I don’t have a lot of time, so I’m going to jump right into it.  I got a bunch of eclipse stuff, so let me start with a picture that my son, the Whelpling sent to me.  Taken with his Samsung Galaxy phone:

This one is also from him and his phone.

And this one is from Pop Smith who tells us that this what the eclipse looks like from Western Kentucky

And my Deputy’s daughter sent him this one

Solar eclipse over downtown Cleveland, next to the iconic Terminal Tower

And now for the other stuff…

“One of the most beautiful photos of over 73 years of life together. 

In 2003, Prince Philip wore the Queen’s Guard uniform. She walks past him and busts out laughing”…….

Dog diary. 

* Today my master came home, and he petted and fed me. I love my master, I love my master. 
* Today my master came home, and I brought him his newspaper and he petted me. I love my master, I love my master. 
* Today my master came home, and I brought him his slippers and newspaper and he petted me and gave me a treat. I love my master, I love my master. 
* Today my master came home and he threw a rubber ball to me and when I returned it and licked his face he gave me two treats. I love my master, I love my master. 

Cat diary. 

* Today is day 43 of my captivity. The people inside my house are growing weak . . .

I feel so bad for Joe, he writes: 

I’m so depressed… I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. 

Said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

On Tuesday nights we have wrestling…

Bob is going to take a short walk to blow off some steam.

This is OUTSTANDING!  Well worth watching.  https://www.facebook.com/share/r/aGd2u6qbD1rQZ6KS/?mibextid=0VwfS7

Illinois, Orland Park Law 

No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling. 

Okay, by a show of hands, how many people knew that?

Stephen sent this to us…I’m not sure what to think…

I picked out the good ones and the last one is the best!

Just because it’s a cool picture

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our Comparative Religions course. 

Our instructor told us about a woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons case. 

“She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body,” the teacher said.

“In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now what would you call that kind of person?” 

While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff’s officer taking the course raised his hand and replied, “A suspect.” 

Jeff beckoned to a salesman in the department store, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin that Eunice was admiring, and asked, “Excuse me young lady, how much is this dress?” 

“That dress is $899.95, Sir,” sneered the rather snotty saleswoman. 

“$899.95? For $99.95 I could get the same dress at the Bargain Store downtown!” 

“But sir,” said the saleswoman, “You’ll find that the dress downtown is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool.” 

“Jeff says, So? For $800 I should care what the lambs do at night?” 

If it works, right?

In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify a woman’s ultimate fantasy.  

Ninety-seven point eight percent of the respondents said that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. 

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

I will NOT tell you who sent this to me.  I wouldn’t bust a brother like that.

Know what the difference between in-laws and outlaws is?

Outlaws are wanted!

And how many of the youngsters won’t get that one?

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” Explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.” We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, “That’s once.”

We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said,” That’s twice.” We hadn’t gone a half mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, “That’s once.” 

AMEN!!!
Amen!  Amen!  Amen!  Amen!
If you want a marriage that lasts for 20, 30, 40 years…you better be giving 100%.  You both better be.  And it better not feel like it.

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2 servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week.
 
Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds.
 
So… without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!

Electric vehicle owners should ONLY be allowed to charge their cars using solar and wind power, otherwise it’s just pretend.

A dog had his chain reduced one link at a time, every few days, until his chain was so short he could barely move.  He never resisted because he was conditioned to the loss of his freedom slowly, over time. 
It’s happening to us all.

The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe.
 
The missionary asked the cannibal chief, “Do you people know anything about religion?”
 
After a pause, the chief answered, “We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here.”

Pretty interesting story…if you want to read the rest of it, click here  https://news.join1440.com/t/j-l-suruihk-dlydjkwo-ti/

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. 

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. 

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. 

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. 

They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. 

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats. 

Finally, the banker said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?” 

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go.” 

A Poem for Seniors

 

Another year has passed,

And we’re a little older.

Last summer felt hotter,

And winter seems colder.

 

There was a time not long ago,

When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand,

About ‘Living in the Past’

 

We used to go to weddings,

Football games and lunches…

Now we go to funeral homes,

And after-funeral brunches.

 

We used to go out dining,

And couldn’t get our fill.

Now we ask for doggie bags,

Come home and take a pill.

 

We used to often travel,

To places near and far.

Now we get sore asses,

From riding in the car.       

 

We used to go to nightclubs,

And drink a little booze.

Now we stay home at night,

And watch the evening news.

 

That, my friend is how life is,

And now my tale is told.

So, enjoy each day and live it up…

Before you’re too damned old!

My mother-in-law passed out cold after blowing out all 75 candles on her birthday cake . . . 

For a second there I thought my wishes had come true.

And boy has it been an unusual day. 

One of the things that I have been doing since Mary passed away over two years ago, is partially living out of my laundry basket. 

Okay, reading back over that, it actually does sound worse than I thought it would and I thought it would sound pretty bad. 

It sounds pretty bad. 

