Dragon Laffs #1309


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Good Morning Campers!  Yup, it’s me…again.  I’m back on schedule again with postings so you’ll go back to getting me on Saturday and Lethal on Sunday.  I know this is probably disappointing in some way to all of you.  To the pro-Lethal group, it’s disappointing that you have to go another day without seeing one of his spectacular posts.  For the pro-Impish bunch, you’re disappointed because you’re going back to getting me only once a week.  For the vast majority of you who are pro-both-of-us, you are disappointed because…. well, I’m not sure why you would be disappointed, but just run with it.

I’ve had a very interesting day, so interesting in fact that it is the subject of today’s Last Word… so, until we get there, let me just say that you will be shocked and awed.

Now, it’s time.  so…

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When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of
worship were not spared. A local television station interviewed a black
woman from New Jersey and asked how the loss of churches in the area
would affect their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know ’bout all those
other people, but we ain’t gone to Churches in years. We gets our
chicken from Popeye’s.”

The look on the interviewer’s face was priceless.

They live among us,

AND THEY VOTE.

Now, do you understand how we got our president?


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I had a discussion with Mrs. Dragon over her choices for our meals.  After giving me “The-Look” she told me, “I don’t know what you are complaining about!  I make much better meals than you do!”
”What are you talking about?” I replied.  When I cook, I use the 4 food groups: Canned, Boxed, Bagged and Frozen!”

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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa.
“Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl.
“Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa.
“Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?”

14Yeah, we are getting back into the snow thing again.  Don’t get me wrong, I like snow.  I like walking in the snow, I like driving in the snow (when no one else is on the road) and  I like getting time off from work because of the snow….what I don’t like is shoveling the snow and dealing with the slush and muck when it starts to melt.

This is a story that was passed on to me by Lethal.  We both felt strongly enough that it needed to be included right away, to show that there are still some upstanding individuals around.
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Runner refuses to exploit mistake, helps opponent finish first

Rick Chandler

Jan 18, 2013, 12:39 PM EST

 

Reuters

And so shines a good deed in a weary world …1b

So Kenya’s Abel Mutai (pictured, far right) was leading a cross-country race in Burlanda, Spain, when he got a bit confused. Running in first place by a wide margin over Spain’s Iván Fernández Anaya, who was in second, Mutai mistakenly thought he had reached the finish line and began to slow down with about 10 meters still to go. Anaya could have jetted by him and won the race, but he didn’t — instead catching up to Mutai and allowing him to finish first by guiding him to the finish line.

“I didn’t deserve to win it,” says 24-year-old Fernández Anaya. “I did what I had to do. He was the rightful winner. He created a gap that I couldn’t have closed if he hadn’t made a mistake. As soon as I saw he was stopping, I knew I wasn’t going to pass him.”

Mutai was the bronze medalist in the 3,000-meter steeplechase at the London Olympics.

Martin Fiz is Anaya’s coach.

“It was a very good gesture of honesty,” says Fiz. “A gesture of the kind that isn’t made any more. Or rather, of the kind that has never been made. A gesture that I myself wouldn’t have made. I certainly would have taken advantage of it to win.”

But Anaya has a different perspective: one which we can sure use right about now:

“Of course it would be another thing if there was a world or European medal at stake. Then, I think that, yes, I would have exploited it to win… But I also think that I have earned more of a name having done what I did than if I had won. And that is very important, because today, with the way things are in all circles, in soccer, in society, in politics, where it seems anything goes, a gesture of honesty goes down well.”

This occurred last month, well before the Lance Armstrong and Manti Te’o stories broke. If only this story got as much publicity as the other two.


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Another inspiring story.  What does love look like?  It looks like this:
1baFrom the Kim Komando website:

You may have seen this photo making the rounds online. Though it’s one of the most popular images on the Web right now, the story is even more magical.

The man, John Allen, and woman, Linda Alexander, have been life partners for a very long time. Sadly, Linda suffered a stroke that took away most of her ability to think and move. After the stroke, the only thing she could say was “I love you.”

John has spent a lot of his time teaching Linda how to do the things she used to take for granted. In this instance, he is teaching her how to enjoy reading again. (By the use of Flashcards)

This patient, loving couple should be an inspiration for everyone.


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Puns!  We all love them and we even have a pun queen that posts here, but these puns…these are from a really unusual source…my dad.  Thanks Dad, and thanks for all the submissions you’ve sent in.
If the rest of you wish to submit, you can send to DragonLaffs-owner@yahoogroups.com and they will go to Lethal and Impish and then we get to fight over them.  But now, some puns.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period…

Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.  I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection ….. urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.  The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

“Do not worry about old age; it does not last.”

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So, as promised, here’s my day… with pictures.
The day started with this..
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Well, my darling wife had been running around all day, doing chores, going to the littlest dragons school for a class project and to have lunch with her.  She’s an excellent driver and is always very careful when driving.

Well, she picked me up to go to Physical Therapy and we headed out.  Well, we didn’t get but about a mile from the house when we hit a slick spot and spun out.  Luckily there was like nothing but a fire hydrant for the entire block … no trees, buildings, signs, nothing.

Guess what we hit?

Yup, the fire hydrant.
Car Wreck 1

Car Wreck 2

Nobody was hurt.  It’s the worst 15mph accident you’ve ever seen.  In case you missed it…

Car Wreck 1a

Thank goodness no one was hurt, the air bags didn’t even go off.  I have to give HUGE Kudos to Geico, our insurance company.  They took care of everything, quickly, easily and with NO stress on us.  They did a great job.  From the tow truck to the adjuster to the rental car to EVERYTHING.  They even took care of stuff that I hadn’t even considered.  Like calling the utility company to take care of the hydrant. Excellent job!

But after a few days, you know I’ll be texting pictures of fire hydrants to Mrs. Dragon … but right now, she’s still a bit upset over the whole thing.  So NO hydrant jokes…. for now.  lol.

That’s all I got for now folks.  I’d be happy to hear from any and all of you.  Take care of yourselves, until we talk again.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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9 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1309

  1. Bruno McWolf says:

    wow sorry bout the car but at least everyone is okay…

    ________________________________

  2. Dale says:

    Just glad no one was seriously hurt…and sure this was something that was not on your’s or her bucket list either.

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    More like interfering with male dogs territorial bulletin boards & public restrooms since 2013!

  4. lethalleprechaun says:

    Suggest “Hydrant Killer” for her call sign painted on the door & an “I Love Demolition Derbys” bumper sticker

    • impishdragon says:

      I know there’s an anti-fireman joke in there somewhere. Okay, how about a bumper sticker that says: Interfering with Firemen since 2013.
      Okay, so it’s not great. But, I’m not at my best right now. lol.

      • The Ginster says:

        My hubby a retired NJ Firefighter…thought you should get her a charm of a fire hydrant or a Divining Rod. He also said if she did that in NJ and sheared it off the stem the car would have been an ice castle. I had two handles when I worked from accidents in snow and ice….
        “Princess Black Ice” and a very endearing “Snowflake”

  5. lethalleprechaun says:

    Woman driver trumps Dodge Lloyd!
    Impish you need to paint a hydrant on the front driver’s side fender now like they do on fighter planes when they shoot something down.

  6. Lloyd Davidson says:

    How could you possibly have hit anything? Weren’t you driving a Dodge?

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