Good Morning Campers!!! How about that retro header, huh?  Pretty cool, right?  Back when both of us worked on all the issues…Ah, well I thought it looked good on the top.
Got a really good issue for you guys today.  Lots of stuff to laugh at, some stuff to get serious over.  A couple of rants.  Overall, a pretty good issue.
It’s late, and we’re dodging lightning storms, so I’m going to quit this opening statement and get this baby to press, so whattaya say we get going and …

Paul sent us the above milk carton and before I had a chance to reply, Lethal Leprechaun replied and copied me (as we usually do with each other) and I thought it appropriate to add his reply here:

Tis a sad day indeed.  This obituary was recently printed in the London Times.  All I can say is that I knew he was sick, but didn’t realize how far he had slipped.  He will be sorely missed…

Sorry kid, the “I didn’t have time to do my homework” excuse just ain’t gonna work!

Article shows that there might just be hope for America after all!
College Republican Totally Schools MSNBC’s Touré on Why Young People Aren’t Just Democrats

http://www.mrctv.org/videos/college-republican-totally-schools-msnbcs-tour%C3%A9-why-young-people-arent-just-democrats

I found this quite interesting and revealing…

Things You  Should Know About Mitt Romney
           Personal  Information:
   ·  His full  Name is: Willard Mitt Romney
   ·  He was  Born: March 12, 1947 and is 65 years  old.
   ·  His Father:  George W. Romney, former Governor of the State of  Michigan
   ·  He was  Raised in: Bloomfield Hills ,  Michigan
   ·  He is  Married to: Ann Romney since 1969; they have five  children
   ·  Education:  B.A. from Brigham Young University , J.D. and M.B.A. from Harvard  University
   ·  Religion:  Mormon – The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day  Saints
   Working  Background:
   ·  After high  school, he spent 30 months in France as a Mormon  missionary.
   ·  After going  to both Harvard Business School and Harvard Law School simultaneously,  he passed the Michigan bar, but never worked as an  attorney.
   ·  In 1984, he  co-founded Bain Capital a private equity investment firm, one of the  largest such firms in the United States  .
   ·  In 1994, he  ran for Senator of Massachusetts and lost to Ted  Kennedy.
   ·  He was  President and C.E.O. of the 2002 Winter Olympic  Games.
   ·  In 2002, he  was elected Governor of the State of Massachusetts where he eliminated  a 1.5 billion deficit.
   Some  Interesting Fact about  Romney:
   ·  Bain  Capital, starting with one small office supply store in Massachusetts  , turned it into Staples; now over 2,000 stores employing 90,000  people.
   ·  Bain  Capital also worked to perform the same kinds of business miracles  again and again, with companies like Domino’s, Sealy, Brookstone,  Weather Channel, Burger King, Warner Music Group, Dollarama, Home  Depot Supply, and many  others.
   ·  He was an  unpaid volunteer campaign worker for his dad’s gubernatorial campaign  1 year.
   ·  He was an  unpaid intern in his dad’s governor’s office for eight  years.
   ·  He was an  unpaid bishop and stake president of his church for ten  years.
   ·  He was an  unpaid President of the Salt Lake Olympic Committee for three  years.
   ·  He took no  salary and was the unpaid Governor of Massachusetts for four  years.
   ·  He gave his  entire inheritance from his father to  charity.
   ·  Mitt Romney  is one of the wealthiest self-made men in our country but has given  more back to its citizens in terms of money, service and time than  most men.
   Mitt Romney  is Trustworthy:
   ·  He will  show us his birth  certificate
   ·  He will  show us his high school and college  transcripts.
   ·  He will  show us his social security  card.
   ·  He will  show us his law degree.
   ·  He will  show us his draft notice.
   ·  He will  show us his medical records.
   ·  He will  show us his income tax  records.
   ·  He will  show us he has nothing to  hide.
   Mitt  Romney’s background, experience and trustworthiness show him to be a  great leader and an excellent President of the United States  .

The  BIG QUESTION, what part of the above can our current President claim  he has done and show proof of  it???

 

IF  YOU DON’T STAND BEHIND OUR  TROOPS…..
  ……FEEL  FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM. 

It’s falling apart on the left all across the country…

One of my favorite jokes of all time!

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. He barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.”

Yep, it’s the golden years.

The desire to use this to poke fun at Lethal Leprechaun was almost overwhelming!

I looked up this case on line and found a great article on Wikipedia here.  Go ahead and read through and we’ll talk again at the end.  As usual, you’ll see my comments inserted throughout the article…

You’re  sound asleep when you hear a thump  outside your bedroom door. Half-awake, and nearly paralyzed with  fear, you hear  muffled whispers. 

At least  two people have broken into your  house  and are moving your  way.

With your heart pumping, you reach down beside  your bed and pick up your shotgun.  You rack a shell into the chamber, then inch toward the door and open it.

In the  darkness, you make out two  shadows. One holds  something that looks like a  crowbar.  When the  intruder brandishes it as if to  strike, you raise  the shotgun and fire. The blast  knocks both thugs to the  floor. One  writhes and screams while the second man crawls to the front door and lurches outside. (According to the Wikipedia article, Martin was shooting downwards (with birdshot) at the intruders who were at that moment trying to flee through a window.  One was shot in the leg, the other in the back.  The later made it through the window but died at the scene.)

As you pick up the telephone to call police, you know you’re in trouble.

In your  country, most guns were outlawed  years before,  and the few that are privately  owned are so  stringently regulated as to make them  useless..

Yours  was never registered.

Police  arrive and inform you that the  second burglar has  died. They  arrest you for First Degree Murder and  Illegal Possession of a  Firearm.

When you  talk to your attorney, he  tells you not to  worry: authorities will  probably plea  the case down to  manslaughter.

“What kind  of sentence will I get?” you ask.

“Only  ten-to-twelve years,” he  replies, as if that’s  nothing. “Behave  yourself, and you’ll be out in  seven.”

The next  day, the shooting is the  lead story in the local newspaper. Somehow,  you’re portrayed as an  eccentric vigilante  while the two men you shot are  represented as  choirboys. Their  friends and relatives can’t find an unkind  word to say about  them..

Buried  deep down in the article, authorities acknowledge that both “victims” have been arrested numerous  times.

But  the next day’s headline says it  all:

“Lovable Rogue Son Didn’t Deserve to  Die.”

The  thieves have been transformed from career  criminals into Robin Hood-type  pranksters..

As  the days wear on, the story take wings. The  national media picks it  up, then the  international media.  The  surviving burglar has  become a folk hero.  Your  attorney says the thief is  preparing to  sue you, and he’ll probably win. (He did attempt to sue, but dropped the suit when Martin counter sued) The media publishes reports that your home has been burglarized several times in the past and that you’ve been critical of local police for their lack of effort in apprehending the  suspects.  After the  last break-in, you told your  neighbor that you would be prepared next  time. The  District Attorney uses this to allege that you  were lying in wait for the burglars.

A few  months later, you go to  trial.

The charges haven’t been reduced, as your  lawyer had so confidently  predicted. When  you take the stand, your anger at the  injustice of it all works against  you. Prosecutors  paint a picture of you as a mean, vengeful man. It  doesn’t take long for the jury to  convict you of all  charges.

The judge  sentences you to life in  prison. (Just to keep the record straight: On 10 Jan 2000, Brendon Fearon, 29, and Darren Bark, 33, (who acted as the getaway driver) admitted to conspiring to burgle Martin’s farmhouse.  Fearon was sentenced to three years in prison, and Bark to 30 months (with an additional 12 months arising from previous offences.  By the way, Fred Barras, the dead one, who was 16, had been arrested 29 times by the time he died.  He had also been sentenced to young offender’s institution for assulting a policeman, theft and being drunk and disorderly.  Okay, if he had been arrested 29 times by the time he was 16, WHAT THE HELL WAS HE EVEN DOING OUT OF PRISON???!!!  He should’ve been locked up a long time ago.  But the real problem is that these guys got less than 3 years

apiece and Martin, who was defending himself, got life!!!)

