Today is Good Friday and although it SHOULD be a holiday, it’s not. But I have ministerial responsibilities whether it’s a holiday and a day off or a work day. And as is usually the case when I get covered up, my camper family gets left out.
Such a sad state of affairs.
But I’m on my way over to church for a special Good Friday service.
What a misnomer that is…Good Friday. The day that our Lord Jesus was put on trial. Pilate found no evidence of a crime. Offered to set Him free and His own people insisted on his death.
Pilate even offered to kill a real murderer in His place and the crowd insisted they let the killer go free!
Pilate then gave Him 40 lashes and still they weren’t satisfied. The skin and muscles were pealed back to His bones!
They gave Him a crown of thorns, made Him carry His own cross, spit on Him, nailed Him to the cross, gave Him vinegar to drink, stabbed Him in the side, so many other horrible things!
And then, the worst yet. His own Father, Our God, abandoned Him. Took His presence from Him. For three hours, the sun went dark, and Jesus hung alone on that cross and suffered for all the sins of all the world – that ever HAD been committed and that ever WOULD be committed.
He then exclaimed, “It is finished.” and He died.
Good Friday?
No, I don’t think so. I think, because of the horror that Jesus suffered for me and for all of you…
I am so emotional this week. Two days ago was Mary’s birthday, which coincided with Palm Sunday, the first day of Holy Week and celebrated Jesus’ triumphant entrance into Jerusalem.
Today is Maundy Thursday. The fifth day of Holy Week. So many things happened today. Also known as Holy Thursday, today is the day of the Last Supper where Jesus celebrated His final Passover with His Disciples, the washing of the Disciples feet, Christ’s prayer, agony and subsequent betrayal by Judas in the Garden of Gethsemane, and He gave His Disciples a new commandment.
I mentioned the other day how I feel that so many people, me included, feel that we are growing closer and closer to the Rapture. And I truly, truly don’t want any of my friends and family to be left here to have to go through the seven years of the tribulation. It sounds truly horrible. I am so strongly moved to encourage everyone to get themselves saved.
Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) In other words, He is the only way to get to Heaven. And later Paul said in Romans 10:9, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” But part of the belief, that FAITH, is repenting of your sins and accepting that the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross paid for your sins and that NOTHING you can do can make up for them.
I know I didn’t say that very eloquently. I’ve gotten 4 phone calls and made two trips since I started this paragraph. So, let’s move on to this part and start the show.
Indiana Law
State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
Currently living in Indiana, this really doesn’t surprise me that it is still on the books. And it wouldn’t surprise me at all that it has been charged against somebody in the last ten years or so. I did some searching and couldn’t find out, but I did find some other interesting things…keep reading and I’ll fill you in as we go along.
Okay, how about ten crazy laws in Indiana?
Baths are not allowed from October to March. That explains an awful lot of the smells around here.
You’ll be charged $3 per deck if caught playing cards. Way too many people play Euchre around here for that to stick. That has to go back to the hard-core Bible thumping days. Or maybe the Amish?
Anyone working in the state government caught privately dueling will be immediately fired. Yeah, we did that one already. It does beg the question about public dueling being legal or not?
If you charge money for a puppet show, you will be fined $3. They do like that $3 fine. And apparently puppet shows are immoral. So, if you charge enough to cover the fine, you should be alright.
Every male between the ages of 18-50 must work six days per year on Indiana public roads. Every man I know should be in jail.
Forging a check is punishable by a public flogging. Now, that’s just a common sense law. I think if more laws were punishable by a public flogging and it was actually carried out, in the town square, things would be a lot better off around here.
Moustaches are illegal if you tend to kiss others. WHAT? That’s just wrong!
If crossing the highway by foot at night, you can’t wear tail lights. Which implies that headlights are okay… um … I have questions.
Sheets in hotels must measure 99 inches long by 81 inches wide…exactly. Okay…why?
It’s illegal to catch a fish with your bare hands. I really want to know the story behind why this law was written.
Stay tuned for more Indiana fun coming up.
Yeah, that one should really go at the end but…nah!
Okay, how about this fun list?
What are 10 fun facts about Indiana that many people may not know about?
1. The name “Indiana” stands for Land of the Indians. However, less than 8,000 Native Americans live in Indiana today.
2. Approximately 90% of the world’s popcorn comes from Indiana. Indiana was also the birthplace of Orville Redenbacher.
3. Indianapolis, Indiana hosted Elvis Presley’s very last concert in Market Square Arena in 1977.
4. Indiana is one of thirteen states in the country with more than one time zone.
5. North America’s first theme park ever built was in Santa Claus, Indiana on August 3, 1946.
6. Indiana is home to the “World’s Largest Christmas Tree.” It’s located in Indianapolis and boasts 52 strands of garland and 4,784 lights. I call foul on this one! It’s not really a Christmas tree. They string lights on the Indiana Soldiers and Sailors Monument on Monument Circle at the center of Indianapolis and just call it a tree. It ain’t really a tree! [BUZZ!!] Thanks for playin’! I’ll find a picture and show you.
7. The Lewis & Clark Expedition began in Clarksville, Indiana in October of 1803.
8. The North Pole doesn’t receive letters for Santa Claus. Instead, Santa Claus, Indiana does. Every letter also receives a reply.
9. Thanks to its 32 covered bridges, Parke County, Indiana is known as the “Covered Bridge Capital of the World.”
10. Indiana native Syvanus F. Bower was responsible for inventing the world’s first real gas pump.
Here’s the tree:
Impressive? Absolutely! A tree? Nah.
You think dogs and cats were the only thing affected by Chernobyl?
Too true!
