Dragon Laffs

Our banner once again this Wednesday is in honor of an upcoming Friday  event observance. This Friday is the day usually chosen to celebrate Imbolc, also called La Fheile Bride (Breed) in Gaelic, or Brighid’s Day- one of the four major holidays of the Celtic Wheel of the Year.

In Christianity it also marks the observance of Candlemas Hence it’s inclusion on the wheel above.

The fourth aspect of the wheel probably should bear a legend as well…Groundhog Day 

We’ll be discussing these event in further detail in a few minutes but for now if everyone is seated and comfy…

 

Lethal Leprechaun was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started
to breast feed her baby.

The baby wouldn’t take it, so she said, “Come on, eat it all up or … I’ll have to give it to this nice man here.”

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, “Come on, honey. Take it or I’ll give it to this nice
man here.”

A few minutes later, the Lethal blurted out, “Begorrah boy-o. Make up your bloody mind!
’Tis four stops ago I was ta get off now!”

 

Imbolc, Imbolg [ˈɪmbəlk ˈɪmbəʊlk ˈɪmməlk] n. [from Old Irish oimelc ewe’s milk]

Is an ancient Celtic festival associated with the goddess Brigit, held on the first cross-quarter day following Midwinter, (Feb. 1st or 2nd) this traditionally marks winter’s end and spring’s start. It is time for purification and spring cleaning in anticipation of the year’s new life. It was historically a shepherd’s holiday and among Celts associated with the onset of ewes’ lactation, prior to birthing the spring lambs

The festival is strongly associated with Brigid, daughter of The Dagda and one of the Tuatha Dé Danann.

The festival was observed in Gaelic Ireland, the Scottish Highlands and the Isle of Man during the Middle Ages. Reference to Imbolc is made in Irish mythology, in the Tochmarc Emire of the Ulster Cycle. Imbolc was one of the four cross-quarter days referred to in Irish mythology, the others being Beltane, Lughnasadh and Samhain.^[4] It has been suggested that it was originally a pagan festival associated with the goddess Brighid and that it was Christianized as a festival of Saint Brighid, with whom she is said to share many traits

Of course, as usual, the Catholic Church had to come in, stomp all over the holiday, claim the date as significant to them and re-invent the whole reason for the celebration by stealing and twisting the name of the goddess as well as the idea and meaning in the process to insure they ruthlessly rooted out the old ways. You might now know this holiday by its ‘Christian name’…Candlemass or more commonly ‘The Blessing of the Candles’.

Candlemass or Candelaria on February 2nd

The date of February 2nd places the Candelaria celebration forty days after Christmas and continues the religious cycle that leads up to Easter Sunday. Additionally, it is also the mid-point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox, which is the basis for various ancient European celebrations that commemorate the annual beginnings of the agricultural season.

History of Candlemass

The celebration of Candlemass originated in the late fifth century as a tribute to the light of God’s glory that was manifested in Christ Jesus. The earliest known observance within the Church was in the year AD 496, during the time of Pope Gelasius. In AD 542 the Emperor Justinian ordained that the Eastern Church celebrate the festival, which he called Hypapante, or “Meeting”. The name was derived from the Gospel of Luke 2:22-40, wherein Simeon the priest and Anna the prophetess met the infant Jesus in the temple at the time of his consecration. Simeon’s prophecy declared Jesus to be the Lord’s salvation and “a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” This passage continues to be the focus of the celebration.
During Candelaria, candles are blessed, lit, and borne in a procession in celebration to Jesus being the light of the world. In AD 638, Sophronius, Patriarch of Jerusalem, proclaimed the importance of the celebration in his sermon to the church, stating: “Our bright shining candles are a sign of divine splendor of the one who comes to expel the dark shadows of evil and to make the whole universe radiant with the brilliance of his eternal light. Our candles also show how bright our souls should be when we go to meet Christ.” The candles are generally considered to represent the inner light of Christ, which he brought to share with the world.

Those of you who are not lucky enough to be Irish and do not practice Catholicism or observe a version of it which does not place as much religious significance on the date will know this day by a third name…Groundhog Day.

Groundhog Day (Pennsylvania German: Grundsaudaag, Murmeltiertag) is a day celebrated on February 2. According to folklore, if it is cloudy when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then spring will come early; if it is sunny, the groundhog will supposedly see its shadow and retreat back into its burrow, and the winter weather will continue for six more weeks.

1887: The first Groundhog Day is observed in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as large as 40,000 have gathered to celebrate the holiday ever since. The tradition can actually be traced back to Pennsylvania’s earliest settlers, who brought with them the legend of Candlemas Day, which states, “For as the sun shines on Candlemas Day, so far will the snow swirl in May.”

Punxsutawney Phil Sowerby is a groundhog resident of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. On February 2 (Groundhog Day) of each year, the town of Punxsutawney celebrates the beloved groundhog with a festive atmosphere of music and food. During the ceremony, which begins well before the winter sunrise, Phil emerges from his temporary home on Gobbler’s Knob, located in a rural area about 2 miles (3.2 km) east of town. According to the tradition, if Phil sees his shadow and returns to his hole, he has predicted six more weeks of winter-like weather. If Phil does not see his shadow, he has predicted an “early spring.”^[1] The date of Phil’s prognostication is known as Groundhog Day in the United States and Canada. He is considered to be the world’s most famous prognosticating rodent. During the rest of the year, Phil lives in the town library with his “wife” Phyllis.

A select group, called the Inner Circle, takes care of Phil year-round and also plans the annual ceremony. Members of the Inner Circle are recognizable by their top hats and tuxedos.

Zoological data suggest that groundhogs have an average lifespan of ten years in captivity and six years in the wild, with a maximum lifespan of 14 years in captivity documented. Punxsutawney Phil fans say that there is only one Phil (all the other groundhog weathermen are imposters), and that he has made weather prognostications for over 123 years as of 2013. They say that every summer, Phil is given a sip of the mysterious Groundhog Elixir, which magically lengthens his life for seven years. This is done by Inner Circle members. According to the Groundhog Club, Phil, after making the prediction, speaks to the Club President in “Groundhogese,” which only the current president can understand, and then his prediction is translated for the entire world.

The Groundhog Day celebration is rooted in a Celtic tradition that says if a hibernating animal casts a shadow on Feb. 2, the Pagan holiday of Imbolc, winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow was seen, legend says spring would come early.

Did you notice? Yet again with the ‘rooted in a Celtic tradition’ attribution! We should start charging all of you for swiping our heritage and holidays! What do you have to say about that Phil?

SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying “congrats”.

But, none of them come and touch the man’s penis and say “Good job”.

Moral of the story: “Hard work is never appreciated.

 

This year WordPress has given us a “Year in Review” type report of the blog for 2012. Since Impish keeps forgetting to include this (who wouldn’t with how much he has on how little mind) I decided to do his heavy lifting/grunt work yet again and  give you a few of the highlights from that report.

Much to our chagrin that 5600+ day was a fluke where a comment I made in the course of the blog happen to match a much searched for news article headline regarding Obama that day. Would that we had that many hits on a regular basis, we could really start thinking about taking this blog to the next level.

OK color me embarrassed for shutting  Impish out of the top 5 here on his own blog! Then again since I respond so many times to Commenters right in the comments myself I don’t think this stat is honestly reflective of the true numbers. I also have to wonder if this section of the report doesn’t appear different to Impish than it does to me (tailored for who’s viewing the data)

I hope all you non Continental US visitors have the proper travel documents to be visiting us!

That’s sadly not a whole lot of active Commenters though we do have a few more that e-mail us their comments despite our encouraging them to post them in the comment sections. On behalf of Impish and I I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all our Commenters for participating in our discussions, as well as those who continually send us stuff which may or may not wind up in our issues. With out all of you this would be a much harder job.

 

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money can not buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole’s name.
3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
THERE YOU HAVE IT…and remember, life is good.

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

‘Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!’ he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

‘Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?’ he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, ‘Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.’

I just had to pass this stuff along.

Einstein was born March 14, 1879.
He would be nearly 134 if he were alive today.
Few people remember that he married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.
At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa “because she was so well endowed”.
He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.
This came to be known as…

 


Einstein’s Theory of “Relative Titty.”

Oh, stop moaning! I don’t write this shit, I receive it from warped readers and then send it on to you.

Anyway, it beats the hell out of all that political crap.

Petroleum Jelly Uses

PETROLEUM JELLY IS REALLY SLICK STUFF!!
By Al Carrell and Kelly Carrell http://www.thesuperhandyman.com/?page_id=123

* Rub it over your hands to act as an invisible glove to keep paint or dirt off of your hands while you work.
* Coat the hinge of a squeaky door, no dripping or running oil.
* Coat the threads of glue tubes to keep the caps from getting stuck in place.
* Rub on your table to remove white water rings or blush marks caused by a too-hot serving dish.
* Coat threads of an outdoor light bulb to keep it from rusting and becoming hard to remove.
* Apply it to the panes of your windows before painting the trim, better than masking tape in many ways.
* Coat battery terminals to keep them from corroding.
* Coat water pipes that are screwed together to get a better seal.
* Nuts and bolts come apart easier when the threads have been coated.
* Keep a trailer hitch from rusting, coat and then cover with a slit tennis ball
* Put a dab in a plastic bag and fill with small hardware items. Shake it to coat parts and help prevent rust.
* Coat vacuum cleaner hose parts before connecting them so they will come layer.
* Keep hands from chapping in cold, wet weather outdoors.
* Put some on your dog’s feet to keep them in good condition.
* Protect chrome in storage.
* One tiny birthday candle will stay lit for hours when stuck into a jar of petroleum jelly. Keep this set-up on hand for emergencies.
* Put a layer around the inside rim of a paint can before closing the lid. It will come right off when your open the next time and it will still be fresh.