Okay, the key word in that sentence is partially.  Partially living out of my laundry basket.  Let me see if I can explain this in such a way that you guys don’t end up calling a welfare check in on me.

Most of you know that when my dear Mary passed away, my go-to for grief is to stop eating, right?  I ended up losing … well, at this point in time over 125 pounds.  As of the other day 132 pounds from my heaviest to now.  Not that I didn’t need to lose weight (obviously) but I did that in a matter of a couple of months.  But, I did it in exactly the wrong way.  To the point that Lisa, my doctor told me to either start eating or she’d put me in the hospital and force me to eat.  Anyway, the point of that is that with losing so much weight, some of my clothes didn’t fit anymore, specifically my underwear and I had been having new trouble with my feet, so I had bought new socks. 

I had been buying shirts and jeans to fit, but they get hung up in the closet and don’t really count and as I replaced shirts and jeans and such, they got turned in to Goodwill.  But the underwear and socks, the shorts and some other clothes that don’t normally get hung up didn’t really have a home because I hadn’t cleaned out my dresser, just my closet, so the “new” underwear and socks just kind of got folded and kept in an extra laundry basket. 

Well, it was getting a little out of hand and starting to pile up in the laundry basket and I had told Izzy Dragon that I needed to clean out the drawers and get all that stuff turned into Goodwill also and well, today (Saturday) was the day. 

When I got into the drawers, it was mostly…socks.  I have no idea what happened to all my old underwear.  I could have already gotten rid of it.  As you may remember, I wasn’t at my best for the first couple of months or more and well, this is what I mean by mostly socks: 

 

That doesn’t count the socks that came out of the laundry basket.  Needless to say, most of them ended up in a new box for Goodwill.

That was only part of my day.  I did a tiny bit of writing, that will probably get me kicked off of Facebook, but that’s okay.  I don’t mind.  I wrote this:

Yeah, I’ve been there.

Okay, raise your hand, paw, claw, or talon if you’ve ever stayed up all night because you HAD to find out how a book ended.

The Drunk Driver and the Police Officer

 Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After the last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” declared the man with pride. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

What a great bookshelf and a great use of space.

Gross!  I’ll never sleep again!

Lots of older guys are looking to marry young women.

I know this one couple in particular. He’s about 60 and she is about 25.

Their wedding invitation was very appropriate too.

His name was in Gothic type and her name was in crayon.

A teenager who had just received her provisional driving licence offered to drive her parents to church.

After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination.

The mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you!”

“Anytime,” her daughter replied.

As the woman slammed the door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

Yeah, this started off as a color by number thing on my tablet…Okay, so I was sitting in the parking lot waiting on Izzy.

Oh, that’s so easy!!!

Because “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

This is REALLY an interesting story.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending it in.  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_McElroy  Ken McElroy, “Town Bully”

One evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer dinner on the stove, and the table set.

She was astonished — something’s up.

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it.

“We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away.

I really enjoyed the evening.”

“But what about afterward?” asked her friends.

“Oh, that was perfect too. Ralph was too tired…”

You just sort of saw that one coming, right?

Way too many of you youngsters aren’t gonna get that one… but I’m tired of doing all the work for you.  You figure it out.

Sigh!  Oh, alright!

I like puzzles (of all kinds) as much as the next guy, but come on!

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions. Nope

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?  Only as a way to set a trap.  And only then after the hole is already dug

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.  Nope.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.  Nope

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?  Nope

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.  Hmm, Maybe if we weren’t REALLY planning on going away for the weekend and I needed a good reason to catch them at something so I had slave labor for a month or so…

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.  So long as your paying your own money.  That’s a good object lesson.  Teaches the kid how to work on his own car.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your bellyaching, and let’s go to the mall.  Maybe, because I think there might be a good sarcastic object lesson in there somewhere.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.  That one is just way too darn funny.

1. Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.  I can’t really picture me saying that under ANY circumstances.

“And her spirit remains…”

Visiting my sister for a few days in Chicago last fall, I decided to get her a thank you gift for staying there.

I visited a new shopping mall and approached a great looking gal in the women’s department.

“I’d like to buy some gloves for a gift for my sister,” I said eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.”

“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in mine while flashing me a big devilish smile. “Oh, yes,” I answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”

“Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves.

“Now that you mention it,” I replied, “I think she also needs a bra and panties.”

Two women were bemoaning the state of the National Health Service.

One said, “Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?”

“That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a terrible way to treat someone of that age.”

“I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, ‘Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?'”

Hmm, that might be a bit of a stretch…

And another one that the youngsters won’t get.

Ted sent this to me and it is fantastic!

Isn’t that awesome?

I didn’t know that…and found it very weird.

The Original…how it all started.

Proverbs of the 3rd Millennium 

* Home is where you hang your @. 

* The email of the species is more deadly than the mail. 

* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 

* You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 

* Great groups from little icons grow. 

* Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 

* In some places, C:\ is the root of all directories. 

* Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first we practice. 

* Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish. 

* The modem is the message. 

* Too many clicks spoil the browse. 

* The geek shall inherit the earth. 

* Don’t byte off more than you can view. 

* Fax is stranger than fiction. 

* What boots up must come down. 

* Windows will never cease. 

* Virtual reality is its own reward. 

* Modulation in all things. 

* There’s no place like your homepage. 

* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks 

If you ever see kids selling lemonade in your neighborhood, stop and buy a cup or two.  They have more ambition than the majority of adults in today’s workforce.

Okay, I can honestly say that it wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve ever done.

A parent decreed one Christmas that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.  

As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous cheques she had given.  

The next year things were different, however. 

“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. 

“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed.  “What do you think caused the change in behavior?” 

“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied.  “This year I didn’t sign the cheques.”

The Top Ten Things Men Know *FOR SURE* About Women 

1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

9.  They have boobs. 

10.  Some have BIG boobs.

TYPES OF WOMEN 

HARD-DISK Woman: 
She remembers everything, FOREVER. 

RAM Woman: 
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off. 

WINDOWS Woman: 
Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her. 

SCREENSAVER Woman: 
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun! 

INTERNET Woman: 
Difficult to access. 

SERVER Woman: 
Always busy when you need her. 

MULTIMEDIA Woman: 
She makes horrible things look beautiful. 

CD-ROM Woman: 
She is always faster and faster. 

E-MAIL Woman: 
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. 

VIRUS Woman: 
Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will loose something and if you don’t try to uninstall her you will be rendered useless… 

And with that, I’m gonna call it done.  I hope you had as much fun as I did.  Until next time…

First deployed in August of 1956, these are still the best tankers in the Air Force.  For more reasons than I can talk about here.  That makes them 68 years old this year.  So, my question is, why are we not just taking the dies, and making brand new KC-135s?  You know, if you go down to Mexico, you can get brand new 1967 Ford Mustangs.  Because the Ford motor company sold the dies to Mexico.  

Okay, so I’m not sure the year and the make is exactly right, but the idea is.  You get the idea.

Why can’t we do the same thing with these jets?  They are so good in so MANY ways, the only problem they are really having is they are old.  They still work better and are better designed than the newer ones.  I don’t get it.

Anyway, it was on my mind this morning and thought I’d try to spell it out.

How is everyone doing?  

Today is Saturday and it has been an interesting week.  The things this dragon has been through this week…. WOW!  

I actually went to the …

Wait! 

You guys better sit down first for this one. 

I don’t want anyone to get hurt. 

Put your coffee down, I don’t want to be responsible for any ruined computer screens or anything else. 

Okay, everyone ready? 

I actually had to go to the local Social Security office yesterday morning to conduct some business for my brother’s estate and I was in and out of there in less than ten minutes.

I KNOW, RIGHT! 

I was amazed.  The guy who helped me was polite, cracked a joke, was really helpful.  I kept waiting for Rod Serling to step out from off stage, 

Because it would end up being just like that, right?  

Anyway, more to follow, but let’s get this party started first…

One of the most irritating things for me right now is the whole eclipse thing that is happening on Monday.  You have the “religious” community that is making stuff up about how the last three eclipses are all now lining up for some final sign from God and forming some Jewish or Greek or Hebrew or Martian word across the face of the Earth.  (It doesn’t) Plus it’s passing over 17 cities named Joshua or Salem or Stanley or something (It doesn’t do that either) and due to scripture (that they get wrong) it proves other stuff in scripture (that also doesn’t exist).  And I’m sure after the 4.8 magnitude quake centered in my old stomping ground of central New Jersey, that’s just going to add to the whole thing.

Then we’ve got my other community, the Emergency Management guys, who are claiming that we all need to declare a state of emergency, declare martial law, and be prepared for the zombie apocalypse all for an event that, from absolute possible start to finish will last all of 2 hours and 31 minutes.

And then we have the Governors of states actually declaring actual state of emergency over this thing!!  

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  

Now THIS explanation, is actually the TRUE explanation and people need to know!

See!  Nothing to worry about.

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. 

A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. 

The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. “Noah took unto himself a wife,” he began, “and she was” – he turned the page to continue – “three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high.” 

He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. 

Then he looked up at his congregation and said, “I’ve been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that still amaze me.” 

We win more often than you’d think.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. 

After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” 

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,

“Thou shall not kill.” 

Pop Smith wrote to me and told me not to be so verbose in my speech.  Then he sent me this.

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. 

The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf. 

She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. 

“How much is it?” she asked. 

“One hundred and fifty dollars,” he replied. 

She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so. “But it comes with an inscription,” he said. 

“What kind of inscription?” she asked. 

“Whatever you wish,” he explained, “but one of the old golfers favorites is, NEVER UP, NEVER IN.'” 

“OH, that will never do!” exclaimed the wife. “That’s what started the argument in the first place!” 