This case  really happened.

On August  22, 1999, Tony Martin of Emneth, Norfolk,  England, killed one burglar and wounded a  second.

In  April, 2000, he was  convicted and  is now serving a life  term… (Okay, again, not so true.  In October 2001 his case was appealed and reduced to manslaughter.  On 28 July 2003, Martin was released after serving three years of his five-year sentence, the maximum period for which he could be held following good behavior.)

How did it  become a crime to defend one’s own life  in the once great British Empire?

It started  with the Pistols Act of  1903.

This  seemingly reasonable law forbade selling pistols  to minors or felons and established that handgun  sales were to be made only to those who had a license.

The Firearms Act of 1920 expanded licensing to include not only handguns but all firearms except shotguns..

Later laws  passed in 1953 and 1967 outlawed the carrying of any weapon by private citizens and mandated the registration of all shotguns.

Momentum  for total handgun confiscation began in earnest after the Hungerford mass shooting in 1987.

Michael  Ryan, a mentally disturbed man with a Kalashnikov rifle, walked down the streets  shooting everyone he saw. When the  smoke cleared, 17 people were  dead.

The  British public, already de-sensitized by eighty  years of “gun control”, demanded even tougher  restrictions.

(The seizure of all privately  owned handguns was the objective even though  Ryan used a rifle.)

Nine years  later, at Dunblane, Scotland, Thomas  Hamilton used a semi-automatic weapon to murder 16 children and a teacher at a public  school.

For many  years, the media had portrayed all gun owners as  mentally unstable, or worse, criminals.

Now  the press had a real kook with which to beat up  law-abiding gun owners. Day after day, week  after week, the media gave up all pretense of objectivity and demanded a total ban on all  handguns.

The Dunblane Inquiry, a few months  later, sealed the fate of the few sidearms still  owned by private citizens.

During the  years in which the British government  incrementally took away most gun rights, the  notion that a citizen had the right to armed  self-defense came to be seen as vigilantism.  Authorities refused to grant gun licenses to  people who were threatened, claiming that  self-defense was no longer considered a reason  to own a gun. Citizens who shot burglars  or robbers or rapists were charged while the  real criminals were  released.

Indeed,  after the Martin shooting, a police spokesman  was quoted as saying, “We cannot have people take the law into their own  hands.” All of  Martin’s neighbors had been robbed numerous  times, and several elderly people were severely injured in beatings by young thugs who had no fear of the consequences.

Martin himself, a collector of antiques, had seen most of his collection trashed  or stolen by burglars.

When the  Dunblane Inquiry ended, citizens who owned  handguns were given three months to turn  them over to local  authorities. Being  good British subjects, most people obeyed  the law. The few who didn’t were visited by  police and threatened with ten-year prison  sentences if they didn’t  comply.

Police  later bragged that they’d taken nearly  200,000 handguns from private  citizens.

How did  the authorities know who had handguns?

The  guns had been registered and licensed.  Kind  of like cars. Sound  familiar?

WAKE UP  AMERICA;

THIS IS  WHY OUR FOUNDING FATHERS PUT THE SECOND  AMENDMENT IN OUR  CONSTITUTION.

“…It  does not require a majority to prevail, but  rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set  brush fires in people’s  minds..”

Samuel  Adams

If you  think this is important, please forward to everyone you  know.

You had  better wake up, because  Obama  is doing this  very same thing, over here, if he can  get it done.

And there  are stupid people in congress and on  the street that will go right along with  him.

Okay, so the article is not quite right in some areas.  But in essence, it tells a true story and it’s a tremendous warning to us here in the United States. 

Tired of that sore burning sensation in your anus?
Well, we here at Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media has the solution

From a Jersey Girl

 

 

 

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors

(Thanks Jeannie)

Face it, Obama doesn’t give a crap about Americans.  He doesn’t care about our safety or OUR rights.  We have the RIGHT to tell ILLEGALS to get the hell out of our country and come in the right way.  The legal way. 

He told the Supreme Court, the citizens of Arizona and all other border states and every single American, “GO TO HELL.”

I am very proud to introduce the next guest ranter…a new generation of pissed off camper, my son:

GET A GRIP AMERICA!!! Why are we are letting teachers politically brain wash our kids? Why are they pushing our children into thinking that Obama is a god? Don’t believe me? Look at the videos Lethal posted and then go listen to some good old Gospel music…. Sound’s the same, right? Teachers should teach our children in an unbiased manner, not to their own agenda!

 I was in school when O.J. Simpson was standing trial for murder. Sure our teachers had opinions but they gave us the facts and let us make our own decisions. But now it’s, “You will sing, you will not bad mouth, you will not question”. Holy hell, I thought that’s what the freedom of speech was? I am so sick and tired of “we got one of us in office now we are going to prove that we can do it better.” If you are an American and there is an American in office then you have ONE of you in office. We are at war people! It is not a foreign war; it is a war in our own homes. And we are at war with each and every person who feels the constitution defines the pursuit of happiness as you working for someone else’s happiness. The “pursuit” of happiness does not mean that you have the RIGHT to happiness; it means you have the right to attempt to obtain it. If our president cannot understand this, then he is incapable of doing his job. As the leader of our country it is his duty to uphold and maintain the constitution. How can he do this when he cannot understand the definitions of the words with in? It’s time to wake up America! It is no longer a distant cloud on the horizon. It is a full force gale and your windows are open. Standup, be proud, and be heard. WE ARE AMERICAN CITIZENS AND WE AREN’T GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE! Our families moved to this country and worked their fingers to the bone. They weren’t given ANYTHING. They fought for it with blood, sweat, and tears, so why are we giving the rest of the world a free ride?

It is a privilege to be in politics, not a bullet-point on a resume!

Sincerely

The Whelpling

Outstanding.  Thank you, son.  Oh, and by the way, “It’s a full force gale and your windows are open.”  Nice line.  Really nice.

and in a 3 generation dragon issue, my Dad sends me this great link:

My old friend Todd, who sent us the picture of the MJ-4 last week and who has contributed several times to our story line has sent us a great article and some of his own opinions on the matter:

Read this on Breitbart….
I know Lethal is aware of liberal media bias and it’s rampant.  It’s “burning of Rome” rampant.  Wildfire.

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Journalism/2012/06/25/Former-Katie-Couric-Producer-Says-NBC-Indefensible-Asks-What-the-Hell-Is-Wrong-With-You-Guys

It’s a great letter and of course the MSM won’t pay it any attention even though the producer who wrote it has been there for over two decades. 

Their ideology trumps everything.  Their collective stupidity has reached its pinnacle and it’s on display for everyone to see.

These are the idiots we sat next to in high school who forgot their pencil in math class….EVERY DAY.

These are the people who found it more important to continue to try to “be cool” than to learn something and be a productive member of society with a marketable skill.

In short, they used their brains for all the wrong reasons and never learned the sometimes painful activity of critical thinking.

But I’m pleased this NBC producer said what he did and put it in writing.

Share with everyone!

This is called Choppy Seas by the person I got it from.  I’m sorry, these seas aren’t choppy, they are damn right scary!  I suggest going to full screen once you start the video.  Oh?  Can’t see the video?  YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE WEBSITE!  You can’t watch the video from the email.  Now get your butt to the website!!!!!