Here’s a few more ideas I culled from a bunch of different sources

Fond of patent-leather shoes, but hate the boot-camp-like effort it takes to make them shine their best? A dab of petroleum jelly and a soft rag will have them gleaming.

Are you painting an intricate design on woodwork? Want to keep paint off of some sections? Coat them with petroleum jelly before picking up a paint brush. You can clean up with a paper towel afterward.

Have trouble keeping your hair dye in place while the magic happens? Coat the hair and skin you want to protect from runoff with some petroleum jelly.

Picked up the groom’s 25 pounds, thanks to those regular, delicious meals? If your wedding band is so tight you can’t get it off, fear not; just slather that finger with petroleum jelly and the ring will slide off like a greased pig through the arms of a farm child.

When stored for a long time, chrome can lose its luster. A thin coat of petroleum jelly on it, or any other ferrous metal surface, can keep that gleam intact for a long time.

Ants love nothing better than to carry off those enormous nuggets of dog or cat food from your pet’s bowl. Stymie their invasion with a band of petroleum jelly around the bottom of the bowl.

Your toilet plunger only works well when it can seal off the inner workings of the toilet. A thick bead of petroleum jelly around the widest part will help created a tight seal so the plunger can do its thing.

Most perfumes go through a transition as they dry on the skin; if you favor the initial scent, prolong it by applying a thin coat of petroleum jelly over-top.

The traditional softening agent for a baseball mitt is neatsfoot oil, a product made from the bones of cattle. If you don’t have any around, however, some petroleum jelly will do the job just fine. Don’t overdo it, though, or the ball might come squirting out of your glove.

Has your bird feeder turned into a squirrel feeder? Try coating the pole with petroleum jelly.

Petroleum jelly works fine in forming a neat goatee or mustache, and reins in the occasional wild eyebrow hair. (Somebody tell Andy Rooney that eyebrows are not meant to resemble tail feathers.)

Perhaps some moisture has made its way into a lock in your house. Lube up those workings by applying some petroleum jelly to the key and work it in the lock a few times.

If you’re one of the many men who have chosen a shaved-head look, buff that beauty to a healthy gleam with a little petroleum jelly.

Gum in hair is a common occurrence for kids. Petroleum jelly will help get it out. Put a dab on gum when it is in the hair before it hardens to help loosen it and get it out.

Use petroleum jelly to help relieve your baby’s eczema or even minor adult outbreaks of it. Many of my friends swear by it.

Mix a dab of petroleum jelly with loose eye shadow . It will create a blush or eye shadow color combination that moisturizes and lasts longer .

Babies and toddlers get small scrapes and scratches often. Before applying a thin bandage, apply a thin coat of petroleum jelly if you don’t have an antibiotic ointment on hand to help heal a small scrape or scratch.

Petroleum jelly makes an excellent make up remover.

 

Impish report of his accident garnered a couple responses/exchanges. Unfortunately the majority of the exchange was between him and I as I write this but it was good quality fun none the less and encouraged me to get out my box of 120 Crayola Crayons and try my hand at nose art for his car!

Lloyd Davidson says:

How could you possibly have hit anything? Weren’t you driving a Dodge?

lethalleprechaun says:

Woman driver trumps Dodge Lloyd!

Impish you need to paint a hydrant on the front driver’s side fender now like they do on fighter planes when they shoot something down.

impishdragon says:

Agreed. A black silhouette of a hydrant on the front quarter panel….but not for several weeks, I think. I DO value my skin, after all.

lethalleprechaun says:

Suggest “Hydrant Killer” for her call sign painted on the door & an “I Love Demolition Derbies” bumper sticker. [After thought maybe it should read “My other car is a bulldozer”!]

impishdragon says:

I know there’s an anti-fireman joke in there somewhere. Okay, how about a bumper sticker that says: Interfering with Firemen since 2013.
Okay, so it’s not great. But, I’m not at my best right now. lol.

Reply

• The Ginster says:

  January 26, 2013 at 19:03

  My hubby a retired NJ Firefighter…thought you should get her a charm of a fire hydrant or a Divining Rod. He also said if she did that in NJ and sheared it off the stem the car would have been an ice castle. I had two handles when I worked from accidents in snow and ice….
  “Princess Black Ice” and a very endearing “Snowflake”

lethalleprechaun says:

More like interfering with male dogs territorial bulletin boards & public restrooms since 2013!

And here is my attempt at nose art for Mrs. Dragon’s car:

If anyone is an artist with airbrush skills and interest in donating their time to paint this on the drivers fender of the car please contact Impish by leaving a comment. It’s my understanding he’s had to limp off into hiding (seriously? Hiding?! How hard can it be to follow  limping footprints with the distinctive pattern of a walker in the snow?) after Mrs. Dragon caught him participating in this (humorous) exchange.

Watching A Movie With Girlfriend

 

Its winter time and time for some recipes that warm you up and make dealing with to cold and snow (seems to me I used to know what that stuff was) less of a chore and hassle.

Fiesta Breakfast Casserole

Prep 15 min.   Total 3 hr.  Serves 6 Servings: about 1 1/2 cups each

Bake: 45 min.  Chill: 2 hr.

Need a simple and delicious breakfast dish to serve overnight guests?  Try this easy to make casserole – you can put it together the night before and just pop it in the oven about 45 minutes before you’re ready to serve.

What You’ll Need

1/2 pound bulk pork sausage
12 slices  White Sandwich Bread, cut into cubes (about 6 cups)
1 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese (about 6 ounces)
1 cup Picante Sauce
4 eggs
3/4 cup milk

How to Make It

1  Cook the sausage in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until well browned, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat.

2 Spoon the sausage into an 11 x 7 x 2-inch baking dish. Top with the bread cubes and cheese. Beat the picante sauce, eggs and milk in a medium bowl with a fork or whisk. Pour the picante sauce mixture over the bread mixture. Stir and press the bread mixture into the picante sauce mixture to coat.  Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours or overnight.

3 Set the oven to 350°F.  Uncover the baking dish.  Place it in the cold oven

4 Bake for 45 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

Recipe Tips

Make-Ahead: Prepare this dish the night before and pop it into the oven in the morning. It’s great for when you have overnight guests. Add a simple side of sliced melon and breakfast is ready!

 

Easy Chicken-Vegetable Italiano

At a glance

Prep 10 min.   Total 35 min.   Serves 6

Servings: about 1 cup each  Cook: 25 min.

Sautéed chicken is tossed with hearty pasta sauce, Parmesan and mixed vegetables, then served over hot linguine for a delicious one-dish supper.

What You’ll Need

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into strips
1 jar (24 ounces) Prego® Fresh Mushroom Italian Sauce
1 bag (16 ounces) frozen vegetable combination (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots)
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3/4 of a 1 pound package spaghetti or linguine, cooked and drained (about 6 cups)

How to Make It

1 Heat the oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat.  Add the chicken and cook until it’s browned and the juices evaporate. Set the chicken aside.

2 Stir the sauce, vegetables and cheese in the skillet and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cover and cook for 15 minutes or until the vegetables are tender-crisp.

3 Stir the chicken in the skillet and heat through. Serve over the pasta.

 

Parting Shot

Seems Democrats and Liberals hate Video Games with a fervor reminiscent of the Clergy’s hatred of Rock & Roll in the 50’s. To hear the Dems & Libs tell it all video games are violent, most glorify gun and the most often played are FPS- First Person Shooter games which leads directly to urges for a real gun and to commit acts like the Newtown Massacre. Oh yeah I almost forgot those that play these games live in Mom & Dad’s basement and ply games all the time to the exclusion of all else. I think that the basics of the Dem/Lib alleged correlation between guns and video games, abet in a simplified

 

Well that sure seems like another Liberal Anti Gun “Fictional Fact” shot all the hell! What else you got you bunch of closet commies? Let’s get to shoveling all the manure you’ve been heaping on this issue over the entire course of my life cleared off the issue so we can have that frank honest factual exchange shall we?

While we’re on the subject of meaningful exchange, my guest Last Word in Impish’s Wednesday edition garnered some comments and caused me to amplify on my original thoughts in response to one of them. Since my usual Reader’s Mail & Response section was taken up with comments about Mr. & Mrs. Impish Dragon’s accident, I thought they should be included here for those who never read those comments.

Hank says:

January 23, 2013 at 05:39

Excellent food for thought in the Last Word today

 

• lethalleprechaun says:

  January 23, 2013 at 15:57

  Appreciate the thumbs up Hank! Thanks for commenting.

  Reply

Howard SbrBiker Zang says:

January 23, 2013 at 08:41

I see one major problem with the “Smart Gun” technology; the [sic] governement would eventually develop the technology to disable all civilian firearms, hence disabling the ability of We the people to resist them. The idea sounds good in theory, but the drawback is, IMHO, worse than the actual reversal of the Second Amendment.

lethalleprechaun says:

January 23, 2013 at 16:44

I recognize that fact Howard, because as I said (quoting me)-

“Is this sort of approach sort of a slippery slope? Possibly. I can see other places wanting demanding disabling devices thereby effectively interfering with you right to carry in public. Then again I have to ask how that’s any different then ‘gun free zones’ now. To me the obvious difference is that ALL guns would be excluded from the area not just lawfully carried ones”

Seems to me though there is another aspect of this you’re not seeing. If ALL GUNS and I DO mean EVERY LAST ONE THAT CAN BE SO MODIFIED including Police and Military have to have the Smart Gun modification, then large scale/ long range disablers become a two edged sword, True our guns no longer work but then again neither do theirs! Personally one on one knives and hatchets in close quarters combat I like my chances better! (RELAX LIBERALS! I’m making a point by making a JOKE! SHEEESH!)