Daddy – Expert level

What do you call a bricklayer that mixes cement with a pitch fork?
.
.
.
A mortar forker

The Wicked Witch of The West’s little sister – Wanda

Sara Lee today announced a 40% jump in earnings last quarter and they say it came primarily from their clothing division.

Sara Lee owns Playtex underwear.

What a brilliant business plan this company has.

First, they sell you cheesecake and pie, and then when you split your underpants, they sell you more stuff. – Jay Leno

“Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.”

–Thomas Szasz (1920- 2012)

I can’t help but think that this is not going to end well for these guys.

My aunt learned how to live with her husband’s sleepwalking.

She gave him a vacuum.

Top Ten Signs Your Girlfriend is Going to Dump You…

10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit.

9. She’s been wearing an engagement ring for three weeks, but you don’t recall proposing to her. 

8. She just started a college course that meets seven nights a week. 

7. She says she has to tell you something… on Jerry Springer.

6. Her love letters come soaked in formaldehyde rather than perfume. 

5. Whenever she introduces you it’s always “I would like you to meet an old friend of mine…” 

4. She leaves a message on your phone and identifies her- self by both her first and last names. 

3. Your other girlfriend told you so.

2. The dartboard behind your photo on her wall.

1. Her girlfriends look at you, tilt their heads, and say, “You haven’t got a clue, do you?”

When the store manager returned from lunch, he was surprised to see that his clerk’s hand was bandaged. 

Before having the chance to ask him what had happened, the clerk had some very good news for him. 

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that horribly ugly suit we’ve had for so long.” 

“Are you referring to that repulsive orange and brown, double-breasted thing?” asked the manager. 

“That’s the one, sir,” replied the clerk.

“That’s great!” exclaimed the manager. “I was afraid we’d never get rid of that horrid monstrosity! That had to have been the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But, tell me, why is your hand bandaged?” 

“Oh, that,” the clerk replied. “Well, after I sold the guy the suit, his darn guide dog bit me!” 

Anybody have any doubt how that would work out?  About as well as the U.N. sending troops to New York and New Jersey to help with Earthquake clean up.

This is so true!  We’re paying almost $4 a gallon again!

Oh how the times have changed

Very funny…when humor was actually funny.

Every night, my wife calls me to dinner exactly the same way:
“Dinner’s on the table — come and guess it!”

Nope.  I wouldn’t think that went over well at all.

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?

Defendant: No, I did not.

Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?

Defendant: Yes, I do. And they’re a lot better than the penalty for murder.

Oh so very true!!!

A busy nurse was pre-interviewing a new patient who was airing his woes about his sex life with his new girlfriend to her.

“After the first, I’m tired. After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal.”

” Well hell, why don’t you just quit after the first?” inquired our now interested and concerned nurse.

“How can I do that?” said the patient. ” She lives on the third floor.”

Oh, how many times have I done THAT!!!

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions:

“There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,” he began, “but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being — a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one’s absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one’s joys and sorrows.”

To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, “I think its a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?”

So very, very true.  I have actually raced home in order to get to a book that I knew was waiting for me.

That is it for today my friends.  Until next time, may God Bless you all with Love and Happiness, Comfort and Strength until we can meet again.

So many horrible things going on.  The things I’ve heard today have made me so sad and so angry.  

#1 Joe Biden announces Easter Sunday as “Transgender Day of Visibility.” He chastises Republican states for their lack of inclusivity while so obviously being exclusively against Christians.

#2 Liberal Churches celebrate “Drag Me To Church” by having drag queens speaking at church on Easter.  That goes right along with what I was saying several issues ago about there being no such thing as a Progressive Christian Church.  You can’t be a Christian Church if you don’t follow the teachings of the Bible.

#3 California, and from what I understand, other states as well, are proposing laws, that are communist.  I know, huge surprise, right?  The water, under your land, in your private well, does not belong to you and you have to pay the state to use it.  Now think about that for a minute.  How is that going to affect all the farmers, ranchers and if established as a precedent, all the rest of us.  When you buy a piece of property, you own everything “from your property up to heaven above and hell below” is the way it used to read.  Since the invention of the airplane, they’ve had to modify that one and there is now an altitude limit.  But your property extends down below in a straight line until it ends at a pinpoint at the center of the earth.  Unless you SPECIFICALLY didn’t get the mineral rights when you bought your property, then you own it all.  They are not supposed to just be able to come in and take it from you.  That’s stealing.  Just because the government does it, doesn’t make it legal.  If we let them get away with it, then that’s OUR fault.

These are just a few of the things that ran across my point of view today.  Along with the normal craziness that I deal with on a daily basis.  It just all hit me really hard today.  And by hit me hard, I mean to say it

So, before it gets completely and totally out of hand, let’s do some laughing before I do something that you guys are going to have to raise bail money for.  

The Face of the Statue of Liberty

How did the widow of the creator of the Singer sewing machines give her face to the Statue of Liberty?

