In another clear example of why we need to not only do away with the Electoral College but get away from the 2 party system as well President “I’ll have a lot more leeway my second term” Obama the Arrogant has managed to once again con enough people into drinking his Kool-Aid of Free Ride Entitlement to get himself re-elected to <sobbing> four more disastrous years.

In my opinion Romney’s call to Obama conceding the election was also the death knell for our Republic. <More sobbing> I’m sorry <sob> I can’t talk right now. Please accept these previously prepared remarks in place of my usually timely opening commentary while I attempt to compose myself. Can someone please get me a cup of tea with hemlock?

SO.. I got all my Halloween Decorations out and in place on my front porch had the inside the door area set up too. Spent a fortune on batteries for the motion activated Jack-o’-Lanterns and the other electronic spooky things uploaded Halloween music to my iPod connected to hidden Bluetooth speakers. Took me most of last weekend to get it set up and I had to watch like a hawk to be sure none of it got stolen. Then there was the $20 worth of candy.

How many Trick or Treaters did I get I get? Three. A pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses who wanted to discuss Jesus and how my celebration a pagan holiday was an offense in his eyes and a cop looking for the Jehovah’s Witnesses apparently in response to several complaints of their annoying trick or treaters and messing with decorations.

Next year its motion sensing sprinkler heads like the ones they use to keep animals away from gardens and shrubs hidden in the hedges and I’m handing out Jalapeño Pepper candies if anyone actually makes it to the door!

If you’ll excuse me I have to take everything down now, wrap it and put it up for sale on Craig’s List

 Dat’s right boys and girls-  duh muzzle is off and I’m BAAACK!

–==++ The Mayan Calendar Speaks ++==–

Mayan Calendar safety tip: On 12/21/12, don’t stand near
Keith Richards. Dude’s gonna light up like a Roman candle.

Cold-footed men: Just make sure that wedding date is after
12/21/12 and Mayan Calendar won’t let you down.

Mayan Calendar hopes the next U.S. president thoroughly
enjoys his -31 days in office.

Ode To a Ford:

Spot Title: “The Ford Focus Orchestra”

A man walks into a store that sells bees and the honey they
make. “The Bee Store,” it is called.

He approaches the clerk behind the counter. “I’d like ten bees, please,” he says.

“The standard honey bees?” the clerk asks.

“Yes, please,” the man replies.

The clerk retrieves a large jar, puts the bees inside and brings it to the man.

He looks at the bees in the jar. “You made a mistake,” he says.

“There are 11 bees in here.”

“I know,” the clerk replies. “The extra one is a free bee.”

You knew it had to happen, right?
Bartenders are starting to make a drink called the “Hurricane Sandy”…

Essentially, it’s a just a watered-down Manhattan.

Clear Example of Why Big Brother Government and Excessive Regulations are NOT a Good Thing

The Good news:
It was a normal day in Sharon Springs, Kansas, when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina.

The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the Governmental Regulations.

The Bad news:
The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses.  When crew tried to explain to higher-ups they needed to move the train, they were instructed not to move the train because Federal Regulations prohibit moving the train when a part is defective. Well okee-dokey then, and the pictures tell the rest. As always the Government knows what is best for us. (if you truly believe that, I can sell you that specific bridge in the photo in kit form)

REMEMBER, RULES ARE RULES!
Don’t ever let common sense get in the way of a Government Regulation!

Just think, now they will decide your health care because (according to Big Brother ) the Government always knows what is best for us. ! !

Election’s over, now you’re moving to Canada, eh?

Americans love to say they’re moving to Canada – at least around election time.
Just a quick check on Twitter brings up a myriad of responses.

“If Romney wins, I guess I will be moving to Canada. However, I have FAITH that Obama WILL PREVAIL!!” Robyn Paige posted Wednesday.

And not just on one side of things.

“My mom is really considering moving to Canada if Obama gets re-elected so @MittRomney better win,” Hannah Spence tweeted Wednesday.

If you’re one of the hardy few who think the fruits of democracy stink like a durian, it may be time to consider what steps you’ll have to take before you make your move to the Great White North.

People are granted permanent residency in Canada by qualifying in one of the following categories, according to the official Citizenship and Immigration Canada website, www.cic.gc.ca:

• If you have a work skill that’s in short supply in Canada.
• If you have recently worked or studied there as a non-resident.
• If you have some serious cash you want to invest in creating a business.
• If someone with political connections lobbies to have you nominated to settle and work there.
• If you are joining a family member who is already a permanent resident.
• If you’re a live-in caregiver, such as a nanny or nurse.
• And, of course, if you are a refugee.

The CIC website defines refugees as “people who are outside their home country or the country where they normally live, and who are unwilling to return because of a well-founded fear of persecution based on race; religion; political opinion; nationality; or membership in a particular social group, such as women or people of a particular sexual orientation.”

Persecution includes: a danger of torture; a risk to their life; or a risk of cruel and unusual treatment or punishment.

If you decide to apply for permanent residency in Canada as a refugee based on your fears that your political opinion might make you the subject of any of the above, your case will be reviewed by an independent board, which will weigh your case and then make a recommendation.

If the likelihood of your being counted as a refugee sounds a little far-fetched, you may want to try one of the other routes.