Two lawyers, Frank and Harry, meet for a drink. Frank says, “You know what happened? An angel was sent down to compile a list of the dishonest lawyers on earth.
Six months later he dragged himself back to Heaven, exhausted. ‘Believe me,’ he told God, ‘it’d be easier if I just made note of all of the honest lawyers on earth. In fact, I think I could do that in a weekend.’
God said, ‘Fine.’ Come Monday morning, the angel turned in his list and God said, ‘That’s terrific. Now I think you should send all the lawyers on this list a note of congratulations.'”
Frank pauses and sips his Scotch. Then he says, “There was a postscript to the angel’s note. You know what it was?”
Harry says, “No.”
“Aha! So you didn’t get one either!”
Hmm, I have that same condition! Maybe we should form a support group. We could meet … in the backyard and grill some steaks.
It must be true, some of you guys have been hanging around for a LONG time. To the best of my figuring, it’s going to be 18 years this June…in one form or another.
In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated, who made a large fortune by selling his design for a bicycle chain. With this money he set about realising his childhood ambition to become a country squire. He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish border, and proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to live in a manner none in his family had ever dreamed of.
Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a well educated man who assisted his master in every way he could to better himself. The master would often ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social situation, or to explain a new term.
One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves in and asked, “Jeeves, what is this fox pass?”
“Sir,” replied Jeeves, “that would be ‘faux pas’. I’ll give you an example. Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady Plushbottom stayed for the weekend? And do you remember how on Sunday morning Lord Plushbottom pricked his finger on a rose?
“And do you further remember how later, at breakfast, Lady Plushbottom asked her husband ‘Is your prick still throbbing dear?’ and you said ‘Bloody Hell!’ and I dropped the marmalade?”
“That, Sir, was a faux pas.”
Not necessarily. But it does tend to make things easier.
There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, “Hey Really Cute Princess!”
She looked around and didn’t see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again.
“Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!”
It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even though she really didn’t believe the frog.
The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow.
When she got up the next day what do you think she found?
There on her pillow sat a really Handsome Prince.
Do you believe the story?
Well neither did her mother!
Yeah, kind of saw that one coming…
“Sir, may I see your authority to enter?” says the door guard at Dragon Laffs, Inc.
My son had just turned 15 when I finally decided to talk to him about sex.
To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn’t escape. “Do you know about girls and babies?” I asked. He nodded but cut me off.
The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to have him look away in silence.
On the third lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, “Son, would you like to talk about sex?”
“Damn, Dad,” he responded, “is that all you ever think about?”
Joe sent this one in. I hope it was anecdotal and not a true story.
We recently had a meeting with our insurance agent. These were some of the questions:
Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?”
“What do you mean?” countered my wife.
“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.
She thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”
I agree wholeheartedly!
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat.
He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”
So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.
She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear.
Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”
Thank you God, for giving us your Son.
The printing of newspapers, magazines and books offer limitless possibilities for error, human and mechanical. When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version.
Here just a few samples:
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.”
It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.
From a California bar association’s newsletter: Correction — the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: “Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m.” Please correct to read “12 noon.”
There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.
Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners’ clothing is rent, that is, torn — not rented.
In the City Beat section of Friday’s paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is “Dewey.” Another firefighter is nicknamed “Weirdo.” We apologize for our mistake.
SELF-EVIDENT TRUTHS ABOUT PETS
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Dog’s have owners.
Cat’s have staff.
Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God.
Dogs shed, cats shred.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?
If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.
We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep urinating into their water bowls?
Um…In that order?
Kansas Law
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
I have questions…
Okay, first question: Who recognizes them? Second question: Who are they? See below for answers…
From top to bottom: Mr. Moose, Captain Kangaroo, and Mr. Green Jeans, from the Captain Kangaroo show. Running for 29 years on CBS from 1955 to 1984. I had no idea it ran that long. Bob Keeshan was born in 1927. That means he was 28 years old when he started doing Captain Kangaroo and 57 when he quit.
If your college degree doesn’t produce enough value for you to pay it off, it certainly doesn’t have enough value for your neighbor to it off.
That is so beautiful
The Biggest Scam In Life: Paying taxes on money you make, Taxes on money you spend, And taxes on things you own that you already paid taxes on with already taxed money.
Think about it.
This has got to be the most infuriating joke of all time!
A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids talking about the yellow flower.
He decides he wants to find out what it is.
He gets to school and says to his teacher, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?”
His teacher says, “I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my classroom! Go to the Principal’s office!”
The little boy goes up to the Principal’s office, and the Principal asks him, “What are you doing up here, son?”
The little boy replies, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent me up here. What is it?”
The Principal says, “I will not have that kind of talk in my school! You are expelled from this school and every other school in the state! Get out!”
So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, “What are you doing home so early?”
“I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, and the Principal expelled me from every school in the state. What is the yellow flower?”
His mother says, “Go up to your room! You’re going to bed without dinner. I’ll send your father up to talk to you when he gets home.”
So the little boy goes up to his room, and about 5:00 his dad got home from work. He went up to the boy’s room and said, “Your mom tells me you’ve been a bad boy. What did you do?”
“Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner. What’s the yellow flower?” His dad says, “Get out of my house son! I don’t ever want to see you again!”
The little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later and policeman stopped him. He asked him why he was walking by himself so late at night.
The little boy says, “Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower.
I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house.
Can you tell me what the yellow flower is?”
The policeman says, “That’s enough of that! You’re going to jail for 99 years!”
99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is.
So he heads to his old school where it all started.
As he was crossing the street, he got hit by a car and he died. What’s the moral of the story?
Look both ways before crossing the street.
Just for comparison’s sake, Izzy Dragon has 13 out of 24, I have 24 out of 24.