Isabella Boyer’s life is like a thrilling novel. She was born in Paris, in a family of an African pastry chef father and an English mother. Her name was Isabella, a beautiful name that should have been the basis of a beautiful destiny. It quickly became clear that nature gave Isabella a special beauty.

At 20, she marries sewing machine maker Isaac Singer, 50, and after his death becomes the richest woman in the country. And no wonder she was chosen as the model for the Statue of Liberty, because she embodies the American dream come true. After becoming a widow, Isabella began traveling the world, seeking new knowledge and exciting challenges, far too young to be buried under mourning clothes.

She remarried Dutch violinist Victor Robstett, who is a world celebrity and an earl, so Isabella also becomes a countess. Soon Isabella becomes the star of showrooms in America and Europe, and is invited to all world events. At one of them, she met the famous French sculptor Frederick Bartoldi. 

At the time, Bartoldi was strongly impressed by his trip to the United States, by the size of the country, by its natural resources, by the population there, and had already accepted the proposal to create a statue symbolizing the independence of the United States. The sculpture was supposed to be a gift from France in honor of the 100th anniversary of the country’s independence. 

Thus the idea of a giant statue depicting a woman holding a torch in one hand and plates in the other was born, with the date of adoption of the Declaration of Independence of the United States.

Bartoldi was so impressed by Isabella’s face that he decided to use it as a model for his sculpture. Therefore, on Bedlow Island in the Gulf of New York, the Statue of Liberty was erected with the figure of an ancient goddess, but with the face of Isabella Boyer.

Isabella marries for the third time, at the age of 50, to Paul Sohege, a famous collector of art.

She died in Paris in 1904 at age 62. She is buried in Passy Cemetery.

But the statue with this face continues to rise over Bedlow Island, symbolizing America’s first pride, freedom.

This next one, from brother Joe, may only be meaningful to those of us from New Jersey…

Trenton, NJ resolution: Doubtful any adult resident of NJ has missed the controversy about offshore wind farms. The state Legislators have been working tirelessly to come up with a method to appease all those opposed to the big offshore fans.

Starting immediately, all construction will come to a halt. The structures in place will remain and become popular fishing areas. All fishermen will be advised to slow their boats down within 5 miles of the cement bases due to the highly anticipated fishing boat congestion.

A number of local business men have expressed interest in establishing food trucks on the structures to service the expected onslaught of visitors.

Because of the growing need for electricity, and the abundant wind emanating from Trenton, a replacement plan has been offered. Since NJ has miles of shoreline, both at the ocean’s edge and close by, the wind fans will be erected 200ft apart the entire length of the state. An added benefit will be eliminating the need for extremely expensive power cables.

This will also alleviate the common complaint that ‘It’s too hot on the beach’. The speed of the wind turbines will be increased to provide a refreshing breeze.

Since the offshore wind farms have already been approved, no additional resident input will be needed or accepted. The new construction is expected to begin in June of this year and be completed by Veteran’s Day, 2029.

When you light the third joint in the same hour…

That is the absolute truth.

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The women were arguing noisily, even in the courtroom. 

The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them, said, “We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can’t listen to all of you at once. I’ll hear the oldest first.” 

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. 

 For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: 

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. 

Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. 

You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. 

Even if you tell jokes as well as Jasper Carrot, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. 

No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. 

Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. 

Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did. 

Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom.

Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture. 

Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.

Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. 

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. 

And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. 

When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned. 

I have a message for you.

This one is TRULY …

And it’s called:  A 5 Minute Management Course in 6 Lessons

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.  Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel..’

 After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

 If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.  After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.  The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ 

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. 

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ 

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate..

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend..

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

At an art gallery, a woman and her 10 year old son were having a tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose and went with the autumn themed one.

“I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one,” said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction.

“No,” said the boy. “This painting is wider, so it’ll cover the three holes I put in the wall.”

Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.

William Faulkner (1897 – 1962)

Yeah, it usually works for me

Kentucky,Lexington Law

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket

Little Johnny and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire station.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him.

The fire chief asked little Little Johnny, “What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?”

Little Johnny replied promptly, “I don’t put them on.”

Makes my eyes bleed

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty.”

Predictably he didn’t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, “And where was it we were moving to?”

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Would you know which way it went?”

She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”

Imagine if a small handful of ridiculously wealthy, powerful psychopaths could make you believe anything they wanted by simply controlling what they put on the TV.

They say St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.
I wonder if he could do that in Washington!

Facebook is a perfect example of socialism.  You get it for free; You have no say in how it works; The guy who runs it is rich; You have no privacy; AND if you say one thing they don’t like, they shut you up!

And I heard an interview today of a lady where the FBI came to question her about some of the opinions she posted on Facebook.  Christian opinions…about abortion being murder, transgenderism, you know, stuff like that.  Thankfully, she asked all the right questions, i.e. “Am I being charged with something?  Am I being arrested?  Am I being detained?  Just so I understand correctly, you want to question me about me expressing my First Amendment Rights on Facebook?”  She made it all the right statements, i.e. “No, I do not wish to speak to you about expressing my First Amendment Rights on Facebook.  You can always speak to my lawyer about your questions.”  And she did another right thing.  She recorded the whole thing.