Paul Northcutt of CIC recommends that people go to the agency’s website and use a tool there that helps people figure out if they’re eligible for permanent residency and under what category. Below is a small sampling of the questions:

• Do you have a written job offer from an employer in Canada?
• Where do you plan to live in Canada?
• What is your estimated net worth (in Canadian dollars)?
• Do you plan to own or operate a farm in Canada?
• Do you plan to be self-employed in sports or cultural activities?

But do people actually make the move to Canada just because their candidate lost a presidential election?

There’s no way to be 100 percent sure, Northcott said.

“People decide they want to immigrate to Canada for many reasons,” he said.

Matthew Locatelli of upstate New York can certainly attest to that.

“If the Bengals beat the Broncos this weekend, I’m moving to Canada,” he tweeted Wednesday.

For disaffected voters or sports fans looking for an easier way out of the country — or for those who just don’t care for poutine and extra-long football fields — here are some other options:

Money: If you have enough of it, you can move almost anywhere. Some nations have Economic Citizenship Programs that will let you in if you invest a large amount of money or start a business, or if you make a large cash payment, sometimes as low as $100,000.

Talent: If you’ve got a skill set a nation badly needs, officials will make it easier for you to get in. The U.S. equivalent of this, the H-1B visa, brings many skilled workers here.

Family ties: If you have a grandparent who was born in Ireland, Poland or Italy, you easily can gain citizenship by providing some documentation. Israel, India, Ukraine, Slovakia and other nations outside Western Europe offer similar routes to naturalization. (Sorry Impish I already told you I can’t get you into Ireland under the guise of being my pet…I couldn’t afford the kenneling fees for your year in quarantine the way you chow down!)

Patience: If you can speak Spanish and have some patience, Uruguay may be a good option. They grant temporary residency with few questions asked, and grant citizenship after just a handful of years. Don’t know Spanish? How’s your Flemish? Belgium may also work.

I’m not going to surrender and have to kiss the ground in front of Obama, or be taunted by the liberals. Even though a Kenyan born Muslim Communist really did win the Presidential election again, and I’m fighting a man not of woman born, I’ll fight to the bloody end. I’ll put up my shield and battle for all of you till my dying breath. I will gladly serve as the lone candle holding back and cursing the impinging darkness. Come on, let’s go at it, Obama, Biden, Michelle, Hillary, Pelosi, all the rest of you damned liberals hell bent on plundering my pockets and ruining our once great Nation- LET’S GET IT ON! and damn the first man who cries, ‘Stop! Enough!’

On the bright side: I can get 4 more years out of my Presidential Enemies List Official Member coffee mug from the Dragon Laughs store (get yours here). If you’d prefer yours sans reference to Impish & I (GASP!) drop us a note and a sanitized version can be arranged. I guess I won’t have to clean out my Obama Editorial Graphics folder for quite a while yet either!

On an off topic note: it’s about time America took note of the way these other countries are dealing with the foreign invasion of their lands and adopted similar stances & policies and programs before the is no more America! True Americans are damned near a minority in their own country already!

Do you believe Americans have benefited from promoting free trade?

20% Yes
7% Yes and we should push for more
40% No
33% No and we should roll it back
0% I don’t know

Actually more truth than humor here…

News just in…

A US Navy Destroyer stops four Muslims in a row boat, rowing towards New York . ” The captain gets on the loud haler and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft, where are you heading?”

One of the Muslims stands up and shouts, “We are invading the United States !”

The crew of the Destroyer all start laughing and when the captain finally stops, he gets back on the loud haler and says,

“Just the four of you?”

The Muslim stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The rest are already there!”

Have you ever seen salmon crossing the road?

UNION, Wash. — A flooding river covered a road in Washington, allowing some migrating salmon to swim across the pavement.
Video from KOMO-TV shows one salmon didn’t make it Wednesday when it was caught by a dog that walked away with its catch near Union, about 40 miles southwest of Seattle.

The salmon-crossing-the-road scene is replayed nearly every year on the Skokomish (skoh-KOH’-mish) River. It frequently floods after heavy rain in the Olympic Mountains.

2 PICTURES WORTH A BILLION WORDS!

VERY GOOD QUESTIONS!! 

Nuff Said????????

Share this only if you ask the same questions.

Five things that probably won’t change no matter who’s president

There’s a superlative frenzy that comes with each presidential campaign season: These are the most toxic ads, this is the nastiest rhetoric, there’s more at stake this year than ever before.

A lot of it’s overstated.

It’s in campaigns’ interests to make voters believe that everything will fall apart if the other guy wins. There’s no doubt that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney disagree on many major issues. But it’s also true that there are some important scenarios that will probably play out the same way — for better and worse — no matter who’s in the Oval Office for the next four years.

Here are five big ones:

Drone warfare will continue

No matter who wins on Nov. 6, the U.S. military is likely to continue drone attacks. Romney said in the third presidential debate that he supports drone strikes “entirely.” Romney said he believes Obama “was right to use that technology,” and that the United States “should continue to use it.” But because the White House has been so secretive about its use of drones, it’s tough to discern how Romney and Obama might differ on the issue.

U.S. troops will likely leave Afghanistan in 2014

Both candidates are on record saying they’re committed to getting U.S. combat troops out of Afghanistan by the end of 2014. In addition to confirming the target date in various campaign events and during the debates, it’s right there on their respective websites.

From the Obama camp: “President Obama is drawing down our troops in Afghanistan as we transition security responsibility to the Afghan people, and is on track to responsibly end the war there in 2014.”