A man’s out walking his dog one day, when it slips the leash, and runs away.
As the man is chasing the dog down the street, the dog runs into a yard and bites the lady that lives there.
The woman rushes into the house and sends her husband out to deal with the man and his dog.
The dog owner is beside himself with worry as the husband approaches, and says, “Sir, how about a settlement. Would twenty-five dollars do?”
The husband pauses for a moment and replies, “Sure, and if you come around next week, it’s worth another twenty-five!”
This is outstanding. There are more I would add…
Rules to Live By
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as (more) important as any other.
THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, “I love you,” mean it.
FIVE. When you say, “I ‘m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. That goes along quite well with the second greatest
EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone! . The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
The National Wallace Monument, Scotland
That’s a MONUMENT?!?!
An Adelie penguin with Isabellinism, a genetic mutation that dilutes the pigment in its feathers.
This is a house on the shore of Lake Erie that was encased in ice from the spray of the lake hitting the houses and freezing, making the house one giant icicle. March 2020
Okay, I’ve been in a LOT of airports in my day, but I ain’t never seen anything like this!
Clouds producing a right angle.
Absolutely amazing!
Albino Moose
Boy ain’t that the truth!
The rest of this is some stuff I’ve been saving and holding on to. I think leading up to Easter is the perfect time to put some of it to use.
This is the wall in my house where, when I find something out shopping that strikes my fancy or that I really like, it goes here. I’ve told you how much the 23rd Psalm means to me, well The Lord Is My Shepherd started the whole thing a couple of months ago. The worry sign, because I’ve shared with you how much worry is a sin I’m constantly battling, the cross made out of large, exaggerated nails for obvious reasons, “be still and know that I am God” to remind me, while going through things with my brother’s estate that it is all part of God’s plan, and Let Us Adore Him because every single day, all day long, throughout the day, we should be praising Him in all that we do, in all that we see, in the way that we act, and in the way that we interact with others. Remember the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
Okay, let’s finish off with a couple of more funnies and call it an issue.
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you; The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you; The next day I stopped eating red meat..
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; The next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; This morning I stopped reading.
Cop: Do you mind identifying the body [puts hand on my shoulder] I have to warn you the body was hacked up. Me: [tearing up] Yes, that’s my brother Reese. Cop: You’re sure? Me: [nodding] Those are Reese’s Pieces.
Well, here it is, 3 o’clock Saturday afternoon, and it’s only 39° F outside, so needless to say I didn’t
Can’t seem to get motivated. Still in my night clothes. I did a load of laundry. Tomorrow, Sunday, yesterday for you guys, is/was Mary’s birthday. She’s 56.
In the middle of writing another piece. Having some trouble with it. I know what I want to say, but it’s just not coming out. I’ll work on it later, I guess.
So for now, let’s go ahead and start with the laffs and see where it leads us, shall we?
Sounds just like aircraft maintenance for the Air Force.
Here’s a game that Stephanie sent in, it looks like it could be a lot of fun. Hubby got lost in this game for about 3 years. Once got within 10 feet of the locale.https://www.geoguessr.com/
This is a really good one. Thanks to Stephanie for sending it along.
A golfer was on vacation in Ireland and while playing he made a hole-in-one.
With that a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, “I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I’ll grant you any wish.”
The player thought a bit and said, “Could you make me weeny a bit larger”
“Wish granted.” says the leprechaun, as he skips away.
Well, by the time he got to the 14th tee it was showin’ below his shorts.
He continued his game and on the 15th hole it was draggin’ along behind him.
By the 18th he could hardly make it to the green.
He went straight to the pro shop and asked the pro how to fix it.
He was told that legend has it that you must go back and make another ace and see the leprechaun again.
After purchasing five buckets of balls, he made his way back to the 13th and frantically began hitting shot after shot until finally he made the hole-in-one.
Again, the leprechaun offered any wish.
The player asked, “Could ya make me legs a bit longer
This is not one that the Whelpling did, this is one that I played with.
Well…I didn’t get to finish this last night. Izzy was working and she called me and asked me if I could run over to her store and buy her food. I said, “You have money, why can’t you buy yourself food? I’m a little busy right now.”
She said, “Well, I have money, but I’m not allowed to ring myself up and … well … the girl I was working with walked out and quit.”
“I’m on my way.” And therein lies the problem, ANOTHER one of the problems, with only having two people working in the store at a time. There are times in the afternoon and the morning when they are there by themselves. But this is Saturday night. There is no way I am going to leave my daughter alone in a Dollar General on a Saturday night by herself. So, I grabbed my tablet and ran over there. I asked her when/if someone was going to be there to help her out? (while I was buying her a couple of power-bars) She said 8pm. Well, that’s about 2 hours from now. So I told her that I would be out in the car. She said I didn’t have to and I said yes I did and read my scriptures and stuff for two hours.
And that’s why it’s now Sunday afternoon, after church and I’m still working on Monday’s issue and not Thursday’s issue, or writing, like I wanted to.
But, it does give me a chance to say, Happy Birthday my love. I miss you a lot. I can’t wait until I get to see you again.
Now, next we have this one from Leah D.
And this one is from Stephanie…
These were sent in by Joe…and I gotta say, this is by no means concise. There are SO MANY missing…
The Rules
The female always make the rules.
The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No male can possibly know all the rules.
If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules. (This one gets me, every time!)
The female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding. (There is a corollary to this one, that goes something like this: “Whenever you argue with a woman and you KNOW you’re right, apologize immediately!)
The female may change her mind at any time.
The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female. (I suggest that it also be notarized and witnessed by at least two, highly respectable clergymen)
The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The male is expected to mind read at all times.
The female is ready when she is ready.