Today, we are going to talk about healthcare and how not having insurance will cause you to be taxed.  I know, I know, I can hear you all saying the same thing.
“What the hell is Impish talking about now?”
But that is what we are now talking about.  The Justices of the Supreme Court have ruled (5 to 4) that Obamacare is legal because it’s a tax.
But…
But…
But Obama told us it wasn’t a tax!
And, and Congress told us it wasn’t a tax!
And Nancy!  Nancy told us it wasn’t a tax and that we just HAD to pass it in order to read it and find out what’s in it.
Well, now the Supreme Court tells us exactly what’s in it… the largest retroactive tax in the history of this country.
Oh my goodness!!!!!
Say it ain’t so!!!
Obama lied? Really?  And Congress?  Congress lied?  And Pelosi, Pelosi lied, too?

Let me make this perfectly clear…and I’ll speak slowly so you liberals, who tend to hear only what you want to hear, can understand as well:
Obama lied!!!!!!!!!! Pelosi lied!!!
Did they open their mouths and did words come out?  Then they couldn’t help but lie!  If this was anyone other than the holy one, the press and every one in the country would be raising hell, but instead, everyone seems determined to make excuses for this prick.  He lied about health care, about visibility, about his birth certificate, his college transcript, …

WHAT THE HELL DO THESE PEOPLE NEED?  Video tape of him robbing a liquor store?  The press would still make excuses for him.

Now, this from Jeannie, who culled some of the better comments from today:

If Congress says so, you can buy fries with that OR pay the no-fries tax.

Great news comrades! Health care for all is now the law of the land! Because as everyone knows, if you want something run more efficiently, with better customer service and for a lower cost, the BEST place to turn to is where else, the government! Personally I can not wait until my health care is delivered to me with the speed of the DMV, the customer service of the IRS and with the simple rules of a town government construction permit office! (Ever try to put an addition on you house and go through the local zoning board? So easy, so simple so efficient!)
So, on to business. How does it feel to finally have this unnecessary burden of freedom taken off your shoulders, comrades, now that Congress can pass any bill they want as long as it has a penalty tax? In other words,
How does it feel to be a subject of the One today?

Based upon this decision, virtually anything can now be mandated by the federal government, as long as there’s a tax if you choose not to follow the mandate. How’s that for legal precedent?

Health care hasn’t actually become any more available now than it was before, only now it also costs money to nothave health care. Meaning that Obama’s supporters whose main complaint is not having health care now have to pay to not have health care. But their support is none the weaker. The worst part is that they don’t seem to understand that whatever the government provides, it can withhold. When the free market is destroyed, there are no competitors to turn to. And when the government thus becomes the sole provider of health care, it can suspend your health and let you die for any reason. You don’t like that? Too bad, no health care for you.

I think Roberts led the SCOTUS’ lefties down the garden path. They went along happily, skipping, and hopping, and jumping, and singing, while they thought they just gave the conservatives a big loss. But what happened was the four liberals on the Supreme Court, including the two Obama appointed, just called Obama a liar.

Perhaps, 40 years from now, we will look back and think “Roberts was an American Hero, … he showed us the true face of Obama.”

Now, let’s make every household pay a TAX if its occupants fail to install low-flush, energy-efficient toilets. HAHAHAHA. It’ll be constitutional, bitches!

Okay, that’s nice.  Truly it is.  But here’s an opinion that I found VERY interesting and the longer I think about it, the more I think it might very well be that Justice Roberts didn’t change sides as much as he is thinking further in the future and has put the ball square into the GOPs court.  But, don’t listen to me.  What the hell does a dragon know from politics, anyway?  Check this out:

Lipstick on a Pig??

We now have the 2012 election in a nut shell.  May God have mercy on our souls.

 Ah! me first bachelor’s toadstool! Sniff! The memories! Hardly two million to me name, no Dragons running a muck and the lassies! Sigh! Those were simpler times!

I’m getting this finished way early and set to auto post in the event that by the time Wednesday comes around I find my self hip deep in a strong tropical storm or weak hurricane depending on what dear darling Debby decides to do with her track.

Ok belay that- it’s Monday Am and in the last 18 hours or show Debby has shown an apparent preference to retired folk in the Florida Panhandle as opposed to up to illegal immigrants Texas.

However that reprieve as it were (we could have used the rain, it’s already dropped more than 12 inches of rain along some parts of the Florida coast but that much that hard and fast would not have hung around or done anything lasting for us…except flood us out) come at a price it seems. The same weather conditions that are going to protect us are also apparently going to steam us like a hot dog.

Before I was even on line this morning my cell phone was playing its klaxon warning indicating a message from the National Weather Service. Here in part is the message that greeted me as I waited for my first cup of life giving coffee to issue froth from my beloved coffeemaker:

VERY HOT WITH HIGH HEAT INDEX VALUES THROUGH MIDWEEK AFTERNOON HIGHS ARE EXPECTED TO TOP OUT IN THE UPPER 90S TO LOWER 100S INLAND AND  AROUND THE MID 90S AT THE COAST. THESE READINGS ARE EXPECTED TO PRODUCE HEAT INDEX VALUES TOPPING OUT IN A 105 TO 110 DEGREE RANGE. A HEAT ADVISORY MIGHT BE NEEDED.

I am reminded of an Ancient Irish Axiom which states that “life is a barter- every moment of pleasure must be paid for with an equal moment of pain” (my Grandda insisted that this was the explanation behind both marriage being the cost of a sex life & the whole drinking/hangover cycle). Ah well… out of the shower and into the sauna!

‘Tis off to work feverishly on our Fourth of July Independence Day Issue I am, before I’m forced to seek the cooler accommodations of a dim dark corner in me favorite pub!

LOL! HEY! Where did that picture of me & me coffee trying to write the Independence Day issue come from? Better yet when did I ever have that much hair?

That is until some lunatic or moron sets me off!

Why Men are just happier people.

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Graying hair adds attraction. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Very interesting..

Amazing!

This is good, the oldest structures on Earth

Gobekli Tepe … a long, long, long, long time ago

The structures on this site were built about 12,000 years ago (10,000 BC) and intentionally buried with sand about 8,000 years ago.

No one knows who these people were, what the massive buildings were for, or why they were buried.

Just for reference, these massive structures were built during the last ice age

and are more than 7,000 years older than any other structure we have yet discovered on our planet.

As I watched this I was in awe of what is shown and discussed, 13 years of work and only an estimated 5% had been uncovered!!!

This would truly be amazing beyond words to see.
http://www.wimp.com/unexplainedstructure/

 

The Most Arrogant Man in the World

Something new from RightChange.com. New video parody of the Dos Equis spot “The Most Interesting Man in the World,” “The Most Arrogant Man in the World illustrates how Obama believes he can just essentially push his agenda regardless of the congress which has made many believe he has an arrogant leadership style.  Features new ending for “Don’t Be a Donkey”, dontbeadonkey.com which is a new site that will feature numerous new parody videos going into the 2012 election. Hope you get a Chuckle out of this one.

   

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

And finally according to the Book of Molly…

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

 

 

Sigh! Unfortunately it’s usually from whackos or the liberal unwashed masses.  Remember what I said at the beginning about it being a great day until someone sets me off? Case in point:

Impish and I received a forward in our e-mails last Friday, one that was apparently broadcasted to several people and not sent to just us. Seems PETA’s outrage de jour is over the last 1000 chimps remaining in test labs across the USA. (PETA has never met an animal they could not exploit in order to gain a few dollars from an “offending” industry)

As you can see we’ve gone to great pains not to completely identify and there by expose ourselves to harassment or other legal charges by the L^2IQ (Liberal Loony In Question) when the whole story is completed. You’ll note that she makes NO COMMENTS EXPLAINING WHY WE ARE GETTING THIS FROM HER despite our numerous discussions and warning regarding what happens if you do this to us.

