Dragon Laffs #1723–Day 40


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Good Morning Campers,

Forty Days!  God made it rain for forty days before he allowed the sun to shine.  Moses spent three consecutive periods of forty days and forty nights on Mount Sinai, Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights, Minus 40 degrees is the only temperature that is the same in both Fahrenheit and Celsius, When the bubonic plague gripped Europe during the Middle Ages, ships would be isolated in harbor for 40 days before passengers could go ashore.  The Italian word for 40 is quaranta- hence quarantine.  Want some more forties?

coollogo_com-1101037A typical pregnancy is not really 9 months, it’s actually 40 weeks.  There were 40 thieves that Ali Baba fought in Arabian Nights.  It took chemists 40 attempts to develop that magical spray we know as …wait for it…WD-40.  Do you know it’s full name?  Water Displacement, 40th formula.  AND…the standard American work week is 40 hours.  Although, I personally don’t know ANYONE who actually only works 40 hours a week, but there you go, everything you always wanted to know about 40, but were afraid to ask.coollogo_com-760998

All that is to say is that I’ve been at this telework thing now for forty days.  Forty days of working from home.  Forty days of providing you guys with with an almost daily dragon laffs.  I really didn’t see this going on this long.  And the way it looks right now, although people are talking about getting us back to work, I don’t know when that’s going to be.  I could be wrong.  I could go in to my meeting tomorrow and the boss could say that he wants us all back in the office on Wednesday…I don’t really see that happening, but … who knows.

So, I guess the key here is to enjoy it while it lasts.  I, of course, am actually writing this to you on Sunday, because I am a time traveler.  My words reach you in the future.  I am predicting what is going to happen tomorrow and how you are going to react to them when you read them.  So…enjoy the laughs and the fun and try to get by as best as you can.

Let's Laugh5

400

And another democrat is about to be created in 3, 2, 1

This is a really good essay sent to me by dear Stephanie… well worth the read…give us a greater understanding of our grandparents

This brings a good perspective to today.

 

For a small amount of perspective at this moment, imagine you were born in 1900.

 

When you are 14, World War I starts, and ends on your 18th birthday with 22 million people killed. Later in the year, a Spanish Flu epidemic hits the planet and runs until you are 20. Fifty million people die from it in those two years. Yes, 50 million.

 

When you’re 29, the Great Depression begins. Unemployment hits 25%, global GDP drops 27%. That runs until you are 33. The country nearly collapses along with the world economy.

 

When you turn 39, World War II starts. You aren’t even over the hill yet. When you’re 41, the United States is fully pulled into WWII. Between your 39th and 45th birthday, 75 million people perish in the war and the Holocaust kills six million.

 

At 50, the Korean War starts and five million perish.

 

At 55 the Vietnam War begins, and it doesn’t end for 20 years. Four million people die in that conflict.

 

Approaching your 62nd birthday you have the Cuban Missile Crisis, a tipping point in the Cold War. Life on our planet, as we know it, could well have ended. Great leaders prevented that from happening.

 

As you turn 75, the Vietnam War finally ends.

 

Think of everyone on the planet born in 1900. How do you survive all of that? A kid in 1985 didn’t think their 85 year old grandparent understood how hard school was. Yet those grandparents (and now great grandparents) survived through everything listed above. Perspective is an amazing art. Let’s try and keep things in perspective. Let’s be smart, help each other out, and we will get through all of this.”

 

Be kind.

Watch your words.

 

My father was born in 1935 and my grandfather was born in ** and it is amazing to me the things that both of those men lived through.  We think we have it so hard.  Perspective is an amazing art.  To be able to see through other’s eyes is an ability that few ever achieve, but it has been said before that those who do not learn history are destined to repeat it and perhaps, it is also true, that those who do not study history cannot appreciate the history they are making today.

 

401

 

My Pal tells me he always cries after having sex.  I told him it was his own fault for getting sent to prison in the first place.

410

If two cheaters with the CLAP have sex…is that considered a round of applause?!

411

Is another name for a police uniform a …

Law Suit?

3a2

402

How do you get a fat girl in bed?

Piece of cake.

slap1

403

You gotta love an ezine with math humor!

The Dr says, “man….you gotta quit masturbating!”

“Why?” says the patient.

The Dr. says,“so I can examine you!”

404

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d go up to a bank teller with a mask on asking for money.

405

A woman goes into a cafe and orders a hamburger. The waiter is a big hairy Neanderthal that hasn’t shaved, or showered, anytime recently. “BURGER!” he hollers. In the kitchen, an even hairier, more disgusting man is the cook. He takes a handful of ground beef, sticks it under his armpit, pumps it twice to flatten it, and on the grill it goes. “THAT,” she says, “has gotta be one of the grossest things I’ve ever seen!!!!” “”The waiter says, “that’s fuck all. You should be here in the morning when he is making donuts!”