The male must be ready at all times
Bofo was telling her boyfriend, Jeff “According to archaeologists, for millions of years the Neanderthal man was not fully erect.”
And Jeff’s reply was, that’s pretty easy to understand considering how ugly the Neanderthal women were!
GOLF and what it all means
§ Golf can best be defined as …
o An endless series of tragedies …
o Obscured by the occasional miracle …
o Followed by a good bottle of beer.
§ Golf …
o You hit down to make the ball go up.
o You swing left and the ball goes right.
o The lowest score wins.
o And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.
§ Golf is harder than baseball …
o In golf, you have to play your foul balls.
§ If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip:
o Your life is in trouble.
§ Golfers who try to make everything perfect …
o Before taking the shot
o Rarely make a perfect shot.
§ The term ‘Mulligan’…
o Is really a contraction of the phrase ‘maul it again.’
§ A ‘gimme’ can best be defined …
o As an agreement between two golfers …
o Neither of whom can putt very well.
§ An interesting thing about golf is …
o That no matter how badly you play;
o It is always possible to get worse.
§ Golf’s a hard game to figure.
o One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it,
o Hit into all the traps, and miss every green.
o The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
§ If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt’,
o You might wish to reconsider this game.
§ Golf is the only sport where …
o The most feared opponent is you.
§ Golf is like marriage:
o If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work,
o And both are expensive.
§ The best wood in most amateurs’ bags …
o Is the pencil.
No! … Just, No.
Well, depending on what they have to compare it to…maybe.
I love it that you guys send me these shorts…and that there are lots of other shorts under this one…until I end up losing an hour chasing all those other shorts
Joe sent me this email three weeks ago. And it ties in so well with how I’ve been feeling, how the world has been feeling and how my Pastor has been leading up to his preaching. This is what Joe sent…
Saw a great slogan:
“Normal isn’t coming back. …Jesus is!”
I’m just finishing up the Left Behind series of books. Everything seems to be pointing towards the end times coming sooner rather than later and I’m very strongly being led to tell people, through my ministries and any way I can, to get their lives together, and get saved. I know, people have been saying this for years and years. People have been seeing signs and pointing towards the “End of The World” for so many years that it’s a matter of the boy who cried, “Wolf!”
But, I truly feel like this is different. I wish I was a better Bible scholar. But, I also can’t deny what the Spirit is placing on my heart.
Maybe it’s just me feeling my own mortality. I don’t think so, but maybe it is. But that’s okay. I’m ready. Wait. Don’t read that the wrong way. I’m not anxious to die or anything like that, what I mean is, if I were to die tomorrow, I would be fine with it because I’m prepared to and would be overjoyed to meet Jesus. But no, I’m not anxious to die. There are too many people to reach, too many new friends to meet, too many books still to read, and still too much to say through my writing.
Anyway, that was a fast little aside, so let’s move on…
This was sent in by Joe from NJ. I’m almost 100% sure that he just sent it in and didn’t write it because it is very insightful into what women actually go through. But I do qualify it with an ALMOST 100% sure because buddy Joe is a very insightful guy, so, although my confidence approaches 100%, it will never quite get all the way TO 100%.
This is dedicated to all women everywhere who have ever had to deal with a public toilet. And it finally explains to all you men what takes us so long.
My mother was a fanatic about public toilets. As a little girl, she’d bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she’d carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she’d instruct, “Never, never sit on a public toilet seat.” And she’d demonstrate “The Stance,” which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I’d have peed down my leg. And we’d go home.
That was a long time ago. I’ve had lots of experience with public toilets since then, but I’m still not particularly fond of public toilets, especially those with powerful, red-eye sensors. Those toilets know when you want them to flush. They are psychic toilets. But I always confuse their psychic ability by following my mother’s advice and assuming The Stance. The Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one’s bladder is especially full. This is most likely to occur after watching a full-length feature film.
During the movie pee, it is nearly impossible to hold The Stance. You know what I mean. You drink a two liter cup of Diet Coke, then sit still through a three-hour saga because, for God’s sake, even if you didn’t wipe or wash your hands in the bathroom, you’d still miss the pivotal part of the movie or the second scene, in which they flash the leading man’s naked derriere.
So, you cross your legs and you hold it. And you hold it until that first credit rolls and you sprint to the bathroom, about ready to explode all over your internal organs. And at the bathroom, you find a line of women that makes you think there’s a half-price sale on Mel Gibson’s underwear in there.
So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling politely. And you finally get closer. You check for feet under the stall doors. Every one is occupied. You hope no one is doing frivolous things behind those stall doors, like blowing her nose or checking the contents of her wallet.
Finally, a stall door opens and you dash, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter. You hang your handbag on the door hook, yank down your pants and assume The Stance.
Relief. More relief. Then your thighs begin to shake. You’d love to sit down but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold The Stance as your thighs experience a quake that would register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off it, you reach for the toilet paper. Might as well be ready when you are done. The toilet paper dispenser is empty.
Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny napkin you wiped your fingers on after eating buttered popcorn. It would have to do. You crumble it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn’t work and your pocketbook whams you in the head. “Occupied!” you scream as you reach out for the door, dropping your buttered popcorn napkin in a puddle and falling backward, directly onto the toilet seat. You get up quickly, but it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with all the germs and life forms on the bare seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper, not that there was any, even if you had enough time to. Your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if she knew, because her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, “You don’t know what kind of diseases you could get.”
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin to a fountain and then it suddenly sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged to China.
At that point, you give up. You’re finished peeing. You’re soaked by the splashing water. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a Chicklet wrapper you found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can’t figure out how to operate the sinks with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting, cross-legged and unable to smile politely at this point.
One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River. You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and say warmly, “Here You might need this.”