This is  a real conversation that I (a female) had with a male telemarketer, I just thought it was amusing and decided I’d share:

Me: hello
Telemarketer: hello?
Me: hello
Telemarketer: Hi, I’m calling from MCI. How are you doin today?
Me: I’m good
Telemarketer: That’s good! I’m calling about your local plan. You have verizon right now right?
Me: I don’t know
Telemarketer: Well on your phone…
Me: (interrupts) oh! well, I don’t have a phone
Telemarketer: You don’t own a phone? Well do you know when the people that do will be back?
Me: yeah, they don’t own a phone either
Telemarketer: is this an apartment? Do you know who owns the phone you’re on right now?
Me: woah, I’m on a phone?
Telemarketer: Are you playing games? (in an annoyed voice)
Me: Would you like to play a game?
Telemarketer: hmmmm….sure, what game should we play? (sounding excited now)
Me: What do you want to play?
Telemarketer: I don’t know, do you have any?
Me: oh yeah, I know a good one
Telemarketer: What’s that? (sounding really excited now)
Me: It’s called hang up on the telemarketer ::click::

24 Things Women Want To Hear   (those women and their fantasies….)

1.   Gee Sweetheart, let’s skip dinner tonight.  The only thing I’m hungry for is you.

2.   Wow, I just don’t know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don’t you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

3.   Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

4.   Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it’s one thing I hate it’s skinny women.

5.   What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

6.   How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub. I really don’t like sex that much anyway.

7.   You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn’t seem to have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.

8.   What a break, I won a prize on the radio station…. tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

9.   Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it’s freshly mowed.

10.   While you’re up Sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water. I think I’ve had enough beer.

11.   Shoot, there’s nothing on TV but football games. Let’s go furniture shopping.

12.   There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually want their wives to do those things they show?

13.   Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

14.   I’m getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

15.   You know, I think I’d really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

16.   Look at that… disgusting. Why would she wear a short skirt like that with no panties?

17.   Golly I think we’re lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

18.   My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don’t you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

19.   If the guys call and want me to go to that new strip club with them, tell them I’m busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

20.   You know Sweetheart, I’m really glad you don’t like doing all those dirty things they write about in those stupid sex advice columns.

21.   Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.

22.   If you’re looking for me later, I’ll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

23.   You know, we really don’t visit your relatives enough.

24.   Why don’t you relax this weekend. I’ll take care of the cooking and housework.

Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

-Robert Lee Frost (1874-1963)

A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival.

The street was too narrow for two to pass.

The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily “I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, “I always do.”

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which.

A neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.

The second horse’s tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail.

Our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.

Once again, our blonde friend couldn’t tell the two horses apart.

The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. 

~Mark Twain (1835-1910)

That’s it.  I hope you enjoyed today’s offering.  See you on Saturday.

So, it’s Monday.  And that weekend went quick.  

But it was a nice Easter.  Lovely church service Friday night and Sunday.  I got to spend the weekend working on this issue with you guys that I hope you find extra entertaining, so what do you say we get right into it, shall we?

This one is from Leah and it’s VERY good.

This is from Lynn and it is an absolutely marvelous piece of artwork.  

It’s amazing to me that people like this have such an awesome talent.  My dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, who is also an amazing artist, when asked, “How do you take a block a wood and make it look like a horse?”  His response?  “You just take away everything that doesn’t look like a horse.”

I don’t get that.  To me, none of it looks like a horse and it never, ever, EVER will.  But, to show you what I mean about Papa Dragon being an artist.  Here’s an owl that he carved for my brother, the Owl…

As the story goes, when dad moved down to Florida, he would entered the national carving competitions and would win every time.  The other carvers would find out that he entered and no one else would enter.  So, the people who ran the competitions would end up hiring dad to be one of the judges so he wouldn’t be allowed to compete.  

Played sax, clarinet and flute professionally.  (and worked for as a lineman climbing telephone poles for a living as his “day-job”.  Go figure.)  All that talent and it was spread out fairly evenly amongst his sons…except…I got none of it!  LOL!  I got talents that no one else in the family has, so it’s all good.

For how many of you do these bring back memories?

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that a lot of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’ ‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’ What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love, Grandma

They’ve lost more helicopters this way.

So, today is the day AFTER Easter, but this is the perfect cartoon, that I just this very second received from Stephanie.  In fact, let’s throw a couple of special Easter things together, right here, right now.

Nicely written, Mr. Hart

Well, not really Easter, but…

Okay, back to the other stuff

No kidding

Okay, I just read an opinion piece about people getting upset because a soccer team had a credit union whose name is America First Credit Union as a sponsor.  The fans were upset and this writer of this piece was in agreement, that it was horrible that they used this credit union as a sponsor seeing as how the term “America First” is rooted in “racism, fascism, and hateful ideology.”

