Dragon Laffs #1681


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Good Morning Campers,

I CAN SEE!

Well, out of my left eye…again. 

Well, Sunday, I can see out of my right eye, but I’ve always been able to see out of my right eye, but for the past couple of days I haven’t really been able to SEE out of my left eye.  It’s been blurry and faint.  Doctor said it was the medicine they put in my eye and as it was absorbed, my eyesight would clear up…and it did!

I also had like a scratch on my eye that was really irritating…you know, like an obnoxious in-law…or that guy that works at the desk beside you who slurps his coffee in the morning, but my doctor put a protective contact lens over my eye … which was less irritating, but still a little irritating…like the guy in the movie theater who eats his popcorn and chews with his mouth open and smacks his lips, but his two rows back and five seats over so he’s only slightly irritating.  Much less irritating then the guy who is sitting directly behind you who is snorting and sniffing who you want to get up and throw a box a tissues at and scream at to just blow his fucking nose!  (Yes buddy, if you’re reading this, I’m talking about you and the entire fucking theater was ready to kick you out!)

Okay, I’m sorry.  I got a little off track there, but I really needed to get that off my thorax. Okay, kick that soap box back under the counter.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah … eyes … can see … blah … blah … blah …

We’ll talk more later.  In the mean time…

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And if parents would just learn from the first child…there would hardly ever be second children.

I HATE having a messy house.

Not enough to actually clean it.  But enough to give it a really disgusted stare from my seat on the couch.

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It’s amazing how the sentence “Don’t believe everything you read on the internet” is the same backwards as it is forwards.

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I would’ve gotten along well with this kid.

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soapbox

Okay, let me set this up for you…because this really pissed me off the first time I read it and then once I read it, it pissed me off again, but for completely the opposite reason!!  Let me explain…the original headline read:

2 Big Teachers Unions Call for Rethinking Student Involvement in Lockdown Drills

In other words…they don’t want the kids to take part in Active Shooter Drills anymore.  And the Emergency Manager in me screams “BULLSHIT!!!!”  You don’t learn to prepare for, defend against, or mitigate any emergency situation unless you practice!  Practice!  Practice!  And schools know this.  They’ve been having fire drills and such for years.  But now, the teacher unions are saying that the students are becoming traumatized and my first reaction again is “Oh Bullshit!”

But, then I started reading a little further in the article…On top of all the other stresses of high school, she says, some students are now on constant alert: “When the little bell before an announcement happens, or when the fire alarm goes off, you can see this fear in students’ faces as they wonder, is this going to be a lockdown? Is this a drill? What’s happening? There’s so much anxiety just by a little trigger like that.”

Okay, that sounds a little sheepish …. wait …. why are they nervous?  Don’t they know ahead of time that it’s a drill?  Reading deeper…In a white paper out Tuesday, the groups say they do not recommend active shooter training for students. And if schools do choose to do these drills with students, they shouldn’t be unnecessarily realistic and schools should give plenty of warning. 

Of course they should give plenty of warning…aren’t they?  Fuck, I work with ADULTS and we give ADULTS warning because we don’t want the ADULTS going off the deep end, these are KIDS!!!  Of fucking course you give them warning…but wait, there’s more!

…increasingly hearing from parents whose children were terrified by active shooter drills. So, she started to look at emerging evidence that “these drills cause trauma, whether it’s anxiety or depression, sleeplessness, worsening school performance in kids.” There are reports, Watts says, of drills getting “over the top” with things like teachers being shot with pellet guns. “When we have a fire drill in a school, we don’t set a fire in the hallway.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!  Surprise drills!  With teachers being shot with pellet guns in the hallways! (Probably by masked assailants!) And you wonder why the kids are traumatized?  Really?  Are you serious?

I am completely and totally flabbergasted right now!

Okay, pausing to catch my breath!

Now, having been pissed off on both sides of the fence, let’s get to the real crux of the issue…

THAT IS STILL NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO STOP HOLDING ACTIVE SHOOTER DRILLS IN SCHOOLS!!!!!!!!

Our children’s lives are too important and this problem is too big to ignore.  But, it needs to be done correctly.  Firstly with proper education and training.  They need to be taught what the proper response is supposed to be, Flee, Hide, Fight.  And then drills should be planned and announced.  You can do semi surprise drills by saying things like “sometime this afternoon” or “sometime in the next two hours” and if you want to get realistic and train some students and staff in some of the more finer or detailed points of active shooter exercises – ask for volunteers!  You know there will be members of the staff and students who will volunteer for stuff like that and then, if the horrible ever does happen, you will have your core group who will be there to help the others survive.

Okay!

Deep breath.

Piss-offed-ness pushed to the side.

Long pause…………….

Nah.  I need a stiff drink.  Be back soon, in the meantime.  Let’s laugh some more.

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MASD – Mutual Assured Snowball Destruction          Still more Calvin and Hobbs to come

Had to throw this next one in…for a couple of different reasons.

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Not like I should talk…I figured out how to smoke a cigar in a gas mask while I was in Emergency Management Tech School.  Nope, no pictures.  Not sure the Statute of Limitations is up and don’t want anyone getting any ideas.

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I’m pretty sure that Robert’s Rule of Law says that a motion to Adjourn is always in order… just sayin’.

Teacher: Where is your homework, Timmy?