The bottom line problem with this problem is that there is no good single fits all solution. If there WAS then we’d not be having this current discussion the problem would have been solved LONG ago. Paraphrasing an adage from the advent of nuclear weapons, ‘once you let the genie out of the bottle, its impossible to get him back in there again’. The firearms gene started getting let out of the bottle all the way back in the 14th century. Samuel Colt removed more of the stopper when he invented the first dependable repeating firearms and a whole hoard of gun makers have been shipping away at not only the remaining stopper but the mouth of the bottle as well until now the ginormious genie has but one foot left in the bottle. We’re never going to get him back in so we have to do our best to find ways to control access to the genie and make sure that last foot doesn’t get totally out of the bottle. Our task is simply to find the combination of approaches that proves most effective while simultaneously being least odious with regards to our Second Amendment rights

No single solution or approach will accomplish that. This is going to require multiple avenues and approaches on multiple levels and even then I doubt that 0 gun deaths 0 murders with firearms and 0 incident such as Newtown will ever be truly achieved. JFK understood this fact perhaps most clearly of anyone when he said that it was impossibly to defend against a determined assassin if he is willing to give his life to end yours. I fear the same is true of those who would use firearms against other people in non war scenarios.

Now SOME of you might think that because of my background I’m just a Constitutional zealot, Gun nut and my persecutions have been colored by living in the heart of Rednecksilvania lo these last 13 years. I’d like to point out that as recently as yesterday there has been violence, gun based violence, close to me. THE LONE STAR COLLEGE SHOOTING took place less than 5 miles away from me.

This is the college that both Molly and I go to to take proctored exams for the on line courses we take. We spend time there for certain labs and to avail ourselves of their Resource Center. This college has one of the largest Campus Police Forces I have seen in many years, especially in light of the fact it is a non residential college. Despite this a shooting occurred. True it was NOT a mad man runs amuck scenario like Newtown, the incident was a personal disagreement largely confined between two individuals. Still a bystander got hut and not all the rounds fired hit their intended targets. Lastly and most importantly it COULD have just as easily been another Newtown style incident.

Last Monday the Wal-Mart 2 miles up the road from me had it’s bank inside robbed, at gun point. Shots were fired outside. Last Wednesday there were a string of armed home invasions/burglaries in the next subdivision over from us. Friday here in the complex where Molly and I live there was a team of 3 pairs looking to commit break ins. I know this because I blew the whistle on them after a pair came to my door under false pretenses and acting strangely. Thankfully when I questioned the one at my door about his real motives for being in the complex he hurriedly left and I was able to alert the Property Managers who in turn found that there were more than just the 2 at my door and the Sheriff’s Deputies were able to grab them all before they successfully broke in anyplace.

Does any of this make me want to ban gun ownership? Quite the opposite, it makes me want to be able to protect myself my beloved Molly and my property even that much more. That protection requires that I be able to purchase own and carry a firearm. The fact that my government wants to deny me the right and ability to provide myself with such a basic human right while yet being obviously unable to provide it for me means that such protection clearly should extend to the class of weapons they have deemed/termed Assault Weapons so that I can be armed to the same level as the biggest threat to my person and rights which sadly seems to be my own government.

Thanks for commenting Howard and for contributing to a meaningful and important exchange of views and opinions on the issue (even if mine does seem longer than yours).

Please feel free to respond again on this or any other topic we post that moves you. Impish and I love a good honest intelligent & fact based debate on topics of great import to our society/country which is sadly something we don’t get to do with any great frequency. Also thanks for helping me with my next issue I think since so few people actually come to the blog and read the comments and discussion here I’ll make your response and my follow up my next Parting Shot.

<<The following comment has since been removed in the interest commenter’s privacy & security. Therefore my response to it appears here for the 1st time and not in the comments section (kind of hard to comment on what’s not there anymore) >>

rprice @hidden to protect commenter says:

January 24, 2013 at 13:49

lets think about this, in reference to the “smart trigger” [sic] im sure that some crafty little bugger somewhere can disrupt this feature as to be [sic] opperated in a “safe zone.” this would then be an even more [sic] grousom slaying field because no one [sic] elses gun would function in this “zone” who tries to stop the attack. because [sic] im sure that it would be mandated, by big brother, that this is the only firearm allowed. imagine having a gun that [sic] doesnt work and seeing the [sic] carrnage,unable to stop it.

 

lethalleprechaun says:

There will always and forever be someone someplace attempting to finding away around any and every safety device ever invented if for no other reason than to prove its NOT fail safe. In some cases this is how improvements to a device or system are made as we see for example with so much of the computer software.

I have already stated MULTIPLE times on this subject in multiple places above that Smart Triggers are in NO WAY being put forward and a single source solution to the problem only as PART of an imperfect solution a multifaceted nearly impossible to solve Gordian knot of a problem. I cannot say it any clearer than that.

In truth what you describe will be no worse than what has already occurred with law abiding people not carrying weapons in current gun free zones being unable to stop determined gunmen.  What I get from you is that since someone somewhere is likely to get around the system we should not ever try it even if it will decrease accidental death and injuries and make it harder for 90% of those looking to pick up a gun and go on a killing spree to do so.

Your comment shows me just how little you grasp of the current issue and it’s complexity. Being unwilling to make ANY attempt to try ANYTHING that might improve the situation even slightly from where I sit makes you part of the problem NOT someone looking for a workable combination of things meant to be a multifaceted compromise/solution. I suspect you have this in common with the majority of Americans and more than a few politicians on both sides of the aisle too sadly.

Thanks for taking the time to comment however. Any and all feedback is always appreciated and nobody learns unless they ask.

A Traditional Candlemas Poem

Candle Candle burning bright
Winter’s halfway done this night
With a-glowing we are knowing
Spring will come again.

And since we’re keeping so many of the old ways this issue I’ll be closing with one swiped from us too.

Good Morning Campers!  Yup, it’s me…again.  I’m back on schedule again with postings so you’ll go back to getting me on Saturday and Lethal on Sunday.  I know this is probably disappointing in some way to all of you.  To the pro-Lethal group, it’s disappointing that you have to go another day without seeing one of his spectacular posts.  For the pro-Impish bunch, you’re disappointed because you’re going back to getting me only once a week.  For the vast majority of you who are pro-both-of-us, you are disappointed because…. well, I’m not sure why you would be disappointed, but just run with it.

I’ve had a very interesting day, so interesting in fact that it is the subject of today’s Last Word… so, until we get there, let me just say that you will be shocked and awed.

Now, it’s time.  so…

Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know ’bout all those
other people, but we ain’t gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye’s.”

The look on the interviewer’s face was priceless.

They live among us,

AND THEY VOTE.

Now, do you understand how we got our president?

I had a discussion with Mrs. Dragon over her choices for our meals.  After giving me “The-Look” she told me, “I don’t know what you are complaining about!  I make much better meals than you do!”
”What are you talking about?” I replied.  When I cook, I use the 4 food groups: Canned, Boxed, Bagged and Frozen!”

 

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa.
“Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl.
“Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa.
“Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?”

Yeah, we are getting back into the snow thing again.  Don’t get me wrong, I like snow.  I like walking in the snow, I like driving in the snow (when no one else is on the road) and  I like getting time off from work because of the snow….what I don’t like is shoveling the snow and dealing with the slush and muck when it starts to melt.

This is a story that was passed on to me by Lethal.  We both felt strongly enough that it needed to be included right away, to show that there are still some upstanding individuals around.

Runner refuses to exploit mistake, helps opponent finish first

Rick Chandler

Jan 18, 2013, 12:39 PM EST

 

Reuters

And so shines a good deed in a weary world …

So Kenya’s Abel Mutai (pictured, far right) was leading a cross-country race in Burlanda, Spain, when he got a bit confused. Running in first place by a wide margin over Spain’s Iván Fernández Anaya, who was in second, Mutai mistakenly thought he had reached the finish line and began to slow down with about 10 meters still to go. Anaya could have jetted by him and won the race, but he didn’t — instead catching up to Mutai and allowing him to finish first by guiding him to the finish line.

“I didn’t deserve to win it,” says 24-year-old Fernández Anaya. “I did what I had to do. He was the rightful winner. He created a gap that I couldn’t have closed if he hadn’t made a mistake. As soon as I saw he was stopping, I knew I wasn’t going to pass him.”

Mutai was the bronze medalist in the 3,000-meter steeplechase at the London Olympics.

Martin Fiz is Anaya’s coach.

“It was a very good gesture of honesty,” says Fiz. “A gesture of the kind that isn’t made any more. Or rather, of the kind that has never been made. A gesture that I myself wouldn’t have made. I certainly would have taken advantage of it to win.”

But Anaya has a different perspective: one which we can sure use right about now:

“Of course it would be another thing if there was a world or European medal at stake. Then, I think that, yes, I would have exploited it to win… But I also think that I have earned more of a name having done what I did than if I had won. And that is very important, because today, with the way things are in all circles, in soccer, in society, in politics, where it seems anything goes, a gesture of honesty goes down well.”

This occurred last month, well before the Lance Armstrong and Manti Te’o stories broke. If only this story got as much publicity as the other two.

