Dragon Laffs #1309

Dragon Laffs 5
Good Morning Campers!  Yup, it’s me…again.  I’m back on schedule again with postings so you’ll go back to getting me on Saturday and Lethal on Sunday.  I know this is probably disappointing in some way to all of you.  To the pro-Lethal group, it’s disappointing that you have to go another day without seeing one of his spectacular posts.  For the pro-Impish bunch, you’re disappointed because you’re going back to getting me only once a week.  For the vast majority of you who are pro-both-of-us, you are disappointed because…. well, I’m not sure why you would be disappointed, but just run with it.

I’ve had a very interesting day, so interesting in fact that it is the subject of today’s Last Word… so, until we get there, let me just say that you will be shocked and awed.

Now, it’s time.  so…

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When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of
worship were not spared. A local television station interviewed a black
woman from New Jersey and asked how the loss of churches in the area
would affect their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know ’bout all those
other people, but we ain’t gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye’s.”

The look on the interviewer’s face was priceless.

They live among us,

AND THEY VOTE.

Now, do you understand how we got our president?


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I had a discussion with Mrs. Dragon over her choices for our meals.  After giving me “The-Look” she told me, “I don’t know what you are complaining about!  I make much better meals than you do!”
”What are you talking about?” I replied.  When I cook, I use the 4 food groups: Canned, Boxed, Bagged and Frozen!”

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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa.
“Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl.
“Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa.
“Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?”

14Yeah, we are getting back into the snow thing again.  Don’t get me wrong, I like snow.  I like walking in the snow, I like driving in the snow (when no one else is on the road) and  I like getting time off from work because of the snow….what I don’t like is shoveling the snow and dealing with the slush and muck when it starts to melt.

This is a story that was passed on to me by Lethal.  We both felt strongly enough that it needed to be included right away, to show that there are still some upstanding individuals around.
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Runner refuses to exploit mistake, helps opponent finish first

Rick Chandler

Jan 18, 2013, 12:39 PM EST

 

Reuters

And so shines a good deed in a weary world …1b

So Kenya’s Abel Mutai (pictured, far right) was leading a cross-country race in Burlanda, Spain, when he got a bit confused. Running in first place by a wide margin over Spain’s Iván Fernández Anaya, who was in second, Mutai mistakenly thought he had reached the finish line and began to slow down with about 10 meters still to go. Anaya could have jetted by him and won the race, but he didn’t — instead catching up to Mutai and allowing him to finish first by guiding him to the finish line.

“I didn’t deserve to win it,” says 24-year-old Fernández Anaya. “I did what I had to do. He was the rightful winner. He created a gap that I couldn’t have closed if he hadn’t made a mistake. As soon as I saw he was stopping, I knew I wasn’t going to pass him.”

Mutai was the bronze medalist in the 3,000-meter steeplechase at the London Olympics.

Martin Fiz is Anaya’s coach.

“It was a very good gesture of honesty,” says Fiz. “A gesture of the kind that isn’t made any more. Or rather, of the kind that has never been made. A gesture that I myself wouldn’t have made. I certainly would have taken advantage of it to win.”

But Anaya has a different perspective: one which we can sure use right about now:

“Of course it would be another thing if there was a world or European medal at stake. Then, I think that, yes, I would have exploited it to win… But I also think that I have earned more of a name having done what I did than if I had won. And that is very important, because today, with the way things are in all circles, in soccer, in society, in politics, where it seems anything goes, a gesture of honesty goes down well.”

This occurred last month, well before the Lance Armstrong and Manti Te’o stories broke. If only this story got as much publicity as the other two.


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Another inspiring story.  What does love look like?  It looks like this:
1baFrom the Kim Komando website:

You may have seen this photo making the rounds online. Though it’s one of the most popular images on the Web right now, the story is even more magical.

The man, John Allen, and woman, Linda Alexander, have been life partners for a very long time. Sadly, Linda suffered a stroke that took away most of her ability to think and move. After the stroke, the only thing she could say was “I love you.”

John has spent a lot of his time teaching Linda how to do the things she used to take for granted. In this instance, he is teaching her how to enjoy reading again. (By the use of Flashcards)

This patient, loving couple should be an inspiration for everyone.


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Puns!  We all love them and we even have a pun queen that posts here, but these puns…these are from a really unusual source…my dad.  Thanks Dad, and thanks for all the submissions you’ve sent in.
If the rest of you wish to submit, you can send to DragonLaffs-owner@yahoogroups.com and they will go to Lethal and Impish and then we get to fight over them.  But now, some puns.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period…

Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.  I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection ….. urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

“Do not worry about old age; it does not last.”

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So, as promised, here’s my day… with pictures.
The day started with this..
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Well, my darling wife had been running around all day, doing chores, going to the littlest dragons school for a class project and to have lunch with her.  She’s an excellent driver and is always very careful when driving.

Well, she picked me up to go to Physical Therapy and we headed out.  Well, we didn’t get but about a mile from the house when we hit a slick spot and spun out.  Luckily there was like nothing but a fire hydrant for the entire block … no trees, buildings, signs, nothing.

Guess what we hit?

Yup, the fire hydrant.
Car Wreck 1

Car Wreck 2

Nobody was hurt.  It’s the worst 15mph accident you’ve ever seen.  In case you missed it…

Car Wreck 1a

Thank goodness no one was hurt, the air bags didn’t even go off.  I have to give HUGE Kudos to Geico, our insurance company.  They took care of everything, quickly, easily and with NO stress on us.  They did a great job.  From the tow truck to the adjuster to the rental car to EVERYTHING.  They even took care of stuff that I hadn’t even considered.  Like calling the utility company to take care of the hydrant. Excellent job!

But after a few days, you know I’ll be texting pictures of fire hydrants to Mrs. Dragon … but right now, she’s still a bit upset over the whole thing.  So NO hydrant jokes…. for now.  lol.

That’s all I got for now folks.  I’d be happy to hear from any and all of you.  Take care of yourselves, until we talk again.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Dragon Laffs #1308

Dragon Laffs
Good Morning Campers!  As promised, it is I, the one and only, Impish Dragon, coming to you on a Wednesday, to try and pay back, in some small way, the efforts and support that our dear friend Lethal Leprechaun has made on my behalf since this whole knee thing started up.  He has been there for me so many times and in so many ways, that I could post both sides of this e-zine until June and still not pay it all back.
And speaking of my knee.  I went to my first full Physical Therapy appointment yesterday.  I walked in on a cane instead of the walker.  My therapist was shocked.  Once we got going with the exercises and stuff, he told me that he had me doing stuff that normally isn’t done until like the 3rd or 4th week post surgery…not a week and a day, like it was.
At the end of the session, I was walking without cane or walker, although he told me, ordered me, made me promise and then enlisted Mrs. Dragon’s help and support that I would use the cane at all times, unless I had spotters and what-not helping me.
Anyway, long story short, I’m doing really well.
and now……

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Even guys get got with blonde jokes…

A blonde guy goes to the big football game, he has great seats on the 50 yard line, 8 rows up, perfect.

Just before kickoff he hears someone behind him yelling, “Arnold, we’re up here, Arnold!”

He turns around and misses the kickoff!

A short while later, just as the quarterback throws a long bomb, the same guy starts yelling, “Hey Arnold, we’re up here, Arnold!!”