I was of the thought that her name rang a bell with me (and NOT in a good way either) however, as the Chief Operating Comedic Curmudgeon for DL/LL Enterprises (Hey Impish when we going to come up with that much bandied about better name??) I replied in an flip comedic manner not remembering that old Lizzy A. was one of our resident Liberal Loonies. [As it turned out when I Googled her after talking with Impish,  I was easily able to refresh my memory and locate her banned addresses (3 of them) and screen name at the old Yahoo site, she’s less a liberal and more of the other in truth]

As several of you who insist on doing the send us things sans comments or context can attest this is EXACTLY what happens when you do that. We either ignore it or make a smart flip remark back if the muse is upon us. JUST as we have warned previously. Lizzy A. is either not one for reading warnings or figures she’s a liberal and someone else is going to pay the fare for her ignoring rules while she Occupies our Inboxes. In either event, my flip response apparently offended her. I guess I was supposed to ignore all PETAs other liberal actions and behaviors and immediately take up the banner of a liberal bleeding heart cause and scream it from the blog.

Not. On. Your. Life.

Or more accurately;

Over. My. Dead. Bleeding. Body. Knee Deep. In. A. Pile. OF. Expended. Brass. On. The. Frozen. Plains. Of. Hell. Empty. Weapon. At. My. Side.

Apparently Lizzy A. has not bothered reading my Profile on WordPress (Located under everyone of my blog posts when you click on it to see the comments on that post, which states in part:

I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of  the Patriots’ Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one, I’ll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers.

Old Lizzy A. got down right rude as liberals are wont to do when you do not agree with their dictated to you point of view:

That’s when I decided I had had just about enough Liberal Hope & Change Hype & Bullshit laced Kool-Aid thrown in my face for the day and went off on old Lizzy A:

Then the Obamas are in more immediate danger than I am, especially Michelle “Cheetah” Obama!

We have PUBLICLY expressed our distain for PETA and its uber liberal agenda multiple times, so WHY would we rush to their cause or aid?

GOD gave man “DOMINION over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” (Genesis 1:28)

The dictionary definition of ‘dominion’ says it means ‘complete absolute power and rule over something.’

So, if one were to follow that definition, the Bible states that man can do whatever he wants over animals, (which includes hunting them, eating them and using them for purposes of bettering mankind) for he has complete dominion over them.

PETA seeks to position themselves as the sole interpreter of GOD’S intention for man’s control over animals, even over and above the Church and our overly-invasive-in-all-things Big-Brother Government. (To say nothing of the fact they want me to pay for them to do it!)

Screw them and screw you too Mz. Smart Azz. We’re supposed to remember you’re a bleeding heart, Kool-aid swilling liberal and psychically figure out what you mean, just because you sent it to us sans any context? You’d better pray they don’t start using donkeys and mules in labs or you and the rest of your liberal friends are going to be in seriously deep shit!

Now keep your smart azzed comments the hell out of my inbox you hypocritical whacko!!

I should probably explain that comment about her being hypocritical. See all them PETA folk whine and cry about the poor abused animals, but they wear leather shoes, leather belts, carry leather wallets and purses, they eat eggs, meat & fish, sleep on down filled pillows, mattress tops or under down comforters when its cold. When its cold they wear wool socks, sweaters, hats and mittens. When they get sick likely they get prescriptions filled for drugs that were tested on Chimps before they were deemed safe enough to test on humans. Lizzy’s make up was probably tested on a Chimp before a human to make sure it was safe for human testing. All THAT is ok and apparently conveniently overlooked as PETA attacks another industry that refuse to buy them off JUST like the tree huggers do. Get my point about hierocracy now?

Unfortunately like most liberals and loonies she didn’t get the message to cease and desist or chose to ignore it. Things coming from her end rapidly degenerated from there on after I pointedly warned her of the consequences of her continuing to contact me. The threats rapidly grew less founded in reality and more desperate and dire.

Impish and I were called trailer trash scum and red necked KKK members.

I have personally been accused of dealing in child pornography in retaliation for informing her I still was in possession of her harassing statements from the last time around (when Impish wrote about his fried the police officer who died THIS is the individual who wrote in and said she was GLAD he was dead and that ALL police officers should be killed. Seems she has had multiple run ins with the Clear Lake CA Police with which she is unhappy and therefore all police deserve to die and have their deaths celebrated) and would include them in my evidence to her e-mail and Internet providers.

She also has threatened to expose me for “having molested more little boys than Jerry Sandusky” and informed me that “just because I was a cop and corrupt didn’t mean I could not be caught” for suggesting I would lobby for a life time barring from the internet as part of her sentencing. Some where along the line I was also told she had proof I was a serial rapist. (I can only surmise that according to her I’m bi-sexual and apparently getting FAR more action than I am aware of! I’m gratified to see that my walking with a limp and a cane on top of being married isn’t slowing my chasing of women any!)

 

I have called her bluff and encouraged her to make those accusations official record with law enforcement so that she might be arrested and removed from her position as a menace of Cyber-society and barred from ever having internet contact again. In fact not only did I encourage her- I DARED her to do it. 

The only way to win with  people like her is the same way you win at Thermonuclear Warfare…you refuse to play the  game. Accordingly, I have also refused her any further attention by blocking her e-mail address both on Gmail and here as well to insure she cannot continue her pattern of wanton disruption of the group solely for the purpose of her amusement.

Everyone thinks that doing a decent blog is so incredibly easy and can’t understand how it can take so much of our time. I just wanted you to see first hand some of the really bad crap, craziness and personal attacks we are forced to endure to publish this  Centrist and logic founded blog a lousy 2 times per week.

Thankfully the vast majority don’t even come close to this level and are from people more or less capable of a semi intelligent discourse and reason.

If we have any lawyers out there licensed to practice in California that wouldn’t mind a little pro bono work, we’d appreciate the help removing this irritant on a permanent basis.

 

This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it…

[Lord only knows why I’m posting it here then!]

1962: Long hair  
2012: Longing for hair

1962: KEG
2012: EKG

1962: Acid rock
2012: Acid reflux

1962: Moving to California because it’s cool
2012: Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

1962: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2012: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1962: Seeds and stems
2012: Roughage

1962: Hoping for a BMW
2012: Hoping for a BM

1962: Going to a new, hip joint
2012: Receiving a new hip joint

1962: Rolling Stones
2012: Kidney Stones

1962: Passing the drivers’ test
2012: Passing the vision test

Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this will certainly change things:

Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1994 .
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.

The CD was introduced 4 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control..

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a
Camel”, or “de plane, Boss, de plane..”
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIK!

“Woman chops off sleeping man’s penis and drops from moving car!”
Don’t laugh, it is true, and it can happen to you!

Right now thousands of agitated, irate women have read
That headline and are contemplating similar action against you
The next time you make an unwanted sexual advance,

look at them the wrong way, or just upset them in general!

MEN PROTECT YOURSELVES NOW!!

If you found yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome)
could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your
chopped member in time and intact?? Could you be sure the penis part they found was yours?

Inquire now about our low-cost PenisProtectionPlan! *

Plan 1: We’ll register your penis and scrotum, plus tattoo them
With their own unique registration number, ensuring that in case
Of separation, you will get a perfect match every time.

Plan 2: Our Jurassic prick program. We’ll take a cell sample from
Your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a
Trailer-tractor runs over your penis, or some wild animal mistakes
Your detached member for a chew toy.

Plan 3: For those of you who believe in prevention,
We offer a one size fits all, battery-operated, stainless steel
Jockstrap that can be worn when necessary. When you are asleep
An alarm will be activated when metal or other hazardous objects
Come within one foot of the jockstrap.
This will guarantee you a full night’s sleep, free of worry.

Don’t get caught short …

Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIK today!!!!!

Remember … The dick you save could be your own!!

PRICES VARY ACCORDING TO SIZE.

…….yeah Impish, thanks to recent advances in nanotech and micro-manufacturing they even make YOUR size too !!….XXXXS is it? LOL!