Another inspiring story.  What does love look like?  It looks like this:
From the Kim Komando website:

You may have seen this photo making the rounds online. Though it’s one of the most popular images on the Web right now, the story is even more magical.

The man, John Allen, and woman, Linda Alexander, have been life partners for a very long time. Sadly, Linda suffered a stroke that took away most of her ability to think and move. After the stroke, the only thing she could say was “I love you.”

John has spent a lot of his time teaching Linda how to do the things she used to take for granted. In this instance, he is teaching her how to enjoy reading again. (By the use of Flashcards)

This patient, loving couple should be an inspiration for everyone.

Puns!  We all love them and we even have a pun queen that posts here, but these puns…these are from a really unusual source…my dad.  Thanks Dad, and thanks for all the submissions you’ve sent in.
If the rest of you wish to submit, you can send to DragonLaffs-owner@yahoogroups.com and they will go to Lethal and Impish and then we get to fight over them.  But now, some puns.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period…

Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.  I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection ….. urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

“Do not worry about old age; it does not last.”

So, as promised, here’s my day… with pictures.
The day started with this..

Well, my darling wife had been running around all day, doing chores, going to the littlest dragons school for a class project and to have lunch with her.  She’s an excellent driver and is always very careful when driving.

Well, she picked me up to go to Physical Therapy and we headed out.  Well, we didn’t get but about a mile from the house when we hit a slick spot and spun out.  Luckily there was like nothing but a fire hydrant for the entire block … no trees, buildings, signs, nothing.

Guess what we hit?

Yup, the fire hydrant.

Nobody was hurt.  It’s the worst 15mph accident you’ve ever seen.  In case you missed it…

Thank goodness no one was hurt, the air bags didn’t even go off.  I have to give HUGE Kudos to Geico, our insurance company.  They took care of everything, quickly, easily and with NO stress on us.  They did a great job.  From the tow truck to the adjuster to the rental car to EVERYTHING.  They even took care of stuff that I hadn’t even considered.  Like calling the utility company to take care of the hydrant. Excellent job!

But after a few days, you know I’ll be texting pictures of fire hydrants to Mrs. Dragon … but right now, she’s still a bit upset over the whole thing.  So NO hydrant jokes…. for now.  lol.

That’s all I got for now folks.  I’d be happy to hear from any and all of you.  Take care of yourselves, until we talk again.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers!  As promised, it is I, the one and only, Impish Dragon, coming to you on a Wednesday, to try and pay back, in some small way, the efforts and support that our dear friend Lethal Leprechaun has made on my behalf since this whole knee thing started up.  He has been there for me so many times and in so many ways, that I could post both sides of this e-zine until June and still not pay it all back.
And speaking of my knee.  I went to my first full Physical Therapy appointment yesterday.  I walked in on a cane instead of the walker.  My therapist was shocked.  Once we got going with the exercises and stuff, he told me that he had me doing stuff that normally isn’t done until like the 3rd or 4th week post surgery…not a week and a day, like it was.
At the end of the session, I was walking without cane or walker, although he told me, ordered me, made me promise and then enlisted Mrs. Dragon’s help and support that I would use the cane at all times, unless I had spotters and what-not helping me.
Anyway, long story short, I’m doing really well.
and now……

Even guys get got with blonde jokes…

A blonde guy goes to the big football game, he has great seats on the 50 yard line, 8 rows up, perfect.

Just before kickoff he hears someone behind him yelling, “Arnold, we’re up here, Arnold!”

He turns around and misses the kickoff!

A short while later, just as the quarterback throws a long bomb, the same guy starts yelling, “Hey Arnold, we’re up here, Arnold!!”

Again he turns around and again he misses the play

This goes on for every big play. He hears the guy shouting, “Hey Arnold, look up here!” He turns around and misses the play.

Finally, fuming mad, he turns around, pulls out his binoculars and scans the crowd for the guy doing all the yelling. He eventually spots him, after missing yet another big play. He runs up the stands, nearly to the top of the stadium. Pulls the guy out into the aisle, picks him up by the lapels and shouts, “Shut-up, my name isn’t Arnold!!”

Okay, remember that guy blonde joke from earlier?  Well…. he may have had a brother…

A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting.

He approached his assistant, Ole, and said, “Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic.. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Ole, How was your day?”

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, mate, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,” says Ole.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this, and what about the third one?” asks the Doctor.

“Well, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a beautiful woman comes into the office.

Like a flame, she undresses herself, TAKING OFF EVERYTHING INCLUDING HER PANTIES AND LIES DOWN ON THE TABLE AND SHOUTS: ‘HELP ME – I haven’t seen a man in over two years!!”

“Oh my God, Ole, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

Ole answered excitedly, “I PUT DROPS IN HER EYES!!”

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart. It’s Eric. I’m on the train.”
“Yes, I know it’s the six-thirty and not the four-thirty, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, not with that blond from the accounts office. It was with the boss.”
“No, sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life.”
“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart.”
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,

“Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”
Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?

And the great part about this picture is that it does look just like Madonna.

No kidding.  And yet ANOTHER thing that we LET happen.

 

“New Pledge of Allegiance”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

 

If scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.    

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene..

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

 

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all..

In silence alone we must meditate,

God’s name is prohibited by the state.

 

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks…

They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.

It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,

We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong..

 

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles   ..    

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,    

No word of God must reach this crowd.

 

It’s scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

Yup, it’s definitely one of those days…

J

Well, campers.  This set of “Story Telling Pictures” is a little different than the last ones that we ran.  Thanks to my way-cool Dad for sending me this email.  Here…WE…GO!!

Very nicely done, guys.

Today’s Last Word comes to us from our dear friend Lethal Leprechaun who, although he was very appreciative of me taking his Wednesday so that I could pay back some of his hard work, still wanted to put this Parting Shot in.  Well, it was so good, and so well put together, that I felt it would do very well highlighted as today’s Last Word.  So, here we go….

 

Disruptions: Smart Guns Can’t Kill in the Wrong Hands

By NICK BILTON January 6, 2013, 11:00 am

http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/06/disruptions-smart-gun-technology-could-prevent-massacres-like-newtown/

My comments on this article & issue as well as my closing thoughts appear in green. Some of them for clarity sake are interspersed through out the article.

Justin Lane/European Pressphoto Agency – A police officer at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Dec. 15.

Gun owners and advocates are fond of saying, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

This might be a more useful aphorism: Smart-guns don’t kill the wrong people.

Technology exists, or could exist, that would make guns safer. The idea of a safe gun might seem to be the ultimate oxymoron: guns are designed to kill. But something missing from the gun-control debate that has followed the killing of 20 children and six adults at an elementary school in Newtown, Conn., is the role of technology in preventing or at least limiting gun deaths.

Biometrics and grip pattern detection can sense the registered owner of a gun and allow only that person to fire it. For example, the iGun, made by Mossberg Group, cannot be fired unless its owner is wearing a ring with a chip that activates the gun.[There are in fact more than a few Police forces that already use this technology to protect their officers in the event they lose control of their gun]

But you would be hard pressed to find this technology on many weapons sold in stores. “The gun industry has no interest in making smart-guns. There is no incentive for them,” said Robert J. Spitzer, a professor of political science at SUNY Cortland and the author of four books on gun policy. “There is also no appetite by the government to press ahead with any kind of regulation requiring smart-guns.”[Well of COURSE the Liberals & Democrats don’t want smarter guns! DUH! That might undermine their already shaky “Guns bad – no guns good. You can trust us! We’re the Big Brother Government who is stealing your rights and privacy nearly as fast as you money! We know what’s best for you better than you do! Besides what could possibly happen to you if you couldn’t protect yourself?” Anti gun arguments]

Why can we open our front doors with our iPhones and have cars that drive themselves, but we can’t make a gun that doesn’t fire unless its registered owner is using it?

“We can,” Dr. Spitzer said. “These safety options exist today. This is not Buck Rogers type of stuff.” But gun advocates are staunchly against these technologies, partly because so many guns are bought not in gun shops, but in private sales. “Many guns are bought and sold on the secondary market without background checks, and that kind of sale would be inhibited with fingerprinting-safety technologies in guns,” he said.[See? Already this technology kills 3 birds with one stone. It forces gun owners to have a register firearms dealer broker any gun deal so there will be a record, a paper trail and the safety device can be reset. It also makes it harder for criminals to deal in black market weapons and stealing guns during a burglary becomes pointless.]

I called several major gun makers and the National Rifle Association. No one thinks a smart-gun will stop a determined killer. But I thought Smith & Wesson and Remington, for instance, would want to discuss how technology might help reduce accidental shootings, which killed 600 people and injured more than 14,000 in the United States in 2010. The gunmakers did not respond, and neither did the N.R.A.

A Wired magazine article from 2002 gives a glimpse of the N.R.A.’s thinking. “Mere mention of ‘smart-gun’ technology elicited sneers and snickers faster than a speeding bullet,” the magazine wrote. It quoted the N.R.A.’s executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, as saying, “Tragic victims couldn’t have been saved by trigger locks or magazine bans or ‘smart-gun’ technology, or some new government commission running our firearms companies.” [I think that attitude is tragically short sighted, narrow minded and extremely hubris on the part of Mr. LaPierre & the N.R.A. It’s clear even to me that this issue is not going to go away by stonewalling any progressive change to the issue of gun control. The N. R. A. needs to be a part of the discussion and on board with finding and advocating the most effect but least rights infringing solutions possible. They can no longer afford the be the Mountain all the Anti-Gun Mohammads must climb, if they continue this route, as well intentioned as they may be with it, inevitably they are going to become seen as part of the problem and not part of the solution. IN a very short time they will go from being seen as the defender or our gun rights to the impediment to our keeping them and toxic to be associated with.]