At this time, you see your spouse, who has entered, used and exited his bathroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you.
“What took you so long?” he asks, annoyed. This is when you kick him sharply in the shin and go home.
This is the propaganda that “The American Left”(Atheists, Communists, Democrats, Globalists, Islamofascists, Liberals, Marxists, Pagans, Pedophiles, Progressives, Racists, Satanists, Socialists, Militant Baby Murdering Abortionists, Militant Environmental Wackos, Militant Transgenders and their sick twisted supporters, Criminal Illegal Aliens, and CCP agents) is using to indoctrinate our children into eating bugs!
Only genuinely stupid people, severely mentally ill people, and liars that hate our children would tell them it’s OK to eat bugs!
This illegal alien thing can be solved by the same thing my dad told me about stray cats…
STOP FEEDING THEM AND THEY’LL GO AWAY!
(Stop giving them free money, housing, and all the other free stuff we’re giving them while we have American Citizens (AND VETERANS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!) who are going without!)
This was sent in by Lynn….
Tyson Foods
What Tyson Foods did to residents in Iowa is one of the worst things we’ve seen a company do. The Bud Light Dylan Mulvaney situation was pathetic, but this is 100 times worse. They announced Monday that they’ll be closing the plant in June, shocking the entire town. 1200 people, 15% of the entire town, work at the plant. They’re all going to be unemployed now. Simultaneously, Tyson is also working with an Asylum advocate group to hire 2,500 asylum seekers who are cleared to work. They’ll make $16.50/hr and get benefits.
Biden will brag about creating those 2,500 new jobs that went to illegals!
This is Bidenomics!
Well, this has NOTHING to do with AOC, but it is definitely worth watching
DOJ moved to dismiss $3.3B fraud suit against Dish after chairman donated $113K to Biden
Published March 22, 2024, 12:00 p.m. ET
The Justice Department took the rare step earlier this month of moving to dismiss a $3.3 billion civil fraud lawsuit against Dish Network — months after founder Charlie Ergen and his wife donated more than $113,000 to President Biden’s re-election campaign late last year.
Ergen, a former professional poker player who helped launch what was then called EchoStar Communications in 1980, has battled the federal fraud claim for nearly a decade.
But the Tennessee native saw his luck change shortly after he and spouse Candy contributed $100,000 to Biden’s super PAC and maxed out with matching $6,600 donations to the president’s principal campaign committee in December, according to campaign finance filings.
This past January, Dish nabbed a $50 million grant from the administration to help expand 5G coverage nationwide — the “largest award” of its kind, the company crowed — through a $1.5 billion fund created by the CHIPS and Science Act.
On Jan. 12, two days after the $50 million award was announced, attorneys at the Justice Department intervened on behalf of Dish — and “tried to bully” Vermont Telephone, which filed the fraud claim, “into an unethical settlement” by threatening to have the suit dismissed, according to lead attorney Bennett Ross.
Subject: Dogs
*If a dog were your teacher, you would learn stuff like:
*When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
*Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
*Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
*When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
*Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
*Take naps and stretch before rising.
*Run, romp, and play daily.
*Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
*On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
*On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
*When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
*No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout… run right back and make friends.
*Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
*Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
*Be loyal.
*Never pretend to be something you’re not.
*If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
*And MOST of all… When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently
The craftsmanship of this joint is incredible.
Tiny Baby Hummingbird Compared To a Raspberry.
Restaurant that looks like a drawing.
Well, at least they’re honest.
A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, “Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street.”
The young man said, “Just a minute.”
Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you!”
And the thing is, there are probably a lot of young people who see nothing wrong with this and are probably wondering why the old lady would even ask this.
Illinois, Evanston Law
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
Well, that’s it for Monday my friends. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope to have another issue for you on Thursday. Thank you all for your support and your love.
Let me start off with an apology. I am so ridiculously far behind in my emails that I know that I’ve disappointed someone. Whoever you are, I’m sorry. I try to run through them and find the personal from the submissions, but I know…I KNOW I’ve missed several. I owe out several personal emails that I really want to send, so please, bare with me my friends.
Plus, the spirit is beating me up again about two more topics He wants me to write about. And believe it or not, I have to mow my lawn! We’ve had like 4 or 5 days of nice weather around here and my backyard is beginning to look like a jungle already! That’s an April thing! I got two more weeks! NOT FAIR!!!
So, that’s in my immediate future.
Many of you have written or left comments about my … not sure what the word is that I’m looking for … (wow! Now, that’s not good for a writer to admit.) exigencent foray down to Florida. Yeah, that’s about as polite as I could possibly be. Anyway, many of you have said that you are amazed at how I managed to work through it all as well as I did. I want to emphasize to you all that I had help. I was propped up quite well by God the entire time I was down there. I know for a fact that had the old me gone down there, you’d be wondering right now why you haven’t heard from me because I WOULD have torn that place up and I would be in jail asking for someone to come bail me out.
‘Nuff said.
So, I want to give you guys a full issue today, and I want to try and give you guys a full issue on Monday, and I want to try to get through a good portion of these emails, and I want to mow my lawn tomorrow, and I want to get some well deserved sleep, and … well … you see my point.
So….
That figures! Yeah, just rub it in March!
Thanks to Stephanie for this next one (that she sent me on Feb 22nd…just sayin’)
And this is the best clip I could find of the actual event the comedian is talking about. But before you watch the video, watch the link above.
I’m doomed!
A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him causing excruciating pain. The man dropped the snake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire.
So, the man looked around and found a metal pole and used it to take the snake out of the fire, saving its life.
Someone who was watching approached the man and said: “That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?”
The man replied: “The nature of the snake is to bite, but that’s not going to change my nature, which is to help.”
Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, but learn to take precautions.
“Good Evening Sir. I’m with the Fuller Brush Company.”
Oh come on, Pete! We’re not gonna start this again, are we?
Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to New York and the other to Washington. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.
At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why Hooters?” “They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs.” “You’re on.”
At age 42, they meet and play golf again “Where you wanna go for lunch?” “Hooters.” “Again? Why?” “They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games.” “OK.”
At age 52 they meet and play again. “So where you wanna go for lunch?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.” “OK.”
At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.” “Good choice”
At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.” “Great choice.”
At age 82 they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “Because we’ve never been there before.” “Okay, let’s give it a try.”
The Boy, the Donkey and the Old Man
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.” They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
Yeah, yeah…and there are more than twice as many people working at Disney World than live in my county in Indiana.
Places to Go
I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots …
– Apparently, you can’t go alone –
– You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I’ve also never been in Cognito …
– I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane …
– They don’t have an airport;
– You have to be driven there.
– I have made several trips there,
o Thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions …
– But you have to jump,
– And I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt …
– That is a sad place to go,
– And I try not to visit there too often.
I’ve been in Flexible…
– But only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I’m in Capable …
– And I go there more often as I’m getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! …
– It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart.
– At my age I need all the stimuli I can get.
I may have been in Continent …
– But I don’t remember what country I was in.
– It’s an age thing.
– They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.
-Earl Wilson (1907 – 1987)
Little Johnny asked his grandpa how old he was. Grandpa answered, “39 and holding.”
Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, “And how old would you be if you let go?”
And the truly sad and terrible part is that 1) too many people find this funny and 2) too many prosecutors won’t even file this as a crime! Since when is it right to take someone else’s property?
Louisiana Law
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Well, I would’ve kinda thought that the whole first part of that would’ve made it illegal
A young missionary on his first trip to Africa is away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lays down right beside him; so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him.
He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying… but when he opens them he sees another approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.
Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon and devour him.
Moral of the story: Don’t read between the “lions.”
A man went to apply for a job.
After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“It’s called the door!”
One evening, Prince Charming walked into a tavern appearing downtrodden.
Immediately, the bartender turned to Prince Charming and asked him why he’s so glum.
“You wouldn’t believe it,” the Prince replied. “I was walking through the Enchanted Forest when suddenly I approached Snow White, fast asleep on a bed of stone.
The dwarf next to her told me that she had eaten a poisonous apple and could only be revived through a kiss from my very lips.
I gave her a peck on the cheek. Nothing. So I give Snow White a real deep kiss while massaging her hair with my fingers. Nothing.
Soon enough, I’m making passionate love to her right there in the woods, when suddenly she screams out, ‘Ah yes’!”
“That’s great!” the bartender excitedly replied to Prince Charming.
“Then she is alive!”
Shrugging his shoulders Prince Charming replied, “Nah. She faked it.”
And with that, dear friends, we’ve completed an entire issue!!!!!
I hope you all enjoyed it at least half as much as I did!
Okay, before I get started, I went through this and read it outloud to Izzy and she said, “No one’s going to want to read all that.”
And I said, “Yeah, they will.”
And she replied with, “Here, you need to include this with it.” and sent me the following picture.
So, if any of you are bored to tears…and agree with Izzy…my apologies and just back away from the computer slowly.
So, I promised you guys a full telling of the story of my fast three days in Orlando.
I arrived at the airport in Indy early, like I usually do. I am a BIG believer in that “if you are not ten minutes early, you are late.” That’s for meetings and such, close to home. When you’re talking about needing to be at the airport that a mapping program tells you takes an hour and 30 minutes and you know it’s construction season in Indiana (it’s almost always constructions season in Indiana), then that ten minutes early becomes 30 minutes early to account for delays. I didn’t hit any delays, but if I had left “on time” you can bet I would have.
I sent you guys a picture of what the waiting area at the airport looked like. One thing that was odd though. It was the first time ever I’ve gone through TSA without a hitch. No additional pat down, no extra searching of my carry on, nothing. I’m always a special case. I have two fake hips and a fake knee and wear a “medical device” under my arm to read my blood glucose level and that usually always annoys them. And it did on the way home, but on the way out…nothing.
I’d like to say something nice here about Allegiant Airlines. They are a complete no-frills airline…to the max. When you originally book your flight, the price they quote you includes a seat, seatbelt, and a personal item. Then you add stuff from there. You upgrade to a carry on and upgrade again to a checked bag. With a carry-on item, you also get to pick your seat and with a checked bag you get expedited boarding and such. You can also do 99% of this online. The best part is that it is SO much less expensive than the major airlines. Now, I didn’t realize it until later, but they are pretty relaxed about the personal item. I went with the carry-on option and then found out that the little backpack that I used for the 3 days would have counted as a personal item because it fit under my seat. So, basically, if it fits under the seat, it’s a personal item. Anybody know where I can purchase a bag of holding cheap? Anyway, they will also hook you up with car rental and hotel if you want to do the whole package deal. I did the car rental route, through Alamo. And they were great, too. Especially Arlene…on the off chance you are a fellow reader Arlene at Sanford Airport in Orlando, Impish Dragon said you did a fantastic job. Round trip, upgrade to the carry-on bag (that I didn’t need) and rental car for 500 bucks. You can’t argue with that.
So, I land at Sanford airport in Orlando, a very nice little airport, don’t have to go through baggage claim, look for the car rental place and they are all in the same building right outside the door of the airport and they are packed … Groan! … except I see a sign that says “Alamo” with an arrow point that-a-way. So, I pause, light a cigar, and start walking. I need to stretch my legs a bit anyway. I go around the corner, down a stretch of sidewalk, across a street, across a bridge, down another stretch of covered sidewalk and come to another building that says “Alamo”. I peek inside and there are two people in line. Thank you, God, for taking such good care of me so far!