Again he turns around and again he misses the play

This goes on for every big play. He hears the guy shouting, “Hey Arnold, look up here!” He turns around and misses the play.

Finally, fuming mad, he turns around, pulls out his binoculars and scans the crowd for the guy doing all the yelling. He eventually spots him, after missing yet another big play. He Cow quackruns up the stands, nearly to the top of the stadium. Pulls the guy out into the aisle, picks him up by the lapels and shouts, “Shut-up, my name isn’t Arnold!!”


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Okay, remember that guy blonde joke from earlier?  Well…. he may have had a brother…

A doctor in Duluth, Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting.

He approached his assistant, Ole, and said, “Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic.. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So, Ole, How was your day?”

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, mate, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,” says Ole.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this, and what about the third one?” asks the Doctor.

“Well, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a beautiful woman comes into the office.

Like a flame, she undresses herself, TAKING OFF EVERYTHING INCLUDING HER PANTIES AND LIES DOWN ON THE TABLE AND SHOUTS: ‘HELP ME – I haven’t seen a man in over two years!!”

“Oh my God, Ole, what did you do?” asks the doctor.

Ole answered excitedly, “I PUT DROPS IN HER EYES!!”

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As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart. It’s Eric. I’m on the train.”
“Yes, I know it’s the six-thirty and not the four-thirty, but I had a long meeting.”
“No, honey, not with that blond from the accounts office. It was with the boss.”
“No, sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life.”
“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart.”
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,

“Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”
Eric doesn’t use his cell phone in public any longer.

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Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?


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a144And the great part about this picture is that it does look just like Madonna.

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BeingNo kidding.  And yet ANOTHER thing that we LET happen.

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“New Pledge of Allegiance”

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Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

 

 

If scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.    

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene..

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

 

 

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all..

In silence alone we must meditate,

God’s name is prohibited by the state.

 

 

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks…

They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.

It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,

We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong..

 

 

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles   ..    

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,    

No word of God must reach this crowd.

 

 

It’s scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen


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14Yup, it’s definitely one of those days…

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coollogo_com-158131209Well, campers.  This set of “Story Telling Pictures” is a little different than the last Cool3ones that we ran.  Thanks to my way-cool Dad for sending me this email.  Here…WE…GO!!

How to Make a Baby
Canadian photographer Patrice Laroche surely will have no trouble explaining to his kids about the birds and the bees.
 
During his wife Sandra Denis’ pregnancy, the artist created this hilarious explanatoryphoto series titled “How to Make a Baby.”

The creative couple planned and carried out their project throughout the wholeperiod of 9 months, taking pictures in the exact same settingsas Sandra’s belly expanded.

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Last Word4Today’s Last Word comes to us from our dear friend Lethal Leprechaun who, although he was very appreciative of me taking his Wednesday so that I could pay back some of his hard work, still wanted to put this Parting Shot in.  Well, it was so good, and so well put together, that I felt it would do very well highlighted as today’s Last Word.  So, here we go….

 

Disruptions: Smart Guns Can’t Kill in the Wrong Hands

By NICK BILTON January 6, 2013, 11:00 am

http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/06/disruptions-smart-gun-technology-could-prevent-massacres-like-newtown/

My comments on this article & issue as well as my closing thoughts appear in green. Some of them for clarity sake are interspersed through out the article.

11Justin Lane/European Pressphoto Agency – A police officer at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Dec. 15.

Gun owners and advocates are fond of saying, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

This might be a more useful aphorism: Smart-guns don’t kill the wrong people.

Technology exists, or could exist, that would make guns safer. The idea of a safe gun might seem to be the ultimate oxymoron: guns are designed to kill. But something missing from the gun-control debate that has followed the killing of 20 children and six adults at an elementary school in Newtown, Conn., is the role of technology in preventing or at least limiting gun deaths.

Biometrics and grip pattern detection can sense the registered owner of a gun and allow only that person to fire it. For example, the iGun, made by Mossberg Group, cannot be fired unless its owner is wearing a ring with a chip that activates the gun.[There are in fact more than a few Police forces that already use this technology to protect their officers in the event they lose control of their gun]

But you would be hard pressed to find this technology on many weapons sold in stores. “The gun industry has no interest in making smart-guns. There is no incentive for them,” said Robert J. Spitzer, a professor of political science at SUNY Cortland and the author of four books on gun policy. “There is also no appetite by the government to press ahead with any kind of regulation requiring smart-guns.”[Well of COURSE the Liberals & Democrats don’t want smarter guns! DUH! That might undermine their already shaky “Guns bad – no guns good. You can trust us! We’re the Big Brother Government who is stealing your rights and privacy nearly as fast as you money! We know what’s best for you better than you do! Besides what could possibly happen to you if you couldn’t protect yourself?” Anti gun arguments]

Why can we open our front doors with our iPhones and have cars that drive themselves, but we can’t make a gun that doesn’t fire unless its registered owner is using it?

“We can,” Dr. Spitzer said. “These safety options exist today. This is not Buck Rogers type of stuff.” But gun advocates are staunchly against these technologies, partly because so many guns are bought not in gun shops, but in private sales. “Many guns are bought and sold on the secondary market without background checks, and that kind of sale would be inhibited with fingerprinting-safety technologies in guns,” he said.[See? Already this technology kills 3 birds with one stone. It forces gun owners to have a register firearms dealer broker any gun deal so there will be a record, a paper trail and the safety device can be reset. It also makes it harder for criminals to deal in black market weapons and stealing guns during a burglary becomes pointless.]

I called several major gun makers and the National Rifle Association. No one thinks a smart-gun will stop a determined killer. But I thought Smith & Wesson and Remington, for instance, would want to discuss how technology might help reduce accidental shootings, which killed 600 people and injured more than 14,000 in the United States in 2010. The gunmakers did not respond, and neither did the N.R.A.

A Wired magazine article from 2002 gives a glimpse of the N.R.A.’s thinking. “Mere mention of ‘smart-gun’ technology elicited sneers and snickers faster than a speeding bullet,” the magazine wrote. It quoted the N.R.A.’s executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, as saying, “Tragic victims couldn’t have been saved by trigger locks or magazine bans or ‘smart-gun’ technology, or some new government commission running our firearms companies.” [I think that attitude is tragically short sighted, narrow minded and extremely hubris on the part of Mr. LaPierre & the N.R.A. It’s clear even to me that this issue is not going to go away by stonewalling any progressive change to the issue of gun control. The N. R. A. needs to be a part of the discussion and on board with finding and advocating the most effect but least rights infringing solutions possible. They can no longer afford the be the Mountain all the Anti-Gun Mohammads must climb, if they continue this route, as well intentioned as they may be with it, inevitably they are going to become seen as part of the problem and not part of the solution. IN a very short time they will go from being seen as the defender or our gun rights to the impediment to our keeping them and toxic to be associated with.]

After the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown in December, Mr. LaPierre created a new aphorism: “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” He said violent video games and movies were part of the problem, but he didn’t mention smart-guns as a solution.

TriggerSmart, an Irish company, has patented a childproof smart-gun. One feature is a “safe zone” that can be installed in schools and acts as a force field, disabling any TriggerSmart gun that enters a designated area. Robert McNamara, the company’s founder, has been trying to persuade gun makers to adopt the technology. He isn’t having much luck. “One gun manufacturer told us if we put this technology in one particular gun and some kid gets shot with another gun, then they will have to put them in all guns,” he said.