From Romney’s campaign: “Withdrawal of U.S. forces from Afghanistan under a Romney administration will be based on conditions on the ground as assessed by our military commanders with the goal of completing the transition of combat operations to the Afghan Army by the end of 2014.”

Still, Romney has sent some mixed messages. The military news organization Stars and Stripes published a questionnaire response from the Romney campaign that said “Romney believes it was an enormous mistake to communicate a withdrawal to our enemies as it makes our transition mission more difficult.”

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell isn’t coming back

Romney was against removing the policy that forced gay and lesbian service members to keep quiet about their sexual orientation. But it’s unlikely he’ll try to reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, which ended in September 2011.

But it’s important to note that Obama and Romney hold starkly different views when it comes to issues of same-sex equality. Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage in May; Romney is against it. Obama’s administration said in early 2011 it would no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act; Romney supports the federal law that defines marriage as between one man and one woman. (It’s unlikely a second-term Obama administration would push for federal same-sex marriage recognition, however. Obama told MTV last Friday that to “legislate federally into this area is probably the wrong way to go.”)

Gun control bills likely aren’t going anywhere

Over the summer, it seemed plausible that a deadly Aurora, Colo., movie theater massacre might make gun control a central campaign issue. Not so. The candidates have barely touched on the topic. One New York Times columnist called it “the least popular subject” of the 2012 campaign. The only time gun control came up in the three presidential debates was in a citizen’s question during the town hall debate. Obama hinted at reinstating an assault weapons ban. Romney said he doesn’t support any new gun laws. (Read the transcript.)

Washington will likely stay divided

Obama and Romney both talk a big game about bipartisanship. But it’s unlikely we’ll see Washington start playing nice any time soon. Part of the problem is that the president needs cooperation from Congress to get anything done. But Congress can barely find ways to cooperate within its own branch. Congress might be more productive if a single party gains control of both the House and Senate, but that looks unlikely this year, with the House likely to stay Republican and the Senate Democratic. But even under single-party control, Congress is still likely to see fighting between the two parties. Some things never change.

In other words folks by and large despite the election out come were looking at an S.S.D.D.- P.H.D. type of future situation here.

Same Shit Different Day- Politically Higher & Deeper

Good Morning Campers…I hope that it is a good morning for all of you, especially those of you who I know have survived Sandy, in one form or another.  My own dear family was raised right there in Seaside, NJ where the bullseye came ashore.  My sister is still there.  Thank fully, I’ve heard from her and she and her family are doing better than most.  They are not good, they’ve had a lot  of damage, but most importantly, they’ll be okay.
And that is my hope and wish for all and any of you who have fought through this, that you will be okay.  Our thoughts and prayers from all of us here at DL & LL Enterprises are with you all.
Something else you need to keep in mind, people are basically bastards at heart, not all of them, but enough of them are out there that prey on the good hearted ones, like you, my wonderful campers. So I want you to know that the bastards are already setting up bogus accounts for helping the victims of Frankenstorm and bilking the campers of the world out of their hard earned money.  Several folks, including the famous Kim Komando (Click here to learn how to spot and avoid these scams.) are telling us about scams involving Facebook and other means.  Just be aware of who you are giving your hard-earned dollars to.

You know what else is coming up on Tuesday…. That’s right.  It’s our four-year opportunity to “throw the bums out” and vote in the good guys.  I’m not going to go round and round (at least not right here) about who the good and the bad are.  You guys should all know our opinion about things by now, but what I am going to tell you to do, what I and my buddy the Lethal Leprechaun agree is your civic duty, and what I will tell each and everyone of you that if you DON’T go out and do then you have NO RIGHT AT ALL to do any bitching over the next four years.  What is it that I want, nay, encourage, if possible COMMAND you to do?

That’s right!  Get your butts out there and vote!  You know there’s going to be games.  There’s going to be problems…especially on the east coast, but you can’t even get in the game if you don’t vote.

Now, let’s move on, shall we?

See, above is a picture of the perfect definition of the word, “bastard”

This has absolutely got to be one of the best videos I’ve ever seen on YouTube.  The Lady narrator says that she has five reasons to vote for Romney for president, but what she actually has are five reasons (more like topics) for NOT voting for Obama.  I don’t mind the content.  And I understand the point she is trying to make, that a vote for Romney is a vote against Obama, but I think that Romney should be elected on his own merits, not just because he’s not Obama.  Isn’t that how we pretty much got Obama in the first place?  Because he wasn’t Bush?  Now, having said all that, this is a great video for NOT electing Obama….and we’ll just leave  it right there.  Please watch.  You have to go to our website to see it at www.dragonlaffs.com but we want you to do that anyway.  Thanks to my dad for pointing this my way.

run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

From our dear friend Karl…aka K² comes an entry in the category of “just wondering..”

If Obama wants Catholic institutions to provide condoms and abortions, does this mean he will force Muslims to serve bacon and alcohol? Just wondering…..

and from my sister-in-law, who also had the first part, she adds…

or force Hindus to slaughter cows to feed the poor?  Freedom of Religion; not freedom from Religion; Freedom of Religion means ALL Religion!  Obama is an anti-Christian BIGOT!  ~politifake.org

So….other voices heard from.  Nice.  Thanks friends.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.

Biden vs. Biden…somebody put a lot of time into this.  Well worth watching.  Funny as well as poignant.  Enjoy!
http://www.ntrc.info/biden.html

Yes, it’s like that…and it’s that important.

