Dragon Laffs #1720–Day 37


Header1716

Thursday Smoke

Good Morning Campers,

Fair warning, this is the last issue you will have before the weekend.  While you are reading this, I will be out on the base dealing with a VIP visit.  That will pretty much occupy my day.  Even though he will only be in the area for about three hours, it has been tying up my whole week so far.  But, I will say, it is no where NEAR as bad as when Obama and Biden came to town a couple of years ago.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me this fine morning, what’s going on with you?

Well, why don’t we find out, while we laugh a little, share a little and have some fun with the day?

Let’s go!

402

“When the law doesn’t apply to the lawmakers you’re not being governed: you’re being ruled.”

1066

So…. I received this yesterday from Stephanie…

Well, I’m in the Hospital This has not been a good morning.

 

After spending the last 4 weeks quarantined inside the house, Limited contact with anyone since mid March. Enough is Enough, so I decided to go Motorcycle riding, something I haven’t done in a long time. It turned out to be a horrible mistake! I got on the motorcycle and started out slowly, or so I tried, but then it got crazy and went a little faster; and faster, before I knew it, we were going as fast as the that bike could go. I couldn’t take the pace and fell off, but caught my pants on the foot peg beside the crash bar. I was being dragging and bounced all over the place. The motorcycle just would not stop!

 

Thankfully the manager at Dollar General came running out and unplugged the machine. Then he actually had the nerve to take the rest of my quarters, so I wouldn’t try to ride the Fire Truck or Clown Car…

 

A few scrapes and bruises but nothing was broken. I will wear leather and a helmet next time. Well, the helmet was suggested by the doctor.. and I only have to stay in here for the mandatory 72 hours required by the mental health people….

 

Well, I have to tell a story on myself.  I got that email and the way my email is set up, I can see the first line of the email in the list of emails in my outlook.  So, I see that I have an email from Stephanie, and I look and see that it says, Well, I’m in the Hospital.  This has not been a good morning.  Now, Stephanie and I have been friends for many years and immediately my heart starts racing and I open the email and it’s the joke that you see above, so I write back to her, laughing and using some uncomplimentary words telling her that she scared me to death when I saw the email, figuring we’d both get a laugh out of it.  About ten minutes later I get a text message on my phone, and all it said was: if it was serious, I’d text

And that was it.  And I thought…Awww…Yeah….. I shoulda known better right from the friggin’ start.  Touched me right there.  You know. 

Sniff!

But it still damn near gave me a HEART ATTACK!!!

lol!

403

See, I had no problem staying home because I’m a homebody.  But now, since I’m being TOLD to stay home – I’d like to go out.

404

I went to Walmart today for cat treats, they were out of human food.  As I stood in line some lady made a smart ass remark to me for coming in the store just to buy cat treats.  I told the lady I had to fatten up my cats before I eat them because all you assholes are hoarding all the food.  Her little girl started crying.  I didn’t even feel bad.  Next time, mind your own business.

405

More from our CAT brother, James C… who has a very funny story to tell…. fair warning!  Put down your coffee first, before you start reading!!

The cartoon of the guy asking when its due, happened to me in reality. My buddies wedding, and I see his sister standing at the food trough, stuffing her face. I say, “I thought you were due a month ago!” She pauses, and turns to face me, and at that moment I see a kid, maybe 5 weeks old, sleeping in a baby carrier on the table beside her.

Yeah….that was uncomfortable. Hey, is it just me, or is it hot in here?

I thought things had cooled off, and I see she had posted on Facebook that she was pregnant again, and she had a photo of the ultrasound. “TWINS!” Was the caption.

I commented, “Congratulations! 2 kids from the same father!”

She Unfriended me. Was it something I said? Sheesh. No sense of haha.

I need to invest in plastic sheeting.

406

First, we hear alcohol may prevent the virus.

Then, we’re told possibly heat and humidity.

Now, they say that sunlight might quickly kill the virus.

So, if you drive by my house and I’m standing in the front yard, intoxicated and naked, just leave me alone.  I’m conducting important medical research!!

407

Him:  This is my ex-girlfriend, Lauren.

Her:  Stop introducing me like that.

Her:  I’m his wife.

408

My generation grew up looking for frogs and shit.

Your generation grew up looking for Wi-Fi connections

We are not the same.

409

I drink a ton of water.

Filtered water.

Filtered through coffee grinds.

…Coffee.  I drink a lot of coffee.

410

Amen!  Keep that in mind whenever you have a choice in where you shop!

This next one is an oldie, but goodie…

Why do supermarkets and drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do banks leave the vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline, “Psychic Wins the Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do “practice”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invest all your money called a “broker”?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called “rush hour”?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called “apartments” when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?

1067

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world….

….then he made the world round and laughed and laughed.

1068

Aussie Peter sent us this great email…kind of a travel guide for our next trip down under to Deception Bay

When you come to Australia you need to know that there are lots of stuff here that is very dangerous.

We have deadly snakes, spiders, crocs and of course one of the deadliest ……..  DROP BEARS.

Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security when you see cute little bears

[  PHOTO ONE ]

 414

 

because they can grow up to be  Drop Bears  as in photo  number TWO.

 

 415

 

Photo number three is a sign near my house in Deception Bay

 

416

 

and photo number four shows the spray can that all Aussies carry with them.

 

 417

 

Looking forward to you visit.   Keep smiling.

 

Peter.    

 

Thanks Peter!  Very useful indeed.  Definitely enough to keep the drongos busy.  Can’t wait until our next visit!

Cheers!

 

411

 

I was going through a box of old papers and found a social studies exam that I got 99% on.

The question I got wrong was….

“Where is women’s hair mostly curly?”

The right answer was Africa.

412

I was sent a very, very interesting video by Hank on lifting the stay at home orders and the closing of the businesses by two very respected doctors out in California.  Now, I’m not a doctor, but these guys make a lot of sense in opening the country back up.  They have given me an awful lot to think about.  Very long video, but well worth watching.  Quarantine the sick and the compromised, not the young and the healthy.  Everyone should watch…I’d love to know what you think: https://youtu.be/vJprwe_rWeM  Thank you Hank for sharing this with me.

413

418

coollogo_com-73072376

Finally

Finals Week

Financial_Planning

Fingers

Finish Him

finish

Finnish People

Fire

Firearms (2)

Firearms

fireball

Fired

Firepower (2)

Firepower

fireworks

419

1069

Sometimes I agree with Suzie… a lot

420

1070

421

Boy, ain’t that gonna be the truth!

1072

Yes, and sometimes we don’t

1073

1079

1074

1080

1075

A mother’s love is the only thing that keeps her from drowning you at birth.

1081

1076

1082

1077

1078

1083

0a2

And that’s it for me for today.  I’m calling it quits early since I have a lot to do to get ready for tomorrow.  Hopefully, I’ll have 1asome pictures to share with you guys.  Remember, you can reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.  And as always, I’m sending you off with lots of love and wishes of joy and happiness.  See you again on Saturday!

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1720–Day 37

  1. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    Do you remember the older song …knock 3 times if you want me? Twice on the pipe if you ain’t going to show? Well I work with alot of younger folks that have heard it wrong…Cough 3 times on the boss if you want off, twice on his desk if he won’t let you go. Don’t want to be an E worker anymore….just want the money…Funny how it’s all connected. Maybe I should change my political party…They B Home…with ice cream….. thanks I enjoy these they get me through my day…

  2. Leah D says:

    I watched some of that video. I agree, I think (because I didn’t watch it all) to the premise that the Country should re-open . . . HOWEVER, no one should be back to work until they have been tested! And that isn’t enough. Why? Because they will be moving around, out in the world, where they could pick it up. So regular testing needs to be in place.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s