After the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown in December, Mr. LaPierre created a new aphorism: “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” He said violent video games and movies were part of the problem, but he didn’t mention smart-guns as a solution.

TriggerSmart, an Irish company, has patented a childproof smart-gun. One feature is a “safe zone” that can be installed in schools and acts as a force field, disabling any TriggerSmart gun that enters a designated area. Robert McNamara, the company’s founder, has been trying to persuade gun makers to adopt the technology. He isn’t having much luck. “One gun manufacturer told us if we put this technology in one particular gun and some kid gets shot with another gun, then they will have to put them in all guns,” he said.

“We believe we could have helped prevent the Newtown massacre.”

Let’s not even discuss how this would be a far better solution than arming teachers like they were flight crews. Let us not even discuss how properly equipped guns could automatically trigger the lock down of a school at the approach of an armed individual and automatically alert the police on top of disabling the gun.

Is this sort of approach sort of a slippery slope? Possibly. I can see other places wanting demanding disabling devices thereby effectively interfering with you right to carry in public. Then again I have to ask how that’s any different then ‘gun free zones’ now. To me the obvious difference is that ALL guns would be excluded from the area not just lawfully carried ones.

In my opinion the adage “when guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns” is a truism and self evident in its truthfulness. This sort of technology, both electronically controlled exclusionary zones and smart guns can keep that fact from coming true while at the same time making ownership of guns safer by preventing accidental deaths and shootings. So I have to ask, why weren’t Biden and his blue ribbon panel all over this? Why aren’t the gun manufacturers or the NRA supporting this?

The answer folks is simple, the ONLY best interest this sort of technology is in the interest of is WE THE PEOPLE and we ALL know how much of a damn Politicians Political Lobbies and Big Business give about what’s good for us! The ONLY way were going to see this sort of positive, Political and Second Amendment neutral step towards gun control taken is if WE THE PEOPLE force the government and Big Business to take it.

Guns have become a very difficult topic for many of us…for me, it is important at home, at work (my day job) and here at the offices of DL&LL Electronic Media, LLP.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, all of us, like most of the American population, is for an armed civilian populace with minimal government control.  You might say we are Pro-Second Amendment.
Many good arguments have been brought up in these pages.  Everything from stronger background checks (to include those of your immediate family, to also include mental or psychological testing) to biometrics on the weapons themselves, so they can only be used by their owners, to an outright mandate that ALL citizens of the United States be armed or pay a “protection tax” (gun opt out fee, higher police protection fee, whatever you want to call it.) to even arming teachers and school employees to protect our children.
Some of these ideas were better received than others, as you can well imagine, but none of us, let me repeat that, NONE OF US advocate the removal of guns from the honest citizens of our country.
I know there is a very vocal minority out there who are screaming to get rid of our guns, so that only the bad guys will have guns.  and the leader of that pack is our own government.  Obama has said that we should lose our guns, but has made arrangements for his own children’s protection by an ARMED Secret Service even AFTER he is out of office.
So, the leader of this movement wants to take our guns while he gets to keep his own.  Yup, that’s the normal Socialist way.  Everyone is equal, it’s just some of us are a little more equal than others.
This is a subject that needs  to be addressed by the government, the gun lobbies, the manufacturers, the ACLU, the gun sellers, and the American People.  EVERYBODY needs to have a seat at the table and it’s up to US, the ones that all these organizations are SUPPOSED to be working for, to make sure it happens.  To hold their feet to the fire.  To talk it up in our local communities.
These wanna be demigods who believe they rule US, instead of working at our pleasure, need to understand that we are not going to put up with their bullshit on this (and many other subjects, but this one in particular).
Let them know that they can have my gun…
 
Cheers,

So, I’ve been asked, nay warned, NOT to send pictures of me in stockings.  That the wound pictures were bad enough…but that BAD things would happen to me and my family if I posted pictures of my legs in hosiery.  Personally, I think they are ALL jealous.  I think because my legs are SO HOT that they just couldn’t handle the hotness. 

Yeah, I’m gonna go with that one. 

Jealous.

Now, on the other hand, a public out cry begging for my hot legs in the white, anti-blod-clot hose, might…MIGHT…just be enough to get the scaredy-cats to not embarrass themselves publically.

You know, just sayin’ 

Okay, so I heard this GREAT line today….

“With great penis comes great responsibility” ~ Barney Stinson

Who’s Barney Stinson?  Really?  Who’s Barney Stinson?

I’ve been watching re-runs of “How I Met Your Mother” on NetFlix.  Great fun!  And some wonderful one-liners.  In fact, there are several websites dedicated to “How I Met Your Mother” quotes, (such as this one: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/how-i-met-your-mother/ ) and several dedicated just for Barney.  Highly recommended.

Anyway, the leg is coming along really well.  I actually took a couple of real steps today!  Woo Hoo!  I know, less than a week after knee surgery and I’m walking already.  Well, more like shuffling….and only for a couple of steps, but hey!  Better than I thought it was going to be.

Okay, so a couple of more funnies are in order…. so let’s laugh!

So, does anyone know how Gun Appreciation Day went?

Such a truly sad story…

We grow up with such great hopes and dreams.
We face life’s challenges everyday and  we try to look everyone right in the eye with honesty and integrity.
To instill our sincerity in those we meet, we converse with sincerity and eye contact.

And in return we expect the same courtesy

These are the reasons why this is such a sad story !

Because this poor thing ……..

WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE EYE CONTACT!!!

NEVER EVER !!!

SO SAD !!!

Well my dear campers…let’s call it a day.  Have a great Sunday and we’ll talk again on the flip side.

Alright! Shut yer gobs! I soddin’ bloody well KNOW its Saturday. I KNOW you’re supposed to be reading DragonLaffs not another far superior issue of Leprechaun Laughs. I KNOW yer gettin’ bloody well spoiled, just like I KNOW I’m missing out on some quality pillow time. I need to be reminded of this as much as Impish needs another gross of pies to devour.

However it’s this or nothing as Impish is still sleeping off the anesthesia and insult done his body by the surgery (you’d think after looking at him his body would have been used to being insulted after so many years of it occurring on a daily basis) and totally up to you, I can probably still go hop back a fairly warm bed and cuddle up o’ gainst as softly snoring Molly until I get warm once more and get at least another 20 or 30 winks in. Now which do you prefer, going cold turkey every Saturday or settin’ yer backsides down and closing yer gobs so I can get on with it?

Dat’s what I thought!

It has been brought to my attention that as the resident Celtophile I have been remiss in my duties only promoting the Irish side of Celticism (ok truth be told the wanker suggested I was a Irish bigot and snob for never mentioning the Scots or Welsh except in jokes). Hence today we’re going to talk about the up coming Friday Burn’s Night Festivities during the issue.

 Mean time its still too bloody cold to be just standing around here so lets be gettin’ on with the likes o’ it shall we?

 

YES! You’re too bloody well right the Impish Report comes after the coffee.
Around here NOTHING comes before Coffee! In fact that’s Corporate Rule #1.

His nibs continues to make progress, getting around with the aid of a walker in his lair. Apparently he’s a fair deal of that achy broken bone type pain to contend with along with some sort of new high tech torture device for immobilizing his entire leg.

Yesterday was his first trip to Physical Therapy since he was discharged from the hospital Wednesday.   While he is going willingly and with dogged determination he observed that being coerced into voluntarily showing up to be rehabilitated by sadistic Physical Therapists adds a whole new dimension to the torture concept.

Impish expect to slowly get back up to speed posting wise, hoping to make several short posts over the next several days (hopefully managing to avoid swiping any material I have already used). He CLAIMS he’s going to be up to posting  the next issue (Wednesday) but the Vegas Odds Makers are laying 8-5 against. So just plan on seeing my not so smiling face…again. That way you can be surprised if he manages to actually make good on his assertion.

I have it under very good authority (mine) that he most definitely WILL be posting DragonLaffs next Saturday. I sort of motivated him by saying I’d personally start the Apocalypse if anything was even mentioned about my covering for him again next weekend AFTER I paid him a personal visit sat on his lap and bounced on a certain newly repaired knee.

 

I found this beautiful winter poem with a wonderful illustration and thought it might be a comfort to you and help warm things up. It was to me, and it’s very well written.

‘WINTER’

A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

Damn, It’s Cold !
The End

A Young Hero in Boston

Two boys in Boston were playing basketball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy picked up a board lying nearby, wedged it into the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck and thus ending the attack. His friend was saved.

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Globe witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. Realizing he had less than 20 minutes to get the story entered for the next edition, the reporter began entering the story into his laptop as he did the interview, beginning with the headline:

Brave Young Celtics Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal

“But I’m not a Celtics fan,” interjected the little hero, looking over the reporter’s shoulder as he typed.

“Sorry,” replied the reporter, “but since we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were.”

Hitting the delete key, the reporter replaced the head:

John Kerry Supporter Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack

“I don’t like Kerry either,” the boy responds.

“Huh,” the reporter says. “I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Celtics, Kerry or Kennedy. OK, then, what team or person do you like?”

“I’m a Houston Rockets fan and I really like George W. Bush,” the boy says.

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again:

Arrogant Conservative Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet

 

The Modern Product Label

This is apparently a real label on a doormat. You wouldn’t think that would need much of a disclaimer or warning, right? Well, here’s what it says:

If that’s difficult to read, it says:

This perfectly fine, if not certainly adequate doormat is MADE IN THE USA from 100% Olefin^® Indoor/Outdoor carpet and printed with color-fast inks. Wash with hose and brush. Dry flat. Do not machine wash.