Recently, I was called by a news reporter from one of those “check-out-lane” pulp newspapers that offer mostly unbelievable crap than real news.  You know the Elvis was taken by aliens type of thing I’m talking about.  Anyway, this reporter was doing a survey of famous mythical personalities and his one important question was kind of strange.  He asked, “Impish, at your ripe old age, which would you prefer to get, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?”
Well, after telling him that I thought it was a pretty asinine questions besides being easy enough to figure out on  his own.
Well, of course he got mad and demanded to know what I was talking about and I told him, well which do you think is better?  Is it better to spill a half an ounce of Bourbon or to forget where I keep the bottle?
I thought it was a good answer.

Time Change
Hey!  It’s time for payback!!!!  Remember a couple of months ago when we gave up an hour, lost an hour of sleep, and had to change all the damn clocks and appliances in the house?  Remember when we had no damn idea why we had to do that?  Well, it’s time to get our just-due!  We get that hour back!  We get that extra hour of sleep!  How nice is that gonna be!  So remember, either Saturday night before you go to bed or Sunday morning when you get up, set your clock back one hour…Payback!
Oh….we still don’t know why and we’ll have to spend most of that hour we saved changing the damn clocks and appliances…but…
umm….
well, there really isn’t much more of an up-side.

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father
“Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for
school tomorrow.”

The father thought some and said, “Okay, son . The best way I can
describe politics is to use an analogy. “Lets say that I’m capitalism
because I’m the bread winner. Your mother will be government because she
controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she
works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your
baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?”

Little Johnny said, “Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what
you said.”

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was awaken by
his brother’s crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty
diaper. So,he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his
father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up.

Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he
reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed
with the maid. Because he couldn’t do anything else, he turned and went
back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, “Dad, I
think I understand politics much better now.”

“Excellent, my boy,” he answered. “What have you learned?” Little
Johnny thought for a minute and said, ”

I learned that Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is
sound asleep ignoring the People, and the Future’s full of shit.”

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.” The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.The
businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, “And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention …. “

Here’s a post, sent to me by the Leprechaun, of a guy who thinks a lot like we think.  It’s not about the party…it’s about the politics…

OP-ED | Election 2012: The Hybrid’s Choice

by Terry D. Cowgill | Nov 2, 2012 5:30am
(2) Comments | Log in to Post a Comment 
Posted to: Election 2012, Opinion

TERRY COWGILL

The tagline on my blog, CT Devil’s Advocate, proudly proclaims the content to be “Red Meat For Mushy Moderates.” It sounds good, but I’m not sure it accurately describes all my opinions on the issues of the day.

Indeed, some of my views are immoderate. After years of agonizing, for example, I’m firmly in the camp that believes a big-government, single-payer system is the answer to the 10-to-20 million Americans who don’t have health insurance. On the other hand, I firmly believe in the wisdom of former President Gerald Ford, who said, “A government big enough to give you everything you need, is a government big enough to take away everything that you have.” I deplore wasteful spending and am wary of government getting involved where it has no business.

So perhaps it’s better to call me a hybrid, which brings us to the next question: For whom should a hybrid vote in the upcoming Nov. 6 elections? Well, we have to think strategically. Let’s start with the big dogs first.

For me — and for millions of others — all that really matters is the economy because from that, everything else flows. I simply can’t get revved up about “binders full of women,” “You didn’t build that,” or some kook who redefines rape. So I have to ask myself which candidate, Mitt Romney or Barack Obama, would do a better job of getting the economy back on track?

It’s an open secret that many in the business community can’t stand Obama. He has disparaged them—their motives, their methods—one too many times. I’ve personally spoken with businessmen who say they’re holding back from investing in their own companies, hoping they can outlast Obama so they can have an ally back in the White House. Others don’t want to hire more workers for fear of crossing the 50-employee threshold, at which point the expensive Obamacare kicks in.

It’s become clear to me that, for all his good intentions and his Ivy League pedigree, Obama knows next to nothing about economics. He sees the economy as a zero-sum game in which government should be the prime creator of jobs, supply and demand. Obama and many other lefties believe in what economics writer Robert Samuelson and the Wall Street Journal have derisively called “job creationism” and Romney has called “trickle-down government” — the notion that a government deity decrees, “Let there be jobs. And so there were jobs.”

There is no doubt in my mind that erstwhile businessman Romney, notwithstanding his unrealistic tax plan and his chronic flip-flopping, would on day one of his presidency signal that America is back in business. If, like me, you’re concerned about what his 20-percent tax cut would do to the deficit, rest assured that a Democratic Senate will filibuster it into oblivion. Romney’s not perfect by any stretch, but the federal and state governments, which liberals reflexively want to grow, can accomplish very little with a weak economy and the meager revenues that spring from it.

Connecticut’s U.S. Senate seat isn’t as easy a call. In one corner, we have a political know-nothing in former WWE CEO Linda McMahon. She touts herself as a job creator with a plan — as if a freshman senator’s “plan” would ever see the light of day in Washington. And it’s difficult to take seriously any Romney supporter who, as McMahon did in a recent ad, cynically urges her supporters to vote for her and Obama.

In the other corner, we have a man who has been a legislator for most of his adult life and has done little to distinguish himself in his three terms as my congressman. Can you point to any significant legislation with Democrat Chris Murphy’s fingerprints on it since he brilliantly unseated 26-year incumbent Nancy Johnson in 2006? Ethics reform, light rail, making home invasion and vandalizing veterans’ memorials federal crimes?