Ten minutes later and NO problems with my license this time and I am following my GPS which I’ve easily hooked up to the car’s onscreen display, to my lawyer’s office. I am just there to pick up some papers, my real meeting is this afternoon, and I’m off to Partners Federal Credit Union, also known as the gates to Dante’s Inferno.
Walk in the door and there are two cute 20 something greeters at the front counter, male and female, and of course because I’m an old man, the female greets me, I tell her I want to speak to someone about my brother’s account. She gives me a quizzical look and at this point I’m still in a good mood, so I offer her a brief explanation, she asks for my identification, which I thought a bit odd, but handed over my driver’s license. She scanned my license, gave it back and asked me to have a seat.
Anyway, this story could easily become a novel if I don’t get to the point.
The point is, I sat with this guy for an hour and a half. He took a copy of everything. EVERYTHING. It was very obvious he had never dealt with this particular problem before, and it was also obvious that all the adults had left the office and left the children in charge. He called and texted everyone he could think of for help, and no one was answering. He was getting that crinkly look around his eyes that told me he was just on this side of panic when he fell back on what I believe he thought was his tried-and-true safety net when he said to me, “well, we’ll submit all this to our legal department, and they’ll mail you out a check.” Then he said back with a smug look on his face.
I think I almost made him cry when my only response was, “no.” I waited a beat or two before I went on. Just before he started to speak again, and said, “First of all I was told I had to sign for this in person, so I took time off work and the expense of flying out here form Indiana, rented a car and I’m flying back on Saturday, so there will be a check in my hand by then. Second, legally, I am the personal representative for my brother’s estate, you have an order signed by a judge stating that fact, and I’m pretty sure you guys don’t have a choice in the matter and my next stop after I leave here is to my lawyer’s office to find out for sure, so you guys best get this worked out. You’ve got until Saturday.
And I got up and left.
And went to my lawyer’s office where they did indeed tell me that if they didn’t come up off the money, they could be held liable. We did some other lawyerly type stuff and I went home for the day. Home being Ken’s house and it now being about 5 pm and me having stopped at some fast feeder and brought something back with me to eat. Understand that at this point in time I could barely reproduce noises that resembled words and could legitimately add 2 plus 2 and come up with 4 a statistically accurate number of times. I got a decent amount of sleep Tuesday night into Wednesday, got about a 1 hour nap Wednesday afternoon, then had to go to the store, make a bunch of phone calls, pack my little backpack and make sure I had all the paperwork I might possibly need while I was in Florida, I had jail ministry Wednesday night and got home from that about 9 pm, had to pick up Izzy from work at about 10 pm, got her home and settled and climbed into bed at about 11 pm. I was pretty wound up and didn’t fall asleep right away and my alarm went off at 1:15 am Thursday morning and I was on the road to the airport a little before 2 am. So, from 8 am Wednesday morning to I finally laid down Thursday night I probably got about 2 hours or so of real sleep. It’s kind of amazing that I made it to the house at all.
That evening, I had agreed to look for a Disney laptop that my brother had that Disney wanted back that no one else had managed to find. I think the reason that no one else had managed to find it was that it was sitting on a shelf, right out in the open and when I checked the serial number, sure enough, there it was. So, I texted his old boss and told him I found it and said I’d be happy to drop it off. I kind of wanted to bump into some of his (and now my) friends that he worked with and low and behold, he was in the same building that the bank was in, so we planned to meet up in the morning and I laid down on the couch and I was asleep before the blanket was completely over me.
Not sure if I got up in the night or not, but I did remember to set up some GI alarms around the house in case of intruders while I was sleeping. (Another thing I do in a strange place). Woke up the next morning ready to tackle the new day, packed up my stuff and hit the road.
When I got to the bank/headquarters building where I was meeting the boss, he met me downstairs and brought me up, gave over the laptop and we sat there and visited for about an hour or so. Fellow Christian, we shared a little bit of background in law enforcement, it was nice. None of the rest of the folks were there.
When I finished up, I went downstairs to where the bank…credit union was and asked to speak to the same guy I spoke to yesterday. I knew he was there, ‘cause I saw him. Again, it was can I see your driver’s license and I was asked to take a seat. But today’s wait was a lot longer. When I went back, I went to see a different person. She looked just as young as the other guy and I thought she was another one of the kids, but she wasn’t. She starts off with what can I help you with, I told her that’s why I asked to speak to the other guy because he had helped me yesterday and I didn’t really want to rehash the whole thing all over again, but I’ll give it to you quick and I explained the situation to her. She asked to see my license. What is it with these people and my license?
Just as an aside here…she never let go of my license the whole time I was there. If she got up to make a copy of something, she took my license with her. If she went to consult with someone else, my license went, too. I thought that was so weird. When I mentioned it to someone else, they came up with the only plausible explanation I’ve heard yet. They thought it might be an anti-theft technique that this bank was taught. You know, if I’ve got your ID, you’re less likely to rob the place because you are more readily identified. It’s weird, but the only thing that makes even a modicum of sense so far. Could also be a power thing seeing as evil these guys turned out to be.