WHAT!!!???!!!???

The term America First, means we take care of Americans before we take care of people who aren’t Americans.  Why are we sending money to other countries for ANY purpose when we have homeless people on our streets?  When we have homeless VETERANS on our streets?  There is absolutely nothing racist, fascist, or hateful about any of that.  I have never heard anything so candy-assed stupid in my entire life!  Let me tell you something right now.  If you don’t have the desire and the understanding to put your country ahead of every other country out there – 

THEN MOVE!!!!!!!

What are you doing here then to begin with?  Just like if you were Swedish, I would expect you to say and believe with all your heart, Sweden First.

A true artist can find music in anything.

And how many of you remember THAT?

“Yeah, see…we had these reports…that you’ve been giving the kids in the neighborhood a hard time.  And passing out candy that isn’t really candy.  And, well, we’re going to have to ask you to move somewhere else.  This is OUR neighborhood!  See, that’s another thing that we mean by, ‘America First'”

Yeah, that’ll do it.

A Chinese national was apprehended in California after driving onto a Marine Corps base and refusing to leave upon confrontation, local authorities confirmed on Friday.

“Despite being prompted to exit at the Condor gate by installation security, the individual proceeded onto the installation without authorization. Military law enforcement were immediately notified and detained the individual,” a spokesperson for the US Marine Corps’ Training and Education Command said. (It is amazing to me that at that point he wasn’t shot.  There are signs on EVERY military installation that say: Use of Deadly Force is Authorized.)

According to reports from a local news channel, US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) verified the arrest, revealing that the individual was in the country illegally.  (Now there’s a huge surprise.  But then again, if the border is wide open, how can anyone be here illegally?)

USBP Chief Patrol Agent Gregory K. Bovino took to social media platform X to share a photo of the apprehended individual, emphasizing that the individual entered the base without permission and disregarded orders to leave.  (And by all rights, should have been shot.)

“His purpose and intent behind his actions are still being investigated,” Bovino wrote.

This incident surfaces amidst growing concerns over the presence of Chinese nationals around US military installations. The US military base in Guam, for example, is facing serious national security concerns after reports of an increasing number of Chinese nationals illegally entering the island. 

House Homeland Security Chairman Mark Green expressed concerns over this rising trend, stating, “We simply do not know for what purpose these individuals are coming.”  (Oh come on, Mark!  It doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out.  You’re the House Homeland Security Chairman.  You’re the SME [pronounced Smee] Subject Matter Expert on this stuff, surely YOU can figure this one out.  Why do you THINK these individuals are coming?  What possible purpose could military aged, mostly men, of Chinese descent be doing, sneaking into the United States and then hanging around and sneaking their way on to our military bases?  Um… Chinese restaurants?  NO!  You blind Turnip!  They are scoping out our bases and becoming behind-the-lines insurgents and terrorists for when the Chinese decide to attack!  “We simply do not know for what purpose…”  Are you really that stupid or do you think we are?)

Chinese migrants are currently the fastest growing group attempting to cross the southern border into the United States, with over 90% of encounters being single adults. Fox News reported over 22,000 such encounters since October 1, sparking worries among US officials about potential infiltration by individuals aligned with the interests of the Chinese Communist Party.  (Gee, ya think?  22,000 encounters since October.  That’s over 3,600 a month or more than 120 people a day, every day.  That’s enough to put almost 460 of them in every state in the continental United States.)

Yeah, we should be worried.  We should be very worried.

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. 
I wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
“This is our prison quartet,” he said, “behind a few bars and always looking for the key.”

Oh come on!  That’s an easy one!

This one’s definitely an  

A Harley Biker
 
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’

The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.’

The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’

The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.  The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.
 
…and THAT, my friends, pretty well sums up the media’s approach to the news these days…….

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. 
I wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
“This is our prison quartet,” he said, “behind a few bars and always looking for the key.”

Okay, now this one is a little tougher…how many of you got this one?  Okay, I’ll tell you after a couple of memes…

Thanks to Joe for this next one…I knew there was a reason that I didn’t like Ford.

Oh…on the case…it’s a portable sewing machine.  Yeah, my mom, my mom-in-law, and my dear wife had one.

It depends on what party you belong to.

I never realized that WOKE was an acronym.
Willfully Overlooking Known Evil

So, why is our country trying to force them to stop defending themselves?

And probably not all the change you had coming to you.

And I’m going to call it defending my family.

I’ve been having an excellent conversation with one of our readers that started out with him saying that he could tell I was pro Trump because I only had anti-Biden cartoons.  I expressed my opinion that I wasn’t so much pro Trump but that because Trump and Biden were the only two viable candidates that Trump was the lesser of two evils.  I think that Biden is an evil, despicable, controlled piece of trash.  He is no more running this country than I am.  I think Trump is the better of the two candidates and since we are only allowed to pick between the two, Trump is at least moving us away from total destruction.