Zombie Novella

CDC has a fun new way of teaching about emergency preparedness. Our new graphic novel, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic” demonstrates the importance of being prepared in an entertaining way that people of all ages will enjoy. Readers follow Todd, Julie, and their dog Max as a strange new disease begins spreading, turning ordinary people into zombies. Stick around to the end for a surprising twist that will drive home the importance of being prepared for any emergency. Included in the novel is a Preparedness Checklist so that readers can get their family, workplace, or school ready before disaster strikes. Click on the image below to view the novella. A transcript can be found by clicking on the “accessible text” PDF. To order your own copy of the novella click here.

It comes in Pdf format, however if you should want to change the format to accommodate your eReader of choice I recommend you visit 2ePub.com, a online file converter which is about as painless a way to convert between eReader formats as I know of.

Honest Mistake

I told her she had three beautiful children.
She didn’t have to get all pissed off.
It was an honest mistake…

 

This was set to run in this issue before old Looney Lizzy resurfaced and started slinging her liberal equine byproduct wildly about in my direction- I just love it when life and a Parting Shot come together!

Dad won’t face charges in alleged attacker’s death

By PAUL J. WEBER and RAMIT PLUSHNICK-MASTI Associated Press

SHINER — Hearing his 5-year-old daughter crying from behind a barn, a father ran and discovered the unthinkable: A man molesting her. The father pulled the man off his daughter, authorities say, and started pummeling him to death with his fists.

With his daughter finally safe, the father frantically called 911, begging a dispatcher to find his rural ranch and send an ambulance.

“Come on! This guy is going to die on me!” the man is heard screaming on the 911 call. “I don’t know what to do!”

A recording of the tape was played during a news conference Tuesday where the Lavaca County district attorney and sheriff announced that the father would not face charges.

In declining to indict the 23-year-old father in the June 9 killing of Jesus Mora Flores, a Lavaca County grand jury reached the same conclusion as investigators and many of the father’s neighbors: He was authorized to use deadly force to protect his daughter.

“It’s sad a man had to die,” said Michael James Veit, 48, who lives across the street from where the attack happened in this small community run on ranching and the Shiner beer brewery. “But I think anybody would have done that.”

The family ranch is so remote that on the 911 tape, the father is heard profanely screaming at a dispatcher who couldn’t locate the property. At one point, he tells the dispatcher he’s going to put the man in his truck and drive him to a hospital.

“He’s going to die!” the father screams, swearing at the dispatcher. “He’s going to f—— die!”

The tense, nearly five-minute call begins with the father saying he “beat up” a man found raping his daughter. The father grows increasingly frazzled, shouting into the phone so loudly at times that the call often becomes inaudible.

The Associated Press is not identifying the father in order to protect the daughter’s identity. The AP generally does not identify victims of sexual assault.

“He’s a peaceable soul,” V’Anne Huser, the father’s attorney, told reporters at the Lavaca County Courthouse. “He had no intention to kill anybody that day.”

The attack happened on the family’s ranch off a quiet, two-lane county road between the farming towns of Shiner and Yoakum.

A statement released by the district attorney said a witness who saw Flores “forcibly carrying” the girl into a secluded area scrambled to find the father. Running toward his daughter’s screams, the father pulled Flores off his child and “inflicted several blows to the man’s head and neck area,” investigators said.

Emergency crews responding to the father’s 911 call found Flores’ pants and underwear pulled down on his lifeless body. The girl was examined at a hospital, and Lavaca County District Attorney Heather McMinn said forensic evidence and witness accounts corroborated the father’s story that his daughter was being sexually molested.

The father was never arrested, but the killing was investigated as a homicide.

Philip Hilder, a Houston criminal defense attorney and former federal prosecutor, said he would have been surprised if the grand jury had decided to indict the father. Hilder said Texas law provides several justifications for the use of deadly force, including if someone commits a sexual assault.

“The grand jury was not about to indict this father for protecting his daughter,” he said.

Authorities said the family had hired Flores before to help with horses on the ranch. He was not born in the U.S. but was here legally with a green card. Attempts to locate Flores’ relatives through public records were unsuccessful.

On Tuesday, a new “No Trespassing” sign was freshly tacked onto a gate barring entrance down a gravelly, shrub-canopied path leading to the barn and chicken coop on the ranch, which belonged to the father’s dad.

At the father’s house, the front yard could pass for a children’s playground: blue pinwheels sunk into patchy grass, an above-ground swimming pool, a swing set, a trampoline and a couple of ropes dangling from a tree for swinging. A partial privacy fence is painted powder blue.

No one answered at the father’s home. A few miles away, at a home listed as belonging to the father’s sister, a woman shouted through the front door that the family had nothing to say. Huser, the father’s attorney, told reporters that neither the father nor anyone else in the family would ever give interviews and asked that they be left alone.

Veit, who lives across the street from the ranch, described the father as easygoing and polite — down to always first asking permission to search Veit’s property for animals that had wandered off the ranch, even though the families have long known each other.

Veit’s son was a classmate of the father’s at Shiner High School in a graduating class of about two dozen. Veit, 48, said the young father was never known to be in trouble.

“Just like a regular kid, went to dances, drank beer like the rest of the kids around here,” Veit said.

Shiner, a town of about 2,000 people about 80 miles east of San Antonio, revolves around the Spoetzl Brewery that makes

Shiner, one of the nation’s best-selling independent beers. Even gas stations here sell it on tap.

Flores’ death is only the sixth homicide the Lavaca County Sheriff’s Office has investigated in the last eight years. Shiner residents boast their squeaky-clean image on a highway welcome sign: “The Cleanest Little City in Texas.”

At Werner’s Restaurant, customer Gail Allen said she didn’t want to speak for the whole town, though her comments echoed what others said.

“The father has gone through enough,” said Allen, 59, who has nine grandchildren. “The little girl is going to be traumatized for life, and the father, too, for what happened. He was protecting his family. Any parent would do that.”

I’d like to commend the police on the way they handled this. It was obviously a bad time for the family but at the same time they were confronted with a dead man at the hand of another, who (presumably) admitted to such on scene.

Instead of taking the easy media headline grabbing way out and cuffing the poor kids father and throwing him in a cruiser and a cell until such time as this all got straightened out, they did the right thing. They investigated, decided that the evidence, as it was initially presented supported the father’s version of the situation, and allowed him to remain with and care for his daughter and his traumatized family.

Those cops know and understand the difference between “Protect & Serve” and “Enforcing the Law”

Secondly, to the father of the little girl I say, “DAMNED FINE JOB!”

If more of the sick whack jobs got the crap beat out of them or outright killed at the hands of the fathers of those they are molesting we’d have fewer incidents and even fewer around to be repeat offenders. (Sadly priests would probably be in even shorter supply however because even the Vatican cannot hide them from a bullet when they are caught in the sin)

More states need to modify their justifiable deadly force laws to include defense against sexual assault. [Of course the second those laws start passing Obama and his ventriloquist’s dummy in the Justice Department Eric Holder will start decrying how the laws are unfair to sexual predators and how  states have no right to make laws liberals don’t agree with.]

Sir I know you didn’t set out to kill him, only to keep him from harming your little girl, but I would not lose any sleep over snuffing this loser out- even accidentally. My only fault with what you did was that you didn’t 1st field goal kick him so hard that when the corner does the autopsy they find his testicles right up with his Adams Apple BEFORE beating him to death.

And that goes for Rapist and any other sort of sexual predator you care to think of too!

So, you may have noticed that I’ve been out of town again this week and contrary to Lethal Leprechaun’s explanation, it wasn’t for a pie break.  I was in Cleveland for a workshop on Radiation Emergency Awareness and Response.  This was put on by the Ohio FBI.  They did a pretty good job at keeping a somewhat dull topic interesting.  And they picked a GREAT place to have it.  The Renaissance Cleveland Hotel.  Here’s a picture of me in the, indoor swimming pool.  Beautiful.  Relaxing. 