These are largely symbolic issues that don’t typically propel a three-term congressman into the august body of the Senate. On the other hand, at least Murphy is a serious person who actually knows something about public policy and isn’t afraid to defend his views and answer tough questions from the news media. Even as his vacuous opponent offers nothing but poll-tested talking points, Murphy has a long record of public service that suggests what he might do in the Senate. And besides, Murphy would probably lead the filibuster against Romney’s tax plan. Advantage Murphy.

In the state’s only competitive congressional race, moderate Republican state Sen. Andrew Roraback squares off against another moderate, former one-term Democratic state Rep. Elizabeth Esty. While Roraback say he wants to repeal Obamacare, it won’t happen unless the Senate reverts to Republican hands, which is very unlikely.

Esty supports most of the causes of economic fairness embraced by the Democratic Party but she’s also a fiscal hawk who says she believes firmly that government isn’t merely a jobs program, but should be accountable to taxpayers at every level.

But all this is just so much talk. I’m a firm believer in the old maxim that we should pay little attention to what politicians say. Instead, we should watch what they do and examine their records. And on that count, Roraback’s long history of independence and common sense in the General Assembly wins him my full support.

So there you have it. A hybrid’s choice—as opposed to the Hobson’s choice of party loyalty. Now if we could only get power back on in my town, maybe I could actually vote.

Terry Cowgill blogs at ctdevilsadvocate.com, is the editor ofctessentialpolitics.com and was an award-winning editor and senior writer for The Lakeville Journal Company. He can be found on Twitter @terrycowgill.

So, you think that house decorations are only for Christmas?  That awesome light shows only go with carols?  Well….you’re WRONG!
Check this one out!
http://www.tvkim.com/watch/2425/kims-picks-wild-halloween-light-show?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=dotd&utm_content=2012-10-31-fifl-votd-cta

He’s a real humanitarian. He just opened a halfway house for girls who won’t go all the way.

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Susie led off. “I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good”, said the teacher.

Little Janie was next. “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Janie”, said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Dave’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Dave walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467”, he said proudly. “$2,467!!!” shouted the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?!”

“Toothbrushes”, said Little Dave. “Toothbrushes?”, echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town”, said Little Dave, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, ‘Hey kid, this tastes like dog poop!’ Then I would reply, ‘That’s because it IS dog poop! Wanna buy a toothbrush?’ I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth!”

Little Dave got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.

Okay!  Here’s a sign I wish we’d see a whole lot more of!  Bless you sir, whoever you are!

And finally, here’s one we hope to see come Wednesday morning…

I was going to put this video at the very beginning of the issue to give it the most punch because I think it’s that important, then I thought, no… let’s put it at the very end, let this be the last thing that all you wonderful campers see from me before you go and vote on Tuesday…you ARE going to vote, right?  Now, look, we’ve been over this a couple of times now already, so I don’t really need to tell you how important it is for you to go out there and

The funny thing was that after I decided to include this fantastic video, it was forwarded to me by several members of our group, plus our dear Lethal Leprechaun and K².  So, without any further ado, please watch this video and include its message in your thoughts as you go to the polling place on Tuesday.

God bless you all.

(Special Thanks to Gailwynds331 for the fly-by!)

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when
Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife.

“Good grief” says Jim, “You and Sue are the happiest couple
I know – why on earth would you want to divorce such a
lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?”

“Well” replies Fred, “Truth be known, I’m just bored with pokin’
the same hole night after night after night.

I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of variety.”

Jim: “Well if you want variety, why don’t you just, you know,

turn her over every now and again?”

Fred: “What – and have a house full of kids?”

Haunted Houses- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1858)

All houses wherein men have lived and died
Are haunted houses. Through the open doors
The harmless phantoms on their errands glide,
With feet that make no sound upon the floors.
We meet them at the door-way, on the stair,
Along the passages they come and go,
Impalpable impressions on the air,
A sense of something moving to and fro.
There are more guests at table than the hosts
Invited; the illuminated hall
Is thronged with quiet, inoffensive ghosts,
As silent as the pictures on the wall.
The stranger at my fireside cannot see
The forms I see, nor hear the sounds I hear;
He but perceives what is; while unto me
All that has been is visible and clear.
We have no title-deeds to house or lands;
Owners and occupants of earlier dates
From graves forgotten stretch their dusty hands,
And hold in mortmain still their old estates.
The spirit-world around this world of sense
Floats like an atmosphere, and everywhere
Wafts through these earthly mists and vapours dense
A vital breath of more ethereal air.
Our little lives are kept in equipoise
By opposite attractions and desires;
The struggle of the instinct that enjoys,
And the more noble instinct that aspires.
These perturbations, this perpetual jar
Of earthly wants and aspirations high,
Come from the influence of an unseen star
An undiscovered planet in our sky.
And as the moon from some dark gate of cloud
Throws o’er the sea a floating bridge of light,
Across whose trembling planks our fancies crowd
Into the realm of mystery and night,—
So from the world of spirits there descends
A bridge of light, connecting it with this,
O’er whose unsteady floor, that sways and bends,
Wander our thoughts above the dark abyss.

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man who was
wearing a turban eating fresh shrimp.
Every time he ate one he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her
to deflect it.
Eventually she had enough and pulled the Emergency Cord.
The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing
that, you stupid Catholic bitch.”
She laughed and said, “When I cry ‘rape’ and they smell your fingers,
you’ll get 10 years, you towel-headed Camel-fucker.”