Important things you should know about your new doormat
Warning: Do not use mat as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions: Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: If coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relieves the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all Liability.

I think they can still be sued, though: it doesn’t warn to keep it away from adults with CFED. And what if kids aren’t formally diagnosed, but are only suspected of having CFED? The company’s lawyers really need to think about these things: that’s why they get the big bucks.

And what sort of color-fast-printed doormat do they offer? Here’s one I like:

It reads in large bold type, “COME BACK WITH A WARRANT.” (No, law enforcement officers may not “Come in and look around.”)

Satisfactory!

 

If he can’t do his own posts at least he can be the brunt a of a few jokes!

The Old Guy Cannot

An elderly man was having a calm walk when he happens to pass a brothel.

One of the prostitutes calls out: “Hey Grandpa! Why don’t you try me?”

The old man replies: “No, my child, I cannot!”

The prostitute: “Cheer up! Let us try!”

So the elderly man enters and performs like a 25 year old.

The prostitute says:”Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot?”

The old man replied: “Aaah, sex I can, what I cannot is… Pay!”

 

  

Facebook Purges Pro-Gun Accounts <clickable link

Massive act of censorship sees alternative media pages disappeared

Paul Joseph Watson Infowars.com December 27, 2012

Facebook is purging accounts that carry pro-second amendment and pro-liberty information in a censorship purge that has accelerated over the past few hours, with innumerable pages being disappeared merely for posting legitimate political content.

NaturalNews.com’s Mike Adams contacted us to alert us to the fact that “Facebook banned our account for posting this,” with an attached image of a Gandhi quote about how the British disarmed the citizenry during their rule in India.

<list of account owners names appears along with their associations click the link above to see>

It is important to stress that most of these accounts have not simply been temporarily suspended, they have been shut down completely. Some are now being reinstated after complaints. Accounts that have been suspended can still be seen but posting rights have been revoked.

A 24 hour suspension was also placed on the Alex Jones Facebook account due to an image that another user had posted in which Alex Jones was tagged.

One of the messages being received by users having their accounts suspended is displayed below. In most cases, users are not even being informed of why their page was suspended or deleted, with Facebook merely referring them to the company’s guidelines.

Last week, we reported on how Facebook was suspending user accounts that questioned the official narrative behind the Sandy Hook school massacre.

As we have previously highlighted, Facebook occasionally deletes images and posts that it claims violate “Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities,” yet constitute little more than political conjecture or a healthy skepticism of official narratives on current events.

In September 2011, Infowars reporter Darrin McBreen was told by Facebook staff not to voice his political opinion on the social networking website.

Responding to comments McBreen had made about off-grid preppers being treated as criminals, the “Facebook Team” wrote, “Be careful making about making political statements on facebook,” adding, “Facebook is about building relationships not a platform for your political viewpoint. Don’t antagonize your base. Be careful and congnizat (sic) of what you are preaching.”

I find it highly interesting and enlightening, (let’s not even begin to address the level of hypocrisy involved) that NONE of the people that attacked the “American Guns” Facebook page with expressions of anti-gun sentiment and demanded the show be taken off the air were treated the same as apparently are none of the presumably just as numerous anti-gun sentiment expressing accounts left unmolested.

HEY! MARK ‘I AM BIG BROTHER’S CENSOR OF SOCIAL MEDIA’ ZUCKERBERG!

Biology Exam

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.?

The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student in particular was hard-put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is the perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.

I’ve gotten the following e-mail from a few of you in the last week. Apparently you figured while I was hard pressed to keep the ball rolling around here while not myself freezing to death you could sneak one by on ol’ Lethal. Sorry, while my nose may be running from the weather I can still smell and spot a steaming pile a good 10 e-mails distant.

Homeland Security Graduates First Corps Of Obama’s Brown Shirts – Homeland Youth

Ok right off 1st clue this is going to largely consist of bovine byproduct? The thinly veiled Nazi reference. Dead give away they are trying to shore up a week argument or misdirect your attention from too close a study of what they are presenting.

Homeland Security Graduates First Corps Of Obama’s Brown Shirts – Homeland Youth

Monday, October 15, 2012

October 7, 2012. Vicksburg .
The federal government calls them FEMA Corps. But they conjure up memories of the Hitler Youth of 1930’s Germany [and the Chinese Red Guard]. Regardless of their name, the Dept of Homeland Security has just graduated its first class of 231 Homeland Youth. Kids, aged 18-24 and recruited from the President’s AmeriCorp volunteers, they represent the first wave of DHS’s youth corps, designed specifically to create a full time, paid, standing army of FEMA Youth across the country.

On September 13, 2012, the Dept of Homeland Security graduated its first class of FEMA Corps youth, FEMA Corps first-responders, aka the Homeland Youth. Image courtesy of DHS.gov.  < 2nd hint this is pure BS. Link goes to the DHS homepage not proof the photo is DHS provided.

Actually, the photo is NOT courtesy of DHS but rather by Photo: Todd Krainin for The New York Times and is part of a New York Times feature done in 2009 on The Explorers, a coeducational affiliate of the Boy Scouts, this particular Post is being hosted by the ICE Border Patrol! This particular photo is one of a series of 14 photos for the feature:   Explorers Train to Fight Terrorists, and More  the same photo and several of the others appearing in this NYTimes article as well . I’d also call you attention to the Federally mandated bright orange tips on the obviously plastic weapons which are undeniably AIRSOFT!

The e-mail goes on to show multiple other alleged instances of Obama creating and arming his private inside the USA army. It admittedly artfully threads together a whole bunch of these half backed truth free pasture pies into a persuasive for the gullible argument. The thing is if the lead off is a pasture pie you can pretty much rest assured the remainder of sensationalistic e-mail is as well.

I’m not going to bother posting the rest here in the interest of space. IF you have not already seen this in your inbox give it a few days, so gullible twit on your contacts list who thinks they cannot put anything on the Internet that’s not true will be sure to send it to you, probably marked High Priority besides. Instead I’m just going to post what factcheck.org had to say about this global warming causing barnyard methane generating pile of bullshit, along with their list of cited sources, for you to enlighten yourselves with.

The Law Enforcement Exploring program teaches crime-fighting skills to persons between the ages of 14 and 20 who are considering a career in law enforcement. The Times profiled a southern California chapter that partnered with U.S. Border Patrol and local police. They simulated a raid on a marijuana field, which the newspaper photographed.

FEMA Corps, on the other hand, is a civilian operation for persons between the ages of 18 and 24. It is a unit within AmeriCorps, a community service program.

FEMA Corps, which will grow to 1,600 members, is solely devoted to preparing for and responding to disasters. Corps members work with the Federal Emergency Management Agency, which dispatches them to disaster areas. They recently helped Hurricane Sandy victims in Long Beach, N.Y., registering them for federal assistance.

They do not carry guns — much less travel in armored fighting vehicles. In fact, the AmeriCorps handbook, which applies to FEMA Corps, prohibits members from possessing firearms or any other weapon.

The email, nonetheless, attempts to connect FEMA Corps to an overblown claim about the government’s recent ammunition purchases.

Bullet Baloney

The email cites a “drastic spike” in the Department of Homeland Security’s bullet purchases and asks: “What is the US federal government preparing for?” The email also claims that “federal management agencies are looking more and more like a military army every day.”

DHS has indeed ordered hundreds of millions of rounds of ammunition. But there is less here than meets the eye. And that’s according to the National Rifle Association and the office of Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia.

The Department of Homeland Security recently contracted to buy up to 450 million rounds over the next five years. But DHS was making a first-time bulk order for all of its law enforcement agencies to save money. Those agencies include the Secret Service, the Transportation Security Administration and U.S. Customs and Border Enforcement, among many others.

The NRA describes the assertion as “incendiary.” It says the suggestion that the Obama administration is “preparing for a war with the American people” displays “a lack of understanding of the law enforcement functions carried about by officers in small federal agencies.” The NRA, which is no fan of the Democratic president, concludes that “there is no need to invent additional threats to our rights.”

‘Martial Law’ Malarkey

The email also links FEMA Corps to the false claim that Obama issued executive orders that institute martial law and give unchecked powers to FEMA.

As we’ve written before, Obama’s orders do no such thing. He issued one executive order that exercised his office’s power to prepare the nation for an emergency.

Since the Korean War, Congress has granted the president the authority to make sure national resources — such as the food supply and various industries — will be available to meet national security needs in times of war and other emergencies. That power is granted under the Defense Production Act, a law that dates to 1950 and must be reauthorized by Congress every few years. (The act expires in 2014.)

Like presidents before him, Obama issued an order updating the resources covered under that act while delegating authority over those resources to various federal departments and agencies. For example, the order authorizes the secretaries of Defense and the Interior “to encourage the exploration, development, and mining of strategic and critical materials and other materials.”

The order doesn’t institute martial law. It doesn’t even mention FEMA.

– Ben Finley

Sources

Press release. “Welcome to the FEMA Corps Inaugural Class.” Department of Homeland Security. 14 Sept. 2012.

U.S. Code, 2003 Edition. “15 U.S.C., Title 15, Chapter 76, Section 5001, penalties for entering into commerce of imitation firearms.” 2003.

Steinhauer, Jennifer. “Scouts Train to Fight Terrorists, and More.” The New York Times. 13 May 2009.

“Program and Resource Guide for Adult Leaders.” Law Enforcement Exploring program. July 2011.

“AmeriCorps NCCC FEMA Partnership.” About AmeriCorps. Accessed Nov 2012.

