Dragon Laffs #1251


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Good Morning Campers…adult-Content2_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thtoday is “National Roof Over Your Head” Day.  Well, it is, at least according to ONE website.  Here’s how they describe the day:

National Roof Over Your Head Day

When : Always December 3

Today is  National Roof Over Your Head Day. It is a day of appreciation for the things we have, starting with the roof over our heads.

For most of us, a roof over our head signifies living in a house that protects us from the elements, keeping us warm, dry, and cozy. Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as you and I. There are many homeless people right here in our country. Some people live in a cardboard box on the street…… literally. There are millions of people around the world who live in poverty or disaster areas, and do not have a home to kees them comfortable and safe.

Spend a few minutes appreciating your roof and home today, along with the many thins you have. And, also make a contribution to a homeless shelter, so others can come in out of the rain.

Happy National Roof Over Your Head Day!


Origin of National Roof Over Your Head Day:

Despite our diligent efforts, we have yet to find who created Roof Over Your Head, or Roof Over Your Head Day. Nor, did we find factual information about this day.

There was some reference to this as a “National Day”. However, we found no congressional records or presidential proclamation.

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Well look at that!  I finally found a Tee Shirt for all of us Dragon Laffers!

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I really love these things:

*FLASH MOB DOES RAVEL’S “BOLERO”!*
http://www.classicalarchives.com:80/feature/dont_miss_this.html

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Groaner Zack

Q: What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day?
A: A coffin break!
Q: What do you call a ghost’s mother and father?
A: Transparents!

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New from Dearborn, Michigan in time for Christmas.
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The latest toy has hit the shops… a talking Muslim doll.

Nobody knows what the fuck it says, because no one has the guts to pull the cord.

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Pun Queen

Today’s offering from our dear Diaman include Puns and jokes…..so enjoy the whole thing:

You should treat your woman the way you treat your Hoover. When it stops sucking, change the bag!
 
An old woman in the West Virginia hills received a letter from her grandniece, who’d gone off to the big city to seek her fortune. Puzzled by the writing and the contents, she read to her husband, “Judi says here that she’s got herself a job in a… a… a… Well, it must be a message parlor.” “I reckon city folks must leave word there fer their neighbors and kinfolk. Them not having back fences and all,” her husband said. “Does Judi say how much they’s a payin’ her?” “Well, that’s the part I can’t make out. For the life of me, Paw, she says she gets some $35 for a hand delivered message and $60 if she blows it to them!”
 
Prime Number: One where a hot babe with a sultry voice answers the phone.
 
A little boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework assignment is to find out the difference between “potentially” and “realistically.” “Easy,” says his father. “First, ask Mom if she’d sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.” The boy runs off, then comes back and says, “She said yes.” “Now go ask your sister the same question,” advises the father. Again the boy runs off, and again he comes back and says, “She said yes.” “So, potentially, we’re sitting on two million dollars,” replies the father. “But, realistically, we’re living with a couple of whores.”
 
Don’t be insulted if you tell me you’re dating a woman with kids and I call you a mother f*cker. (Tuck)
 
This old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies on the floor. The old man asks, “Why are you going to sleep on the floor?” The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”
 
A blonde tried to blow up her husband’s car. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
 
A newspaperman, in Atlantic City for the Miss America pageant, was seated in a boardwalk bistro when an exceptionally cute young redhead sat down beside him. They began to chat and, after a number of drinks, he proposed that they buy a bottle and finish it in his mom. She was agreeable-so much so, in fact, that before the bottle was half finished, she began to undress. Before she got into bed, the newspaperman casually asked her how old she was. “Thirteen,” she replied. “Thirteen? Good Lord!” he exclaimed. “put your clothes on and get out of here” “What’s the matter?” asked the girl, pouting. “Superstitious?”
 
God created yeast infections so women would know what it’s like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
 
A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the “upturn.” “i think you mean the ‘intern,’ don’t you?” asked the nurse on duty. “yes,” said the girl. “i want to have a ‘contamination.'” “you mean ‘examination,'” the nurse corrected her. “Well i want to go to the ‘fraternity ward,’ anyway.” “i’m sure you mean the maternity ward.” To which the girl replied: “upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity. What’s the difference? All i know is i haven’t demonstrated in two months, and i think i’m stagnant.”
 
Enough is enough – unless you’re a nymphomaniac!

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Finally, a way to describe Obama and his voters.

I love this word!

 

Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy) – a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers

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Presenting….The Geek brain!

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I don’t think Tchaikovsky had this choreography in mind when he wrote “Swan Lake.” 
How could anyone imagine the perform ance you are about to see.
With a population of 1.3 billion, the Chinese had to locate one great dancer…… and they did!   See it and believe it ….
www.nzwide.com/swanlake.htm

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Motivational Your Job

Motivational I Am The Walrus

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An Oldie, but Goodie….and oh so accurate!

Is Sex “Work”?

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing – the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”

A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.”

The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.

“Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”

The room fell silent.

God Bless the enlisted man

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Dear God,

My prayer for 2012 is for

A fat bank account & a thin body.

Please don’t mix these up like you did last year.

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Holy Cow!  Dad has entered the realm of Groaners!!!!  Way to go Dad!

Franchise  Opportunity
A friend of mine just started his own business.
He manufactures land mines that look like prayer mats.
It’s doing well.
He says prophets are going through the roof.

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Wonderfully funny! I need a woman who understands the signs of a stroke! or Older Gal vs. Younger Gal!

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There were several cool and rant-worthy articles this week that the Leprechaun and I traded back and forth.  But today, maybe because of my military background or maybe because I’m going to work this morning to train those same military guys in how to stay alive in a really crappy environment, I’ve got an article for you guys to read…have you ever wondered what China was doing with all the interest money that we’ve been paying them?  Well, it seems that at least part of it was going for construction of a 3000 mile underground tunnel system for their nuclear ICBMs (Intercontinental Ballistic Missile).  and the really intersting thing is who has been working so dilegently to uncover the truth….
You’ll be surprised.
Start reading here:

The Chinese have called it their “Underground Great Wall” — a vast network of tunnels designed to hide their country’s increasingly sophisticated missile and nuclear arsenal.

For the past three years, a small band of obsessively dedicated students at Georgetown University has called it something else: homework.

Led by their hard-charging professor, a former top Pentagon official, they have translated hundreds of documents, combed through satellite imagery, obtained restricted Chinese military documents and waded through hundreds of gigabytes of online data.

The result of their effort? The largest body of public knowledge about thousands of miles of tunnels dug by the Second Artillery Corps, a secretive branch of the Chinese military in charge of protecting and deploying its ballistic missiles and nuclear warheads.  http://news.yahoo.com/digging-china-nuclear-tunnels-013008319.html


 

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Impish Dragon Red

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1251

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    DAMN IT IMPISH! Those ARE NOT your gold coins! THEY”RE MINE!
    You can tell because they are green with age, you spend yours so fat they don’t have time to even tarnish.
    GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE POT OF GOLD!

    • impishdragon says:

      Gee, Sorry there LL. I didn’t realize they were yours when I posed for the picture. But you know, come to think of it, they were REALLY hard to spend. Every time I tried to take one out and spend it, it would jump right back into my pocket again. That really should have given it away to me that it was yours. Sorry again. They are all back where they started from.

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