Nuns- God’s Earthly Instruments of Devine Retribution. FEAR THEM!  They just don’t rulers across knuckles and pointers across desks to enforce their rules anymore!

A Muslim dies, and by some error in his handling, ends up in heaven.
He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says:

“Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven.”

“What?” replies the Muslim, “and why not?”

“Well, we just don’t and that’s it… we’re short on Virgins.”

The Muslim complains and carries on until St Peter gets fed up.

“Well,” says St Peter, “have you ever done anything good in your life?”

“Ummm….” the Muslim replies. “Yes, the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children’s charity so I gave her ten pounds. Last week, I donated ten pounds to the Cancer Society, and a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money, so I gave him ten pounds too!”

“Alrighty then,” says St Peter, “wait here and I’ll have a quick word with God.”

Five minutes later, St Peter returns and says to the Muslim, “Listen, I’ve spoken with God and he agrees with me…here’s your 30 quid back, now f## off you towel headed terrorist bastard!”

Muslims- Unliked and unwanted even by the just about most accepting and forgiving God there is and his Saints!

I recently applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 9 gun turrets at various
heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me; Forget it… AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!

So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a ‘Mosque’.

Work starts on Monday.

I love this country. It’s the Government I’m afraid of…

Daylight Savings Time ends this Sunday November 4th!

While you’re at it it’s also a good time to check/change those smoke alarm & flashlight batteries, the batteries in your remotes,  and in all those battery operated wall clocks too. While you’re at it, when was the last time the battery in your Keyless Car Entry Fob was changed?

Pumpkin Carvings

Since I don’t have any suspected Meadow Muffins or Pasture Pies to talk about today I thought we might discuss some helpful sites for determining if what you are about to step in is the smells like roses truth…or the other vile hard to get off your boots stuff.

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” ~ Winston Churchill

With the internet it’s probably possible for a lie to get all the way around the world several times before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.   

So how do you find the truth online?  How do you check the facts?

Here are a couple of websites that can help you sort fact from fiction and outright lies:

For sorting through urban legends and dubious emails there is no better website than:  http://www.snopes.com/

This site is dedicated to stomping out “eRumors” that show up in your email:  http://www.truthorfiction.com/

This site was made famous in the last presidential election.  To sort through all the political information out there the Annenberg Foundation set-up http://www.factcheck.org/

Speaking of politics, if you prefer your facts with a specific political slant you might want to consider one of these two websites:

http://www.mediaresearch.org/ Fact checking with a conservative slant

http://mediamatters.org/  Fact checking with a liberal slant

Since most of these sites cater to adult audiences you might want to consider this website as a resource for students:  http://lii.org/

The Raven- Edgar Allan Poe (1845)

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“ ’Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
                              Only this and nothing more.”
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
                              Nameless here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
“ ’Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door—
Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door;
                              This it is and nothing more.”
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—
                              Darkness there and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore!”
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—
                              Merely this, and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—
                              “Tis the wind and nothing more!”
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
                              Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore—
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”
                              Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door—
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
                              With such name as “Nevermore.”
But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—
Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.”
                              Then the bird said “Nevermore.”
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
                              Of “Never—nevermore.”
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
                              Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamplght gloated o’er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o’er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
“Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”
                              Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—
On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—
Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”
                              Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil—prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”
                              Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—
“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”
                              Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.”
And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
                              Shall be lifted—nevermore!

A fun detective game

Who doesn’t love a good mystery? Put yourself in the shoes of an animated detective in this fun and furry adventure. And learn something too!

The  FFFBI – the Fin, Fur and Feather Bureau of Investigation – will take you on selected missions across the globe from India to Antarctica, as an animated detective.

You can use your logic, investigation skills and determination to gather evidence and put away the bad guys.

Although the site was designed to help elementary and middle school students learn about places and cultures around the world, it’s fun for any age!

fffbi.com

OH those Italians !

They are a nice bunch……..

Because there are no mosques in Venice ,

the Italian Government has allowed Muslims to pray in the streets.

So far 543 have drowned.

GOD BLESS THOSE ITALIANS!

Craziest Halloween Scare/Prank Trick Ever! Head Drop Illusion

The elections occur in less than a week. Since my self imposed Politics/Obama/Impish Busting muzzle does not come off technically until tomorrow and next weeks issue would be too late I was faced with one of 2 choices. I could withhold publication of Leprechaun Laughs until tomorrow, there by fulfilling the letter of my promise, or making a few general non specific comments today while avoiding any direct criticisms &/or bashing in an attempt to portray my thoughts regarding the importance of this election while still adhering the spirit of my promise. Since I am not attempting to sway your vote, discuss the merits of one candidate or the other, refrain from bashing any candidate and am simply discussing the ramifications of this particular election and things of a like nature our Corporate legal team at Dewy Cheatum & Howe has informed me I am technically still good to go with my promise. Besides, past experience has shown the following to be so very true:

As my first comment let me make this observation to those who say that there are no good candidates therefore they are not going to bother to vote because it doesn’t make a difference:

We have people fighting and dying to protect us, our way of life and your rights. ONE OF THOSE IS YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE TO DETERMINE WHO LEADS US! IF you support our troops and appreciate what they are doing for all of us then you should have NO problem getting you backside out of that Lazy Boy and using your American freedom that they are fighting dying and existing under the harshest of conditions to protect.