“FEMA Corps FAQ’s.” FEMA. 20 June 2012.

Stilts, Josh. “Sandy victims helped through FEMA Corp by Pittsfield man.” The Berkshire Eagle. 18 Nov 2012.

“AmeriCorps NCCC Memeber Handbook.” AmeriCorps. Jan 2011.

“Federal Law Enforcement Agencies Buy Ammunition.” National Rifle Association Institute for Legal Action. 17 Aug 2012.

Doran, Kevin. “DHS Buys in Bulk to Save You Money.” Office of U.S. Rep. Lynn Westmoreland. Accessed Nov 2012.

Finley, Ben. “Obama’s Executive Orders.” FactCheck.org. 25 Sept 2012.

Jackson, Brooks. “Obama’s ‘National Security Force.’ ” FactCheck.org. 11 Nov 2008.

Novak, Viveca. “Obama’s ‘Private Army.’” FactCheck.org. 7 April 2010.

Obama, Barack. Executive Order 13603. 16 Mar 2012.

 

You Gotta Love Blondes…..

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
“You’ll be fine,” he said.
She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

 

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”
He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine.
It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

 [Apparently Impish spends a considerable amount of his P.T. time at the hospital roaming the halls looking for her.]

This is going to double as our cooking segment, when you get down to the section where the actual fare of a Burn’s Night feast is discussed there are clickable links to appropriate recipes for you to explore on your own. Forge on ahead on your own I’ll catch up- I have to put a new reed in the chanter on me pipes and iron the pleats in me kilt in preparation for Burn’s Night.

OH! By the by, for those that read this look at the photo of one and the recipes but still cannae figure out what the heck a Haggis is, its technically a fresh (as in uncured, undried & unsmoked)course ground sausage made of many of the less desirable portions/cuts of a sheep. It could rightly be considered “Scottish Soul Food” and ethnically/culinarily speaking is kin to the Cajun Boudan.

A Burns supper is a celebration of the life and poetry of the poet Robert Burns, author of many Scots poems. The suppers are normally held on or near the poet’s birthday, 25 January, sometimes also known as Robert Burns Day or Burns Night, although they may in principle be held at any time of the year.

Burns’ suppers are most common in Scotland and Northern Ireland but occur wherever there are Burns Clubs, Scottish Societies, expatriate Scots, or aficionados of Burns’ poetry. There is a particularly strong tradition of them in southern New Zealand’s main city Dunedin, of which Burns’ nephew Thomas Burns was a founding father.

The first suppers were held in Ayrshire at the end of the 18th century by Robert Burns’ friends on the anniversary of his death, 21 July, In Memoriam and they have been a regular occurrence ever since. The first Burns club, known as The Mother Club, was founded in Greenock in 1801 by merchants born in Ayrshire, some of whom had known Burns. They held the first Burns supper on what they thought was his birthday on 29 January 1802, but in 1803 discovered from the Ayr parish records that the correct date was 25 January 1759,^[1] and since then suppers have been held on 25 January, Burns’ birthday.

Burns suppers may be formal or informal. Both typically include haggis (a traditional Scottish dish celebrated by Burns in Address to a Haggis), Scotch whisky and the recitation of Burns’ poetry. Formal dinners are hosted by organizations such as Burns clubs, the Freemasons or St Andrews Societies and occasionally end with dancing when ladies are present. Formal suppers follow a standard format as follows:

Piping in the guests

• A big-time Burns Night calls for a piper to welcome guests. If you don’t want all that baggage, some traditional music will do nicely. For more formal events, the audience should stand to welcome arriving guests: the piper plays until the high table is ready to be seated, at which point a round of applause is due. At a more egalitarian gathering – with no high table – the chair can simply bang on the table to draw attention to the start of the evening’s proceedings.

• Chairman’s welcome

  The Chair (host/organizer) warmly welcomes and introduces the assembled guests and the evening’s entertainment.

• The Selkirk Grace

  A short but important prayer read to usher in the meal, The Selkirk Grace is also known as Burns’s Grace at Kirkcudbright. Although the text is often printed in English, it is usually recited in Scots.

  Some hae meat and canna eat,
  And some wad eat that want it,
  But we hae meat and we can eat,
  And sae the Lord be thankit.

• Piping in the haggis

  

  Guests should normally stand to welcome the dinner’s star attraction, which should be delivered on a silver platter by a procession comprising the chef, the piper and the person who will address the Haggis. A whisky-bearer should also arrive to ensure the toasts are well lubricated.

  During the procession, guests clap in time to the music until the Haggis reaches its destination at the table. The music stops and everyone is seated in anticipation of the address To a Haggis.

• Address to the haggis

  The honored reader now seizes their moment of glory by offering a fluent and entertaining rendition of To a Haggis. The reader should have his knife poised at the ready. On cue (His knife see Rustic-labour dight), he cuts the casing along its length, making sure to spill out some of the tasty gore within (trenching its gushing entrails).

• 

• Haggis on a garnished platter with the knife used to cut it open in the “Address to a Haggis” at a Burns Supper

  Warning: it is wise to have a small cut made in the haggis skin before it is piped in. Instances are recorded of top table guests being scalded by flying pieces of haggis when enthusiastic reciters omitted this precaution! Alternatively, the distribution of bits of haggis about the assembled company is regarded in some quarters as a part of the fun…

  The recital ends with the reader raising the haggis in triumph during the final line Gie her a haggis!, which the guests greet with rapturous applause.

• Toast to the haggis

  Prompted by the speaker, the audience now joins in the toast to the haggis. Raise a glass and shout: The haggis! Then it’s time to serve the main course with its traditional companions, neeps and tatties. In larger events, the piper leads a procession carrying the opened haggis out to the kitchen for serving; audience members should clap as the procession departs.

• The meal

  Served with some suitable background music, the sumptuous Bill o’ Fare includes:-

  • Starter

    Traditional cock-a-leekie soup;

  • Main course

    Haggis, neeps & tatties (Haggis wi’ bashit neeps an’ champit tatties);

  • Sweet

    Clootie Dumpling (a pudding prepared in a linen cloth or cloot) or Typsy Laird (a Scottish sherry trifle);

  • Cheeseboard with bannocks (oatcakes) and tea/coffee.

  Variations do exist: beef lovers can serve the haggis, neeps & tatties as a starter with roast beef or steak pie as the main dish. Vegetarians can of course choose vegetarian haggis, while pescatarians could opt for a seafood main course such as Cullen Skink.

  For more detailed information about the food on Burns Night, read How to host a Burns Night supper over on the BBC Food blog.

• The drink

  Liberal lashings of wine or ale should be served with dinner and it’s often customary to douse the haggis with a splash of whisky sauce, which, with true Scots understatement, is neat whisky.

  After the meal, it’s time for connoisseurs to compare notes on the wonderful selection of malts served by the generous chair.

• The first entertainment

  The nervous first entertainer follows immediately after the meal. Often it will be a singer or musician performing Burns songs such as:-

  • My Luve is Like a Red Red Rose;
  • Rantin’, Rovin’ Robin;
  • John Anderson, my jo; or
  • Ae Fond Kiss, and Then We Sever.

  Alternatively it could be a moving recital of a Burns poem, with perennial preference for:-

  • Tam o’ Shanter;
  • Holy Willie’s Prayer;
  • To a Louse;
  • Address to the Unco Guid; or
  • For a’ that and a’ that.

• The immortal memory

  The keynote speaker takes the stage to deliver a spell-binding oratoration on the life of Robert Burns: his literary genius, his politics, his highs and lows, his human frailty and – most importantly – his nationalism. The speech must bridge the dangerous chasm between serious intent and sparkling wit, painting a colorful picture of Scotland’s beloved Bard.

  The speaker concludes with a heart-felt toast: To the Immortal Memory of Robert Burns!

• The second entertainment

  The chair introduces more celebration of Burns’ work, preferably a poem or song to complement the earlier entertainment.

• Toast to the Lassies

  The humorous highlight of any Burns Night comes in this toast, which is designed to praise the role of women in the world today. This should be done by selective quotation from Burns’s works and should build towards a positive note. Particular reference to those present makes for a more meaningful toast.

  The toast concludes: To the Lassies!

The final entertainment

The final course of the evening’s entertainment comprises more Burns readings.

Reply to the Toast to the Lassies

Revenge for the women present as they get their chance to reply.

Vote of thanks

The chair now climbs to his potentially unsteady feet to thank everyone who has contributed to a wonderful evening and to suggest that taxis will arrive shortly.

Auld Lang Syne

The chair closes the proceedings by inviting guests to stand and belt out a rousing rendition of Auld Lang Syne. The company joins hands and sings as one, having made sure to brush up on those difficult later lines.

Optional extras

These can slot into any part of the evening.

• Lost Burns manuscripts

  Some Burns Night suppers include a lost manuscript reading, where a participant with literary aspirations recites from a fictitious long-lost musing of the great man on a new subject.

• Quizzes and/or recitation competitions

  Involving the guests – instead of having them sit passively – is key to a fun and successful Burns night. Make up your own activities for best effect.

• 

Slicker than What?!

A local Fox news station offers some winter driving tips:

If you can’t read that, these are tips for “DRIVING ON SNOT & ICE” —

• Avoid slamming on brakes.
• Avoid changing lanes.
• Never use cruise control.
• With ABS brakes, don’t pump the brake pedal. Apply steady, firm pressure.
• Do not drive in four-wheel-drive

— Fox 23 in Tulsa, Oklahoma

 

Background checks: 9 things to know about gun sales

Published: Monday, January 14, 2013 By Ryan Teague Beckwith, Digital First Media

A key part of any proposed gun-control legislation will likely be expanding background checks on gun sales. Here’s what you need to know.