We both agreed that it is a complete and total shame and a failure of our republic that of all the wonderful men and women in this once great nation, that THESE TWO are the two we HAVE TO choose from.

And that is our fault.

I don’t know what to do about it.  I’m certainly not that smart.  But I do know that all of THEM work for all of US and we forgot that a long time ago. 

This guy is the exact problem!  This is why the border needs to be closed.  This is why America First needs to mean something.  Thanks to Lynn for sending this to me.

Leonel Moreno, ‘migrant influencer’ encouraging others to invade US and squat at homes, is now on the run from authorities

On social media, he frequently boasts of his earnings from begging for cash, claiming he makes roughly $1,000 a day.

“I don’t like to work,” he tells followers. “Boys, in the US there are a million tricks, a million things to do,” he says as he outlines how to live effectively for free in a new country.

“I’ve concluded that the American Dream is real,” he said in a separate post, adding that he has lived for more than a year in the US and never had to work. “This is food of the best quality that they just give you.”

Moreno claims he traversed 12 countries to reach the US and tried to seek asylum in Canada last year alongside his wife, but ultimately came to America because he didn’t get free handouts up north.

TikTok migrant influencer Leonel Moreno talking about how much he was able to beg in three hours.

The Venezuelan migrant also instructs followers on how to carry out scams, such as claiming abandoned vehicles to sell for scrap and giving tips on how to return clothes that have been worn.

He also told his followers to pretend they’re injured by making a leg cast with plastic and Velcro.

“Work is for slaves, boys. Remember that work is for slaves. Where have you seen a millionaire work? Don’t humiliate yourself … You have to be creative to ask for money,” he said.

What an ass.

This is a great story sent in from Joe.  In Joe’s words: This is a long buried story about one of the greatest men from WWII.  Interesting if you have any interest in our military history.

Have you heard of the new book entitled “1001 Sex Secrets Men Should Know?”

It contains comments from 1001 different women on how men can be better in bed.

I think that women would actually settle for three:
Slow down,
Turn off the TV, and
Call out the right name.

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s shoe and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it.

he attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”

Oh!  That’s a good one.  Anybody got that one?  I’ll let you know.

Can opener…sardine cans and other specific cans.  You tear that little guy off the bottom of the can, use it to put a little piece of metal tab in the slot of the opener and then twist it around the can and you peel a strip away and open the can.

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.

About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.

This time he received a response of about 80 percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question.

With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly  lady in the rear.

“Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any.”

“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety three.”

“Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world.”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: “It’s easy, I just outlived the bitches.”

With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters.

When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV.

I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling.

“The baby-sitter taught us how,” they said gleefully.

The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. “Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too,” she stammered.

We kept the same girl for the next two years.

I wonder if he got the raise…

Here’s one of the toys they’re trying to get my guys to play with…

The professor was a fine lecturer, but he enjoyed throwing in an occasional off-colour joke to entertain the students.

The boys got a kick out of it, but the girls in the class were often embarrassed. Finally, the girls got together and went to the Dean to complain.

The Dean was very sympathetic, but he explained that there was nothing he could do.

The professor had been there for years and he couldn’t be dismissed – but the Dean promised to talk to him, though he didn’t really think it would do much good.

Meanwhile, about all he could suggest was that the next time the professor started to tell an off-colour joke, the girls should just walk out of the classroom.

A couple of weeks went by, during which there were no embarrassing jokes – but, finally, one day the professor started in, “According to the latest reports, the U.S. Government has chartered a ship and they’re going to collect all the prostitutes and ship them to Russia.”

The girls looked at each other, and as one, they rose and started to leave the room.

The professor continued, “Oh, there’s no hurry, girls. The ship doesn’t leave until next month.”

A TEENAGER IS…

– A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

– A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

– A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

– Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

– A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.

– A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver’s license.

– A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music–loud and very loud.

– An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

– A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.

– A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

– A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

– A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

– An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

Professor Jackson was known for being an easy grader.  The grades he gave for a survey course (i. e. the type where you are expected to learn generalities and not specifics) were based entirely on two exams, and the stuff on the exams was entirely covered in the textbook.  So showing up for class wasn’t a big deal. 

However, this started to get out of hand.  As word of the course spread, at each semester, there was a larger block of students who would show up infrequently or not at all, except for the exam days. 

Finally, it got so bad that about half of the students one term never showed before the midterm!  

On the day of the midterm, everyone came in and a graduate assistant handed out exams, “Prof. Jackson is sick, so he asked me to give you your exams.” 

There was only one question in the exam booklets: “Which one of the ten pictures below is of Professor Jackson?” 

Obviously, the students who never showed up didn’t know and had to guess. Many failed, while the students who had been showing up regularly got A’s!! 

And that is it my dear friends.  I hope you found it as much fun as I did.  Until we meet again, May God Bless you all with Love, Happiness, and Comfort.