There were also some beautiful fountains

Anyway, it was just a short trip and I’m back now.  If you’d like further explanation, you should check out the comments section.  If not, you’re missing half the fun.  And then you can feel free to jump in and make comments of your own and really join in on the fun.  It’s more enjoyable when it’s interactive.
Go to http://dragonlaffs.com and see for yourself!

Now,

Can you run that by me just one more time?

 

 

1. The word has seven letters…. 
2. Preceded God… 
3. Greater than God… 
4. More Evil than the devil… 
5. All poor people have it… 
6. Wealthy people need it…. 
7. If you eat it, you will die.

Did you figure it out?

Back when I was active-duty Air Force, many years ago, I loaded bombs on air planes (amongst other things) and one of the pieces of equipment I used was this MHU-83.  Well, my good buddy Todd found this animated one and I thought it was so cool and brought back such memories that I had to share it with you and publicly thank Todd for his kind consideration in sharing with me.

NOTHING has 7 letters. 
NOTHING preceded God. 
NOTHING is greater than God. 
NOTHING is more Evil than the devil. 
All poor people have NOTHING. 
Wealthy people need NOTHING. 
If you eat NOTHING, you will die..

 

 

If opposites truly attract, the correct strategy is to be a loser.

 

 

 

This is incredible…fantastic…and unbelievable, all wrapped up in one!  Remember, you have to be on the website to watch the videos…

Who the hell did I miss?

Finally!  I get retribution and satisfaction from my addiction!!!  Woo Hoo!!

Study finds coffee drinkers live longer, but no one’s sure why

MILWAUKEE — One of life’s simple pleasures just got sweeter. After years of waffling research on coffee and health, even some fear that java might raise the risk of heart disease, a big study finds the opposite: Coffee drinkers are a little more likely to live longer. Regular or decaf doesn’t matter.  I beg to differ.  It does bloody matter!  Decaf is just brown hot water!  Why would anyone drink that?

The study of 400,000 people is the largest on the issue, and the results should reassure coffee fans who think it’s a guilty pleasure that may do harm.  Guilty pleasure and the good it does far out weighs the guilt that might be associated with it.  I can’t function without my coffee in the morning and don’t think I should have to!

“Our study suggests that’s really not the case,” said lead researcher Neal Freedman of the National Cancer Institute. “There may actually be a modest benefit of coffee drinking.”  You betcha!

No one knows why. Coffee contains a thousand things that can affect health, from helpful antioxidants to tiny amounts of substances linked to cancer. The most widely studied ingredient, caffeine, didn’t play a role in the new study.  It’s the ingredient that makes the most difference!

Earlier studies weren’t wrong. Coffee can raise LDL, or “bad” cholesterol, and blood pressure at least short term, and those can raise heart-disease risk. NO!  Say it isn’t so!!!!

Even in the new study, it seemed coffee drinkers were more likely to die at any given time. But they also tended to smoke, drink more alcohol, eat more red meat and exercise less (You say that like it’s a bad thing!) than people who don’t drink coffee. Once that was taken into account, a clear pattern emerged: Each cup of coffee per day nudged up the chances of living longer. Damn Straight!

The study was done by the National Institutes of Health and AARP. The results are published in today’s New England Journal of Medicine.

This doesn’t prove that coffee makes people live longer, only that the two seem related. Like most studies on diet and health, this one was based strictly on observations. So it can’t prove cause and effect.  Of course you would say that!  Because no one wants to admit that that something that’s considered a vice could be good for us!  What’s next?  Cheap cigars create stronger men?

But with so many people, more than a decade of follow-up and enough deaths to compare, “this is probably the best evidence we have” and are likely to get, said Dr. Frank Hu of the Harvard School of Public Health. He had no role in this study but helped lead a previous one that also found coffee beneficial.  Alright Frank!  Keep up the good work!

The new study began in 1995 and involved AARP members ages 50 to 71 in California, Florida, Louisiana, New Jersey, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Atlanta and Detroit. People who already had heart disease, a stroke or cancer weren’t included. Neither were folks at diet extremes — too many or too few calories per day.

The rest gave information on coffee-drinking only at the start of the study. “People are fairly consistent in their coffee drinking over their lifetime,” so the single measure shouldn’t be a big limitation, Freedman said.

Of 402,260 people, about 42,000 drank no coffee. About 15,000 drank six cups or more a day. Most had two or three.  I would be in that last category….but only if you changed it to pots…two or three pots a day.

By 2008, about 52,000 had died. Compared with those who drank no coffee, men who had two or three cups a day were 10 percent less likely to die at any age. For women, it was 13 percent.

Even a single cup a day seemed to lower risk a little: 6 percent in men and 5 percent in women. The strongest effect was in women who had four or five cups a day — a 16 percent lower risk of death.

But Freedman can’t say how much life coffee might buy.  I can answer that question.  Coffee, like pizza, lasagna, manicotti, certain steaks and one or two chili recipes, as well as Slurpees (from 7Eleven, not the generic Icees that are around everywhere) are considered “God’s Food”.  When you die and go to Heaven, there will only be a limited amount of food and drink available, just things that are worthy of being on God’s table.  Therefore, those same foods, on earth, will automatically give you a longer life.  See, it’s not that hard once you think of it in the correct light.

“I really can’t calculate that,” especially because smoking is a key factor that affects longevity at every age, he said.

Coffee drinkers were less likely to die from heart or respiratory disease, stroke, diabetes, injuries, accidents or infections. No effect was seen on cancer-death risk, though.

About two-thirds of participants drank regular coffee, and the rest decaf. The type of coffee made no difference.

Hu had this advice for coffee lovers:

• Watch the sugar and cream. Extra calories and fat could negate any benefits from coffee.

• Drink filtered coffee rather than boiled. Filtering removes compounds that raise LDL, the bad cholesterol.

Researchers did not look at tea, soda or other beverages but plan to in future analyses. I think if they look, they’ll find that there are a few other beverages that belong on God’s table and therefore bestow longevity.  A few German and Irish beers, a sweet, white Mosel wine from St. Michaelsberg, Germany and that’s about all I can think of right now.  And see, that’s the whole point of God’s food.  By definition, you’d be able to think of  it right off.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this little voyage into my insights.  I hope it was as much fun for you as it was for me.

 

Heard from Impish.  If you look hard enough in the comments (as he was unable to give his comment his full attention distracted by thoughts of pie as he was, so it wound up under our Memorial Day Issue instead of Today’s Issue) you’ll find a only portion of this communication to me from him.

This sort of thing is exactly why we do not allow him out on his own.

First I got this, some time late last night after I was abed and asleep after having counted the ways I was going to torture and punish Impish for yet another unauthorized excision of Dragon insanity and debauchery to get finally to sleep.

I suspect the misspelling of the word “heard” as “head”was caused by his rush to get back to his pie being precariously balanced against his need to attempt to assure me I didn’t have to go all “The Fugitive” on him that he would be returning shortly and (more or less) voluntarily. [Likely with an enraged pie hungry mob hot on his heels]

Then this morning there was this additional message from him no doubt written post initial pie devouring session while he was temporarily sated and  awaited impatiently for the bakers to catch up to his eating speed.

Woo Hoo!  Pie!!! Dude, I’ll be home in time for my issue on Saturday! 

OK well THAT doesn’t seem so bad, aside from the whole jail break thing, the fines from the EPA for excessive methane production & release and the employee out on Workman’s Comp. who is hospitalized and threatening to sue. Pretty much your average week with Impish but THEN things took a turn and not for the better…

There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning and its possible I might need your lawyerly services over it. When I was ready to pay for my order, the cashier said,

“Strip down facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future and charges of “terroristic obscenity”.

