Dragon Laffs #1700!!!!–Another Milestone Met


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Good Morning Campers,

Issue #1700!  Holy Cow!  1700 issues.  I can’t believe it.  That’s a lot of crap from me.  And today I’m taking a lot of crap from my tech.  It’s still early and I’ve been kicked off line 4 times already.  And it’s because more and more people are working from home.  Teleworking.  Right now my Air Force VPN says: “Waiting to connect…” isn’t that comforting.  And with a little troubleshooting, it turns out that it’s me that is off line.  Nice.

My frustration level is rising…

Need coffee!!

I liked this one, so I’ll use it again:

00e

So, anyway….Wednesday morning…the middle of the week.  Things are humming along nicely.  So, let’s get in there and get some laughing started, shall we?

I’m not saying this will work, but …

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I promised myself I’d do things differently today, so I’m sitting at the other end of the couch.

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I imagine by now that a lot of husbands are ready to build that she shed.

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Nope!

A teardrop tattoo means you killed someone in prison.  A toilet paper tattoo means you killed someone in Costco.

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And I just read another article this morning with the headline to the effect Politicians Scramble To Get Their Desires Fulfilled In Next Relief Package
We need term limits in a BAD WAY!!!

THIS JUST IN:
King Felipe VI quarantined to his jet.  Madrid news reports the reign of Spain is staying mainly on the plane.
3a

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Amazing how there have been 0 mass shootings.  All the ammo and guns being bought and not a one.  Almost like guns are not the problem.

Stay at home.  Stay safe.  But, I gotta tell you.  There’s gonna be problems when people try to go into other people’s homes without permission.  There’s been a LOT of guns and ammo bought.  And why do you think that is?  It is kind of surprising to me that we haven’t heard of more shootings and robberies and such around the country.  I’m not talking about here in fly-over country.  But, it’s gotta be getting tough in New York City and places like that.  Any readers out there from the big city?

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It seems as though James is making good on some of the good ideas we’ve published here in Dragon Laffs.  I got a great email from him this morning!

Goodday Sir Dragon,

I am sure you are aware of the awesome bargaining chips we have, in seemingly innocent items one may find around the house.

I ran an advert in the local newspaper that is causing a lot of response. If memory serves me correct, I saw this on one of your mailouts a while ago. “ a roll of 2 ply toilet paper, and a 1/2 full bottle of hand sanitizer, trade for a ’69 Camaro.”

The phone is ringing off the hook

Thanks for the idea.

Hope all is well at your end, and that we will see you back at your regular position very shortly.

Your eternally grateful neighbor to the north, James.

I’m glad that the idea is working out well for you James!  I’m trying to work the same scheme here for a 67 Plymouth Barracuda.  That was the first car I ever owned and I’d love to get another!  I’m even willing to throw in a 2nd roll of 2 ply!

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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: “Don’t go in there!  Don’t go in the church, you moron!”

She’s watching our wedding video again.

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I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say “vest day ever” like a million times.  Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn’t as invested as they were.

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Dentist: Open up please

Me: Sometimes I get a little sad

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The only person that calls and checks on me everyday is the guy from India who wants to discuss my car warranty.

Is he still calling?  My India guy stopped checking on me… I’m worried about him…

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Me [getting a small paper cut]: well so much for going to the gym this week

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Nah!  Nah!  You can’t hit me! HEY!  Watch that thing!  It’s pointy!

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Now THAT’s a personalized mask!

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Let’s go to some mail….

This one is from James C.

James Churchill

PS count me in on the secret mission to go in and check on Peter.

Alright, our first volunteer!  Here’s your kit, we’re still waiting on Santa, but I did hear from his head elf.  He said he’d pass the message along.  Mrs. Claus replied to my message and said there is no way in hell she’d let Santa go back to Deception Bay … so it sounds like the trip is a go! 

Leah D.

I just want to say, Hello Everybody! Except for Climate Change, there hasn’t been anything everyone in our world has shared before COVID 19. It gives me such a family feeling when we are all united by the issues of Dragon Laffs.

Oh, Leah, don’t get me started on Climate Change.  I really don’t need to drag that soap box out right now.  But I’m glad to hear that you feel we are all being united by Dragon Laffs.  It makes my heart swell with pride.  Truly.  Thanks, luv.

Cheers!

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The next time you hear anyone making a snide remark about truckers, just remember that right now the truckers of this nation are basically the cavalry bring meds and supplies to those who need it.  This world runs on more than college degrees.

My son is a truck driver and he is currently working long hours and is lucky to get one day off a week.  I’m scared to death for him and his wife and my three grandkids.  He goes out every day and I know that he knows how to take care of himself and stay away from other people, but the stories he tells me about how stupid other people are and how he has to deal with them sends a shiver down my spine.  When you hit your knees and drop a prayer, when you get done with the first responders and doctors and nurses and such, throw a couple out there for those cavalry drivers bringing all that stuff from place to place that we need.

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If the schools are closed much longer, parents will find a vaccine before the scientists

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I wonder if you throw a roll of toilet paper out in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot if people would fight over it like seagulls fighting over French fries.

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Motivational

crocs

Cross into the blue

Cruising

cults

Culture

cup holders

Curiosity

Famous last words

Curiosity2

curiosity3

Curious George

Curves

Something the “fashion” industry doesn’t seem to understand

Curves2

Customer Feedback

cute

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And I wonder how many of you actually get that joke….

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Sounds like my house, except substitute all those shows with those murdery ones on the ID channel

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Nice logos… and I know that McDonalds actually spent money to move some of their golden arches apart at some of their locations … I wonder though, how much money they’ve spent actually taken care of their employees that they’ve had to layoff.

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And that, dear friends, is it for me for today!  I hope you got a smile out of my offerings for the day!  And until we meet again tomorrow, be well, be safe, stay home, wash your hands!

Love to you all!

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1700!!!!–Another Milestone Met

  1. Leah D says:

    By now, you’d think the TP jokes would be old hat. However, the TP factories can’t keep up. Seems there are two types of TP. The kind we buy, and that #^+/ one ply sold to all the businesses, all the schools, . . . basically to all the places you visit that aren’t a home.
    The second kind can’t convert and make our kind. There really is a shortage, because now everyone is staying home, whereas before, we all left home and used the other kind.
    I read a news story this morning where the police were called to a home, because a son attacked his mother, accusing her of hiding the toilet paper.
    Remember the accounts of the FBI, running sting operations to catch criminals? They would call them, say they won a prize, and had to come pick it up. Do you think?

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