406

I called your house the other day and was told you were down at your favourite biker bar with some friends.
I wasn’t sure where that was, but was told I wouldn’t have much trouble finding it.
Sure enough, I drove just a couple blocks and there it was…
There is nothing like the feel of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair, is there?
423

Got up this morning and ran around the block five times.  Then I got tired, so I picked the block up and put it back in the toy box.

407

Just got a comment from Leah, let’s see what she has to say:

Leah D

Am I crazy or what? I heard the jets from Hillfield, before I saw them. The sound is so exhilarating! it grew louder and louder and as it roared over my head, my whole body experienced the rumble reverberating through it! So gloriously satisfying. . . . . I swear I’ll never see my husband in the same way again.

Is that because your husband was a pilot?  Geez, I hope that was the reason, cause any other reason just doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Yeah, working on those big beasts was a lot of fun.  I actually got an incentive ride in a T-38 once and we got to play dog fight out in the New Mexico desert.  There were five jets up with five non-pilots along for the ride.  The deal was that whichever pilot didn’t make his rider puke had to buy the beers, (it was a different Air Force back then, lots more fun) so needless to say, it was a WILD ride.  Everybody puked but me.  I’ve always had a cast-iron stomach.  Still love roller coasters to this day.  He gave me everything that little jet would do and I wanted more.  I’d chalk that one up to one of the best days of my life.

408

And so I have received another comment from Leah, and this one has got me in tears…you guys have got to stop doing this to me.

Leah D


I used to send out jokes, ‘toons, whatever, in an issue I called Odds ‘n Ends.
I’m guessing 80 – 90% was stolen from Dragon Laffs.
My brother teaches at the college. He often used material from those emails in his lessons, which went out over the internet to students around the globe, some of which were our soldiers.
He forwarded my emails to many people. One of which was a radio personality, who used the material every morning to entertain his audience. He suffered major withdrawal when I stopped sending Odds ‘n Ends out.
So you indeed, have touched the world!
I salute you, for it became too had for me to do anymore, and I quit. I have stood in awe of you, for all that you have had to deal with, and yet you still persevere!

Thank you Leah, you do an old dragon proud.  What I do and what I deal with is minor in comparison to what others do and deal with.  I try to do my very small part.  If I can put a smile on someone’s face or make them think about something in a new or different light, then I feel like I have accomplished something for the day.  If I can teach a GI how to stay alive in a crappy environment and they can come home safe and sound to their family and loved ones, then I feel like I’ve accomplished something.  If I can give my supervision information or direction that helps them make decisions that helps them support the mission, that our base supports, then maybe, in some small way, I feel like I’ve accomplished something.  What I do is very, very minor.  I no longer run to the sound of gun fire, or sirens.  I am not the calm voice on the other end of the radio for the men and women in harms way, as I used to be.  I might try to do it again when I retire…maybe.  It was, probably the most satisfying job I ever had.  But, all of that led me to where I am now.  And I am very pleased to have touched the lives that I have touched and extraordinarily blessed to continue to do so for as long as God will let me.

Thank you for your letter.

409

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For Some People

For the Last Time

For This

forecast for tonight

Foreclosure

Foreign Exchange Programs

forget romeo and juliet

forget waldo

Formula

Fortyfive

Found em

fourth of July

Fourth of July2

France

free baby unicorn

413

Public Service Announcement: If you or a loved one died from injecting disinfectant, call the law office of Ura, Moron, & D’Zervit.

414

If breweries can produce sanitizer, why can’t newspapers produce toilet paper?  Half of what they print is crap anyway.

415

There is probably more truth in that statement than not.

416

When Algebra teachers retire, how do they deal with the aftermath?

418

So, there’s a row of workers, each making a hole in a piece of paper and passing it on.

[…]

That’s it.  That’s the punch line.

419

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

420

This drinking at home instead of the bar is not working out.

Last night I almost asked the wife for her phone number.

421

Math humor and science humor…we’re moving up in the world!

It’s a good thing our bodies age slowly.  It’s so much easier to be horrified just a little bit each day.

422

There’s nothing scarier than the split second where you lose your balance in the shower and think “oh god, they’re going to find me naked.”

427

As for me and my house, we will stay where we at.

          –1st Isolations 24:7

428

It’s really sad that people have to be told not to consume disinfectants.  By the way, don’t stick a cactus up your ass, either.

429

Yesterday I saw an ad that said, “Radio for sale, $1, Volume stuck on full”

I thought, “I can’t turn that down”

430

And that’s it for today’s issue.  I hope you all got a good laugh.  Love to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1723–Day 40

  1. nogardcimsioc says:

    This really was “The End”

    >

  2. Leah D says:

    Thanks Stephanie for the time outline. My grandmother was born just before 1899 turned to 1900. When I watch movies, documentaries, etc. that deal with the time period from 1900 on, I always do this math thing, figuring out how old she was then and imagining how it impacted her life at that time.
    This has inspired me to give a special birthday gift .. . create a timeline for them.

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