They need to make their instructions to us thoughts of pie distracted customers a little clearer!

Good issue this morning and I echo your sentiment to the principal at the school.  What a moron! 

Hey Greta!  Kiss my BIG BLUE (pie filled and growing) DRAGON ASS!!!!!

Okay, time’s up, gotta get back to the pie!!!

SIGH! If you live in or near Cleveland Ohio I would not expect to obtain any pie there for several days and you might want to ration (and hide) your coffee supply too. If you have a weak heart or stomach I would avoid places where you can buy pie/pastry/donuts and/or coffee for several days as I fear there could possibly be a repeat occurrence of this sort of episode.

I’ll post further reports of Dragon induced disasters DEVELOPMENTS if/when/as I am notified.

[OR as it’s know here at One Keebler Towers, T- 24:00:00 and counting to Molly’s Birthday.]

 

Well apparently DL/LL Enterprises HQ has a lot in common with those New Jersey Halfway Houses that have been in the news lately. Seems they cannot keep their inmates from escaping by the double digits a month and we cannot hold on to Impish for much longer than a month at a time.

Someone took offense at the foul odor in Impish’s lair after his weekend of a steady diet of black bean burritos, then apparently in accord with his plan, gasping for clean air they opened the doors to his terrace. Half a breath of fresh air later they were mowed down by an escaping Dragon butt blasting himself into the air and escaping the confinement he has been in since his last unauthorized field trip.

My best guess, after donning a gas mask and hip boots to investigate the scene of the escape, is that he somehow caught a segment over the weekend about a pie ship in Cleveland that is having a contest to vote for their best pie. Apparently the thought of 38 types Dessert Pie,  8 different types of Quiche, and 9 types of ‘Pub Pie’ (think a cross between Chicken pot pie and a calzone here) not to mention hand pies and ‘muffin pies’ (don’t ask me I have NO idea) were simply too much of a temptation for Impish’s willpower (ok WHO am I kidding? WHAT willpower?) to resist.

I figure it will be about 48 hours before Impish’s pie gluttony runs him a foul of the locals & their constabulary up there (he’ll switch to donuts when the pie runs out) After that when a few well placed bullets part his scales for him and he sees the mob with torches and Dragon lances headed his way he’ll be on the first freight train home…no doubt collect too.

 

 

OK Saturday Impish tried to do damage control and embarrassment management by spinning this story- making it about a fictional group of hunters. Well I’m calling bullshit on that! HERE is the REAL story EXACTLY as it happened:

When four deer hunters arrived at the deer camp for their annual hunt they found that all the lodging was taken except for two cabins, both equipped with two beds.

Three of them, Lethal, Karl and Paul had a lively discussion as who would bunk with Impish who was a habitual snorer. (He sounds like the Jake Brake on a full loaded dump truck going perpetually downhill ALL night long. Come to think of it his breath smells like the exhaust of that truck too!)

They finally decided that the only fair way was to take turns.

Paul shared a cabin with Impish the first night and the next morning he appeared red-eyed from lack of sleep. He said that Impish snored so loud that getting to sleep was impossible so he sat up all night and watched Impish.

The second night it was Karl’s turn and the next morning he looked even worse than Paul had. He stated that Impish’s snoring was so loud that even the windows shook and there was no way he could get to sleep so he too sat up all night and watched Impish.

The third night was Lethal’s turn and the next morning he appeared all bright-eyed, alert and fully rested and Impish looked as if he had not slept.

Paul and Karl was amazed at Lethal’s appearance and asked him what happened.

Lethal told them that when they went to bed he patted Impish on the bottom, kissed him on the cheek, and Impish sat up watching him all night!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Especially since ‘Pie Boy’ isn’t around to object.

 Molly just whispered in my ear what would happen to me if I made a public statement as to WHICH ‘milestone birthday’ this was and let me say OWWWWW!  DAMN! The woman can make a serious and creative male anatomy violence related threat so in my best self interest we aren’t going to speak of her age…EVER!

Molly me darlin’ I just wanted to say that…

 

Unfortunately this did not come to my attention in time to be included last weeks Parting Shot, largely no doubt due to my getting hammered with T-storms and being sans power for almost 10 hours until 3 AM Wednesday. Then again I’m sort of thankful it didn’t. I don’t know how much more I could have put in there without totally desensitizing you to the whole issue or before I snapped and went all Halls of Montezuma/Shores of Tripoli on some Liberal Child Brain Washing Operation I MEAN School System

Controversial principal yanks patriotic song from kindergarten graduation

School pulls patriotic song at graduation, but Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ is OK

Political Correctness June 10, 2012 http://www.examiner.com/article/controversial-principal-yanks-patriotic-song-from-kindergarten-graduation

combined by LL with:

By SUSAN EDELMAN Last Updated: 3:51 PM, June 11, 2012 http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/school_silences_patriotic_song_xdunXcLPbE8S2rAEcZoUiP?utm_medium=rss&utm_content=Local&fb_source=message

  A controversial Coney Island principal has pulled the plug on patriotism.

Greta Hawkins, the principal of the Edna Cohen School in Brooklyn, New York, told students they could not sing the Lee Greenwood classic, “God Bless the USA,” at their moving-up ceremony, the New York Post reported late Saturday.

According to the Post:

Five classes spent months learning the patriotic song, which skyrocketed in popularity after the 9/11 attacks and the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

It was to be the rousing finale of their musical show at the June 20 commencement. The kids, dressed up for their big day, would wave tiny American flags — which, as the lyrics proclaim, “still stand for freedom.”

[Except apparently in P.S. 90 when they are offensive to J.Ws and other cultures who are GUESTS in our nation` L.L.]

Hawkins interrupted a rehearsal and ordered the CD shut off. She then told teachers to drop the song.

“We don’t want to offend other cultures,” she reportedly said.

According to Department of Education spokeswoman Jessica Scaperotti, Hawkins found the lyrics “too grown up” for 5-year-olds.  While the patriotic song has been banned, the Post notes that “Justin Bieber’s flirty song about teen romance, ‘Baby,’ was deemed a fine selection for the show.”

“Hawkins,” the Post notes, “had no problem with 5-year-olds singing lines such as, ‘Are we an item? Girl, quit playing.’”

Scaperotti said the Department supports Hawkins’ decision. SCHOOLS CHIEF BACKS DECISION TO SWAP ‘USA’ SONG WITH BIEBER

Department of Education spokeswoman Jessica Scaperotti gave The Post an explanation staffers said they never heard — that Hawkins found the lyrics “too grown up” for 5-year-olds.

The song starts: “If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife, I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin’ here today.”

“The lyrics are not age-appropriate,” she told the Post. But Justin Bieber’s flirty song about teen romance, “Baby,” was deemed a fine selection for the show. Hawkins had no problem with 5-year-olds singing lines such as, “Are we an item? Girl, quit playing.”

Hawkins’ decision to ban the patriotic song has sparked controversy at a school the Post says is “filled with proud immigrants.”

According to the Post:

Five classes spent months learning the patriotic song, which skyrocketed in popularity after the 9/11 attacks and the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

It was to be the rousing finale of their musical show at the June 20 commencement. The kids, dressed up for their big day, would wave tiny American flags — which, as the lyrics proclaim, “still stand for freedom.”

Hawkins interrupted a rehearsal and ordered the CD shut off.  She then told teachers to drop the song.

“We don’t want to offend other cultures,” she reportedly said.

Staff and parents were stunned at her edict.

“A lot of people fought to move to America to live freely, so that song should be sung with a whole lot of pride,” Luz Lozada said.  Her son, Daniel, is a kindergartener at the school.

The Post added that the song was sung by fifth graders last year to rave reviews from parents and teachers alike.

“Everybody applauded and whistled,” Lozada said.  “They gave it a standing ovation.”