“We believe we could have helped prevent the Newtown massacre.”

Let’s not even discuss how this would be a far better solution than arming teachers like they were flight crews. Let us not even discuss how properly equipped guns could automatically trigger the lock down of a school at the approach of an armed individual and automatically alert the police on top of disabling the gun.

Is this sort of approach sort of a slippery slope? Possibly. I can see other places wanting demanding disabling devices thereby effectively interfering with you right to carry in public. Then again I have to ask how that’s any different then ‘gun free zones’ now. To me the obvious difference is that ALL guns would be excluded from the area not just lawfully carried ones.

In my opinion the adage “when guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns” is a truism and self evident in its truthfulness. This sort of technology, both electronically controlled exclusionary zones and smart guns can keep that fact from coming true while at the same time making ownership of guns safer by preventing accidental deaths and shootings. So I have to ask, why weren’t Biden and his blue ribbon panel all over this? Why aren’t the gun manufacturers or the NRA supporting this?

The answer folks is simple, the ONLY best interest this sort of technology is in the interest of is WE THE PEOPLE and we ALL know how much of a damn Politicians Political Lobbies and Big Business give about what’s good for us! The ONLY way were going to see this sort of positive, Political and Second Amendment neutral step towards gun control taken is if WE THE PEOPLE force the government and Big Business to take it.

Guns have become a very difficult topic for many of us…for me, it is important at home, at work (my day job) and here at the offices of DL&LL Electronic Media, LLP.  If you haven’t figured it out yet, all of us, like most of the American population, is for an armed civilian populace with minimal government control.  You might say we are Pro-Second Amendment.
Many good arguments have been brought up in these pages.  Everything from stronger background checks (to include those of your immediate family, to also include mental or psychological testing) to biometrics on the weapons themselves, so they can only be used by their owners, to an outright mandate that ALL citizens of the United States be armed or pay a “protection tax” (gun opt out fee, higher police protection fee, whatever you want to call it.) to even arming teachers and school employees to protect our children.
Some of these ideas were better received than others, as you can well imagine, but none of us, let me repeat that, NONE OF US advocate the removal of guns from the honest citizens of our country.
I know there is a very vocal minority out there who are screaming to get rid of our guns, so that only the bad guys will have guns.  and the leader of that pack is our own government.  Obama has said that we should lose our guns, but has made arrangements for his own children’s protection by an ARMED Secret Service even AFTER he is out of office.
So, the leader of this movement wants to take our guns while he gets to keep his own.  Yup, that’s the normal Socialist way.  Everyone is equal, it’s just some of us are a little more equal than others.
This is a subject that needs  to be addressed by the government, the gun lobbies, the manufacturers, the ACLU, the gun sellers, and the American People.  EVERYBODY needs to have a seat at the table and it’s up to US, the ones that all these organizations are SUPPOSED to be working for, to make sure it happens.  To hold their feet to the fire.  To talk it up in our local communities.
These wanna be demigods who believe they rule US, instead of working at our pleasure, need to understand that we are not going to put up with their bullshit on this (and many other subjects, but this one in particular).
Let them know that they can have my gun…
when you pry 

Cheers,

ID20

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Dragon Laffs Mini

441832-Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Dragon-Using-A-Crutch-For-A-Lame-LegIf it offendsSo, I’ve been asked, nay warned, NOT to send pictures of me in stockings.  That the wound pictures were bad enough…but that BAD things would happen to me and my family if I posted pictures of my legs in hosiery.  Personally, I think they are ALL jealous.  I think because my legs are SO HOT that they just couldn’t handle the hotness. 

Yeah, I’m gonna go with that one.  blank dragon11

Jealous.

Now, on the other hand, a public out cry begging for my hot legs in the white, anti-blod-clot hose, might…MIGHT…just be enough to get the scaredy-cats to not embarrass themselves publically.

You know, just sayin’ 

Okay, so I heard this GREAT line today….

“With great penis comes great responsibility” ~ Barney Stinson

Who’s Barney Stinson?  Really?  Who’s Barney Stinson?

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

I’ve been watching re-runs of “How I Met Your Mother” on NetFlix.  Great fun!  And some wonderful one-liners.  In fact, there are several websites dedicated to “How I Met Your Mother” quotes, (such as this one: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/how-i-met-your-mother/ ) and several dedicated just for Barney.  Highly recommended. StarStarStarStarStar

Anyway, the leg is coming along really well.  I actually took a couple of real steps today!  Woo Hoo!  I know, less than a week after knee surgery and I’m walking already.  Well, more like shuffling….and only for a couple of steps, but hey!  Better than I thought it was going to be.

Okay, so a couple of more funnies are in order…. so let’s laugh!

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So, does anyone know how Gun Appreciation Day went?

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Such a truly sad story…

We grow up with such great hopes and dreams.
We face life’s challenges everyday and  we try to look everyone right in the eye with honesty and integrity.
To instill our sincerity in those we meet, we converse with sincerity and eye contact.

And in return we expect the same courtesy

These are the reasons why this is such a sad story !

Because this poor thing ……..01a4

WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE EYE CONTACT!!!

NEVER EVER !!!

SO SAD !!!

Well my dear campers…let’s call it a day.  Have a great Sunday and we’ll talk again on the flip side.
Cheers Dragon

ID 19

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Lethal Leprechaun #177 for Saturday January 19th 2013

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Alright! Shut yer gobs! I soddin’ bloody well KNOW its Saturday. I KNOW you’re supposed to be reading DragonLaffs not another far superior issue of Leprechaun Laughs. I KNOW yer gettin’ bloody well spoiled, just like I KNOW I’m missing out on some quality pillow time. I need to be reminded of this as much as Impish needs another gross of pies to devour.

However it’s this or nothing as Impish is still sleeping off the anesthesia and insult done his body by the surgery (you’d think after looking at him his body would have been used to being insulted after so many years of it occurring on a daily basis) and totally up to you, I can probably still go hop back a fairly warm bed and cuddle up o’ gainst as softly snoring Molly until I get warm once more and get at least another 20 or 30 winks in. Now which do you prefer, going cold turkey every Saturday or settin’ yer backsides down and closing yer gobs so I can get on with it?

Dat’s what I thought!

It has been brought to my attention that as the resident Celtophile I have been remiss in my duties only promoting the Irish side of Celticism (ok truth be told the wanker suggested I was a Irish bigot and snob for never mentioning the Scots or Welsh except in jokes). Hence today we’re going to talk about the up coming Friday Burn’s Night Festivities during the issue.

 Mean time its still too bloody cold to be just standing around here so lets be gettin’ on with the likes o’ it shall we?

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!cid_X_MA1_1355449794@aol

Impish dragon Report

YES! You’re too bloody well right the Impish Report comes after the coffee.
Around here NOTHING comes before Coffee! In fact that’s Corporate Rule #1.

His nibs continues to make progress, getting around with the aid of a walker in his lair. Apparently he’s a fair deal of that achy broken bone type pain to contend with along with some sort of new high tech torture device for immobilizing his entire leg.