Although gun-control activists hope to see an assault-weapons ban, it’s not clear that could pass Congress. Instead, many expect the fight to focus instead on expanding background checks required for gun sales.

Below, what you need to know about background checks.

The law requiring background checks is 20 years old.

In 1993, the Brady Handgun Violence Protection Act required background checks for people buying guns from federally licensed firearms dealers. Run by the FBI, the National Instant Criminal Background Check System was launched in 1998.

Gun buyers submit basic information for a background check.

Before buying a gun, prospective buyers submit their name, sex, race, date of birth and the state where they live to the FBI. They can also submit their Social Security Number, but they aren’t required to.

Denials can be issued for several reasons.

The biggest reason for denials is conviction for a major crime. Gun sales can also be denied because a prospective buyer has had a restraining order for domestic violence against them or has mental health issues, among other things.

Around 1 percent of checks result in a denial.

The FBI does more than 10 million background checks each year. Around 1 percent of background checks result in a denial — that was 150,013 out of 10,764,237 checks in 2009. Between 1998 and 2012, the FBI issued 987,578 denials.

Not every gun sale requires a background check.

Private sales are exempt from the background check system. That includes selling your gun to a friend, relative or stranger as well as many sales at gun shows.

Closing the gun show loophole is extremely popular.

In a December poll by USA Today and Gallup, 92 percent of adults surveyed supported requiring background checks for people buying guns at gun shows.

It’s even popular among NRA members.

A survey conducted in July by noted Republican pollster Frank Luntz for the pro-gun control Mayors Against Illegal Guns found that 74 percent of NRA members supported requiring background checks for anyone purchasing a gun.

A task force will likely recommend expanding background checks.

 

By the way for those not in the know the 2 primary reasons for an adjustable (not folding) stock and a pistol grip are the same. To give the user better more comfortable and surer control over the weapon thereby reducing the chance of shots not going where they are intended to. In other words- to allow enhanced and positive control of the weapon.

 

The Bubba Method

“R” rated.

A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba,  “Just what the hell is your secret?”

Bubba replies, “Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw ’em forever! They always come back for more.”

The more he thought about it, the more excited the coach got at the prospect, so that day he went home early. When he got to his bedroom, he could hear his wife in the shower.

“Perfect!” he thought, so he tore off his clothes and started banging his cock on the dresser.

His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, “That you, Bubba?”

Twice?

The husband was watching late nite TV, and his wife had gone to bed.

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs back to see what was wrong with his wife…

He sees a guy leaping out of the window. His wife yells, “That guy just screwed me twice!”

He says, “Twice? Why didn’t you call me in after he screwed you once?”

She answered, “Because I thought it was you — until he started the second time.”

AMERICA – Land Of The Brave…Home Of The Freeloader.

When you borrow from Peter to pay Paul, Paul will always vote for you.

Finally if the Democrats and Obama have ANY SHRED of Political Integrity one of the things discussed will be an Order to the Agencies in charge of Banking Oversight to force a certain Banks to cease its unlawful attempts to force their customers out of the gun industry by unreasonably and unlawfully discriminating against their own customers, there by interfering with not only our 2nd Amendment Rights, but Interstate Commerce and the Economic Recovery as well!

What the hell am I talking about? Here are 2 examples-

First there was this little dust up back in April 2012-

Gun manufacturer says Bank of America doesn’t want its business

An Arizona-based firearms company says it is being treated unfairly by Bank of America for the type of business it does, a claim the bank denies.

Kelly McMillian, operations director of the McMillian companies – which makes rifles, ammunition, gunstocks and related firearms equipment – said a bank vice president explained at a meeting last week that he no longer wanted McMillan’s business because the companies manufacture firearms.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/04/27/gun-manufacturer-says-bank-american-doesnt-want-his-business/

Being a case of ’He said- She Said’ because McMillian unwisely but understandable drag this out into the light of public scrutiny before getting BoA to commit to this position with paperwork, they of course denied the entire affair and basically claimed McMillan was lying but offered no reasonable explanation for why they would do so and failed to state what exactly their policy was on gun industry customers.

Now come December 2012, this time a ‘small business’ custom gun parts manufacturer yet again in Arizona runs into problems with BoA because its in the gun business!

Small business owner claims bank froze funds from gun sales

American Spirit Arms owner sounds off

Scottsdale, AZ –-(Ammoland.com)- My name is Joe Sirochman owner of American Spirit Arms and I wanted to share my recent experience with Bank of America (which we have been doing business with for over 10 years).

Everyone is familiar with the latest increase in guns sales , dealers selling out of inventory, manufacturers back logged for months, large amounts revenue all generated in the last weeks.

American Spirit Arms is no exception to the overwhelming demand. What we have experienced is that our web site orders have jumped 500% causing our web site E commerce to be sending much larger deposits to BANK OF AMERICA.

Well, this threw up a huge RED Flag with Bank of America. So they decided to hold the deposits for further review, meaning that the orders/payments that were coming in through the web, being paid by honest customers, for goods that were shipped out by American Spirit Arms, were all help by the bank “UNDER REVIEW”

As you could imagine this made me furious…After countless hours on the phone with BANK OF AMERICA I finally got a manager in the right department that told me the reason that the deposits were on hold for FURTHER REVIEW …HER EXACT WORDS WERE AS FOLLOWS…

“WE BELIEVE YOU SHOULD NOT BE SELLING GUNS and GUN PARTS ON THE INTERNET “

http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/america-live/index.html#/v/2081584002001/small-business-owner-claims-bank-froze-funds-from-gun-sales/?playlist_id=87651

So apparently BoA has determined that it can get around the entire issue of your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms by quietly making it impossible for gun manufacturers to conduct their business with you. One has to wonder what’s going on with BoA, first it was all the illegal/questionable mortgages, then it was sloppy foreclosure practices demonstrating at best total indifference to their customers and the lives they were harming, then the bailout so their executives could get bonuses, now this. Maybe they should consider a name change to The Evil Financial Empire For the Oppression and Dominance of Sheeple. Their tellers could all dress up as Dominatrixes and their Executives like the Gestapo guy in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade!

You’ll be helping the economic recovery, protecting not only your Second Amendment Rights but yourself, you loved one(S) and your home as well! Not to mention the uptick in sales will give liberals, Democrats and the Obama Administration a clear message to say nothing of a spectacular slap in the face!

SPEAKING of face slaps, this just in as I am putting the finishing touches on this Parting Shot-

GOP Congressman says will impeach Obama – response to Assault Weapons Ban

Texas Republican Rep. Steve Stockman said Monday he would file articles of impeachment against Obama as a response to Obama’s executive actions to ban assault weapons, magazine, and ammunition.

Stockman said such orders were “unconstitutional” and “infringe on our constitutionally-protected right to keep and bear arms.”

“I will seek to thwart this action by any means necessary, including but not limited to eliminating funding for implementation, defunding the White House, and even filing articles of impeachment,” Stockman said in a statement.

Stockman said the ban was “an existential threat to this nation” because, he said, the purpose of the Second Amendment is to allow the people to protect themselves from tyranny.

“Any proposal to abuse executive power and infringe upon gun rights must be repelled with the stiffest legislative force possible,” he added. “Under no circumstances whatsoever may the government take any action that disarms any peaceable person — much less without due process through an executive declaration without a vote of Congress or a ruling of a court.”

Stockman also said such gun policy would be “not just an attack on the Constitution,” but also an “attack on Americans.”

“If the president is allowed to suspend constitutional rights on his own personal whims, our free republic has effectively ceased to exist,” he said.

“A lot of people are frustrated with the Republicans [for] not fighting back, and I for one was, too. I was on the sidelines, and got involved with Congress, and I said enough is enough, and we need to stand up and fight. And I said these kind of tools are available to us, and we’re going to use every tool possible to fight an administration which wants to abrogate the Constitution.”

“I think we outlined multiple avenues…It’s defending the Constitution in any ways we can legally, and that process has many different avenues. We’re willing to take those to defend the Constitution. I think it the right thing to do.

 

Does this threat hold more than 10 rounds water? I have to admit this issue exceeds my understanding of Constitutional law so I’m a wee out of my depth here but going out on a limb I cans ay I’m PRETTY sure he can BRING the charges. Now whether  or not the articles would get out of review and out for a vote, much less a successful vote to impeach, that’s a gun of a different caliber different story all together.

My guess? OK, at WORST, a defiant symbolic but ultimately useless and attention diverting gesture/slap in the face/bucket of cold water.

LIKELY? A compromise to avoid the time and energy such charges would require. Obama backs off on the Assault Weapons and high capacity magazines and finally realizes that Executive Orders are NOT going to get him around the will of WE THE PEOPLE every time he cannot have his way in Congress.

AT BEST? The Impeachment proceedings run their course. I cannot say if he would be successfully Impeached (THAT also opens an entirely different can of worms, I mean are we REALLY sure in 6 months we’d be thankful for President “Uncle Dirty Mouthed Joe” Biden?).  I’m pretty sure the question of the Second Amendment, the Founding Fathers intentions for it and a couple other key gun ownership issues that the Liberal and Democrats keep harping on just like the Conservatives and Republicans harp on Abortion would get hashed out and laid to rest at least for a while. Probably along with some sort of guidelines for when the use of Executive Orders is permissible and what exactly constitutes misuse of them. Neither of the last 2 outcomes might be what WE THE PEOPLE want, but maybe its what we really need.