Parents — many immigrants from Pakistan, Mexico and Ecuador — “love it,” Lozada said.

A teacher agreed: “It makes them a little goosebumpy and teary-eyed. I’ve never come across anyone who felt it insulted their culture.”

Hawkins, who has been called a tyrant and a bully by some staffers, was reprimanded by the DOE in 2010 after teachers complained she called the school “racist.”

“I’m black. Your previous principal was white and Jewish. More of us are coming,” she reportedly said.

Scaperotti told the Post that students at the school recite the Pledge of Allegiance and sing “America the Beautiful” every morning, but ‘insiders’ said Hawkins tried to end the practice a couple years ago.

“The principal, a Jehovah’s Witness, does not recite the pledge because her religion forbids followers to salute any nation’s flag. Staffers gripe she doesn’t stand in respect during the school-wide ritual,” Susan Edelman wrote.

This is not the first time Greenwood’s song has been targeted by educators.

In April, officials at Stall Brook Elementary School in Bellingham, MA, changed the lyrics of the song, then dropped it after parents complained.

Scaperotti told the Post that Hawkins has been targeted by the teacher’s union, and the NYPD is investigating hate mail she has allegedly received.

HATE MAIL?  JUST hate mail? She should be receiving DEATH THREATS and a PINK SLIP!

Finally you need to watch the Yahoo News video of this where Lee Greenwood comments on the controversy with his song, as well as Hawkins misinformed JWs non flag respecting bullshit in a more succinct and eloquent manner than I am capable of after learning of this.

http://news.yahoo.com/video/oddnews-22772304/controversial-decision-to-ban-patriotic-song-from-kindergarten-graduation-29623059.html

NYC P.S. 90 Elementary school principal Greta Hawkins:

And so does your taste in music! Justin Bieber? SERIOUSLY? BLOODY SODDEN HELLS! I’d rather listen to the Barney song sung badly by sugar amped 6 year olds for 4 hours straight than a single Bieber song!

 

Elementary school principal Greta Hawkins is the recipient of:

The DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises A.S.S.H.O.L.E. of the Week Award.

for being a Jackass above and beyond the call of Liberal/Democratic Politically Correct Doctrine

Hell, the cause isn’t hard to figure out- they stupid S.O.B.s they drank the damned Kool Aid!

The unexamined political belief is not worth holding.

The unanalyzed political agenda is not worth promoting.

Liberals, Democrats and especially Obama strongly object when you do either of these things. Kind of makes you wonder why doesn’t it? Could it be because those beliefs and agendas can’t hold up to the scrutiny?

The Liberal Mind explains:

• The two major goals of the modern liberal agenda: the Modern Parental Society and the Modern Permissive Culture, and why they violate the basic principles of freedom.
• How the modern liberal agenda attacks the moral and legal foundations of individual liberty.
• How the modern liberal agenda violates the defining characteristics of human nature and ignores the essential realities of the human condition.
• How the modern liberal agenda corrupts the character of the people by appealing to their base instincts and undermining the constraints of conscience.
• How the modern liberal agenda’s ideas and goals are self-contradictory and logically inconsistent.
• Why the liberal mind believes in the irrational principles of the liberal agenda — and what it takes to effect a cure.

http://www.libertymind.com/

 

[Thanks to our resident old guy K-squared for this]

When you get a few minutes you just have to watch this video starring Kyrie Irving (rookie of the year from Cleveland who played at Duke last year).

They dress him up in movie make up to make him resemble an 80 year old man. He goes to the street basketball courts in New Jersey and gets in a pickup basketball game with a bunch of young dudes… when the 80 year old starts playing for real and its great.

One for the old guys!

http://devour.com/video/uncle-drew/

 

 

President Obama has stopped deporting younger illegal immigrants who came to the US as children and haven’t broken the law, and he is granting them work permits. Do you:

21% Strongly agree with this decision

14% Somewhat agree with this decision

14% Somewhat disagree with this decision

51% Strongly disagree with this decision

Do you agree or disagree that, as Massachusetts Governor, Mitt Romney was a strong leader who lowered the unemployment rate?

27% Strongly Agree

24% Somewhat Agree

31% No Strong Opinion

3% Somewhat Disagree

15% Strongly Disagree

Do you support or oppose efforts by K-12 public schools to generate operational funding by selling ads that are seen by students in hallways, on their report cards, or elsewhere?

13% Strongly support

0% Somewhat support

13% Somewhat oppose

55% Strongly oppose

19% No Strong Opinion

How concerned are you right now about contempt for the US Constitution?

58% Very concerned

15% Somewhat concerned

21% A little concerned

6% Not concerned at all

Polls sponsored by NPD Online Research

 

Impish was last seen at…OH WAIT! that’s DRAGON sightings! Closely related, but entirely a different thing all together!

IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said “May I have large bills, please”
She looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.”
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her….

IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.’Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply: ‘I know. I already got that side.’This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.He said, ‘NO, it’s not..’ Four is larger than two.’
We haven’t used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s. [I want to know where the hell there is a McDs you can get through for under $5!!]

IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,’Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’
He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’
Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself And for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child’s name?
“Le-a”
Leah?? NO
Lee – A?? NOPE
Lay – a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City , MO. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It’s pronounced “Ledasha”. When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, “the dash don’t be silent.”

SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don’t be silent.

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us……and they MULTIPLY AND VOTE- Democratic!

 

[Thanks to Impish for serving as the model for this banner! Appreciate it Buddy!]

EPA set to regulate ditches and gullies on private property

If the EPA has its way, ditches like this would be regulated as a “navigable waterway.”

Photo credit:  hoosieragtoday.com

If the Environmental Protection Agency has its way, ditches and gullies on private property could be viewed as navigable waterways and regulated under the Clean Water Act.

Lawmakers, however, are working to keep that from happening, Audrey Hudson reported at Human Events on Monday.

Rep. John Mica (R-FL), chairman of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee, Rep. Nick Rahall (D-WV), the ranking committee member, and Rep. Bob Gibbs (R-OH), chairman of the Subcommittee on Water Resources and Environment, sent a letter to House colleagues outlining what they see as an “expansion of federal jurisdiction.”

“Never in the history of the CWA has federal regulation defined ditches and other upland features as ‘waters of the United States,’” the lawmakers wrote.

“The Obama administration is doing everything in its power to increase costs and regulatory burdens for American businesses, farmers and individual property owners,” Rep. Mica told Human Events.

“This federal jurisdiction grab has been opposed by Congress for years, and now the administration and its agencies are ignoring law and rulemaking procedures in order to tighten their regulatory grip over every water body in the country,” he added.

“But this administration needs to realize it is not above the law,” Mica said.

In this case, the EPA seeks to regulate land alongside ditches, gullies and other areas where water builds up due to rain or melting snow.  The resulting regulations “would make it harder for private property owners to build in their own backyards, grow crops, raise livestock and conduct other activities on their own land,” Human Events reported.

Hudson notes that a bipartisan House measure that passed in committee last week now has 64 cosponsors.  The Senate version has 26 GOP cosponsors and is gathering steam.

“It’s time to get EPA lawyers out of Americans’ backyards,” Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY) said when he announced the Senate version in March.

For a whole host of reasons;

1. Weather- I’m rushing to finish this on battery before the back up for the Gateway dies as the T-storms have power out here again (2 time in as many weeks
2. I went to bed early last night feeling like crap and spent a lousy night. As I result when I DID get to sleep I elected to sleep late but wound up sleeping WAY later than I had planned and now I’m behind the 8 ball once again.
3. I’ve already done too much pontificating and sniping in the issue so I’m sure to hear complaints about it and how I need to “lighten up”. Too bad we don’t live in a light world, that’s why Impish and I do this to call attention to things that we CAN refuse to accept and CAN change so that we might live in a lighter world.

 

And unabashedly proud of it too!