Timmy: Nancy Pelosi ripped it up.

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The only time the word “incorrectly” isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

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I’m watching this show for like, 10 minutes, and this lady is listing all these really GREAT things to do.
Then I realize it’s the Religious Channel and she was listing Sins.

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Here’s another one that not only had to be added here, but had to be added here for Mrs. Dragon…who just happens to be very, very Irish…
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I’m so proud of my kid.  He got a non-participation trophy for refusing to participate in the participation trophy ceremony.

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Yeah….that’s exactly what she was saying.

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I hope I never go to jail…because I haven’t memorized a phone number since 2001.

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Threw some protein bars in the trash and now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors’ Great Dane in the backyard.

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There are so many GREAT political cartoons lately that I could do an entire issue just on politics alone…for instance, have you heard the latest?  Mike Bloomberg is now wanting Hillary Clinton as his running mate?  If that’s not the biggest joke of them all….
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And yet so many Americans are still that stupid.

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This janitor just asked if I wanted to smoke some weed with him.  I politely declined.  I can’t deal with high maintenance people.

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I just found a whip, a mask, and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom.  I can’t believe it…my mom’s a superhero!

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Saint Valentine was eventually imprisoned, beaten, stoned, and beheaded.  They don’t tell you that on the cards.

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Stephanie sent me an article that I think everyone should read.  And since I got in trouble for posting an entire article last time, here’s the lead in and then a link to the rest of the article.  I highly encourage you all to take five minutes and read this.

Lifelong Dem Attends Trump Rally And Writes Viral Column; ‘Dems Have An A** Kicking Coming In November’

Karlyn Borysenko is an organizational psychologist who just so happens to be a lifelong Democrat. She admits to the fact that she always saw Trump supporters as “racist”, but that all changed when she dove head first into the world of Trump at a New Hampshire rally last week.

https://trendingpolitics.com/lifelong-dem-attends-trump-rally-and-writes-viral-column-dems-have-an-a-kicking-coming-in-november/#.XkX-kPbD3MM.facebook

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Boy ain’t that the truth.  And too many people in this country are doing this on a daily basis.

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Still my favorite part of the show!!

beer bra

Beer Holding

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Begging

Being Alive

Best Bar In Texas

Best Christmas

best job ever

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I have that same problem!  I KNEW I wasn’t over weight!  I’m under tall!

How can you tell when someone eats right, drinks protein shakes, and goes to the gym every day? 
Don’t worry…they’ll tell you.  Oh, they’ll fucking tell you.

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I’ve learned two very important lessons in my life.  I can’t recall the first one, but the second one is that I need to start writing things down.

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Average funeral costs $7000 to $10,000.

I can’t even afford to die.

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You never appreciate what you have till it’s gone…toilet paper is a good example.

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Woof

The brain is the most amazing, outstanding organ.  It works 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, right from the day you are born until you fall in love.

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The Best Part About Getting Older Is…

Nothing.

Getting older sucks.

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When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after saying a swear word … I’ll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French…

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You drop something when you were younger, you just pick it up.

When you’re older and you drop something, you stare at it for a bit contemplating if you actually need it anymore.

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And just like that 00c 1970 was 50 years ago.

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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking …

… and then I saw her face.

and the sad and horrible thing is…so many of you are young enough you won’t get it.

ashamed

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I made a Ouija board from alphabet noodles.

I’ve contacted people who’d pasta way.

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The driver a huge tractor-trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces.  He climbed down from the wreckage.  Within a matter of minutes, another truck pulled up and unloaded a crew of workers.  The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it.  Then they began fitting the pieces together.  In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and good as new.  “Astonishing!” the truck driver said to the crew chief.  “What was that white stuff you used to get all the of the pieces together?”  The crew chief said, “oh, that was tollgate booth paste.”

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I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.  As I was about to leave, I though to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break.  So, I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home on Friday.

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I BELIEVE IN YOU…

I also believe in Bigfoot and Aliens so don’t get too freaking excited.

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I see people around my age mountain climbing.

I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

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For those of you who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version…it doesn’t listen to anything.

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Oh!  Look who has a new job more appropriate to his skill level…

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Again though, in your husbands defense, did he not do EXACTLY what you asked him to do?  I submit, Your Honor, that after years, this poor Husband has probably suffered and has learned to follow exactly the letter of the request so as not to be harangued by the sharp and insidious tongue of his “loving” spouse.

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And that my dear campers, brings to close another edition of your favorite ezine.  I hope you have found my poor and meager offerings to your liking.  If so, please offer me a generous rating at the end with several stars and if not….well …. to heck with you.

But, I love you just the same.

Oh, by the way.  I heard from Mama Diaman today and she wished to thank all of you for the wonderful Birthday wishes she received from you.

Also, keep those wonderful comments coming.  Can someone tell me, can you guys see when I respond to your comments?

Anyway,

Cheers and happy trails until next week.

Impish Dragon

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1681

  1. Scott H says:

    The rate this widget doesn’t work in my browser or I would give you 5 stars every week.
    I see new comments added after I make a comment. However, I don’t see if you respond.
    Keep up the good work.

  2. Danny says:

    The most wasted day of all is that one in which you have not laughed. This day was definitely not wasted. Thanks for the Laffs.

  3. Leah D says:

    Unless I visit the page after you have commented, no, I don’t see your comments.

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