Yesterday was his first trip to Physical Therapy since he was discharged from the hospital Wednesday.   While he is going willingly and with dogged determination he observed that being coerced into voluntarily showing up to be rehabilitated by sadistic Physical Therapists adds a whole new dimension to the torture concept.

Impish expect to slowly get back up to speed posting wise, hoping to make several short posts over the next several days (hopefully managing to avoid swiping any material I have already used). He CLAIMS he’s going to be up to posting  the next issue (Wednesday) but the Vegas Odds Makers are laying 8-5 against. So just plan on seeing my not so smiling face…again. That way you can be surprised if he manages to actually make good on his assertion.

I have it under very good authority (mine) that he most definitely WILL be posting DragonLaffs next Saturday. I sort of motivated him by saying I’d personally start the Apocalypse if anything was even mentioned about my covering for him again next weekend AFTER I paid him a personal visit sat on his lap and bounced on a certain newly repaired knee.

 

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I found this beautiful winter poem with a wonderful illustration and thought it might be a comfort to you and help warm things up. It was to me, and it’s very well written.

‘WINTER’

A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

!cid_B6BCF52D419C462E8B9BCE3382645814@Joysmachine

Damn, It’s Cold !
The End

A Young Hero in Boston

Two boys in Boston were playing basketball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy picked up a board lying nearby, wedged it into the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck and thus ending the attack. His friend was saved.

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Globe witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. Realizing he had less than 20 minutes to get the story entered for the next edition, the reporter began entering the story into his laptop as he did the interview, beginning with the headline:

Brave Young Celtics Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal

“But I’m not a Celtics fan,” interjected the little hero, looking over the reporter’s shoulder as he typed.

“Sorry,” replied the reporter, “but since we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were.”

Hitting the delete key, the reporter replaced the head:

John Kerry Supporter Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack

“I don’t like Kerry either,” the boy responds.

“Huh,” the reporter says. “I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Celtics, Kerry or Kennedy. OK, then, what team or person do you like?”

“I’m a Houston Rockets fan and I really like George W. Bush,” the boy says.

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again:

Arrogant Conservative Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet

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The Modern Product Label

This is apparently a real label on a doormat. You wouldn’t think that would need much of a disclaimer or warning, right? Well, here’s what it says:

Doormat label

If that’s difficult to read, it says:

This perfectly fine, if not certainly adequate doormat is MADE IN THE USA from 100% Olefin® Indoor/Outdoor carpet and printed with color-fast inks. Wash with hose and brush. Dry flat. Do not machine wash.

Important things you should know about your new doormat
Warning: Do not use mat as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions: Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: If coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relieves the makers of this doormat, Simply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all Liability.

I think they can still be sued, though: it doesn’t warn to keep it away from adults with CFED. And what if kids aren’t formally diagnosed, but are only suspected of having CFED? The company’s lawyers really need to think about these things: that’s why they get the big bucks.

And what sort of color-fast-printed doormat do they offer? Here’s one I like:

Doormat: COME BACK WITH A WARRANT

It reads in large bold type, “COME BACK WITH A WARRANT.” (No, law enforcement officers may not “Come in and look around.”)

Satisfactory!

 

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If he can’t do his own posts at least he can be the brunt a of a few jokes!

The Old Guy Cannot

An elderly man was having a calm walk when he happens to pass a brothel.

One of the prostitutes calls out: “Hey Grandpa! Why don’t you try me?”

The old man replies: “No, my child, I cannot!”

The prostitute: “Cheer up! Let us try!”

So the elderly man enters and performs like a 25 year old.

The prostitute says:”Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot?”

The old man replied: “Aaah, sex I can, what I cannot is… Pay!”

bar3a

  confused

coollogo_com-326306573  

Facebook Purges Pro-Gun Accounts <clickable link

Massive act of censorship sees alternative media pages disappeared

Paul Joseph Watson Infowars.com December 27, 2012

Facebook is purging accounts that carry pro-second amendment and pro-liberty information in a censorship purge that has accelerated over the past few hours, with innumerable pages being disappeared merely for posting legitimate political content.

NaturalNews.com’s Mike Adams contacted us to alert us to the fact that “Facebook banned our account for posting this,” with an attached image of a Gandhi quote about how the British disarmed the citizenry during their rule in India.

<list of account owners names appears along with their associations click the link above to see>

It is important to stress that most of these accounts have not simply been temporarily suspended, they have been shut down completely. Some are now being reinstated after complaints. Accounts that have been suspended can still be seen but posting rights have been revoked.

A 24 hour suspension was also placed on the Alex Jones Facebook account due to an image that another user had posted in which Alex Jones was tagged.

One of the messages being received by users having their accounts suspended is displayed below. In most cases, users are not even being informed of why their page was suspended or deleted, with Facebook merely referring them to the company’s guidelines.

Last week, we reported on how Facebook was suspending user accounts that questioned the official narrative behind the Sandy Hook school massacre.

As we have previously highlighted, Facebook occasionally deletes images and posts that it claims violate “Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities,” yet constitute little more than political conjecture or a healthy skepticism of official narratives on current events.

In September 2011, Infowars reporter Darrin McBreen was told by Facebook staff not to voice his political opinion on the social networking website.

Responding to comments McBreen had made about off-grid preppers being treated as criminals, the “Facebook Team” wrote, “Be careful making about making political statements on facebook,” adding, “Facebook is about building relationships not a platform for your political viewpoint. Don’t antagonize your base. Be careful and congnizat (sic) of what you are preaching.”

I find it highly interesting and enlightening, (let’s not even begin to address the level of hypocrisy involved) that NONE of the people that attacked the “American Guns” Facebook page with expressions of anti-gun sentiment and demanded the show be taken off the air were treated the same as apparently are none of the presumably just as numerous anti-gun sentiment expressing accounts left unmolested.

HEY! MARK ‘I AM BIG BROTHER’S CENSOR OF SOCIAL MEDIA’ ZUCKERBERG!

081711anger

VAvHOSeKYk

Biology Exam

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.?

The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student in particular was hard-put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:

1) It is the perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.

bullshit-o-meter-300x225

I’ve gotten the following e-mail from a few of you in the last week. Apparently you figured while I was hard pressed to keep the ball rolling around here while not myself freezing to death you could sneak one by on ol’ Lethal. Sorry, while my nose may be running from the weather I can still smell and spot a steaming pile a good 10 e-mails distant.

Homeland Security Graduates First Corps Of Obama’s Brown Shirts – Homeland Youth

Ok right off 1st clue this is going to largely consist of bovine byproduct? The thinly veiled Nazi reference. Dead give away they are trying to shore up a week argument or misdirect your attention from too close a study of what they are presenting.

Homeland Security Graduates First Corps Of Obama’s Brown Shirts – Homeland Youth

Monday, October 15, 2012

image
October 7, 2012. Vicksburg .
The federal government calls them FEMA Corps. But they conjure up memories of the Hitler Youth of 1930’s Germany [and the Chinese Red Guard]. Regardless of their name, the Dept of Homeland Security has just graduated its first class of 231 Homeland Youth. Kids, aged 18-24 and recruited from the President’s AmeriCorp volunteers, they represent the first wave of DHS’s youth corps, designed specifically to create a full time, paid, standing army of FEMA Youth across the country.

On September 13, 2012, the Dept of Homeland Security graduated its first class of FEMA Corps youth, FEMA Corps first-responders, aka the Homeland Youth. Image courtesy of DHS.gov< 2nd hint this is pure BS. Link goes to the DHS homepage not proof the photo is DHS provided.

Actually, the photo is NOT courtesy of DHS but rather by Photo: Todd Krainin for The New York Times and is part of a New York Times feature done in 2009 on The Explorers, a coeducational affiliate of the Boy Scouts, this particular Post is being hosted by the ICE Border Patrol! This particular photo is one of a series of 14 photos for the feature:   Explorers Train to Fight Terrorists, and More  the same photo and several of the others appearing in this NYTimes article as well . I’d also call you attention to the Federally mandated bright orange tips on the obviously plastic weapons which are undeniably AIRSOFT!

The e-mail goes on to show multiple other alleged instances of Obama creating and arming his private inside the USA army. It admittedly artfully threads together a whole bunch of these half backed truth free pasture pies into a persuasive for the gullible argument. The thing is if the lead off is a pasture pie you can pretty much rest assured the remainder of sensationalistic e-mail is as well.

I’m not going to bother posting the rest here in the interest of space. IF you have not already seen this in your inbox give it a few days, so gullible twit on your contacts list who thinks they cannot put anything on the Internet that’s not true will be sure to send it to you, probably marked High Priority besides. Instead I’m just going to post what factcheck.org had to say about this global warming causing barnyard methane generating pile of bullshit, along with their list of cited sources, for you to enlighten yourselves with.

The Law Enforcement Exploring program teaches crime-fighting skills to persons between the ages of 14 and 20 who are considering a career in law enforcement. The Times profiled a southern California chapter that partnered with U.S. Border Patrol and local police. They simulated a raid on a marijuana field, which the newspaper photographed.

FEMA Corps, on the other hand, is a civilian operation for persons between the ages of 18 and 24. It is a unit within AmeriCorps, a community service program.

FEMA Corps, which will grow to 1,600 members, is solely devoted to preparing for and responding to disasters. Corps members work with the Federal Emergency Management Agency, which dispatches them to disaster areas. They recently helped Hurricane Sandy victims in Long Beach, N.Y., registering them for federal assistance.

They do not carry guns — much less travel in armored fighting vehicles. In fact, the AmeriCorps handbook, which applies to FEMA Corps, prohibits members from possessing firearms or any other weapon.

The email, nonetheless, attempts to connect FEMA Corps to an overblown claim about the government’s recent ammunition purchases.

Bullet Baloney

The email cites a “drastic spike” in the Department of Homeland Security’s bullet purchases and asks: “What is the US federal government preparing for?” The email also claims that “federal management agencies are looking more and more like a military army every day.”

DHS has indeed ordered hundreds of millions of rounds of ammunition. But there is less here than meets the eye. And that’s according to the National Rifle Association and the office of Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia.

The Department of Homeland Security recently contracted to buy up to 450 million rounds over the next five years. But DHS was making a first-time bulk order for all of its law enforcement agencies to save money. Those agencies include the Secret Service, the Transportation Security Administration and U.S. Customs and Border Enforcement, among many others.

The NRA describes the assertion as “incendiary.” It says the suggestion that the Obama administration is “preparing for a war with the American people” displays “a lack of understanding of the law enforcement functions carried about by officers in small federal agencies.” The NRA, which is no fan of the Democratic president, concludes that “there is no need to invent additional threats to our rights.”

‘Martial Law’ Malarkey

The email also links FEMA Corps to the false claim that Obama issued executive orders that institute martial law and give unchecked powers to FEMA.

As we’ve written before, Obama’s orders do no such thing. He issued one executive order that exercised his office’s power to prepare the nation for an emergency.

Since the Korean War, Congress has granted the president the authority to make sure national resources — such as the food supply and various industries — will be available to meet national security needs in times of war and other emergencies. That power is granted under the Defense Production Act, a law that dates to 1950 and must be reauthorized by Congress every few years. (The act expires in 2014.)

Like presidents before him, Obama issued an order updating the resources covered under that act while delegating authority over those resources to various federal departments and agencies. For example, the order authorizes the secretaries of Defense and the Interior “to encourage the exploration, development, and mining of strategic and critical materials and other materials.”

The order doesn’t institute martial law. It doesn’t even mention FEMA.

– Ben Finley

Sources

Press release. “Welcome to the FEMA Corps Inaugural Class.” Department of Homeland Security. 14 Sept. 2012.

U.S. Code, 2003 Edition. “15 U.S.C., Title 15, Chapter 76, Section 5001, penalties for entering into commerce of imitation firearms.” 2003.

Steinhauer, Jennifer. “Scouts Train to Fight Terrorists, and More.” The New York Times. 13 May 2009.

Program and Resource Guide for Adult Leaders.” Law Enforcement Exploring program. July 2011.

AmeriCorps NCCC FEMA Partnership.” About AmeriCorps. Accessed Nov 2012.

FEMA Corps FAQ’s.” FEMA. 20 June 2012.

Stilts, Josh. “Sandy victims helped through FEMA Corp by Pittsfield man.” The Berkshire Eagle. 18 Nov 2012.

AmeriCorps NCCC Memeber Handbook.” AmeriCorps. Jan 2011.

Federal Law Enforcement Agencies Buy Ammunition.” National Rifle Association Institute for Legal Action. 17 Aug 2012.

Doran, Kevin. “DHS Buys in Bulk to Save You Money.” Office of U.S. Rep. Lynn Westmoreland. Accessed Nov 2012.

Finley, Ben. “Obama’s Executive Orders.” FactCheck.org. 25 Sept 2012.

Jackson, Brooks. “Obama’s ‘National Security Force.’ ” FactCheck.org. 11 Nov 2008.

Novak, Viveca. “Obama’s ‘Private Army.’” FactCheck.org. 7 April 2010.

Obama, Barack. Executive Order 13603. 16 Mar 2012.

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clipart_magicbus

 

You Gotta Love Blondes…..

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
“You’ll be fine,” he said.
She asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

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The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”
He replied, “Yes, you’ll be fine.
It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

 [Apparently Impish spends a considerable amount of his P.T. time at the hospital roaming the halls looking for her.]

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This is going to double as our cooking segment, when you get down to the section where the actual fare of a Burn’s Night feast is discussed there are clickable links to appropriate recipes for you to explore on your own. Forge on ahead on your own I’ll catch up- I have to put a new reed in the chanter on me pipes and iron the pleats in me kilt in preparation for Burn’s Night.

OH! By the by, for those that read this look at the photo of one and the recipes but still cannae figure out what the heck a Haggis is, its technically a fresh (as in uncured, undried & unsmoked)course ground sausage made of many of the less desirable portions/cuts of a sheep. It could rightly be considered “Scottish Soul Food” and ethnically/culinarily speaking is kin to the Cajun Boudan.

A Burns supper is a celebration of the life and poetry of the poet Robert Burns, author of many Scots poems. The suppers are normally held on or near the poet’s birthday, 25 January, sometimes also known as Robert Burns Day or Burns Night, although they may in principle be held at any time of the year.

Burns’ suppers are most common in Scotland and Northern Ireland but occur wherever there are Burns Clubs, Scottish Societies, expatriate Scots, or aficionados of Burns’ poetry. There is a particularly strong tradition of them in southern New Zealand’s main city Dunedin, of which Burns’ nephew Thomas Burns was a founding father.

The first suppers were held in Ayrshire at the end of the 18th century by Robert Burns’ friends on the anniversary of his death, 21 July, In Memoriam and they have been a regular occurrence ever since. The first Burns club, known as The Mother Club, was founded in Greenock in 1801 by merchants born in Ayrshire, some of whom had known Burns. They held the first Burns supper on what they thought was his birthday on 29 January 1802, but in 1803 discovered from the Ayr parish records that the correct date was 25 January 1759,[1] and since then suppers have been held on 25 January, Burns’ birthday.

Burns suppers may be formal or informal. Both typically include haggis (a traditional Scottish dish celebrated by Burns in Address to a Haggis), Scotch whisky and the recitation of Burns’ poetry. Formal dinners are hosted by organizations such as Burns clubs, the Freemasons or St Andrews Societies and occasionally end with dancing when ladies are present. Formal suppers follow a standard format as follows:

Piping in the guests

  • A big-time Burns Night calls for a piper to welcome guests. If you don’t want all that baggage, some traditional music will do nicely. For more formal events, the audience should stand to welcome arriving guests: the piper plays until the high table is ready to be seated, at which point a round of applause is due. At a more egalitarian gathering – with no high table – the chair can simply bang on the table to draw attention to the start of the evening’s proceedings.

  • Chairman’s welcome

    The Chair (host/organizer) warmly welcomes and introduces the assembled guests and the evening’s entertainment.

  • The Selkirk Grace

    A short but important prayer read to usher in the meal, The Selkirk Grace is also known as Burns’s Grace at Kirkcudbright. Although the text is often printed in English, it is usually recited in Scots.

    Some hae meat and canna eat,
    And some wad eat that want it,
    But we hae meat and we can eat,
    And sae the Lord be thankit.
  • Piping in the haggis

    Piping in the haggis

    Guests should normally stand to welcome the dinner’s star attraction, which should be delivered on a silver platter by a procession comprising the chef, the piper and the person who will address the Haggis. A whisky-bearer should also arrive to ensure the toasts are well lubricated.

    During the procession, guests clap in time to the music until the Haggis reaches its destination at the table. The music stops and everyone is seated in anticipation of the address To a Haggis.

  • Address to the haggis

    The honored reader now seizes their moment of glory by offering a fluent and entertaining rendition of To a Haggis. The reader should have his knife poised at the ready. On cue (His knife see Rustic-labour dight), he cuts the casing along its length, making sure to spill out some of the tasty gore within (trenching its gushing entrails).

  • File:Haggis.JPG

  • Haggis on a garnished platter with the knife used to cut it open in the “Address to a Haggis” at a Burns Supper

    Warning: it is wise to have a small cut made in the haggis skin before it is piped in. Instances are recorded of top table guests being scalded by flying pieces of haggis when enthusiastic reciters omitted this precaution! Alternatively, the distribution of bits of haggis about the assembled company is regarded in some quarters as a part of the fun…

    The recital ends with the reader raising the haggis in triumph during the final line Gie her a haggis!, which the guests greet with rapturous applause.

  • Toast to the haggis

    Prompted by the speaker, the audience now joins in the toast to the haggis. Raise a glass and shout: The haggis! Then it’s time to serve the main course with its traditional companions, neeps and tatties. In larger events, the piper leads a procession carrying the opened haggis out to the kitchen for serving; audience members should clap as the procession departs.

  • The meal

    Served with some suitable background music, the sumptuous Bill o’ Fare includes:-

    Variations do exist: beef lovers can serve the haggis, neeps & tatties as a starter with roast beef or steak pie as the main dish. Vegetarians can of course choose vegetarian haggis, while pescatarians could opt for a seafood main course such as Cullen Skink.

    For more detailed information about the food on Burns Night, read How to host a Burns Night supper over on the BBC Food blog.

  • The drink

    Liberal lashings of wine or ale should be served with dinner and it’s often customary to douse the haggis with a splash of whisky sauce, which, with true Scots understatement, is neat whisky.

    After the meal, it’s time for connoisseurs to compare notes on the wonderful selection of malts served by the generous chair.

  • The first entertainment

    The nervous first entertainer follows immediately after the meal. Often it will be a singer or musician performing Burns songs such as:-

    Alternatively it could be a moving recital of a Burns poem, with perennial preference for:-

  • The immortal memory

    The keynote speaker takes the stage to deliver a spell-binding oratoration on the life of Robert Burns: his literary genius, his politics, his highs and lows, his human frailty and – most importantly – his nationalism. The speech must bridge the dangerous chasm between serious intent and sparkling wit, painting a colorful picture of Scotland’s beloved Bard.

    The speaker concludes with a heart-felt toast: To the Immortal Memory of Robert Burns!

  • The second entertainment

    The chair introduces more celebration of Burns’ work, preferably a poem or song to complement the earlier entertainment.

  • Toast to the Lassies

    The humorous highlight of any Burns Night comes in this toast, which is designed to praise the role of women in the world today. This should be done by selective quotation from Burns’s works and should build towards a positive note. Particular reference to those present makes for a more meaningful toast.

    The toast concludes: To the Lassies!

  • The final entertainment

    The final course of the evening’s entertainment comprises more Burns readings.

  • Reply to the Toast to the Lassies

    Revenge for the women present as they get their chance to reply.

  • Vote of thanks

    The chair now climbs to his potentially unsteady feet to thank everyone who has contributed to a wonderful evening and to suggest that taxis will arrive shortly.

    Auld Lang Syne

    The chair closes the proceedings by inviting guests to stand and belt out a rousing rendition of Auld Lang Syne. The company joins hands and sings as one, having made sure to brush up on those difficult later lines.

    Optional extras

    These can slot into any part of the evening.

    • Lost Burns manuscripts

      Some Burns Night suppers include a lost manuscript reading, where a participant with literary aspirations recites from a fictitious long-lost musing of the great man on a new subject.

    • Quizzes and/or recitation competitions

      Involving the guests – instead of having them sit passively – is key to a fun and successful Burns night. Make up your own activities for best effect.

    • div10

    Slicker than What?!

    A local Fox news station offers some winter driving tips:

    Driving on Snot & Ice

    If you can’t read that, these are tips for “DRIVING ON SNOT & ICE” —

    • Avoid slamming on brakes.
    • Avoid changing lanes.
    • Never use cruise control.
    • With ABS brakes, don’t pump the brake pedal. Apply steady, firm pressure.
    • Do not drive in four-wheel-drive

    — Fox 23 in Tulsa, Oklahoma

     

    !cid_X_MA1_1353263678@aol

    Background checks: 9 things to know about gun sales

    Published: Monday, January 14, 2013 By Ryan Teague Beckwith, Digital First Media

  • A key part of any proposed gun-control legislation will likely be expanding background checks on gun sales. Here’s what you need to know.

  • Although gun-control activists hope to see an assault-weapons ban, it’s not clear that could pass Congress. Instead, many expect the fight to focus instead on expanding background checks required for gun sales.

  • Below, what you need to know about background checks.

  • The law requiring background checks is 20 years old.

  • In 1993, the Brady Handgun Violence Protection Act required background checks for people buying guns from federally licensed firearms dealers. Run by the FBI, the National Instant Criminal Background Check System was launched in 1998.

  • Gun buyers submit basic information for a background check.

  • Before buying a gun, prospective buyers submit their name, sex, race, date of birth and the state where they live to the FBI. They can also submit their Social Security Number, but they aren’t required to.

  • Denials can be issued for several reasons.

  • The biggest reason for denials is conviction for a major crime. Gun sales can also be denied because a prospective buyer has had a restraining order for domestic violence against them or has mental health issues, among other things.

  • Around 1 percent of checks result in a denial.

  • The FBI does more than 10 million background checks each year. Around 1 percent of background checks result in a denial — that was 150,013 out of 10,764,237 checks in 2009. Between 1998 and 2012, the FBI issued 987,578 denials.

  • Not every gun sale requires a background check.

  • Private sales are exempt from the background check system. That includes selling your gun to a friend, relative or stranger as well as many sales at gun shows.

  • Closing the gun show loophole is extremely popular.

  • In a December poll by USA Today and Gallup, 92 percent of adults surveyed supported requiring background checks for people buying guns at gun shows.

  • It’s even popular among NRA members.

  • A survey conducted in July by noted Republican pollster Frank Luntz for the pro-gun control Mayors Against Illegal Guns found that 74 percent of NRA members supported requiring background checks for anyone purchasing a gun.

  • A task force will likely recommend expanding background checks.

  •  Barrier 2

  • https://i0.wp.com/www.qando.net/wp-content/uploads/dailybeastguns.jpg

  • By the way for those not in the know the 2 primary reasons for an adjustable (not folding) stock and a pistol grip are the same. To give the user better more comfortable and surer control over the weapon thereby reducing the chance of shots not going where they are intended to. In other words- to allow enhanced and positive control of the weapon.

  • http://i.ebayimg.com/t/YOU-ARE-NOT-TAKING-MY-GUNS-2nd-amendment-gun-rights-pro-gun-hunting-decal-/00/s/Mzk3WDQxMw==/$T2eC16d,!)8E9s4l8hzyBQCH313Wug~~60_35.GIF

  •  

  • The Bubba Method

  • “R” rated.

    A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba,  “Just what the hell is your secret?”

    Bubba replies, “Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw ’em forever! They always come back for more.”

    The more he thought about it, the more excited the coach got at the prospect, so that day he went home early. When he got to his bedroom, he could hear his wife in the shower.

    “Perfect!” he thought, so he tore off his clothes and started banging his cock on the dresser.

    His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, “That you, Bubba?”

    Twice?

    The husband was watching late nite TV, and his wife had gone to bed.

    A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs back to see what was wrong with his wife…

    He sees a guy leaping out of the window. His wife yells, “That guy just screwed me twice!”

    He says, “Twice? Why didn’t you call me in after he screwed you once?”

    She answered, “Because I thought it was you — until he started the second time.”

    Introspection Outside the Box

    AMERICA – Land Of The Brave…Home Of The Freeloader.

    When you borrow from Peter to pay Paul, Paul will always vote for you.

  • Bank of America - Bank of Hoplophobia

  • customers are getting screwed

    Finally if the Democrats and Obama have ANY SHRED of Political Integrity one of the things discussed will be an Order to the Agencies in charge of Banking Oversight to force a certain Banks to cease its unlawful attempts to force their customers out of the gun industry by unreasonably and unlawfully discriminating against their own customers, there by interfering with not only our 2nd Amendment Rights, but Interstate Commerce and the Economic Recovery as well!

    What the hell am I talking about? Here are 2 examples-

    First there was this little dust up back in April 2012-

    Gun manufacturer says Bank of America doesn’t want its business

    An Arizona-based firearms company says it is being treated unfairly by Bank of America for the type of business it does, a claim the bank denies.

    Kelly McMillian, operations director of the McMillian companies – which makes rifles, ammunition, gunstocks and related firearms equipment – said a bank vice president explained at a meeting last week that he no longer wanted McMillan’s business because the companies manufacture firearms.

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/04/27/gun-manufacturer-says-bank-american-doesnt-want-his-business/

    Being a case of ’He said- She Said’ because McMillian unwisely but understandable drag this out into the light of public scrutiny before getting BoA to commit to this position with paperwork, they of course denied the entire affair and basically claimed McMillan was lying but offered no reasonable explanation for why they would do so and failed to state what exactly their policy was on gun industry customers.

    Now come December 2012, this time a ‘small business’ custom gun parts manufacturer yet again in Arizona runs into problems with BoA because its in the gun business!

    Small business owner claims bank froze funds from gun sales

    American Spirit Arms owner sounds off

    Scottsdale, AZ –-(Ammoland.com)- My name is Joe Sirochman owner of American Spirit Arms and I wanted to share my recent experience with Bank of America (which we have been doing business with for over 10 years).

    Everyone is familiar with the latest increase in guns sales , dealers selling out of inventory, manufacturers back logged for months, large amounts revenue all generated in the last weeks.

    American Spirit Arms is no exception to the overwhelming demand. What we have experienced is that our web site orders have jumped 500% causing our web site E commerce to be sending much larger deposits to BANK OF AMERICA.

    Well, this threw up a huge RED Flag with Bank of America. So they decided to hold the deposits for further review, meaning that the orders/payments that were coming in through the web, being paid by honest customers, for goods that were shipped out by American Spirit Arms, were all help by the bank “UNDER REVIEW”

    As you could imagine this made me furious…After countless hours on the phone with BANK OF AMERICA I finally got a manager in the right department that told me the reason that the deposits were on hold for FURTHER REVIEW …HER EXACT WORDS WERE AS FOLLOWS…

    “WE BELIEVE YOU SHOULD NOT BE SELLING GUNS and GUN PARTS ON THE INTERNET “

    http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/america-live/index.html#/v/2081584002001/small-business-owner-claims-bank-froze-funds-from-gun-sales/?playlist_id=87651

  • So apparently BoA has determined that it can get around the entire issue of your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms by quietly making it impossible for gun manufacturers to conduct their business with you. One has to wonder what’s going on with BoA, first it was all the illegal/questionable mortgages, then it was sloppy foreclosure practices demonstrating at best total indifference to their customers and the lives they were harming, then the bailout so their executives could get bonuses, now this. Maybe they should consider a name change to The Evil Financial Empire For the Oppression and Dominance of Sheeple. Their tellers could all dress up as Dominatrixes and their Executives like the Gestapo guy in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade!

  • Gun Bumper Stickers

    You’ll be helping the economic recovery, protecting not only your Second Amendment Rights but yourself, you loved one(S) and your home as well! Not to mention the uptick in sales will give liberals, Democrats and the Obama Administration a clear message to say nothing of a spectacular slap in the face!

  • SPEAKING of face slaps, this just in as I am putting the finishing touches on this Parting Shot-

    GOP Congressman says will impeach Obama – response to Assault Weapons Ban

    Texas Republican Rep. Steve Stockman said Monday he would file articles of impeachment against Obama as a response to Obama’s executive actions to ban assault weapons, magazine, and ammunition.

    Stockman said such orders were “unconstitutional” and “infringe on our constitutionally-protected right to keep and bear arms.”

    “I will seek to thwart this action by any means necessary, including but not limited to eliminating funding for implementation, defunding the White House, and even filing articles of impeachment,” Stockman said in a statement.

    Stockman said the ban was “an existential threat to this nation” because, he said, the purpose of the Second Amendment is to allow the people to protect themselves from tyranny.

    “Any proposal to abuse executive power and infringe upon gun rights must be repelled with the stiffest legislative force possible,” he added. “Under no circumstances whatsoever may the government take any action that disarms any peaceable person — much less without due process through an executive declaration without a vote of Congress or a ruling of a court.”

    Stockman also said such gun policy would be “not just an attack on the Constitution,” but also an “attack on Americans.”

    “If the president is allowed to suspend constitutional rights on his own personal whims, our free republic has effectively ceased to exist,” he said.

    “A lot of people are frustrated with the Republicans [for] not fighting back, and I for one was, too. I was on the sidelines, and got involved with Congress, and I said enough is enough, and we need to stand up and fight. And I said these kind of tools are available to us, and we’re going to use every tool possible to fight an administration which wants to abrogate the Constitution.”

    “I think we outlined multiple avenues…It’s defending the Constitution in any ways we can legally, and that process has many different avenues. We’re willing to take those to defend the Constitution. I think it the right thing to do.

     

    Does this threat hold more than 10 rounds water? I have to admit this issue exceeds my understanding of Constitutional law so I’m a wee out of my depth here but going out on a limb I cans ay I’m PRETTY sure he can BRING the charges. Now whether  or not the articles would get out of review and out for a vote, much less a successful vote to impeach, that’s a gun of a different caliber different story all together.

    My guess? OK, at WORST, a defiant symbolic but ultimately useless and attention diverting gesture/slap in the face/bucket of cold water.

    LIKELY? A compromise to avoid the time and energy such charges would require. Obama backs off on the Assault Weapons and high capacity magazines and finally realizes that Executive Orders are NOT going to get him around the will of WE THE PEOPLE every time he cannot have his way in Congress.

    AT BEST? The Impeachment proceedings run their course. I cannot say if he would be successfully Impeached (THAT also opens an entirely different can of worms, I mean are we REALLY sure in 6 months we’d be thankful for President “Uncle Dirty Mouthed Joe” Biden?).  I’m pretty sure the question of the Second Amendment, the Founding Fathers intentions for it and a couple other key gun ownership issues that the Liberal and Democrats keep harping on just like the Conservatives and Republicans harp on Abortion would get hashed out and laid to rest at least for a while. Probably along with some sort of guidelines for when the use of Executive Orders is permissible and what exactly constitutes misuse of them. Neither of the last 2 outcomes might be what WE THE PEOPLE want, but maybe its what we really need.

    image

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    Update

    image_thumb22Hi Campers!  It’s me!  I’m here to give you a fast update and let you know what’s going on.  I had my surgery on Monday.  Late.  Sometime between the time they started getting me prepped and the time my surgery was scheduled for, there was a person (a lady, I think) who had a bad accident and had to go in for emergency surgery.  All hands on deck sort of thing.  Well, to make a long story short, instead of starting at 1230 it was almost 1600 hrs (4 pm for you non-24-hour clock types).  By the time I got up to my room and settled in, it was about 8 pm and I pretty much was down for the count. 

    I tried to sleep, but ended up being awake ALL NIGHT LONG and absolutely miserable.  Thank God I had my music and my earphones with me or I don’t think I would’ve stayed sane…even with the C-Block (like a spinal block but for only my right leg) the pain was still unbearable.  They gave me a morphine pump that I could push every ten minutes…it wasn’t doing anything!  Some of you know the arthritic pain I suffer from continuously, so when I say that the pain was bad, trust me… it was bad.  So, having some knowledge on the subject, I asked the nurse, “So this pump every ten minutes, what is it, like a lousy 5 mg of morphine?”

    And she laughed at me!

    She LAUGHED!

    “No honey,” she said.  “It’s one mg every ten minutes.”

    So then I laughed at her, gave her back her little button and told her (after telling her how much pain medicine I had been on BEFORE I had to give it all up ten days PRIOR to surgery) “go ahead and take your button back, it’s not worth the effort to push it for that small amount.”

    LOL, true story.

    Anyway, it’s a good thing I’m good with pain.

    Any woman will tell you that the worst possible pain in the world is child-birth.
    Any man will tell you that the worst possible pain in the world is a kidney stone.
    I had a 90 lb woman, giving birth to a 20 lb baby, both of them with a kidney stone the size of a golf ball, taking place inside my knee.

    Anyway….The doctor came in and saw me on Tuesday morning, told me what a good job I had done, the surgery went wonderfully, so good in fact that, so long as I got cleared by the Physical Therapy ladies, I could go home that afternoon!  Just like I was promised with a partial knee replacement.   They clamped my C–Block about 4 a.m., told me it would take several hours for the C-Block to wear off, so when I saw the doctor at 730 am, I was still numb.  Still hurt like hell, but numb. 

    Physical Therapy came in at 915 and got me up and walking.  The problem was that my knee still couldn’t feel.  I could get up and walk, but my knee was wobbly.  It couldn’t feel any pressure of walking, so couldn’t tighten up to keep me balanced.  So they said they would come back at 1115 and we’d try again.

    Well, again, to make a long story short, I got vetoed by PT on Tuesday and didn’t end up going home until Wednesday afternoon.  That was a lot more stressful and painful then I figured it would be, but I did get home.

    Today, I’ve spent most of the day resting up (catching up on the sleep I DIDN’T get at the hospital) doing my exercises, setting up appointments, assuring my family that I was all right, and although I’ve tried all day to get you campers an update, 6 o’clock at night is the best I could do.  LOL.

    Ah, the life of a dragon…

    I’m very glad and very thankful that our dear friend and fellow camper Lethal Leprechaun has kept you informed as to how I was doing.  Loved the after picture of me after surgery.  But yes, I have had a hair cut and I look more like myself again.

    As far as Saturday’s issue goes, I don’t believe I will have time for a full issue (I start Physical Therapy tomorrow and have the first of many doctor’s appointments). But I will try to get some funnies out this weekend and I’m sure as next week goes on I’ll have more time to give you updates, since I will be feeling better and better and sitting on my butt a lot.

    Thank you for all your prayers, your caring, well wishes, kind words, offers of help and all the other nice things you guys have put out for me.  Huge thanks to my very good friend, pal, buddy and partner in crime Lethal Leprechaun for all he’s done for me (and continues to do for me) through these trials and travails that have been my life.  A better friend a man could never ask for.

    Below my closing will be a couple of pictures of my knee after the surgery, for those of you with strong stomachs and only if you’re interested.

    Cheers my friends!

    I remain YOUR Impish Dragon!



    20130114 Monday - First dressing change after surgery

    Monday, first dressing change…first picture taken.  My surgeon actually took this one for me.  What a great guy!

    20130115 Tuesday

    Tuesday

    20130116 Wednesday

    Wednesday, worst swelling so far!

    20130117 Thursday -

    Earlier today, while changing the anti-blot clot forming hose.  Yes, I’m wearing these really cute white hose on both legs!  Burt Reynolds and Joe Namath look out!  Impish Dragon in hose.  Maybe if I can get inebriated enough, I’ll put a picture of THAT up here!  LOL.  Cheers my friends!

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