I’m will to bet you voting apathetic bunch will be the ones whining and complaining the loudest about things you disapprove of during the next administration whom ever it is. Well guess what?

IF I FIND OUT YOU DIDN’T VOTE PERIOD I’LL SLAP THE CRAP OUT OF YOU WITH POSTED SCORN BY THE ISSUE LOAD FOR DARING TO OPEN YOUR WHINEY MOUTHS ANY TIME IN THE NEXT 4 YEARS!

You don’t exercise your right to vote from where I sit you lose your right to complain period end of discussion. You’re an outsider, a spectator not a participant in our political process and therefore you  have no right to complain or comment on the situation

What follows from here on are excerpts from several Op Ed articles that have caught my eye over the last 2 weeks and my further thoughts which they have provoked. It is my hope not to sway your vote in either direction but rather to underline the importance of the fact that you DO vote and exactly what that vote represents in this particular election where most voters seem to be of the opinion that there is no good choice to be made and that therefore their vote is of no great significance either way so they might as well stay home.

It’s a ritual that seems as old as the Republic: every four years, two men get up and tell us that they—and they alone—can make the economy grow faster. “Elect me president,” each one says, “and I’ll put a chicken in every pot, a new car in every garage, and another zero on every paycheck. Elect the other guy, and you might as well take a vow of poverty right now.”

It’s remarkable enough that presidential candidates make such unlikely claims, but what’s even more amazing is that we seem to believe them. We attribute all sorts of magical qualities to the president, but none is more unreal than the ability to make the economy grow on command. The economy is big, and the president is just one man. And if you ask your neighbors, you’ll find that very few people are standing around, just waiting for the president to tell them to get moving and generate some prosperity.

After a few decades of listening to politicians make claims for their economic management powers that are literally incredible, you’d think we’d have been disillusioned. But as this election cycle seems to indicate that’s the opposite of the truth. When their economic promises fail, we just ask them to promise harder.

While the above is certainly historically true, there ARE things that a President DOES directly influence Foreign Policy, Domestic Programs, Border Protection and Control just to name a few. HE is also the face of the American People to the rest of the world and as such shapes the worlds impression of us while he is in office.

We have a 2 party system here in the U.S., which means we generally have 2 choices come election time, the status quo or an unknown quantity. This time around neither of the party’s candidates has in my opinion, shown a compelling reason to vote for them. One holds back and does his best to keep secret and control the information about himself and his administration that the people most want to aid them in making an informed decision, they other flop flops like a fish out of water desperate for a breath on the issues reminding me of the old saw about the prostitute who when asked what her name was replied “Who do you want me to be?” To me and apparently most people neither is a particularly compelling or attractive option.

I will say that there IS one thing that a challenger in a situation like this has going for him in his Pro column, the promise of a new beginning and a fresh start. In the last election your were promised ‘Hope & Change’. Well, while the challenger is not outright promising it this election it is what he represents simply by being the challenger. The incumbent is a known quantity and has made his intentions for the future should he win clear. Now the question you are faced with put in its simplest terms is can you live with that for 4 more year, more importantly can the COUNTRY live with it?  Or, do you vote for the unknown quantity who appears to have no clear stance on anything and take the chance hoping that his election will bring about the sought after change which thereby will make the economy and country prosper thru confidence and opportunity.

Don’t be fooled by election scare tactics

Editorial courtesy of the Denver Post, denverpost.com. Published: Tuesday, October 30, 2012

With just over a week to go before Election Day, the deceit and noise have reached almost intolerable levels.
Hang in there, voters.
Don’t be swayed by last-minute cheap tricks, such as the phone calls making the rounds in Florida, Virginia and Indiana that urge people to cast ballots via phone. That is, for the record, not possible.
We hope voters also won’t fall prey to voter intimidation tactics — such as threatening or confusing billboards — paid for by those who’d like to scare some voters into not exercising their right to vote.

And if you’re one of those who ends up being challenged at the polls, keep your cool.
In Colorado, challengers may question voters’ eligibility based on age, citizenship and residency. But they have to attest under oath that they have reason to question a voter’s eligibility.
And so long as voters can swear they meet requirements, they will get a regular ballot. No citizenship papers or additional documents are required to be presented at the polls.
As energy surrounding the election increases to frenetic heights, it’s important for voters to know their rights and refuse to be put off by ill-intentioned politicos who seek to manipulate the electoral system for their own nefarious purposes.
Some election observers say the tactics usually reserved for the last few days before an election are now taking place in the weeks before the election.
Certainly, the close nature of the presidential election pitting President Obama against GOP challenger Mitt Romney is driving the action, particularly in swing states such as Colorado, Florida, Ohio and Virginia.

For instance, some seniors, including Republican Kurtis Killian from Florida, reported getting phone calls offering to take their votes over the phone.
In New Mexico, a video has surfaced of a Republican organizer giving false information to poll watchers, telling them they can demand that voters show identification, and can keep voters from requesting the help of an interpreters. Neither is true.
It’s probably going to get worse as the clock runs out on voting. We urge citizens to exercise their right to vote and then hold steady.
Because, of course, after the election, it will not be over until the last recount is conducted and the last lawsuit settled. Welcome to the joys of modern-day elections.

First of all let me say that hearing of shit like this going on makes me want to pick up a rifle and go political asshole hunting. While regular assholes are in season year long and there is no limit on them political assholes of the trophy class only come in season once every 4 years and we apparently have a bumper crop of them this year.

