeah, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say, probably not…

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

For a small price, I can do that without the LSD.

I’m going to end today’s issue on this next note…and I want you all to take it to heart…

Go out and have fun.  Laugh and enjoy yourselves.  Even from the comfort of your own living room or your own backyard.

Love and laughter to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon