Dragon Laffs #1699–Day 14


Header1699

Tuesday

Good Morning Campers,

Do I have to get up?  I don’t want to get up!  I’m still tired!  I want to stay in bed!  Can’t I sleep just a little longer?  Please…. PLEASE!!!!

Dammit!  Alright!  But, I’m not happy (or any of those other dwarves or goblins or orcs or even hobgoblins) and you’re NOT going to … oh look, coffee…00e

So again…Tuesday…

I’ve been out on the base most of the day today and I’ve ignored you guys…. I feel so… bad.  Okay, not that bad.  It is my job, after all.  So let’s spend a little time here and put some laughter out there and then I’ll get back to what I’m supposed to be doing for my real job…

I know, I can hear some of you out there.. THIS IS your real job!  Keeping us entertained!  But, it’s not really, it may be my FAVORITE job, but it’s not the one that pays the bills.  Sorry, guys.

400

Okay, before I go ANY further, I want to offer an apology, but I have to put this email in here first:

Hello impish I am going stir crazy. I am in southern Louisiana and the doctors keep saying that we have no virus’s here. I am also the Commander of our American Legion post and it is hard to have meetings.so far for the month of April we have had to cancel three different meetings. But I guess that’s life. Hang in there it will get better. LOVE YOUR POSTS

Hey Tommy V!  Here’s my apology!  Your email went to my junk folder for some reason (I’ve now rectified that so it shouldn’t happen again).  I usually check my junk folder daily, but for some reason it’s been sitting there for 4 days and I missed it!  I’m really sorry that you’re going stir crazy there in southern Louisiana, but keep your chin up brother!  As the Commander of your American Legion Post, I don’t need to tell you what an awesome responsibility you have to your members to set the example.  I’m glad you like the posts I’ve been sending out.  Turn your other Post members on to Dragon Laffs and share the wealth!  Thanks for writhing and you’ve been added to the map brother!

Cheers!  Impish Dragon!

401

402

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!  Things are going poorly for our good friend Peter in Deception Bay (SUCH a cool name)… it sounds like he’s starting to come a bit unglued.  We might have to send a rescue team down under.

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! 

Actually I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. 

I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. 

The vacuum was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!

The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.

The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ……..yes, you guessed it …..pull myself together. 

Okay, I’m looking for volunteers to join me in an expedition to travel to check on Peter.  I think I can talk Santa into giving us a lift, if he’s still not pissed off at me… any takers?

403

404

I’ve started investing in stocks.  Beef, chicken, and vegetable.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

405

So, I figure today, you’ll just get the mail, as I read the mail, so here’s an update from our buddy Tom in Oregon:

Hi Mr. Dragon, Sill alive and well here in Oregon. We are the only state other than New Jersey where self service gas is against the law. The governor has lifted the ban on self service because of the virus and now we can pump our own gas. Now, instead of just one attendant handling the pump handles, there will be hundreds of people touching them. What a great way to spread a virus!

There are two large parks in our capital where a lot of homeless people stay. Both parks had hot and cold water, flush toilets, showers and drinking water. Now, the geniuses in government have locked the restrooms and turned off all the water to protect the homeless from the virus. They have placed portable outhouses and drinking water in reusable barrels for them. Ain’t that nice?

I guess what bothers me most is hearing people complain all the time about idiot politicians in this state. Then the ones who complain the most, go right back and elect those same idiots year after year.

Okay, enough ranting. Here are a couple of fun pictures for you.

Tom

Robert Heinlein once said, “Never underestimate the power of human stupidity” and to me, that is never demonstrated more succinctly than in human politics.  Yeah, I know, what you are seeing makes no real sense and as an Emergency Manager I have no logical explanation for what they are trying to do.  But, please, feel free to send my your rants any time!

And remember all of you, I can be reached at impishdragon@gmail.com or by leaving a comment on the blog.

406

Remember wishing the weekend would last forever?

Happy now?!?!

407

I’m so bored, I went outside to knock on my own door then came back in and said, “Who is it?”

408

I am definitely getting one of these!

If they had just called it “The Stay At Home Challenge” and posted it on Facebook, the virus would be gone by now.

409

Gonna ask my momma if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.

410

Yeah, like they haven’t seen that before!

Anyone else starting to get a tan from the light in your refrigerator?

411

Being married is just saying, “What do you want for dinner?” back and forth until one of you is dead.

412

Boy, ain’t that the truth.

From Papa Dragon Most Senior

An Irishman’s first drink with his  son

While reading an article  last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I  took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local  pub only two blocks from the cottage.

I got him a  Guinness.  He didn’t like it, so I drank  it.

Then I got him a  Kilkenny’s, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he  might like some Harp Lager?

He didn’t.  I drank  it.

I thought maybe he’d  like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson’s; nope!  

In desperation, I had  him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland’s finest  whisky.

He wouldn’t even smell  it.

What could I do but  drink it!

By the time I realized  he just didn’t like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his  stroller back home!!!

413

1

Cowardice

Cowbell

Another old joke that if you didn’t see the Saturday Night Live episode you probably don’t get it, but if you Google it, you can probably still find it on YouTube…you youngster you!

coworkers

crack

crack2

Crayons

crazy cat men

cream in your coffee

Counts as boobs

Creativity

Credit

Creepy Threads

creepy

Crisps

Need I say it?

Critical Hits

Criticism

And another from Papa Dragon Most Senior

Irish  Confession

I went into the  confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church. 
Inside  I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.  On one wall, there was  a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal  glasses.

On the other wall was a  dazzling array of the finest cigars and  chocolates.

When the priest came  in, I said to him, “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since  I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is  much more inviting than it used to be.”
He replied, “You  moron, you’re on my side.”

414

Some Light Dublin  Traffic Humor

A car full of Irish  nuns are sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy  drunks pull up alongside of them.

“Hey, show us yer  teets, ya bloody penguins.” shouts one of the  drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says,  “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your  cross.”

Sister Mary Immaculata  rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers,  before I come over there and rip yer balls off.”  She then rolls up her  window, looks back at Mother Superior quite innocently, and asks, “Did that  sound cross enough?”

415

Mick says to Paddy:  “Close your curtains the next time you’re shagging your wife. The whole  street was watching and laughing at you  yesterday.”

Paddy says: “Well  the joke’s on them stupid bastards, because I wasn’t even home  yesterday.”

416

Paddy’s  in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his  feet.

“What the hell you  doing?” he  asks.

“Hanging  myself”, Paddy  replies.

“It should be around  your neck”, says the  Guard.

“I  know”, says Paddy, “but I  couldn’t breathe.”

417

Dating apps?  No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

418

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog…. we laughed a lot.

419

Quarantine Day 15: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

420

Okay, now on to the comments from today…

nogardcimsioc

G’Day, Impish :-). Yup, that was the site I was referring to west of Kokomo. Just needed to drag the image a tad more south to see what looked to me like the skull’s teeth (from 10000ft). I also noticed that I spelled CosmicDragon backwards wrongly. Sorry about that.

You Da Man.

Donnie

Thanks Donnie, and Yeah, I noticed I didn’t cut enough of that picture when I posted it…but we’re both trackin’ on the same page.

And I was wondering what the hell nogardcimsioc was!  LOL!

Cheers brother!

Bill

We live in a rural area 75 miles north of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. The owner of a local driving school had to close operations because of the pandemic. He now shops and delivers food for seniors in the area at no charge. This man is a lifesaver for us. There should be more people like Rick Elliot in this world.

And you Bill, just gave Rick Elliot a mention here on Dragon Laffs!!! I’m not sure what a big deal that really is, but to all of us, that’s a big deal!!  So, here’s to you Rick Elliot!  Nice job brother!  And Bill, we’ll be adding you to our map!  Thanks for the nice words.

And how about some of you from other parts of the world?  We’ve got North America knocked out right now…and one dot in Australia…..let’s hear from some of the rest of you!

And we’ll finish out with our daily message from Leah

Leah D

I have old friends who don’t have internet, or charge cards, some don’t even have debit cards.
They also are helper deficit, whereas I have my kids and grandkids.
It means I have to do a lot of things for them. We are on the phone, I am on the internet, I ask questions, fill in the blanks; or I revue the products available, so they can choose which items to order.
I keep them updated on news they won’t see on TV.
Is there someone you know like these friends of mine? You most likely will have to offer your services, they won’t ask.

Good advice Leah.  We should all be keeping an eye on our neighbors and friends.

421

Yeah, let’s find something else we can blame on the man.

422

Yeah, that’s the scary part.  How the hell are we going to pay for all of this?

423

And with that cheerful thought, I’ll close for the day.  I hope you all have enjoyed today’s issue.  May you bring a smile with you as you go through the day and spread the good word.  Turn your friends on to Dragon Laffs.  Have a wonderful day and until we meet again. 

1a

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1699–Day 14

  1. Leah D. says:

    I just want to say, Hello Everybody! Except for Climate Change, there hasn’t been anything everyone in our world has shared before COVID 19. It gives me such a family feeling when we are all united by the issues of Dragon Laffs.

  2. James Churchill says:

    PS count me in on the secret mission to go in and check on Peter.

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