Anyway, she starts asking for stuff. I need this letter. You should already have it; the guy yesterday took a copy of it. I need that form. You should already have it…etc. Over and over again. Every time she would ask for something she’d get an anticipatory look in her eye like, “Is this the one that he’s not going to have so that I can finally turn him down and get him out of here?” and then I would produce said piece of paper or tell her that she already has it, an obvious look of disappointment would come over her face. Now, we’ve been doing this dance for well over an hour and I’m almost continually asking God to help me remain pleasant and calm. I almost messed up and prayed for patience. Everyone knows you NEVER, EVER pray for patience. I’m also going through a list of names in my head of people I can call to come bail me out of jail for when I snap and reach down and flip her desk over in frustration. Hmmm, it does seem like it might be bolted to the floor pretty good, but it just looks like that cheap fiber board stuff…even if I can’t flip it over, odds are that I can at least tear the top of it off fairly easily. That gives as much of an impression of frustration as flipping over a desk does…it’s not much of a desk anyway … I’ll bet there’s a lot of wires that …
Yeah, like that.
So, we’re sitting there staring at each other like two gunmen in the old west, facing each other in the middle of the dirt street, with our hands near our six shooters, waiting for the other to make the next move. She scoops everything up off her desk (which may not be there when she gets back) tells me she’ll be right back (she still has my license, by the way, maybe that’s what stopped me from flipping over her desk…hey! Maybe THAT’S the reason!!!) and she walks off.
I wait…somewhat patiently.
She comes back. Sits down and says, “I need something with the name of the account where you are going to deposit the money.” I said, my brothers account? The one I opened for the estate? She nods. I said, it’s the Estate… She interrupts me, “I need it in writing.” Smirk. Like, aha! I’ve got you now!
I said, “Give me a piece of paper and I’ll write it down for you.”
She said, “No, I need something from the bank.”
I said, “Why?”
“So we know how to make out the check.”
“How about if I let you talk to the people at the bank.”
“No, it must be in writing.” Now she is almost grinning…rubbing her hands together in glee. She is finally going to be rid of this annoying man AND the All-Powerful Credit Union Wins and Keeps Its Money!!
So, I looked at her for a moment, sighed and said, “Well, one of the nice things about living in a little bitty town from northern Indiana is that everybody pretty much knows everybody else, and we don’t mind helping each other out.” I picked up my phone and I called my bank. I called my branch where I do all my business, but they must’ve been busy because my call got routed to the call center and one of the ladies, I recognized answered the phone and I won’t use her name because I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, so let’s just call her Susan.
I said, “Hi Susan, I was trying to reach Missy over at the Peru branch but let me explain to you what’s going on down here in Orlando, Florida and see if you can help me out. (Now, keep in mind, the evil one is still sitting across from me waiting for me to crash and burn) I’m at my brother’s bank trying to close it out so I can move the funds to the estate account that I opened back home with our bank.”
I can hear Susan taping on her keyboard in the background and then she says, “the one for Kenneth?”
I said, “Exactly.”
Susan said, “Well what do you need?”
I said, “Well, it’s more the craziness that these people down here need. If you can believe it, they need the exact name on the account in writing.”
Susan said, “Why?”
“That’s the same question I asked. So they know what to put on the cashier’s check. At least I assume it’s a cashier’s check.”
I glanced over at the evil one and she nodded at the same time Susan said, “yeah it should be,” and then followed up with, “well, why don’t you just tell them? Or write it down for them?”
“Susan, that’s the same, very obvious questions that I asked them. The silly answer I got back was that it HAD to be in writing.”
She said, “Bob, that’s just causing trouble to cause trouble. What email address do you want me to send this to?”
I said, “The is the EXACT same conclusion that I’m drawing.” And I gave her the address and we sat there and visited while I heard her taping away on her computer. She told me she sent it and when it popped up on my tablet, I flipped the tablet around to where the lady could see it and I said, will that do? And she sighed a big sigh and said yes and wrote the name down herself on a piece of scrap paper and asked me to forward her the email, if I wouldn’t mind and handed me her card.
Another very long time and I was finally leaving with a check and swore I would never darken their doorway again. It was 3, or maybe even close to 4 hours of dealing with those people to get a check from them that they were legally obligated to give to me anyway.
That really shot Friday. I went back to Ken’s house where I looked for tax paperwork and receipts and such. No joy. When I got back home I did find a tax guy. An old buddy of mine is doing taxes and I trust him, so he ended up filing an extension for me on Ken’s behalf and it was accepted so that’s taken care of.
Talking to Disney HR they don’t want to give me Ken’s W-2s without me giving them a copy of his Will. I told them they don’t need, nor do they get a copy of his Will. They can have a copy of my ID, front and back like they asked for and they can have a copy of the court order affirming me as his Personal Representative. Legally that’s all they need and that’s all they get. I don’t know why they are being such a pain about it. They have to know I can just go through the IRS and get the 1099s that they have to file anyway.
And then I caught his mortgage up the other night to the same credit union that I just fought with. They were happy to take my money, but when it came time to give me answers to how much was owed, when the payment was due, stuff like that…they wouldn’t tell me. Well, how am I supposed to send you the money each month if you won’t tell me how much to send? I can’t tell you because you’re not on the account. I’m the personal representative, put me on the account. I can’t do that. How am I supposed to send you the mortgage each month? It will be on the monthly statement. So you can’t tell me, but you are going to mail me a monthly statement telling me everything you can’t tell me?
And that’s the stuff I am dealing with.
And that’s also all the time I have. It took a bit longer than my lunch break. So I really do need to get back to work. I hope to have another issue put together for Saturday. The way my life is becoming overwhelming lately, we’ll have to see. What you got today is just a couple of days…we haven’t even TALKED about my work life… Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha…
Oh! I forgot to mention, I did stop on my way to the airport and visited with a friend. The female half of the Christian couple that I met the first time I was down there. We had coffee at the place where Ken worked. I got to sit in his chair, at his desk, in his room where he worked. We visited for a little while. It was nice. They had a little shelf set up in remembrance of him and I took a picture. I’ll end with that.
Dragon Laffs 