Likely we are in for a long and drawn out election certification process reminiscent of the 2000 election and Florida’s issues due to hand counting. This time around it will be in the North East and because of the damage from the Super Storm. You can bet that these political process hijackers will be out doing their version of the ACORN events of 4 years ago while looking for any opportunity to challenge anything they possibly can in an attempt  to ‘legally’ influence the voting outcome in their favor.

If you are approached by someone get a name, an organization, demand ID &/or proof of affiliation, get a phone number (blocked names and phone numbers are a SURE sign of a scam). Call the police and report this activity. File a complaint with your state attorney general notify your local voting boards. YOU are responsible for protecting the exercising of your right to vote from those who would internally prevent you from using it.

Finally I would ask that you all take some serious time to reflect on your choice of candidate seriously. The one thing we can ALL agree on regardless of our political affiliation or view point is that the choice we make on November 6th is going to have a major impact on this country for the next 4 years and that because of that we all need to choose WISELY.

Good Morning Campers!  So I gather that you all have heard about my little adventure over the last 48 hours or so.  Thank you to all of you who have sent me well wishes and have waited to hear from me.  I am still feeling really puny so this will be really quick.  There won’t be any Last Word today, but the rest of the issue is here.  As far as my medical adventures go….I should be back to normal in a couple of days.  But, I’ll try to keep you informed, even if it’s passed on through our dear friend the Leprechaun.

One day I asked my two-year-old daughter, Catherine, where her
slippers were. “Downstairs in the kitchen,” she told me. “What are
they  doing there?” I asked. “Nothing,” she replied. “They can’t walk
because they  don’t have feet in them right  now.”

They were looking down into the depths of the Grand Canyon.
“Do you know,” asked the guide, “that it took millions and millions
of  years for this great abyss to be carved out?”
“Well, I’ll be darned,”  exclaimed the traveler. “I never knew this
was a government job.”

I  was attending a benefit, and before the show began, I walked up
to a man  wearing fatigues. “I just want to thank you for your service
to our  country,” I told him. He looked thoroughly confused, but I
walked away  knowing I’d done the right thing. Later, when my soldier
took the stage along  with a police officer, a construction worker,
and a Native American, it  dawned on me why he’d had a puzzled
expression, I had thanked a member of  the Village People.

On our first anniversary, after a romantic candlelit dinner,  my wife,
Elizabeth, emerged from the kitchen with the finishing touch: the
top of our wedding cake for dessert. At the first cut, the iced layer
“squeaked” at us. For an entire year, we had saved a round
chunk of  frosting-covered Styrofoam in our freezer.

Using a new painting program on my computer, I  managed to come up
with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color  printout and sent
it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it  arrived.
“Isn’t it good?” I asked.
She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed  mine from years ago, replied,
“Mom, it’s beautiful. We put it on the  refrigerator.”

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified,
well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“I want to see Natalie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else,” said the madam.

“No, I must see Natalie” was the man’s reply.

Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged
$1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred
dollar bills and gave them to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an
hour, the man calmly left.

The next night the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie.
Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row-too
expensive — and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went
upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie
and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man.

“No one has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”
she asked.

The man replied, “South Carolina.”

“Really?” she said. “I have family in South Carolina.”

“I know,” the man said. “Your father died and I am your sister’s
attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance.”

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak
to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit
from the mistakes of another?”

“Absolutely not!” replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank would
even ask such a question.

“In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider
returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last
July.”

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.
“Let me tell you a story,” replied the Priest.

“A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’ But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.”

The man protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!”

“Simple”, replied the Priest…

“It doesn’t matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!”

A Little Wickedly Dry Humor by our own Jeannie:

A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group from the White House that included President Obama.

Obama quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said,”I’m President Obama and I hope you’ll vote for me this November.”

This is a little early, but the statement below is absolutely timeless.

I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Obama.

This is why dragons are considered so wise and understanding…it’s also why they are hunted to almost extinction!
A woman asks, “If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut.  But when a man sleeps with ten women everyone calls him a real man.  Why is this?”

And I, the wise and venerable dragon reply that it’s actually quite simple.  When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it is a bad lock.  However, when one key is able to open ten different locks, we call that a master key.

Lethal here folks with a Special Announcement of Importance. Today’s issue of Dragon Laughs will be delayed  in posting by one day.

Our beloved steward of Saturday Morning Smirks & Smiles, Impish Dragon has suffered a temporary but semi serious personal medical issue which required not only the attentions of his personal Vet & consultation with his resident Dr of Quackery, but a trip to the Emergency Room and the attention of actual legitimate human medical personnel.

In all likelihood shortly the services of either Joe the Plumber or the Roto-Rooter Man will also be required to completely fix all of the poor Dragon’s problem. Being currently more or less permanently, for the time being, indisposed, as well as under the weather, Impish has asked me to convey to you that the Dragon Laughs issue scheduled for today should be out at some point tomorrow once he has (hopefully) fully recovered from his current malady and predicament.

As a final note I would like to say that while I have attempted to make this announcement by portraying Impish’s current malady in a light and humorous manner consistent with our usually publishing style his condition is in NO WAY funny but very serious, hopefully minor and also god willing, easily corrected.

I’m sure you will all join me in wishing him a speedy recovery sans lasting effects or complications as well as in your thoughts and prayers.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Saturday activities.